To My Jillian

Dearest Jillian,
I wish I could somehow put into words what it is like for me to watch you with your new sister.  I wish I could capture all the joy that I felt on this page when I saw you jump into the ball pit for the first time next to her and play.  We have been working to get you over your fear of the ball pit for months and now, because of Anna Mei, you are in and loving it!  I wish I could tell you adequately what it was like to see you hold Mei Mei's hand for the first time or how I felt to have the two of you on my lap reading your favorite book, but I can't because I simply don't have the words.  You are my miracle.  A survivor.  God has allowed you to experience more healing than I could have ever hoped for when I held you the first time. Watching you this past week with your new sister brings me to my knees.  His plan for you is just so good and being a part of watching it unfold..being able to call you mine is simply still beyond all that I could have ever imagined for my life.  Though you can't speak and are sometimes trapped deep inside yourself..this week I have seen moments of intense love for a little girl whom you have only known for about seven days.  I never imagined when I was first given you, and then handed this autism diagnosis, that you would feel so deeply, that you would love so intensely, and that you would shepherd me into the presence of God again and again.  I am so thankful for who you are and all that you continue to teach me.  I love you and cherish you my dear, baby girl.  Thank you for enlarging my heart so that my eyes would continue to be open to all that God has in store for our family.  Parenting you is such an adventure and I love every minute (even when you spray me with the water hose).
Momma