So Much to Say

First and foremost, our Jillian has slept through the night the last two nights in a row.  Not only has she slept through the night, she has gone to sleep peacefully without putting up an ugly fight.  She has let me rock her, hold her, and ease her to sleep just like she used to before the last month reared its ugly head.  THIS IS A HUGE PRAISE!  I have to admit..I am scared out of my wits to leave this sweet girl alone with Daddy while I am in China.  The not sleeping issue has been so hard and being alone with her would just really make it HARD for sure.  We have been doing some pleading with the Lord during our prayer time..begging Him to help her overcome this and I am hoping she is moving in the right direction with the progress of the last two nights.  I was certainly beginning to run on empty, but each day the Lord filled me up somehow.  Needless to say, I am grateful for the two restful nights.  GRATEFUL!

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So much is happening on so many fronts..I really just want to record this so that when I doubt I can remember how God is in every detail.  How he cares about every little thing..down to the smallest particle and how He has it all in His control..

 Last Wednesday, I found a box waiting by my backdoor.  I opened it up to find all of these beautiful new clothes for my Jillian.  Three new short sets, two dresses, two pairs of pajamas, a new stuffed toy, and matching hair bows were all inside the box.  A whole week's worth of outfits were given to her by my amazing, loving friend Julie.  She has been Jesus' hands and feet for our family many more times that I can even do justice in this small space and well..she did it again. Getting new outfits for a growing one as the seasons change is off of our to do list.  A need provided for by a believer who is a blessing in our lives.   It might be too selfish to wish the warm weather would just come because these clothes are so cute and I can't wait to see Jillian in them! 

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Sometimes when things happen, I simply can't even believe it myself and this is one of those times.  About every three months I sit down and evaluate Jillian's play, what she is using, how she is playing with it, where 

we should be going..etc.  The budget for new stuff is not huge and so I plan.  I am intentional about garage sale shopping, goodwill shopping, and the like.  As I was planning, the dentist play dough set made my mental list.  Play dough is an important part of Jillian's therapy and she is obsessed with tongues, teeth, and mouths right now so I wanted to play off her interests.  I was planning this out on Friday of last week.  So I began to put aside intentionally some funds that would add up to what I would need to get my hands on the set..when on Saturday this exact set was given to us by some incredible friends who were cleaning out the toys their grandchildren have out grown.  I couldn't believe it.  God is in every detail of my life.  Without a doubt..EVERY-SINGLE- ONE!!!

I wish that I could say  that every time the going gets tough and things seem desperate that I always remember to put on my full armor.  I wish I could say that I am really good at going back over each and every example of God's faithfulness on the days that seem bleak.  I am not always so good at that.  In fact, it was Daddy last week,  in light of an unfavorable financial situation that was out of our control, who said..do you doubt that God will cover any losses that man might cause us?  He has just provided everything we need to bring home our baby girl AGAIN!  So true! Truly I am blown away by His goodness and His constant provision.  I am thrilled to know Him and excited to continue down this path He has us set on.  To God be the glory for all He has done in my life!

Because God Has a Sense of Humor

Last night was the first night since our sweet Jillian had that horrible dream and meltdown on Dec. 15 that she has been able to go to sleep without 60-90 minutes of thrashing, screaming, and fighting.  It is also the first time that she has sleep through the night since Dec. 15.  She slept from 10:30-7:00.  This is AMAZING!!!  It wasn't even too traumatic getting her down for her nap today either.  I am praying that this continues for her.

But because God has a sense of humor..

while my sweet Jillian slept through the night..

This momma was up comforting and caring for a vomiting teenager.

Sweet Em was sick all night.  She stayed home today and was finally able to eat a piece of dry toast and keep it down.  I am choosing JOY today though.  I am choosing to be grateful to have these children under my roof and I am giving thanks that I am able to care for them-even in the middle of the night.   

Dear Lord, I do love being these girl's momma, but I wouldn't mind a bit more sleep either.  See if you can get that worked out for me.  Until then, I am grateful to know you and cling to the promises in scripture.  I know that this life is a mere speck of dust and I want to live it well for your glory.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3 

She Won With A Last Second Shot

It is hard to believe that my oldest baby is thirteen and in 8th grade, but she is and it is basketball season around her.  We HEART bball.  Daddy is blessed to be able to coach this amazing team of young women for the incredible Christian school that she attends.  These girls, in this photo with our oldest treasure, are one thing that I give thanks for every. single. day in my prayers.  They are wonderful, Godly kids.  They have been playing ball together since 5th grade, working hard, doing their best, and teasing their coach along the way.  They are finally in 8th grade and after three seasons of playing alongside each other..they have found their rhythm.  Watching them play this season is so much fun because they are GOOD (if I do say so myself).  Her friend Ris is also about 5'10" which helps us out a bit.

We hosted a tournament today and we won first place!  We also won the sportsmanship trophy because the other teams chose us as the best sports.

Everyone played a HUGE part and worked hard together and we beat Schaumburg Christian School 27-26.  There were 30 seconds left on the clock and we were down 25-26 when my sweet Em got the ball and made the winning lay up!  She was thrilled!!  Everyone stormed the court and celebrated!  We really do love this game and it is so rewarding that Em shares this love with us.  We are about three weeks away from the state tourney and we have our eyes on the prize!  Watch out teams because this year we are the ones to beat!

LOC IS HERE!!!!

IT CAME!!!!!
IT CAME!!!!!
(Imagine me jumping up and down shouting!)
After 91 long days..LOC is here!  We are moving on to the next step! 
That means that we should be traveling in about 8-10 weeks at best.
PRAISE GOD!!!
Anna Mei we are coming for you sweet baby!

Sister Love

 I was out for a minute last night while the treasure was napping.

Daddy and Sissy were home waiting for her to wake.

I came home to find this..

 My babies snuggled under a blanket reading a book together in the chair.

Oh my heart!

Jillian was pretty sleepy and SLOW to wake up.

Sissy took advantage of her and snuggled her awake.

I couldn't help, but get her yawn.

I just love these girls together.

Do you think one more can fit up there next to them?

I think we can squish her in.

Eyeglasses Games

 (This is real life people.  An undershirt, sweatpants, and that hair..it's how we roll around here.)

This little treasure is very in to playing with, examining, and putting on eye glasses right now. 

She loves to spend hours on my lap moving my glasses around and taking them on and off.

This is an incredible game because it involves SO MUCH eye contact.

Eye contact is not easy to come by with our little one.

Trouble is she can be a bit rough on the real thing 

and I don't really want to encourage her to play with them

BUT

the eye contact is so good and she was so interested

that I decided to purchase several pairs of $1 reading glasses.

I popped out the lenses and keep these frames in several of her play areas.

SHE LOVES THEM!

She loves to put feathers in them, drop beans through them, and wiggle them up and down

all while I have them on of course.

It is great fun and she is SO cute in those little frames.

(Having her wear them works on her tactile defensiveness issues too!)

All of this therapy is taking place with this new eyeglasses game 

and there are so many benefits for her within the context of play.

I love to play

and

I am so thankful to have such a fun little one to play with me!

FULLY FUNDED

Sweet Anna Mei,
A half a world away you lay sleeping in crib number 265 and you have no idea how God is moving mountains so that we can be a family.  I was given a check for $6,000 today by a dear, wonderful family whom we have grown to love over the years.  Today, three months after starting fundraising, we have reached the $20,000 mark.  $20,000 raised toward your ransom in three months.  If my estimates for travel are correct, we are fully funded.  I can't help but weep sweet girl as I think about all that God has done already for you. He loves you so much and has used many faithful believers to bring you home.  Never will I be able to thank each and every one of these people enough who have sacrificed themselves so that you might have life.   They are each a very special part of your story and some day when you are old enough I will recount each and every miracle that has led us to you again and again.  I hope that with all my heart..you will embrace this God who loves you so much and has such a plan for you so that one day you will know Him as deeply as I do and we can share in this adventure of living for Him.  Baby girl, as weak and inadequate as we are -God is more than enough.  He is enough to provide a HUGE amount of money so that we might be a family.  He is more than enough to heal all that is broken in us and to restore us to Him.  Your life and His part in it is already bringing much glory to Him who made you.  I want you to know it!  I don't ever want you to forget.  His splendor is all over you and you are going to have such a story to share when you are ready.  I am blessed to be your mother and can't wait to have you here.
All my Love,
Momma

It's Her Birthday..

It's her birthday and with all my heart I wish she was here with us.  I wish she could eat the cake that I will prepare for her.  I wish she could blow out the candles, tear open her gift, and run to my embrace after hearing me sing my off tune version of happy birthday.  I miss her with everything in me.  I long to know her, to see her face, and hold her in my arms.  While I feel that my heart is likely to shatter in to a million pieces today, I am reminded that my Heavenly Father has a plan and the timing of bringing her home is all His.  I wait with as much JOY as I can muster up today because I rest in the knowing that this is the last year she will celebrate her birthday without the love of a forever family in her heart.

My Dearest Anna Mei,
Momma's on her way to you treasure!  Someday the pain of this wait and our separation will be a distant memory.  We will be playing and living life together just as God has meant for it to be from the beginning of the world.  One day soon, it will be hard for me to remember what it was like without you in my life. I love you dear baby girl!  We all love you and are praying over you this very minute.  Praying God's arms are wrapped around you sending our love across the miles and you feel it in your heart today and every day! Happy Second Birthday!
All My Love,
Momma

The Flu

I have the flu.  I haven't been up off the couch much in the last two days.  In fact, at 1:00 AM I woke Daddy to sleep with our precious treasure the rest of the night because I was coughing so loudly I didn't want to wake her.  She has done amazingly well with momma at less than peak performance though she was really ticked off that I was home this morning and not taking her to feeding therapy.  I should always be about her after all.  If I wasn't home (which I generally am not on Thursday because I am teaching my great class of kids when I am not sick as a dog), she would have been happy to go with daddy and wouldn't have had near the attitude that she did throughout the session.  Sweet treasure..is her life about to change when our Anna Mei arrives.  It makes me smile to think about it and leaves me praying that I NEVER get this sick when I have two littles to care for.  Daddy has picked up the slack today though and it has been a life saver.  I have had this bug since Monday and have managed to carry on relatively well until yesterday afternoon and today.  I even mustered a short trip to the park yesterday morning because it was so nice outside.  I felt lousy, but Jillian loved playing in the unseasonably warm weather.  I am praying the bug stops with me because my oldest has about a bazillion things to do in the coming weeks with 17 plus bball games including a Saturday tourney, a Bible quiz tournament in Wisconsin, and so many other things it makes my aching head spin.  As for the littlest, this flu bug would be a HUGE disaster to her system.  I am hoping all stay well as I work up enough strength to disinfect with my cleaners this evening. 

My biggest prayer request is that our LOC come soon! I am praying that it will arrive on Anna Mei's birthday (January 16)  and I am believing that God will bring that piece of paper here before the shutdown for Chinese New Year!  He is able and He has a plan!

It is COLD outside..

 but our sweet, baby still needs her time at the park.

 We bundle her up

 and she explores all the winter wonders

(like frozen mud at the bottom of the slide)

and the fresh fallen snow.

We can't stay out long,

 but boy does she love the thirty minutes we can muster.

I was thankful to have Daddy home last week to run beside her.

Really is she not the cutest in her snowsuit?

To China With Love

We mailed a care package to our Anna Mei this week.  Her birthday is in two short weeks so we sent her some party hats and blowers with fairy wands to share with her friends.  We also mailed a photo book with all our pictures and those of my friends who will be traveling with me to China.  We included a stuffed zebra (picked out by her big sister), a very warm outfit (most orphanages don't have much heat), a blanket, two flannel sleepers, some yogurt snack for all the children, and some mints for the nannies who care for our angel.  We also put some disposable cameras in there and I hope like crazy that they are returned to us when we are handed our beauty.  It is hard not knowing much about the first two years of our children's lives and so the few pictures or mementos that we do have for Jillian are precious.  I have already started her second care package as our agency told us to send as many as we like.  I wish I could fit myself in that mailer and that I could see her if only for a moment.  That LOC couldn't come soon enough if you ask me.

A Christmas to Remember

Holding on to fond memories of this Christmas..

Last year, this sweet girl was so afraid of everything.

She couldn't open a gift, play with any new toy, or enjoy much about Christmas.

Her fear and anxiety was almost paralyzing to her,

BUT

our God continues to bring healing to her little heart!

This year she enjoyed Christmas for the first time!

(and this momma's heart was FULL!)

She opened this baby and signed open because she wanted it out of the box.

She fed her right away and rocked her too.

 She was off pushing this vacuum as soon as she opened it.

She loved this "dream light" contraption and

insisted on keeping the lights off the rest of the night.

Uncle A was visiting and really mad about the lights being off.

He would go and turn them on.

She would go and turn them off.

(It made us giggle a bit.)

 She has this food in OT.

We use it sometimes in Speech Therapy too.

 

She knew just what to do with it.

She is holding the yellow ball her sister picked out for her.

She loved it.

When you shake the ball, smaller balls inside light up and shake around.

Big Sissy was pretty proud of her choice of gifts for Jill.

Sissy is getting a room makeover.

She got lots of zebra print stuff.

We will paint her room (teal blue) when she is home from her trip.

Speaking of Uncle A, he never did win the battle of the lights

but was happy to score several cardinals gifts

(that he managed to get open even if the over head lights were off).

 Daddy got a new sweatshirt from 147 million orphans.

(All our purchases support orphans in China so I HEART this company!)

I got a new tea mug from 147 myself!

It was a beautiful, quiet day celebrating the birth of our Savior.

I am so very thankful to have this little family,

but have to admit it is hard on this momma's heart not to have our Anna here with us.

It makes looking forward to next Christmas that much sweeter.

Little Drummer Girl

Our little woke on Christmas morning to find this waiting by the tree.

My word was she EXCITED!

She L.O.V.E.S. the drum set at church!

She played this little drum set for 45 solid minutes!



Merry Christmas

For unto you is born this day a savior who is Christ the LORD!

Merry Christmas!

Praying you spend the day rejoicing in the knowledge of the birth of our glorious Savior!

What a day to celebrate!

Another One Hits..

Our baby girl just had another BIG meltdown.  Going to sleep after last week's trauma has been so very hard on her.  And when she wakes up alone..she gets down off her bed and bangs her head on the floor until we come in to her.  So, this momma is back to sleeping next to her all night and calling to wake up daddy if I need to leave her to go to the restroom in the night.  She is hurting about something and it is almost impossible to say what.  She must be remembering something pretty horrible and well it just about breaks this momma's heart.  I wish desperately that I could help her heal and I didn't feel so helpless.  She is finally asleep now and I can only hope that she wakes up feeling better.  I was looking back in her journal and this time last year (Dec-March) was pretty hard on her too.  Maybe the cold weather triggers something..maybe it is from not being able to get outside..I keep trying to find the answer, but to no avail.  It is clear we need to take things very slow and be very attentive to her.  Challenging, but worth it!!  I sure would appreciate your prayers as the spirits of this momma tend to dip a bit after two long meltdowns in eight days time. 

59 Stinkin' Days

59 stinkin' days..
that is how long we have been waiting for LOC y'all.
(LOC is the next piece of paper we need to proceed.)

It is killing me..
KILLING ME!

If it doesn't come the first week of January, it won't be here until February because  the whole country shuts down for two weeks in January because of Chinese New Year. 

Stinks..
I tell ya!
I hate this waiting.
I just want my baby girl home.

Then, I think of my sweet friends who have been in process in Haiti to bring home the precious littles they were referred at the same time we were referred our Jillian.  They have waited over two years to bring their littles home and have to watch them growing up in an orphanage in a very poor, underdeveloped country.  So, maybe what I need is a little perspective and LOTS of prayer.  Could you send up a prayer or two for my Anna today?  Maybe you could send up a prayer for me also..patience is a virtue I just don't have.

Our Family Tree

When we moved to this big, old parsonage..

I finally had room to get a pretty tree.

You know, the kind of tree with a color scheme,

matching packages, and all new ornaments.

Because of the beautiful tree, the family ornaments

(and our old family tree)

is now decorating the family room in the basement.

 Clearly, this is Em's favorite tree.

She loved to count all the ornaments that she has made.

She also likes looking at all the ornaments that we have collected through the years on special trips and such.

This tree is like a walk down memory lane and it is important to her.

 Daddy is showing off his ornaments.

Jillian liked the 49ers ball.

It is red after all.

 She helped Daddy hang it.

Daddy has many special ornaments too.

This one is a sweet tea glass.

Daddy LOVES sweet tea.

There are so many activities this time of year and so many special memories made.

My heart is grateful for my family today.

It's Been A Long Time..

It's been a long time (almost nine months now) since our little treasure has had a bad meltdown.  This kind of crying, thrashing, and head banging episode that lasts for well over two hours leaves quite a scar on this momma and so I remember the last one (last February) very well.  This morning it happened.  She awoke at 5:30 AM crying.  My sweet baby NEVER wakes in the night.  Something jarred her.  Was it a memory?  A night terror?  Was it autism?  Sensory Processing Disorder?  Who knows?  I will never know, but I do know..this meltdown was ugly.  I calmed her pretty quickly with my usual rocking and signing within the first half hour, and tried to get up..it was then that the flood gates broke.  She spiraled into a place of despair pretty quickly though I ran back to her as soon as she started crying for me again.  Oh.. my heart!  I will never get over the helplessness that I feel when I am in the thick of one of these moments and there is nothing that I can do for her.  Of course, this morning I had a commitment at church.  Daddy had to step in.  He baked (OH YES HE DID) the casseroles and all the breakfast items (with some help from two amazing ladies who stepped up after his cry for help) for the breakfast at the manger that I had helped plan.  After two and half long hours, Jillian finally rested her little body and was at peace again.  She was snuggled next to me in the bed after it was all said and done.  She looked into my eyes and signed "I love you".  I lost it.  I sobbed loud, ugly sobs over her.  Then I took her in my arms and thanked God that she is here and that we can be a part of her healing.  We have spent the rest of the day in our pajamas, playing a lot in the feather sensory bin (as she discovered she can put feathers in my glasses and thinks that it is HILARIOUS), and taking it very slow.  I have kept her very close to me all day and I am so grateful that I am able to do that.  Parenting this treasure is the hardest, messiest, most amazing, wonderful, and beautiful thing that I have ever done.  I was reminded today that God has asked me to pour out my life for my children and that my number one ministry is in my home right now, but sometimes it feels like I am doing so little for the kingdom signing "The Wheels on the Bus" a hundred times a day or folding her little hands to pray when she sits down to eat.  I am remembering tonight that God has called me to this place, given me this little hurting treasure, and asked me to bring home more so that I might be an example of Christ's love to them. This is not a calling to take lightly or within my own strength.  I need Christ everyday and He always shows up..forever walking beside me.  I am so thankful that He has given me the chance to be home so that I can focus my attention on my family when they need me.  This morning was HARD, but God is good and it did give me a day in my pajamas.

Just In Case You Need a Good Cry..

I just found this Third Day Christmas Song.

It is so my heart this Christmas!

I love you my angel..

I would give anything to have you here..

to pinch those cheeks...

to see your face aglow in the lights of the tree..

Praying you home sweet girl.

Looking forward to many Christmases celebrating our Savior's birth with you by our sides.

The Lights

My darling teenager didn't have much homework on Monday and Daddy was gone to a meeting

 so we decided to hit the road and check out the local festival of lights display.

 As we approached the park, Jillian called out as if to say..

"Hey did you see that?"

She really loved them.

And this momma's heart was full to overflowing having both of my girls with me.

The Darling Teen took at least 100 photos of her little sis in awe over these magnificent lights.

(I was driving.)

My teen loves this little so much.

Watching Jillian capture Em's heart sure has been a blessing to this momma.