Her Great Accomplishment

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending OT with my amazing, five year old daughter.  I sat across from her on the padded floor with a bowl of warm, bubble filled water separating us.  She used to be terrified in this place.  The black round swing, the noise, the unknowns were just way too much for her to handle.  She sobbed frequently afraid of what she might encounter as we entered.  Today, she sat there-in this same space that once caused her high anxiety-doing all that she was asked with the promise of a chance to splash in that bowl motivating her compliance.  She understands the concepts of 1st..then and she is motivated to do what she is asked even when she is shaking in her boots because she is so afraid.  She is trusting her OT and her momma to keep her safe. Her sensory processing continues to even out and she is making amazing strides.  She has drawn people adding features, traced her J, put together puzzles while crawling on the floor to get there, and so much more but on this day...I am brought to tears because she put on the ILS headphones.  Now to most, this is really insignificant at best.  A five year old put on headphones...but for this momma and her therapist, who teared up as well, we witnessed a miracle.  We witnessed a bright, spunky girl once so trapped by her anxiety that she couldn't even function in this space put on the very equipment that just might be the key to unlocking her even more.  We have been trying to get her to wear these headphones for well over  six months.  She just couldn't do it.  She signed all done with headphones, backed away, or completely shut down when we introduced them, but this technology is so effective with kiddos that our therapist has tried and tried to get her to accept them.  AND today, she could!  Today, she took that scary, challenging piece of equipment and she put them on.  She kept them on for as many as five seconds while she used her fingers to count 1,2,3,4,5 just as her momma did.  Today, I am in awe of this wonderful, incredible child.  I don't deserve to hold her in these moments of triumph, but somehow in His wisdom God has allowed me the privilege.  I wish I could tell her birth mother today.  I wish somehow she could know all that she is accomplishing and how very grateful I am that she is my daughter.  It is on these days, in these moments that I grieve even more for all that her birth momma is missing and all that I have gained because of it.  There is so much loss in this journey and yet I watch as God redeems each and every detail!