Fearful...

We are getting closer. Our Homestudy is complete and sitting on the desk of some DCFS worker waiting to be stamped. Word from our social worker is this process is moving faster than it has been and we could have it back in two weeks. This is great news and much better than waiting five or six weeks. Next it's off to US Immigration where it could take up to three months to be stamped. While it could take up to three months, it is also moving along quickly right now and has only been taking thirty days to travel through their maze. Finally, the paperwork is off to China!! It will take about 6-8 weeks to get us logged in the China Center for Adoption. (If you are doing the math, all these weeks would take us to January or February!!!)

THEN WE CAN FINALLY GET A PICTURE OF OUR DAUGHTER!!! We will see her little face..Oh to see that face. I saw a picture frame at the christian bookstore that I just had to buy. It says..We loved you before we knew you. Even before there was hope of you-we loved you. How I love this little Asian princess and I don't even know her..Some days the hope of her is more than my heart can bear and I am tears before the Lord because of her absence in our family.. I want her here now.

Other days there is a good dose of fear that keeps me thinking..I need more time to get ready to be her momma. I wonder will I be able to be a good mother to her. How can I make enough time for two daughters making sure each is given special mommy time? How am I going to adjust to sleepless nights again, extra laundry, a house that's not tidy? Is my marriage strong enough to take this on again? How will I be able to serve in ministry? Will we have the money we need when the last adoption payment is due? and on and on..

While a good dose of fear in the Lord is healthy...most of my fears come from not trusting in Him. So I got my scripture on...the fridge, the mirror in my bathroom, my desk, the computer..Scripture is the way that I combat this fear. Some of my favorites right now are...

Opening my Bible this morning, He led me to Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in the sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.

Also love this one I put in Emily's bday card this year..Joshua 1:9 Be strong and couragous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Praying that I can continue to give this wait and the timing to the Lord. I know He is using it for His purpsose in my life.. Still hoping He will see sooner is better than later...