Sweet girl was already there when we arrived. Isn't she just precious? She did not want to leave her nanny. I didn't push her as I knew I had paperwork to do.
I filled out all the paperwork for both Sean and myself. I feel as if I am old hat at this by now. I can write and stamp my thumbprint in red at the same time.
She was inching closer as I was finishing up, but looked sad. :( She didn't make a sound though.
This city, where tomorrow I will meet my baby girl for the first time, is like a tropical paradise. Tonight as I walked the streets with Emily taking in the sights, I imagined her strolling down these very paths tomorrow..a daughter loved and cherished..being photographed in the qui poa that I packed for her. God is so so good to bring me to this country again! I am overcome with much emotion and ready to welcome that baby in my arms in this beautiful place. I was teasing Emily that I didn't know of Molly Kate's location before choosing her as our own. :) Such a tremendous blessing to be here and share this with my oldest girl. Tomorrow, there will be pictures of Molly Kate!
I had some quiet time on the domestic flight today. The seats weren't even full around us. Emily was napping and I was having some time with the Lord praying over the next few days/weeks/months in my daughter's life. If you are praying for us, I would love for you to petition the Lord for them as well.
For Molly Kate's heart as she grieves leaving the only life and "family" she has ever known.
For the attitude of others in this culture toward her physical features. She will understand what others speak about her in her native language as we are walking and out. This momma doesn't want her heart hurt by others especially when I won't know/understand them. Pray for her identity to be firmly planted on who she is the Lord as she grows and that she will face this world with a sense of confidence knowing God made her exactly as she was meant to be. Pray that she would grasp 1 Samuel 16:7..The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, the Lord looks at the heart... all the days of her life.
For my own selfish heart as I put her needs in front of my own in the weeks and months (heck her whole lifetime:) before my own that I might serve her and love her like Christ has served and loved me.
For Molly Kate's health as she may have additional heart or kidney complications associated with syndromes she may or may not have.
For traveling mercies as this week has so much running all over province.
For our time together to be bonding and peaceful.
For rest in Him as Emily and I begin to graft this little one into our family.
For my teenager that God would use the events of the next two weeks to draw her even closer to Him.
For my little girls and husband back home that they would feel love and peace as we are gone.
The Lord's got this journey. He's got it and I can rest in that. As we exited the plane this afternoon, our new guide approached us. She was polite and walked us out to her personal vehicle to drive us back to our hotel in this new place..this place where tonight my Molly Kate is sleeping in a hotel near by!!! It didn't take me long to notice the fish with a cross inside on the back of her vehicle. It wasn't hard to miss the cross dangling from her mirror either. She is a believer! She attends a church with nearly 12,000 members in this city. Then, she went on to tell me that she worked mostly for CCAI, but fills in for our current agency when there are gaps. CCAI..The very agency we used for Anna Mei. The agency I trust with my whole heart. The agency that I think is truly top notch. But since our Molly Kate wasn't listed with them, we had to use someone else this time around because, well, Molly was who we were after. I don't know how many times I have told Sean I was worried about the organization of this trip because of this and that that has happened along the way as I have gathered paperwork with our current agency. I can't tell you how many times I told him I just wish I knew that I had the expertise and organization of CCAI backing me this journey as well. Well friends, I do! AND tonight somewhere in this city my dear, sweet treasure has already been ripped from her life because she is sleeping in a hotel here waiting for our meeting tomorrow morning. Praise Him! Praise Him!! Praise Him!!!
We took the rickshaw back into the Hu tongs together just the two of us. We had lunch at a home with a housewife of a family who lives in them. It was primitive and dirty, but a wonderful experience. The food was authentic and delicious. One more special memory with my oldest.
I spent the day with my precious, oldest treasure loving on some even more precious Chin*se Orphans. Orphans who are lucky enough to call an amazing foster home here in Beijing their home. The care these incredible fatherless are receiving is so heartwarming. They are loved, cherished, and cared for because they matter. Their stories are awe inspiring. Their special needs are bigger than most would take on. Yet, this organization says yes to the most vulnerable, special needs treasures from across Ch*na who need to have someone fight for them. Open heart surgery, liver transplants, cancer treatment, hydrocephalus, down's, and so much more has been experienced by those who walk these halls, but these diagnosises do not define these children here. Love defines them. Today, I was absolutely blessed to carry them, stroke their faces, and walk them in the back courtyard. One angel had autism. Oh how I miss my Jilly watching him. Two years ago, at six, he came to live at this place. He weighed only 6 kg then and now, that he is cherished, he is thriving. So many, created by God, little ones who were once disregarded, but who,now, have hope because they are in this place. I left a piece of my heart today. It is there at ND foster home with those beautiful children who I fell in love with today. There are many pieces of me over Ch*na these days and, by God's grace, I get to keep three of those pieces with me. I am grateful for my Ch*nese daughters, but all the more broken for those millions who wait here for a forever family to call their own.
We have been soaking in all things China. I love this place that is the origin on my littles so very much. We have experienced squatty potties, crowds, traffic, the wall, chopsticks, jade, and much more already. I have most enjoyed having my oldest treasure with me though. We have walked alongside one another the last few days and just gotten to be. These moments are priceless as I know she will be gone from me all too soon. We have talked life, our Lord, orphan care, and the quirks of this culture. We have drank it in and enjoyed every moment so far, but the best is yet to come. Two more days until Molly Kate. We can't wait!
After nearly 25 hours of travel, we are here and settled on the same continent as our Molly Kate. We are waking up after a full night's sleep and ready to embrace this journey! Truthfully, there is nothing I love more than good cup of hot tea in the early morning and being in China to drink it is the best feeling ever. I love these few days of each trip when we wonder the countryside living in this culture. Emily and I visited the "grocery store" down the street and walked through the city before collapsing for the night. I just want to soak all this in as I never take my time here in this beautiful country for granted. Somewhere on this same soil the women who carried my three precious treasures from this land are likely going about life. Being here, walking these streets, makes me long for a glimpse of them even more. I find them constantly in my thoughts while I am here. It is my prayer that one day in eternity, I will come to know them because I pray for their salvation daily. Until then, I will do my best to love their babies well and lead them to eternity so that they, too, might get a chance to reunite with them in the presence of our Lord, who made us all, and wrote this beautiful story for us.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Dear Molly Kate,
In just a few hours, I will begin my journey to you. While it breaks my heart to be leaving your daddy and sisters here for 17 days, I am overcome with joy that I am about to welcome you in my arms. Tonight, you received a gift. It is a soft stuffed lamb that sings Jesus loves me. Anna Mei was holding it in the hallway outside my bedroom door and retold the story of the shepherd who left the 99 sheep for the one in sweet four year old language. It was precious to this momma's heart because of what I bloggedhere at this link on my journey to her nearly two years ago. There are so many emotions as I look forward to the weeks ahead. I can't wait to examine your little belly button, feed you a bottle, pray over you, and watch you sleep. I can't wait to soak in all that you are and begin to fill all those spaces that are empty in your heart because you have not known a family. Dear girl, you are about to embark on quite a change and, while I wish I could tell you that you will be just fine, I know it will be so hard on you. I hope that as you look back at this journal, you will know how very much I love you, how desperately wanted you are, and that you are perfectly formed by a God who loves you even more than I do. Until we meet for the first time, I will be praying for your little heart along with many others here who love you and can't wait to meet you. Momma's on her way to China for you dear baby girl and I couldn't be more excited!
In 45 short hours, we will be on our way to China! That God should bless me in this way again is often too much for my heart to process. At the same time, I dread the hard that lies ahead in the coming months. I know God is in this and He has a great plan to use our journey to make us more like Him. We are packing our bags people. It is almost GO time!
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Today, we had the privilege of attending worship with a young couple, whom we love so dearly, as we were traveling back home for the weekend. What a HUGE blessing it has been to watch this young one grow into such an incredible, Godly young woman. At the service today, they had a baby dedication and, as I watched, I cried. Don't get me wrong, I am happy about little lives. I rejoice inside that the four precious babies dedicated today are being dedicated to the Lord in this scary, dark world. Even more, I am thrilled that such a passionate, enthusiastic church is coming around them supporting them as they grow, but it is the ache in my heart that I just can't escape. The ache that is there because for every one of the four that was dedicated today, held lovingly by their parents and surrounded by huge extended families, there are hundreds of thousands who will never know the touch of a mother. Over one hundred forty million children around the world will never know the voice of a father praying over them as those four precious ones did this morning. Rise up in me Lord! Lead me in your way! Give me your heart! Demand I be your hands and feet for these least as I am about to travel to minister to some precious ones who wait . Today I praise You that I can welcome one more precious orphan in my arms as my daughter.
I gently woke my youngest from her nap yesterday, cradled her in my arms, and just held her rocking as I kept her close to me for a long while. I lingered there so long because soon we are inviting hard back into our lives. As excited as we are to travel and adopt this newest treasure, who is very loved by us and so very wanted, I know that we are again inviting trauma back into our family as we say yes to parenting her. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that adoption is the hardest thing I have ever done. Traveling half way across the world to claim a young child, who has never known a mother, doesn't speak your language, or understand family isn't a rosy picture of unicorn and rainbows. There are ashes. Lots of ashes that over time will be turned into something beautiful as God grafts our lives together, but in the beginning (and for months,even years after gotcha day) life is hard. Parenting her will take time, energy, patience, and love that will take away from most every other area of my life. I will end each day empty and exhausted. I will fight my own selfish tendencies daily and have to rely on the Lord like never before because my own life is full of brokeness as well. Many nights will likely be spent dealing with sleep issues and night terrors. All of this, I can bet is coming. I have walked this road before and I know that what we are about to face is going to rock us to the core. I also rest in knowing that Jesus is already there. I know that He has ordained this journey for us and, though it will be hard, He will use it for something beautiful. Years after gotcha day, I will gaze at my daughter and marvel at just how far we both have come together. I will be amazed at all the Lord has done in both of our lives and how He has used this hard for good. It is no coincidence that I am doing a study on spiritual warfare right now. I am beefing up my spiritual armor and going into these next days, weeks, months, and years thinking that I am ready for a good fight. After all, nothing worth getting is easy and my daughter is worth it, but I covet your prayers as I prepare for and fight this battle.
We sent our baby girl a little party on her birthday! These are the gifts we sent her.
She also received a cake from us. She doesn't look so sure about that fire.
She must be wondering what in the world is going on?
Birthday parties are probably not ordinary practice for the hundreds of orphans who call her institution home.
But soon, they will be old hat for her because she is coming home!
It looks like she has a small smirk on her face. She must have liked how that tasted.
Precious little one, you are loved beyond measure.
Soon, I will kiss those precious cheeks for myself. Maybe, there will be more cake and candy coming her way too as sweets are an adoptive momma's #1 best tool for bonding. Soon, sweet one! Soon!
Adorable is our little soccer player. It is her first time playing an organized sport and, truthfully, she has rocked it. She has done a great job of playing and that smile..well it lights up my insides. She runs after the ball with all her might. She even scored three goals. One in our goal giving us a point and two more in the oppositions goal giving them a point. Details people. Details. I am beyond blessed to call this beauty mine.
Dear Molly Kate,
Yesterday, we celebrated your turning two years old. My heart ached all day as I desperately longed to have you in my arms by now. I knew from the beginning (last September) that eight months would never be enough time for all the papers to pass, but I longed for it in spite of logic. I wonder if you got our cake on your day. I imagine you did and were celebrating with your friends eating the cake and lollipops we sent. I can't help but think that you understand that something in your life is going to be very different soon as I doubt many other orphans have birthday cakes delivered before a mommy and daddy commit to them. I pray with everything in me that your little heart is softening to all that is about to happen to you. Even though you turned two without a family beside you, you will never again be without it on your birthday or any day because in three weeks I will be holding you. I will take you in my arms and we will begin this mother/daughter journey together. I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to hear you laugh, study your belly button, dress you in the beautiful clothes you have waiting, swaddle you in the soft, warm blanket that is all yours, and whisper sweet scripture over you as I begin to teach you all that you are in the Lord. Sweet treasure..soon you will be home! Until that day, we are praying for you and growing to love you more and more! Longing for May 25 when you become Molly Katherine Ling and I can hold you!
Our consulate appointments were confirmed this morning. We are taking off in two short weeks. Our gotcha day will be May 25. We will have a long trip as our consulate appointment is later in the second week than I like, but I am (mostly) confident that I can get through nearly two and a half weeks without holding my babes that will be well cared for here at home. I can't wait to hold our newest treasure and teach her just what a miraculous treasure she is to us! China here we come~
Our TA arrived in just two days. TWO DAYS!!! We may be heading out in the next two weeks if we are lucky. TWO WEEKS!!! We are just waiting for a confirmed consulate appointment and then we can book our flights. I am over the moon excited to get to my baby. I better get packing. When they say go, I want to be ready!
There is only one more piece of paper keeping me from my baby. We now await Travel Approval from the Ch*nese Government. It could be here in 5-10 days. Then about two-three weeks until we travel. We are so close! Momma's coming precious baby girl!
Four years with this beautiful treasure! It seems as if she has been a part of me forever. I made her dirt pudding cups and put "flowers" with pictures from each of her gotcha days in them. She smiled as we showed her each one.
She loves to blow out fire. It makes her smile every time.
She chose macaroni and cheese for her dinner and I happily made it for her.
We are beyond blessed to have this amazing, little treasure in our family. She is full of JOY and surprises each day. I can't imagine life without her.
Last night, I walked this precious, amazing child into her elementary school so that she could perform in her kindergarten "moosical" program. She wore a gourmet goat costume like all the other kids in her class and, though she can't "speak" or "sing" any words, she stood up with her peers in front, performed most of the motions, and made this momma tear up. Because you see, four years ago I could have never imagined that the beauty I was handed, who was so close to death, could experience life so fully. I could have never imagined in those long first months home when we couldn't leave the house, when she couldn't communicate a lick, or even eat from a spoon that she would come so far. Friends, this baby, my baby, is a miraculous child! She faces many, many challenges each day, but she is becoming more and more able to hang in there. She almost lost it once and was signing "sad" to this momma in the front row as she stared at the somewhat scary looking face make up on her peer behind her and it was all this momma could do not to go up and rescue her from this challenging situation, but she recovered. She participated in the entire program! Her mind is so amazing! She is communicating up a storm, reading more than 50 words, is identifying numbers for us all the way up to 100, and today she asked to get a drink from the water fountain when her class did! Amazing given the millions of sensory challenges she faces, the fears she lives with, and the enormous amount of anxiety that clouds her brain. We have even noticed on you tube that she has seemed to memorize the complex "avenues" that lead to her favorite videos. She can find them again because she has memorized the videos and paths that lead to each one. It is truly amazing! She is so complex and so incredible! We are beyond blessed to have her as our daughter. This special, special girl has taught us so very much and, somehow, she manages to bring us all to tears as we watch her sitting in her adorable goat costume with her kindergarten class. What an incredible and amazing little blessing this 6 year old is to us! As we prepare to celebrate her fourth gotcha day at the end of this week, I am in awe of how far God has brought her and just how far He has brought us because of her.
I found this, http://www.lorimccary.com/2015/04/my-gain.html , this morning. It was an incredible blessing. The thoughts of this momma and her words are so challenging..so heartfelt. I can't wait to be walking on that side of the world myself, caring for my newest babe, and beginning my life as her momma.
It was beautiful the week of Easter and leading up to it so we were able to spend so much time outside.
We even dyed our eggs outside which is almost a necessity given this lady's love for liquids and mess. :)
Jilly LOVES dying eggs. She always has because she is a fan of spilling liquid. The fact that the liquid is colored is such a plus in her book.
Because Anna Mei loves everything, she enjoyed it too.
Jilly could care less about eggs. She doesn't eat candy and so Anna Mei happily collected them all. Her basket was over flowing.
Jilly just enjoyed a bit of time in her beloved sandbox while Anna did all the work. We all enjoyed a beautiful, relaxing day together. Of course, we can't wait to have a little two year old running alongside our girls reeking havoc in our backyard. We hope to receive article 5 this week. We are so, so close!
Two years ago...
I was handed this angel for the first time. My, she has grown. Sometimes, it seems like these years have flown and I just got her yesterday. Then other times, it seems like I have had her forever.
She wanted to celebrate her day with "angel" spaghetti so we took her out for lunch. She loves being the center of the day for sure.
Then we celebrated with a "rainbow cake" as was her request.
Two years in a family baby! Two years of learning what having a momma and daddy means.
Two years of growing and changing! Two years of learning to receive love and give it. Two years of wonderful memories and beautiful moments.
Here is to the rest of forever my sweet treasure. We are grateful for the gift of you. Your spunky, talkative little self fits perfectly with us! I can't imagine life without you!
For two nights now, my peanut hasn't slept. She had been up every hour, or maybe two if I am lucky, soaked with sweat, screaming, and tormented. She kicks me away, screams, and rages like the first weeks home. I had an early morning trip on Saturday, and while I tried to prepare her for my not being there when she woke up, I am guessing my absence is what triggered this sleep issue. She is telling me that she is afraid I am going to be gone when she wakes, and I am grateful for this glimpse into her heart, but I am tired and selfish. I want desperately to love her well. I want to be Jesus to her, but my flesh is getting in the way big time today. I am praying that God would give me His love for her and that I would look past her tantrums, controlling, and disobedience so that I might fully embrace her heart which I hope is being led to healing through Him. These two days have been hard because all that I long to do and be for my sweet girl is dashed by my own need for me. I want to sleep. I want to be obeyed. I want the tantrums to stop...I want.. Truthfully speaking, it is times like this that I think the Lord must be crazy to entrust another beautiful treasure to me, because my own inadequacy is blatantly apparent as I walk through this. Then, as I was thinking through all of this on the way home from dropping my darling kindergartner off at school, my sleep deprived little one who has been so tormented by these emotions begins to sing at the top of her voice. I LOVE YOUR WORD! GOD! WE LOVE YOUR WORD!!! And it rocks me to the core because this job, this baby's healing, this life, is so much bigger than sleepless nights or nightmares. Oh that my voice would be willing to cry out...I LOVE YOUR WORD GOD!..when the hard days come. Another beautiful lesson delivered to me through a helpless, hurting, little soul who I am meant to teach. My babies have, and continue to, teach me so much more than I could teach them.
I am grateful today though for sleep as my dear girl actually slept last night since I am just updating this post today. Please cover her in prayer as this momma being gone for 14 days to pick up her little sister is sure to rock her heart. Praying and Trusting!
Last night, my dear four year old was plagued with nightmares. It happens to her quite often even after being home two years. Generally, she is screaming in her sleep, sweating, and her heart is racing when I go in to calm her. Somewhere around a year and a half home, she let me comfort her during these times in the night. Last night, as she was sleeping in her fear, I swaddled her in her favorite blanket and took her to the rocking chair whispering over her..you are safe, momma is here, I will care for you, you can trust me..again and again. Her biggest sissy was still up and brought this momma her little sister's hot milk in her sippy cup. While I rocked my smallest babe in the darkness of our living room, I held her long after her dream had passed. I cuddled her rubbing the face of my precious daughter whom I have had the pleasure of mothering two years now. Then, I began to cry my eyes out because I thought of those two long years of her life that she lived without a momma to care for her. I let myself imagine what it must have been like to wake in the night so afraid and have no one to come for you. I let my heart hurt for that part of my daughter's life last night as I held her and I prayed that God wouldn't let me forget that while two of my babies are home, and one soon more soon will be, there are many others who wait. I prayed that He would help me stop thinking about myself and my own comfort and that He would demand that I give my life away for the least of these living all around me. I want to remember the privilege it is to care for these babes when I would rather be sleeping. Forgive me Lord for the many, many times I am too busy to be your hands and feet for others. Forgive me when I don't have the patience or kindness to truly stop being about myself and live for those who most need you. Thank you that you have given me the amazing opportunity to love one more orphan in your name. I am humbled and honored that you are about to bestow such a huge blessing on me again.
Seven months ago, we said yes to bringing this precious treasure into our family. We said yes, but knew it would be impossible to pay the $35,000 it would take to get her home on our own. We moved forward knowing that God could. It is so fitting that on this day, Easter Sunday, we have reached our fully funded mark. Her ransom is marked paid in full! We are so very grateful to the many of you that have made this possible. We can't wait to see this peanut home and experiencing the love of a family. We are so anxious for her to hear the stories of her beginning and how God provided a way for her to be a Masterson. THANK YOU for your faithful support. Now, to get her home. CHINA HERE WE COME!!! Our I-800 approval arrived on Friday. We are on target for a early June Gotcha Day! Praise Him! Praise Him! Praise Him!
I don't have time to sit and type. I have Easter dresses to put on my girls, mouths to feed, and a whole lot of other business that is trying its hardest to steal the joy of this morning. Today, my ransom was paid in full by a Risen Savior who willingly gave up His life for mine. How I long to just sit in His word this morning and give thanks for this life I have because of the life He gave up for me. There have been so many sweet moments this week as we have approached this day. Palm waving madly as Anna and I studied Palm Sunday. The explanation of resurrection cinnamon rolls made in school in sweet four year old language relating to the Easter story. Sweet, sweet talk of sin and forgiveness, heaven and hell, love and bible reading..precious memories that I cherish in my heart as I raise these littles up to love and serve my Lord. Yesterday in the car, Anna Mei said I don't want to talk about Jesus only Easter. Of course, she meant all that surrounds the commercial Easter that our culture has created because, despite our not celebrating with an Easter Bunny, you can't escape it. Every store, every commercial, every corner has eggs and bunnies. As I took time to explain all that Easter really means and how special it is that Jesus died and rose again, I thought that while I might not say it aloud, my thoughts are very much the same sometimes. I don't want to talk about Jesus right now only ....(fill in the blank)..is probably on my heart all too often. Oh that I could live each day worthy of this gift that I have been given by a Savior who created me, died for me, and rose again so that I could have abundant life! To whom much is given much more is expected (Luke 12:48) is constantly on my heart these last weeks as we have been given so very much! Oh that I could live to truly give my life for others because so many are celebrating Easter morning apart from knowing this amazing, incredible Savior who I call Lord. My prayer is that all will come to know this one whom loves me so much He willingly gave up His life for mine!
These were waiting in my inbox today! My word I am overjoyed to see a smile. She is so BIG! She looks loved, cared for, and well. They have even let some of her hair grow. She is wearing a barrette! This momma loves her some hair accessories!
After seeing these, my heart is overflowing with JOY. I can't help but think of the hundreds of you who have given so that this precious treasure could be mine. I can't help but think of all that has stacked against this little one in the two short years of her life. It is her story to share someday, but in so many ways it is impossible that she is coming home at all!
Lord willing, in 8 weeks she will be in this momma's arms! We have about $5,000 left to raise and I believe we will because this little sweetie needs to be home with her family.
I am a Christ follower, wife of 20 years to my best friend, and a stay at home momma to five amazing daughters. I am currently waiting for one precious special needs treasure to come home from China. I am passionate about the orphan and special needs adoption. I love to teach God's word, am involved in youth ministry alongside my dh, and love,love, love cooking. Above all, I desire to serve God and surrender my life to His call.
Her mind is so amazing! She is communicating up a storm, reading more than 50 words, is identifying numbers for us all the way up to 100, and today she asked to get a drink from the water fountain when her class did! Amazing given the millions of sensory challenges she faces, the fears she lives with, and the enormous amount of anxiety that clouds her brain. We have even noticed on you tube that she has seemed to memorize the complex "avenues" that lead to her favorite videos. She can find them again because she has memorized the videos and paths that lead to each one. It is truly amazing! She is so complex and so incredible! We are beyond blessed to have her as our daughter. This special, special girl has taught us so very much and, somehow, she manages to bring us all to tears as we watch her sitting in her adorable goat costume with her kindergarten class. What an incredible and amazing little blessing this 6 year old is to us! As we prepare to celebrate her fourth gotcha day at the end of this week, I am in awe of how far God has brought her and just how far He has brought us because of her.
