getting our girl home

This morning I walked past the bedroom of my daughters and peeked in at the bunk beds.  I watched my precious just turned five year old sleep for a minute and I let the reality wash over me that if I had followed my plans... I would be long done caring for babies by now.   I wouldn't know the tenderness of watching this little one sleep so peacefully.  I wouldn't have handmade cards waiting at the table with elementary sized print declaring their love for me..their mom.  I wouldn't hear their proud voices or silly giggles as they made breakfast for me all by themselves.  I wouldn't know the light in their eyes when they delivered said breakfast to the table complete with a fruit sculpture of my smiling face.  I wouldn't know the snuggles, the hugs, the stacks of muddy laundry, the sweet sound of praise songs being shouted at the top of their lungs, the whispered prayers complete with mispronunciations and such faith....I wouldn't know and man that I could have missed this rocks me to the core each and every time I consider it.  This life is hard, caring for all these babes with their medical and emotional needs is very much beyond my ability, but it is so very good.  So much better than anything I could have dreamed up to do with these years myself because God has made this amazing family for me to care for.  Out of brokenness and deep despair, He has brought these beautiful children to me to call my own, to teach about Him, and to simply enjoy.  I can't let myself imagine what it would be like if I had said no because frankly my heart hurts at that thought of not knowing and loving these incredible little people who are, by some miracle, mine to raise up in this season.  Just last night, my Molly was reading 1 John 4:19 on the wall in our living room as it sits among our family photos, and it is so true.  I love because He first loved me.  I know the depths of this love for my girls because I have been loved incredibly and unconditionally by a Savior who has blessed me with this life.  I will never deserve it.  I will never earn it, but in my sinfulness, He invited me to join Him in this anyway.  Such deep beauty.  Such overwhelming love.  It is my prayer that this Mother's Day you, too, know this love and that you enjoy being with the ones that God has allowed you to "mother".  Give thanks that He has equipped you to be exactly who they need you to be, and that you can live out life alongside them.  Happy Mother's Day.