Hard..

I gently woke my youngest from her nap yesterday, cradled her in my arms, and just held her rocking as I kept her close to me for a long while.  I lingered there so long because soon we are inviting hard back into our lives.  As excited as we are to travel and adopt this newest treasure, who is very loved by us and so very wanted, I know that we are again inviting trauma back into our family as we say yes to parenting her.  I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that adoption is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Traveling half way across the world to claim a young child, who has never known a mother, doesn't speak your language, or understand family isn't a rosy picture of unicorn and rainbows.  There are ashes.  Lots of ashes that over time will be turned into something beautiful as God grafts our lives together, but in the beginning (and for months,even years after gotcha day) life is hard.  Parenting her will take time, energy, patience, and love that will take away from most every other area of my life.  I will end each day empty and exhausted.  I will fight my own selfish tendencies daily and have to rely on the Lord like never before because my own life is full of brokeness as well.  Many nights will likely be spent dealing with sleep issues and night terrors.  All of this, I can bet is coming.  I have walked this road before and I know that what we are about to face is going to rock us to the core.  I also rest in knowing that Jesus is already there.  I know that He has ordained this journey for us and, though it will be hard, He will use it for something beautiful.  Years after gotcha day, I will gaze at my daughter and marvel at just how far we both have come together.  I will be amazed at all the Lord has done in both of our lives and how He has used this hard for good.  It is no coincidence that I am doing a study on spiritual warfare right now.  I am beefing up my spiritual armor and going into these next days, weeks, months, and years thinking that I am ready for a good fight.  After all, nothing worth getting is easy and my daughter is worth it, but I covet your prayers as I prepare for and fight this battle.