I was driving in the van the other day with the farthest backseat filled up with my treasures. My five and my seven year old sit on either side of our sweet, tiny newest. I was quiet in the front and I just listened. I listened to the voice of my dear seven year old change to mine as she spoke words of mushy praise over our little prince. Like a true momma, she was slathering him with love of all sorts making sure he was the right temperature, that he had his pacifier, and that his little hands wouldn't move too much and startle him awake. This little girl, who so unfairly was denied the kind of momma love and nurture that she was now delivering, looked up at me and said, " All I want when I grow up is to be a momma like you!" What a beautiful and incredible wish that is held so highly in that girl's heart. This girl, who has so desperately wanted to know the love of a momma herself and who fought so long to keep the walls around her heart so rigid in an attempt to protect herself from further abandonment nearly stealing her deepest desire for love and belonging from herself, wants to be a momma just like me. Just like me..flawed, broken, and imperfect. She wants to love and nurture a dear one of her own, and to see her model me in every single way as she lives out her mothering role with this newborn is absolutely beyond words. That God would give me the place of momma in the hearts of my little girls, and then allow me to see how my love is molding them..what a privilege! How dear and incredible this life I am living has turned out to be. Bigger and better than my wildest dreams, and while the chaos is real each minute of everyday I wouldn't change a minute as my hands are certainly full, but my heart is much, much fuller!
Kindergarten. This is Molly's first year of homeschool so when I invited her to the table to get started our first day, she said, "UH, no thanks." Then we explained that it was our school, and she said, "Oh, Homeschool."
There are so many big changes for this baby girl recently that I need to record them. She is napping in her crib without a fight every afternoon, going to school, and now getting some spiffy new leg braces to help support her as she stands. She fell asleep while being casted.
It made her quite an easy patient.
We picked out some fun ladybug print for the braces. I can’t wait to see her in them. She is so close to walking. She is making great gains. I am excited to see how these help her.
The last few hours...
I will feel this little man kick inside of me.
I will be a momma to five.
I will only have girls.
This is it. Four and a half hours from now we will meet this boy. We made it to 36 weeks, and while I am not a writer by any stretch of the imagination, I love to try to capture for myself and my family what an event means to me, but honestly I have no words right now. I am overcome with so much...gratefulness that God would give me such a gift, fear that I am about to have major surgery, anxiety at being blessed with the task of raising up a Godly man that I so desperately want to raise to love the Lord, love, abundant love, for a Savior who loves me so much that He gave His own life for mine so that I might be able to experience all of this, and so much more. Please pray for a safe delivery and a healthy baby boy! This is it friends, and I can't wait to meet him.
Six glorious hours of sleep. What more could a lady ask for in the hospital? This morning as I lay in this hospital bed pondering all that the next two days brings I am simply enjoying this little man wrangling in my womb. What a miracle this little one is as he kicks and turns with a heart beating so strong! Two more mornings to wake until this man enters the world. Yesterday, I got every earthly question answered that I could think of regarding C-section birth. I made my spreadsheet of the schedule for caregivers for myself and my girls. I am ready to meet this little man. Ready to hold in my arms this little one who has grown into, kicked, and expanded my womb for the last 35 weeks and 6 days. Will he have his Daddy's nose, my ears, Emily's eyes? All these questions every swirling in my heart. Will he grow to love the Lord, and be a Godly man like his Earthly father? Will the girls smother him with kisses? How will it feel to survey my home and count six? Six children. I remember last Christmas sitting in my family room surrounded by my then five babies not knowing that God had already begun to grow my sixth baby in my womb, and just marveling at the wonderful beauty of this large family He has given us. There is nothing that brings me the Joy that my children do, and, while I had no idea what a tremendous blessing this large family would be to me, God knew all along. This life, this little man, was written in my story all along! May my God continue to use my life, and that of our little man, to bring much glory to the kingdom. What a privilege to live this life for Him.
It is always with great joy, but also a tinge of sadness that I add a new baby to our family. I am always keenly aware of all the current baby will be asked to give up when the newest little arrives, and sometimes it makes me sad.
This girl has only known the love of a momma now for a bit over a year. She is still such a baby , and as I flipped through my photo stream I came across these photos of her rocking asleep on my big belly. Isn’t she just precious?
And it hit me...this is the last time she will ever be rocked on my pregnant belly. Being hospitalized happened so quickly, and it has caused me to miss so much. I am just so thankful I snapped so many pictures of her rocking with me like this as I never want to forget those sweet, sweet moments. Grateful to God for the time He gives me rocking my babies, and all that being still and quiet with them in my arms has brought me. These five, soon six, little (well one is slightly bigger) people continue to teach me so much. How I cherish being their momma!
This Darling girl is really worried about her momma. She spends a good part of each visit crying her crocodile tears signing momma home, aug 1st surgery, blood open surgery 6 days counting....and on and on. Needless to say she has most every nurse wrapped around her little finger. In fact, when my girls are here visiting everyone from the nursing staff to the housekeeper girls try to come in to see my ladies and just gush about how special my babies are.
It isn’t unusual at all as everywhere we go we usually get lots of attention with our parade of people, but Jillian is certainly enjoying all the extra attention and medical perks of my being here. She got to use the stethoscope yesterday and check my heartbeat which turned those tears of worry and anxiety into this beautiful smile. We are so blessed to be receiving such great care and that our girls are getting a little extra love too. They can use all they get right now. Thank you for your continued prayers. Only five more days until we deliver our little guy. We can’t wait to meet him!
Seven days until delivery. Typing those words fills me with excitement like little else can! Starting day nine of my hospital stay today and all continues to be medically stable for myself and my boy. We see no reason he won't stay safely cooking until 36 weeks. That would certainly be a huge answer to prayer. The little girls visit each morning, and momma not being home is beginning to effect them as my sweet Jilly cried a lot during yesterday's visit signing "momma home", but I can't miss the blessing that it is that she is connected to us and cares so deeply for me. Many, many professionals believed she would never attach. How wrong they were. I miss my babes, but watching my man care for everyone and eating lunch one on one with my oldest each day is such a blessing! I love love these people that God has given me in this life so much! My man certainly never chose any of this , but he is an amazing father and incredible husband. I am beyond blessed to watch as he is caring for everything so well during this time. Today has my house being overtaken by a few of our sheep so that they can organize and finish up a few baby tasks for me while I FaceTime with them. My stream of visitors is so encouraging, my man has delicious meals delivered each day by our wonderful church family, the ladies are planning a cleaning day to freshen up our house before I return home, and God continues to meet each and every need we have through so many. He is good, good, so good! Seven more days until this man child enters the world. I can't wait to meet him and I continue to anxiously anticipate all that raising a son in the Lord brings. Who could have guessed God would write this story in our lives? So many chapters,events, and miracles that bring Him such glory! What an indescribable gift to just be along for the ride! Grateful this morning to know my Savior and surrender my life to him.
I'll never get over the feeling of this new life kicking inside of me. That God would bless me so with this little being is really unbelievable at my age, but here I sit this morning anticipating his birth in just nine days as I feel his legs wrangling around inside my womb. Who could of guessed that God had this for us? This morning as I enjoy the movement of this growing life inside me I feel myself drawn to think of my girls' birth mommas. How did it feel to know and love the life growing inside you only to surrender that shortly after birth? I have shed a tear or two at the injustice of it all and prayed, as I do often, for the mommas whose wombs my babies grew in. What a precious gift born out of loss and brokenness these babies are to me. What sorrow I have for all their birth mommas have missed. This morning as I rejoice in this new life growing inside me, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness for those mommas who sacrificed much for their babes. Grateful for this perspective and the way that it leads me to pray for the women facing so much loss. Thanking God that my girls stories didn't end with the loss and that God continues to cause such beauty to come from it.
Difficulties wake us up to the reality of our own mortality... to the emptiness of this world..to a hope that is only found in the death and resurrection of Christ. -David Platt
One thing about mandatory hospital bed rest is that in the quiet of this room there is much space to hear God. Funny isn't it.. we live our daily lives so busy that we seldom take time for quiet or to be still, but when God allows us to experience that which forces us to do so we remember the blessing of drawing close, quietly to him. I am on day five of my hospital stay and we are well on our way to 35 weeks gestation for our strong boy. Yesterday, we set a surgery date of August 1st because he will be 36 weeks by then. We are both stable, and, while I miss my hubby and babes during the day, I can't miss what a blessing being in his word during this time has been. The bleeding that sent us here in emergency mode Monday night has stopped, and the placenta is doing a good job of keeping baby boy going! My blood pressure remains low even though they say I have preeclampsia, and overall I just sit here and wait. Who thought that at 42 Years Old, I would be here, but I know that God has such a plan for this miraculous little life. Today I am grateful for His word taught, and so easily accessible in this country as I am able to fill up every morning. David Platt's Threads series has had my Bible open each morning and been so challenging stirring my soul to anticipate all that God has in store ahead. I continue to be beyond grateful for those in our lives who love and support us. I covet your prayers that our little man stays safe and growing until the 36 week appointed benchmark, that our delivery goes smoothly, and that my recovery is swift. I feel as if there is much more to do for the Lord yet , and I am anxious to begin. Keep your prayers coming.
I am a Christ follower, wife of 20 years to my best friend, and a stay at home momma to five amazing daughters. I am currently waiting for one precious special needs treasure to come home from China. I am passionate about the orphan and special needs adoption. I love to teach God's word, am involved in youth ministry alongside my dh, and love,love, love cooking. Above all, I desire to serve God and surrender my life to His call.