I, I, I!!!

So last night the shared list of children eligible for adoption was released by the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs and while it would have been truly miraculous that we would have received a match so quickly..I still dreamed we would. With everything in me, I want to know this child! I want to see her face and etch it into my heart. I want to know who she is and I want to be able to put a timeline on this journey. I so desperately want to call her daughter and hear her say momma. I want to know that she is fed, cared for, and loved. I want her to know how much we love her. I want to know her needs so that I can begin to prepare. I want..I want..I want..Instead, I am still filled with so much that is uncertain and so many questions. There is an awful lot of I in my heart today and while there are times that all I want is all Jesus wants-it doesn't happen very often. Usually, I am very busy watching out for me and keeping my eyes and heart on what I want and desire-not on God's plan for me. While I know that this waiting is God's plan and He is in control, some days it just plain hurts to not have Jill here. Today is one of those days... When that is the case, I need to focus more on the Lord and less on me- trusting that He knows Jill by name already and He has ordained this road for us.

For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11