I Want This To Change Me

(I wrote this while Jillian was playing in the backyard.  It is a journal entry of sorts.  Funny how just spending ordinary time with my little can so quickly turn into a God moment.  I was looking through the Compassion International Magazine while she played outside and it got me thinking..I thought I would share my thoughts with you.)

As I stare into the eyes of the sweet child on the cover of this Compassion Magazine, I think about how her hollow eyes match those of my daughter from the East in the pictures we have of her from the orphanage.  My daughter, whose eyes were once hollow, is at this moment laughing hysterically while climbing on her swing set in our backyard here in the Midwest.  Both girls were created by God and had similar starts yet now have lives and circumstances that are radically different. 

It overwhelms me to think that while my daughter has food, shelter, water,  a future, a hope, and  the love of a family- millions more children around the world don't.  And while it causes me to be overcome with sadness, I don't want it to just stop there...

I want this to change me. 
I want this to change how I live..how I think..how I invest my time..how I use my money. 

Honestly, loving this girl of mine has caused my heart to become so fragile.  I love these impoverished children-all of them-all around the world because God has allowed me to love this little, Eastern treasure who He made my daughter.  Before loving her, it was easier to be happy sending up a wordy prayer for the orphan, poor, or hungry every once in a while.  Before loving her, it was easier to just dry my tears and buy a hamburger without a second thought.  Now, because God has opened my eyes by allowing me to love her Proverbs 24:12 has taken on a whole new meaning. 

Once our eyes have been opened we can't pretend that we don't know what to do: for God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows that we know and holds us responsible to act.  Proverbs 24:12
It is my responsibility to act for these children.  I can't turn my eyes away any longer and hope that someone else will do it.  This change in my heart over the last several years has caused me to struggle in so many ways because living in this world and trying not to be of it isn't easy..BUT oh it is so worth it. 

So what am I going to do about the orphan crisis? What does being responsible mean to me?  I am adopting again.  In fact, I will adopt as many times as God allows because this is what He has told me to do.  I pray that God will continue to keep my eyes open and that He insists that I obey His calling remembering that I am responsible-as a child of His-to be His hands and feet for the least of these.  I praise Him that He has allowed me to be a part of caring for my daughter in His name.  I praise Him that He continues to open doors so that we might do more because in doing more..we are experiencing more of Him.