Seeing Her and Fear

Two weeks ago now, we attended a Ch*nese New Year event with other families in our area who have adopted treasures from China.  We were hooked into a group like this back home, but since moving here we just hadn't connected with this one until now.  It was a sweet time of fellowship and one this momma so desperately needed during this wait because we weren't there five minutes when she walked in.   She was about nine years old and, as she approached the craft table where Anna Mei and I were crafting, I noticed her immediately.  Standing there, right next to me, was a precious girl whose hands matched those of my Molly Kate who is waiting in China. Here, right before me, was a precious, young girl with radial club hands.   Instantly, I started to tear up and I tried with all my might not stare at her because I just wanted to drink in her beauty.  She stood at the table next to us and cut out her craft like an expert while talking to her older sister the entire time about the beautiful dresses everyone was wearing. I did my best to make small talk with her and act normally because seeing her literally took my breath away.  It was as if God was giving me a precious glimpse into the future.  This young woman could manipulate those beautiful hands of hers to perform just about every task that anyone else could and watching it made my heart soar!  Sadly though, it was about time to find a table and sit down for dinner.  The room was large with tables in the middle.  There were nearly fifty tables and no assigned seats.  Daddy had already taken Jillian and settled into a table at the edge so she would be comfortable.  Anna Mei and I completed our craft near our new friend and were headed to sit down.  As we parted, I was praising God for that small glimpse of her and assumed that we would be parting ways as there was a large crowd with lots of seating options.  I settled in, whispering to Sean about all that I had seen this young woman do, and then I went to fill plates for the girls.  Imagine my surprise when I returned to our table and found her sitting down right across from us.  God is so good!  I talked with her more, watched her write, color, use chopsticks, and I felt God's presence so strongly whispering..trust me in this!  Eventually, her father asked if our newest waiting treasure was a special needs referral.  We answered yes.  Then, the moment I had been waiting for...he opened the door by asking what her special need was.  Well, actually, I answered, she has radial club hands!  We visited some more and he told me that radial club hands didn't stop N from accomplishing much.  In fact, it rarely slowed her down.  They had adopted her nearly seven years ago when she was two and look at her now!    I left so filled!  I needed that little moment because, as is common during these months of waiting, I have been battling some fear.  I have been letting the what ifs invade my truths and haven't been clinging to Him near enough.   There are many, many unknowns in this journey.  There are many unknowns as we walk this road and just about every road the Lord will lead us down, but what I do know is the Lord has us here so whatever the outcome..WE ARE IN HIS WILL.  He is good.  He loves us.  He has a plan to use this to bring Glory to Him.  I don't know what that will look like or how this will all be, but I trust that I am right where He wants me to be!  There are days that this seems crazy!  There are days that I obsessively look up syndromes and club hands and second guess all of this.  There are moments that I wonder where another little one will fit on my lap...how my arms will hold three, but there is one thing I know for certain 100% of the time..God is in this.  He loves me.  He will never leave me.  He desires that the orphan be cared for.  And one of my favorite verses..Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6  I cling to His promises in scripture during this wait and this night, this vision of this precious, amazing young girl, was like an extra balm for my waiting heart!