Deuteronomy 4:35

You have been shown these things that you might know the Lord is God besides him there is no other.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Unanswered Prayers

Dear Jillian
It is Chinese New Year.  You are dressed in your beautiful, red qi poa with your hair swept to the side adorned with a beautiful, creme flower.  You are stunning today.  After your Daddy left this morning with your other two sisters to take them to their school, I pulled you in and had a few moments of you to myself before taking you to kindergarten.  Daddy ran back in the door because he had forgotten something and saw me photographing you through tears.  He crawled right up next to you and had a few tears himself.  As I look at you today, I am (as always) overcome with love and grateful that I have you in my life.  Today as I was driving you to school, I remembered all those days, those ten months of waiting to bring you home, that I prayed for you.  I prayed that you would be healthy, safe, fed, loved, cared for, and stimulated.  For ten months every single day I prayed that for you.  None of those prayers were "answered".  I thought about this today.  All of those things that I petitioned the Lord for those ten months weren't at all a reality when you were placed in my arms.  It would seem that my prayers weren't answered and literally speaking they weren't.  Given your emotional and physical state, you didn't experience any of those things that I prayed you would all those ten months of waiting.  In His wisdom, God had a bigger plan for your life than I could have ever known to pray for.  I was thinking that while He didn't answer my prayers, He has done so much more than I asked him for.  I have experienced more JOY through your hardship than I could have ever imagined.  I have seen Jesus more clearly than I could have ever hoped.  I have grown in my faith and need for Him.  I have been given a deeper love for you than I could have ever prayed.  This purpose you have given to my life, to be your momma, is so much more beautiful than anything I could have ever dreamed!  This morning, I was praising God that those ten months of prayers weren't answered the way I had hoped.  You have opened my eyes to so much more because of who you are and what you have been through.  I was, once again, thinking that I am the most blessed woman in the entire world that God would entrust another special treasure to me.  This family that He has given me, this purpose to raise you up as a daughter, to love my husband, to bring Glory to Him is so much more special than any plan I could have ever prayed for my life.  It is beyond my comprehension that I should be so very blessed.  Remember dear baby that seemingly "unanswered prayers" are always God's plan and trust that His plan is bigger and more beautiful than you could ever imagine!

All My Love,
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.  Psalm 37:7

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