Saturday was the Connecting Hearts to the Forgotten Conference. This is an amazing, free event to encourage the believer to care for the orphan through fostering, advocating, and adopting. I set out for this conference with our second adoption in mind. I was heading there to get a word..a direction from God about where to go next and how.
As I drove, Satan was on the attack hard and heavy in my head. Making me doubt, bringing fear, and causing me to question whether or not we could really do this adoption thing again. I will admit..he was beginning to get to me despite all that I know about God and all that He has done for me so far. I was beginning to doubt myself. If we had no way to pay for an adoption a year ago..we really have no way to pay for an adoption now. How in the world will this ever happen? How will I be able to leave Jillian to travel to our new child? How can I go through the wait again? When will I have time to get a dossier together with a toddler home?
God must have been looking down with love thinking..you silly child of mine. Don't you remember? Don't you remember who I am? Don't you remember I am in control? I love the orphan and desire for your next daughter to be home in a family..your family. Don't you trust me to do it? It's not about you at all my dear one. (Insert my duh moment..here. I know this!! God has been faithful. Every. Single. Time. Every. Moment. Every. One. When will I stop clinging to the world and truly just remember? Fortunately, God is patient with me.)
Near the end of the conference..I was uplifted. I had listen to many amazing women (and a few men too) sharing their journeys, but still had not received the word or direction I was hoping for. The ministry fair was set up with many different agencies and was full of information about adoption programs that are in existence in lots of different countries... I searched and searched..prayed and prayed..even attended a session on fostering..No Word from God came about our next adoption.
Then near the end of the conference I was talking with a friend who asked if my heart was in China? Yes, my heart is definitely in China, but the mountains are stacked against us going there again. While we have ample funds to modestly meet the needs of raising another child, China's income minimum is absolutely beyond our reach now that I stay home. But isn't God able to move mountains? Can't He fulfill the desires of your heart somehow? Of Course, He can. So I have the name of an agency that goes to bat for waivers from China's "rules" for prospective couples and hope that just maybe God will see it fit to move the mountains that seem to be standing between us and another Chinese daughter. Praying..Hoping..that this is God's desire for our family as well as mine. I love the Chinese orphan. I love special needs adoption and I am willing to go again. We have room in our hearts and family for at least one more. Praying that the Lord will open all the doors and soon we will be on this crazy journey once again!
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