So Much to Say

First and foremost, our Jillian has slept through the night the last two nights in a row.  Not only has she slept through the night, she has gone to sleep peacefully without putting up an ugly fight.  She has let me rock her, hold her, and ease her to sleep just like she used to before the last month reared its ugly head.  THIS IS A HUGE PRAISE!  I have to admit..I am scared out of my wits to leave this sweet girl alone with Daddy while I am in China.  The not sleeping issue has been so hard and being alone with her would just really make it HARD for sure.  We have been doing some pleading with the Lord during our prayer time..begging Him to help her overcome this and I am hoping she is moving in the right direction with the progress of the last two nights.  I was certainly beginning to run on empty, but each day the Lord filled me up somehow.  Needless to say, I am grateful for the two restful nights.  GRATEFUL!

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So much is happening on so many fronts..I really just want to record this so that when I doubt I can remember how God is in every detail.  How he cares about every little thing..down to the smallest particle and how He has it all in His control..

 Last Wednesday, I found a box waiting by my backdoor.  I opened it up to find all of these beautiful new clothes for my Jillian.  Three new short sets, two dresses, two pairs of pajamas, a new stuffed toy, and matching hair bows were all inside the box.  A whole week's worth of outfits were given to her by my amazing, loving friend Julie.  She has been Jesus' hands and feet for our family many more times that I can even do justice in this small space and well..she did it again. Getting new outfits for a growing one as the seasons change is off of our to do list.  A need provided for by a believer who is a blessing in our lives.   It might be too selfish to wish the warm weather would just come because these clothes are so cute and I can't wait to see Jillian in them! 

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Sometimes when things happen, I simply can't even believe it myself and this is one of those times.  About every three months I sit down and evaluate Jillian's play, what she is using, how she is playing with it, where 

we should be going..etc.  The budget for new stuff is not huge and so I plan.  I am intentional about garage sale shopping, goodwill shopping, and the like.  As I was planning, the dentist play dough set made my mental list.  Play dough is an important part of Jillian's therapy and she is obsessed with tongues, teeth, and mouths right now so I wanted to play off her interests.  I was planning this out on Friday of last week.  So I began to put aside intentionally some funds that would add up to what I would need to get my hands on the set..when on Saturday this exact set was given to us by some incredible friends who were cleaning out the toys their grandchildren have out grown.  I couldn't believe it.  God is in every detail of my life.  Without a doubt..EVERY-SINGLE- ONE!!!

I wish that I could say  that every time the going gets tough and things seem desperate that I always remember to put on my full armor.  I wish I could say that I am really good at going back over each and every example of God's faithfulness on the days that seem bleak.  I am not always so good at that.  In fact, it was Daddy last week,  in light of an unfavorable financial situation that was out of our control, who said..do you doubt that God will cover any losses that man might cause us?  He has just provided everything we need to bring home our baby girl AGAIN!  So true! Truly I am blown away by His goodness and His constant provision.  I am thrilled to know Him and excited to continue down this path He has us set on.  To God be the glory for all He has done in my life!

Jesus Paid It All

I "grew" up spiritually in the Lord in a church that fed me hymns each Sunday morning. The verses and choruses of these old classics were new to me, even as an adult, as I was a baby in Him, but oh they have come to mean so much. Now that we worship in the contemporary style, I must admit sometimes I miss the old hymns whose words bring a flood of memories back. Memories of those early days of my faith when God was beginning to set me apart for His purposes..I can still see the song leader in worship behind the old, thick podium with wood paneling in the background and hear his deep, aged voice belting out "It is well with my soul".

It's the hymn "Jesus Paid It All".."All to Him I Owe" that is coming back to me as I take quiet time to reflect on Easter this morning in the Word. It is because of that payment that I am able to have JOY. It is because of that payment that I have PEACE. It is because of that payment that I have ETERNAL LIFE...ALL to Him I owe! It is glorious to know Jesus! It is glorious to have surrendered my life and my plans to the one who paid it all and has it all planned out for me. At Easter, I am reminded that I am in relationship with a living God who willingly paid it all so that I could be with Him. Grateful for that today and everyday.

Have a Blessed Easter!

Recovery and Preparation

We were swinging today at the park like always. But because the electric sprinkler system doused the silver swing that is usually stop #2 of our route, we were rerouted to a black swing near the road. All part of God's plan for us this morning because from the black swing we were visible from the road..and wouldn't you know this morning "my class" ( I was a special ed teacher before staying home.) was out on a morning community trip with their new teacher. Their wonderful teacher spotted me from the swing (because of the reroute) and they pulled into the park to say hello. It was so good to see them. I miss those special kiddos so much.

My first instinct was to get on the bus to hug them. Of course, Jill was not OK with that and she started to cry. I got off the bus immediately and started to walk with Jill, but was sure that she was entering into meltdown mode and we would have to leave the park. I kept walking with her, holding her close, and singing to her (sorry to those at the park-I can't sing).

Then, the most wonderful thing happened as we walked...
SHE RECOVERED.
SHE ACTUALLY RECOVERED!!!
I can hardly believe that I am able to say that BUT it's true..SHE RECOVERED!!

We were near the beginning of our swing route by this point and so she just started all over again. We started with swing #1-then #2-then the playground. She fully recovered and enjoyed another hour at the park. It was probably one of the most victorious mornings of my life. I am not kidding.

Starting our route again also gave me time to think as we were swinging. I was thinking about how God has been preparing me to be this special girl's momma for the last 13 years. I am no stranger to the world of special kids, therapy, communication devices, joint compression, deep massage, sensory integration methods, IEPs, or the like. In fact, special kids is my professional specialty and one of my passions. God has been developing that in me and He knew that this special little girl would be mine and that I could use all that knowledge for her. It struck me again that God is so much bigger than I could have ever imagined. He has it all planned out for our good even when it seems less than good at the time. AMAZING! Amazing that I get to be this little one's momma and that God has been preparing me for it all of my life. How I love knowing that His hand never leaves me..How I love knowing He is bringing about His perfect will in my life each and every day.

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength

The journey with our little miss this last week has been incredibly hard. There have been times, many times, that I have felt like I did the first week we were home. I have been at the bottom and thought we were climbing up, but now it seems like the floor has been taken out from under us and we are starting over in many ways.

I'll tell you though-I love her and she is mine. I am in this for the long haul no matter what. I am trusting God with this journey as I know He has it planned out.

I also have to say that without the incredible trials and tough times of this last week-I simply would have missed the comfort of my Lord and He has been handing it out to me abundantly lately...

It was a rough night. About midnight, she had been screaming for two hours already. I was desperate. I left her on the bed and sat in the rocking chair next to her and turned on the nightlight. I got just enough light to read and so I began reading some of the Psalms aloud as she continued to struggle. Then God brought a song-The Joy of the Lord is My Strength-to my heart. It has been such a long time since I have heard it that I could only remember the chorus. The chorus was enough. I just began to sing it over Jillian as she cried. I closed my eyes and rubbed her back while I sang that chorus again and again. I haven't felt closer to the Lord than I did last night. It was such a beautiful time of worship right there in her bedroom in the wee hours of the morning. It calmed her too. She finally fell into a good sleep about one AM and slept until seven this morning.

Praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord that He is the great comforter, that He is ever beside me, and that I know Him as Savior. Couldn't live one day without Him in it..the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Screaming, Storms, Dirty Diapers, and a God Moment

We're home and ready to leave again. (Can you believe we are taking another trip with Jill already? Kinda crazy I know, but hey we'll see how it goes!) Just wanted to share with you this God moment we had on Friday when traveling back..

We had driven about three hours and it went like this-Momma fires toy after toy after toy to keep Jill entertained (exhausting) as fast as she can without stopping. Sister is in on the action too as she has to hand the toys to momma and then pick up the ones that Jill casts off. Eventually (after about thirty minutes) momma is out of tricks and Jill is really ticked off about being in the car. Then she starts to cry. Scream really-for an hour. Throw in a torrential downpour, lighting, thunder, a not so calm daddy driving in the front, and a terrified big sister (she hates storms), and you have a less than pleasant afternoon.

We finally made it out of the storms. Jill had slept about thirty minutes so we decided to make a lunch stop. Now keep in mind, Jill doesn't sit-ever, eat food, like being inside new places, or have anything to do with being still BUT we have to eat. So, we pull into a fast food joint. This momma is hoping she can just shove down a burger while standing holding Jill. Just hoping that she doesn't scream the entire time I am trying to eat. Well, that didn't happen. An already stressed out momma had a fussy baby, a daddy who couldn't order without my help, and a big sis who had been in the bathroom for thirty minutes (it was really only five) leaving us waiting in the restaurant. I was stressed. It was not my best moment and while I hope that I was not behaving with the negative attitude that I was thinking with-I am sure that it showed through. I sent daddy outside with Jill so that I could order for all of us.

Then a sweet, eighty year old man and his wife entered the scene. They had been there all along eating their burgers in the booth near the line. The sweet, old man pulled me down next to him and said he really appreciated my shirt. My shirt? Oh yeah, I had the new Gull Lake shirt with the theme Bible verse on the back. Screeching halt... I have God's word on my back. This old man recognized that I was a daughter of the king because of the verse. Was I thinking as a daughter of the king? Did my attitude and behavior reflect that? Slap in the face for sure...

The verse was Zephaniah 3:17-For the Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save, He takes great delight in you, and quiets you with His Love. I was thinking in that moment-God is with me right now! That sweet, old man and his wife continued to encourage me so much by the way they smiled at us and the precious glances they gave my Jill. They commented about how adorable she was and how much God loved me. It was as if God himself wrapped His arms around me in that moment through those two sweet, elderly believers. It was a reminder that people are watching me everywhere that I am. It was a reminder that I have a opportunity to be a positive witness for the Father in Heaven even in a fast food joint. It was a reminder that God loves me so much and cares for me so much that He put those two strangers in my path at just the right time.

Maybe the funniest thing is the ending to the story. After the encounter with the old man and his wife, I am feeling so loved and inspired that I feel like I can again handle each new challenge with grace. Isn't it just like God to pump you up like that before He sends you a challenge. I get Jill engaged in the open space behind our booth playing with a chair. I am thinking great now I can eat my burger! Then I see something running out of her diaper and down her pants. Yep a monstrous, dirty diaper. With grace, I look at daddy who is sitting, eating his lunch and ask him to please just pack up my lunch and bring it out to the car when they are done because there will be no eating for momma today! I changed that gross diaper with a positive attitude and ate my cold lunch when we were on the road again with joy. So glad God showed Himself through that couple or it could have been uglier than it was.

Hope you have an amazing day of worship and take the time to show God's love to someone the way that couple showed me.