Racing Ahead

So here I am sitting in the silence (Jillian is asleep!) drinking the way too cold cup of hot tea that I made myself to drink purely for its caffeine content hours ago and I have to admit..this life is good. We have had a very busy week in terms of therapy and it seems that after six or so tough weeks- our baby girl is racing ahead again. I am encouraged. I am in awe. I am falling ever deeper in love with my daughter who is such a fighter and who continues to amaze me.

This morning it was feeding therapy and I think I finally figured out why she has had such angst at Easter Seals the last six weeks..it involves feeding and a vibrating spoon. She refused when we tried to use it in OT on February 17, but didn't make a scene so I didn't even think..BUT then I started seeing that she was refusing to eat pudding (a favorite food prior to being the substance carried to her mouth via the mentioned spoon). Maybe, just maybe this experience pushed her way out of her comfort zone and she was feeling very insecure there because of it.

Fast forward to today in feeding therapy and my sweet girl still refuses to eat anything in that building. I didn't feed her breakfast this morning before our 9:00 appointment hoping she would be able to eat, but though she was very hungry..she only allowed herself to open up for one bite. You could see the struggle in her little head..the battle of anxiety she was facing. She would sit in the chair and put my hand on the spoon, let it come to her lips, touch her lips, but not open up. She did not cry. She was extremely obedient about sitting. She laughed. She communicated with us by gesturing and was a bit vocal. She insisted that we give her high fives when she thought she had done well, but she would not open up. My sweet girl is so oral defensive..TRULY a huge hurdle because we can't even begin to teach her to chew if she won't let us in there. I am so thankful for our wonderful, patient therapist who hasn't been able to do much with feeding during our appointments the last few months, but who welcomes us patiently anyway.

Despite all this, Jillian is such an incredible little being. To think that she lived in that mass institution, without any room for individualization with all that she has to deal with in her little mind, makes this momma bawl. No wonder she shut down there. I was thinking that she is so complex and finally I feel like I am beginning to know her. How I love her. I deeply love her and am forever grateful to God who brought her to me.

I know that there are many more struggles ahead, but I also believe that God has ordained this journey for us and I am excited to see what my sweet girl will do. There is a plan for her that God has predestined and I feel blessed to be chosen by Him to be a part of it.