We've had some down swings in the last six weeks and at times y'all I am weary. Weary at the thought of battling meltdowns every time we get in the car. Weary of working through meltdowns every time we enter the store again. Weary of fighting through meltdowns for thirty minutes during therapy. I got to be honest and say I've been up nights some lately. I keep wondering how I can do this. How will I carry her thrashing meltdown self and force her into the car when she gets bigger? How long will I patiently be able to sing her through thirty minutes of sensory overload screaming in rebellion at therapy? How long can I keep it up?
As I think about all of this it's God who answers loud and clear..
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
The truth is..I haven't been coming to Him enough. I haven't being filling up on His word and I have let my eyes fall from who He is in me. I need to constantly remind myself that I am not called to do any of this alone. I am only called to come to Him and surrender my life. Reminding myself of that today and filling myself up on His Word because it sustains me in the darkest of times. Praising God that He has allowed me to know Him today. Praising Him that He continues to draw me closer to Him through this journey and that somehow He feels I am worthy of mothering such a special treasure.
Anyone Else Need to Hear This?
3 months ago
Dear Leslie,
ReplyDeleteSweetie you are simply human. Things will calm with Jillian and she will learn to "handle" things as she grows. As time goes on, you will also feel comfortable in letting Jillian handle a bit more . . . she will eventually be able to stay calm.
Have you tried telling Jillian step by step what you are planning as you go through your day? We had to do that a bit with our middle two boys. Example: In ten minutes we are going to put our shoes. In five minutes we are going to get into the car. I know Jillian doesn't have a concept of time, but she will learn to listen to the cues you are giving her and adjust "herself" to the situation.
It is tough . . . Raising a child that has lived with neglect and abandonment is one of the toughest things to deal with.
However, God knew the exact Mommy and Daddy Jillian needed . . . Leslie and Sean! No one else will do. God will give you the strength ~ even when you feel you are completely running on empty.
Hugs to you Leslie! Know I am thinking of you and if you need time out for a cup of coffee, soda, tea or just time to get away . . . come on over!
You can call if you wish . . . 258-0871.
Love ya,
Thank you for your honesty & reminder. I really needed it today. It was a very hard day over here, and I'm so thankful that God gave you these words today.
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