getting our girl home

Dear Jillian,
I came from the dentist with you just now and you know what that does to me.  When you were first placed in my arms, you were so unable to process your terror and you most certainly could not trust.  During that time and the nearly 15 months that followed, I never dreamed there would be a day that you could calmly walk beside me into a new building, wave at a dentist, sign dentist, and sign want his glasses to mean hand em over to me man.  I just never could let myself imagine in those dark, dark fifteen months before our break through that you would get to this place of felt safety, trust, and attachment.  I loved you just as much in those dark months as I do now, but I never dreamed you would be at a place that you could love and trust me back.  As the new dentist asked about your history, I told him.  You were fifteen pounds at two years old, neglected horribly, medically and emotionally a wreck, but look at you now baby.  You are an average size five year old and, while you cried and signed scared often throughout our appointment,..YOU DID IT!  You let them count your teeth, check for decay, and paint fluoride all around with their little brush.  When it was over, you hopped up, grabbed your Mr. Potato Head eyes that had fallen on the floor, and signed want glasses because you really like those dental goggles.  Then, you took the hand of the hygienist and went to get a prize.  You immediately put the sticker and prize in my purse when you came back in to me because you care nothing about those things, but you took them from the stranger and brought them right back to me.  You skipped out of there so very proud of yourself with the sideways smile that you often wear after you have accomplished something miraculous.  We hopped in the car and were on our way back into the beat of life just like that.  I simply never dreamed.  As I drove you home, I just praised my God with everything in me that He has allowed me just a small part of your restoration.  I have seen Him work in your heart and, while I always believed He could, it still overwhelms me that He did!  You are an absolute treasure.  I adore you with everything in me sweet girl and watching you take on this world is so inspiring.

I love you so much more, dear girl, than I ever knew possible when thinking of loving another person.  I can't wait to see what you accomplish as we walk into the future together.
Momma