Her First Day of School

 Literally my heart could burst because today I walked this lady out the door and into her preschool classroom.  I left her there today.  We have visited together, met with the team, had the team over to our house, written social stories, taken pictures, made lists, filled out paperwork, and today was the day that she walked through the doors of a HUGE school as a PK kiddo.  I never dreamed I would have the peace that I do, but this program in our new city has much to offer our angel and so I am giving it a shot.   She is precious to me beyond words and I am blessed that God has intrusted this special beauty to me, but I am also thankful to now live in a community that has so much to offer her.  We are now living in a huge city and so there is so much more for her.  You can see God's hand in placing us here in every aspect of our lives.  I even told Sean that I am sad that we haven't had her here all along because there is so much here that we can access.  It may be too much for her to be in school, but I am trying it.  I will pick her up before lunch though she could stay all day.  ALL day is too long for this little treasure right now, but I am thankful that they are so willing to work with us to find the best balance for her.  Truly they are so willing to individualize just for her and I love that they are willing to do that.  Anna Mei just kept following Jillian around saying Anna Mei go school.  Truly this littlest beauty can't wait to be in school like her two big sisters.  As for momma, I am going to use the time to work on bonding with her and trying to enjoy all these little moments that are gone way to soon as my babies grow older.

I' m Leaving You Today

Dear Jillian,
Your clothes are picked out, your little shoes are chosen, and your ready.  My heart has wrenched over this decision for the sixteen months since you have been mine and today will be the first day that I am leaving you at preschool for half an hour.  Keeping you home with me is such a joy and the memories that we are making are treasures in my heart, but today I will leave you for thirty minutes so that you can be part of a speech group lesson with your peers apart from your momma.  I am praying for you.  I am praying that you know that momma is here for you always in this life.  I am praying that you will feel peace and that you will enjoy being with the other children, enjoy sitting on the rug reading stories, and that your heart will sing with joy while you learn.  I am sure that keeping you home for school and therapy the rest of the week is the best thing to do, but I am excited that you will have this little piece added to your life too.  I love you with everything in me my darling girl.  Before having you home I couldn't have ever begun to understand how hard all of this would be, but I would do it again and again if it meant I could call you my daughter.  So, today I begin to release you slowly to the world.  I know that it has been a harsh place for you in the two short years before God brought us together, but I pray that you feel a bit safer now and with time you will be able to tackle all that is set before you.  I know God has big plans for your little life and I wait anticipating all that He will accomplish through you.
I love you!
Momma