Sacrifice

Sacrifice.

This post has been swirling in my head all week because this week I have come face to face with it. My husband and my darling kiddo are on the youth trip. My husband is a youth pastor and we love, love, love ministry and our youth.

We-was something that there was a lot of in our ministry before this adoption. Now, with our new treasure home, there is a lot of him and no me. If I told you that it wasn't hard, I wouldn't be being at all honest. Our youth, my girls in particular, were a huge part of my life. In fact, the times that I have taught them God's word, mentored them, and prayed with them have been some of the most meaningful in my spiritual life. God has grown me and stretched me through this ministry.

This ministry-being with teens-is not at all something that I ever wanted. To be honest when my husband dragged me into it, I was kicking and screaming the entire way. Now, I have experienced God through it in more ways than I could have ever dreamed and I love our teens. I love being in their lives. Love teaching them God's word, love tucking them in before bed each night (yes I really do that and they actually like it or at least pretend to), love praying with them, comforting them when God is stretching them, love loving on them, love being able to serve next to my man.. This week I couldn't do that. Truthfully, I haven't been able to spend much time with any of them since Jill has been home and it is definitely a sacrifice for me. It is something that God has asked me to lay down for this period in my life so that I can be a momma to one special baby girl who really needed one.

While I love being my little one's momma, giving up this ministry isn't easy. There are days that I struggle with not being there. Days that I wish I could have kept it all and still answered God's call to bring home our girl. Keeping it all just isn't in God's plan right now. I'm not sure what is in God's plan for using me for ministry in the months to come, but I miss it. I miss communicating with God for the purpose of teaching others. I miss being used by Him to help our youth grow in their faith.

On the other hand, I know that this toddler time will be over all too soon and so this week I have tried to not dwell on the sacrifice and instead embrace the gift. The gift that God has given me in this girl. While it has been life changing and some of those changes are bitter sweet, I am willing to continue to lay down my life and my plans for His which means loving on the little one asleep upstairs for this season in my life. How I am so thankful for that.