Hard

This week with Miss Anna has been hard and I am reminded that attachment and bonding is a marathon not a sprint.  It isn't something magical that happens at one month home or even at six months home.  It is a long and painful process for all involved most of the time.  It is something that requires much work, more prayer, and a lot of patience, but the payoffs in the end are so worth every painstaking investment made in a healthy parent/child relationship.  This week our Anna has been so defiant and so demanding of my time.  Honestly, it was like it was our first week home again and so I had to get the ergo carrier back out.  She nestled right in it and sat in there for the last two hours.  I spoon fed her lunch and took her way back to where I had her those first few weeks in China, but our lunch was so much better than our day has been.  Where did this come from?  The only thing I can think is that Jillian had a meltdown on Sunday which required my solo attention be on her and Daddy wasn't home so Emily stepped in to help with Anna.  Needless to say, the jealousy and exclusive rights to momma have been brutal this week following Sunday night's episode with Mei, Mei even though she really doesn't want much to do with me when she can have my attention.  It only seems to be when her sister needs me that she is so upset and that isn't even mentioning the tantrums, fits, and shouting NO at nearly every request that is made of her this week.  Frustrating week is an understatement, but I got a kiss just now.  It is the first unsolicited kiss given this week by her and I am thankful to be making a step in the right direction after a few hard days.  This journey to attachment and unconditional love is not for the faint of heart.  I could never go it alone and am grateful for the ever present love and strength of my God who walked me down this road and who never, never leaves me.  Here is to the end of a hard week and hope for a better one about to begin!