The Eyes at the Orphanage

Yesterday I had the privilege of walking the halls of Ellie's orphanage.  To come face to face with real tangible need like that is indescribable in so many ways.  To see babies and children living in an institution without mothers and fathers stirs my heart like little else.  It is the day after that encounter that is always the greatest struggle for me though.  Despite saying that I know and love Jesus... Despite my desire to claim my willingness to give my life wholly to him..the day after finds me forgetting all that I have seen.  It finds me rationalizing in my own heart that I have done enough and that more sacrifice would be too costly.  It finds me questioning how I can give up my own comfort and why in the world I would even consider walking away from such a comfortable life to do more for these least.  I want this short life to be about bringing Glory to God.  I long to be more focused on eternity!  I want my thoughts to not rest on whether or not I should forfeit my American Dream for the gospel.  I wish that my own comfort and desires would more automatically take a back seat to the commands of His word and His purpose for my life, but it is always a struggle.  This morning I remember the eyes of the eight year old girl staring at me from behind the sick room window.  How many times has she watched a momma or daddy walk by that window with a little one and wondered if her turn will ever come?  How does she sit in that hospital type bed day after day without someone beside her?  And why do I, who claim Christ, let it happen?  Why do my thoughts always go back to the lies in my heart...don't disrupt your family..don't give up too much...don't risk everything...you have done enough.  These are the lies contrary to Jesus calling "those who loose their lives find it".  I don't want to spend this short life focused on finding comfort here.  I want to spend it seeking Jesus.  I want to follow him to hurting, sacrifice, and even suffering because these places have held some of the greatest blessings of my life.  I have found Jesus there and experienced his love and peace abundantly because this life was never meant to be about us.