JOY

Do you have people in your life that you love so much you just can't help feeling JOY when you get to spend time with them? My darling kiddo is one of those people in my life. We spent the last two days together, just she and I, at a volleyball tournament in Chicago. We didn't go to Disney World, spend lots of money, or visit any high tech thrilling destinations. We just mostly sat side by side in a gym surrounded by her teammates watching volleyball games, talking, and eating fast food. BUT what a wonderful two days it was because she was next to me. Kiddo + me + a crew of her giggling, sweet friends = pure joy to this momma!

I can't imagine my life without her and I can't imagine not having her as my daughter. I can't imagine not being able to sit by her, talk with her, and hug her. I can't imagine not being there to share her struggles, joys, and my faith with her each and every day! I can't imagine living out circumstances in which I would be forced to give her up. I can't imagine it, but that is exactly what my adoptive daughter's birth mother is going to have to live out. These are the exact circumstances that she is going to be walking. These are the circumstances that God is going to allow her birth mother to face in order to bring her to me. Adoption is a process that involves a good dose of loss-especially for Jillian's birth mother. Jill's birth mother is not going to know the joy of sitting with her in a gym for two days watching volleyball. She is not going to have the chance to share her struggles or victories as she lives out this life. While I don't now know, or may never know, the circumstances surrounding Jillian's birth mother's decision to let her go so that she might have hope for a better life-I know for sure it couldn't have been an easy one to make. I have been praying for this sweet mother a lot lately as I can't imagine the emotion she is experiencing. As I think about this woman and all that she is going through, I am praying that she has some people in her life that can pass along the greatest Joy I know-that is a relationship with my Savior. I am praying specifically that God will put people in her life to lead her to Him, to give her healing, and to ease her own pain. I love her with a love that I don't even understand because she has embraced so much loss so that her sweet girl could become mine. I pray that God's hand will be all over this story and that Jill will feel the incredible, sacrificial love of God because of her birth mother's sacrificing love for her.