Saying Goodbye to Guangzhou

It is bitter sweet to be leaving this place. Never again will my daughter be a Chinese citizen. While I am praising God that He has given her to us, I am mourning the loss that she may one day feel having never known her bio family or this culture. I know that God will use the circumstances of her life..the losses and the gains.

Abundant gains for us indeed! Watching God slowly heal this little broken heart is almost too beautiful for me to witness. I am overcome with emotion when I see her daddy scoop her up and I hear her laugh. She is so valuable, precious, and perfect in the eyes of this family. She was meant to be ours from the beginning of time and we are so very thankful that God has given us the task of raising her up. I watch her learning that we love her and will care for her and I am blown away by God's great plan. She is my daughter and for that I will always be grateful to the Lord.

Off and Running

Not only did Jill finally feel comfortable enough to leave the bed in our room, she led us right out the door and explored several hallways. She even walked us right on to the elevator and went to the third floor. She walked in the kid's playroom, but the toys were way too much for her. She fussed a little and walked right on out of there. She's doing it. She is beginning to trust us and is walking with one of us on each hand. Oh the Joy!!! She is the cutest little thing and she has the three of us wrapped around her finger. She was constantly looking behind her to see if the third person who wasn't holding her hand was still following her as she walked. Keep praying friends. It was a beautiful night here!

Forward and Back

Yesterday was an incredible day with Jill. We played so hard all day. She giggled. We tickled. She even interacted with a few new toys. All from the bed, but a good day. I took her out on two walks too and she actually enjoyed the second one. She laughed in the carrier and leaned in to give me kisses. I felt so good going to bed.

This morning though was a different story. We had to go to the US consulate to be sworn in as a citizen and do the last bit of paperwork (WAHOOOO!!!). She screamed for three solid hours. She would not calm down, but she did not push me away. I held that precious, screaming her eyes out little babe for three solid hours. I have to admit-it was exhausting and draining. My heart breaks that this is so hard for her. As I walked and walked the halls of the US consulate, I prayed over her aloud and somehow we managed to get through it. Poor McGinnis family had to share an appointment and van with us while Jill cried for the three hours.

Really dreading the flight home. We need God to exert His power over our little hurting baby and I am petitioning His throne on a regular basis begging him to give her peace. We fly out on Thurs. morning at 10:35 AM which will be Wed. at 9:35 PM there. Please pray for her. We are desperate to get her home comfortably.

Tutu Cute

I just couldn't resist dressing my baby girl in this little tutu and little sister onsie while her big sis and daddy were away. When they got back from the safari park yesterday, Em tried to talk some sense into Jill and tell her she should not let momma put her in tutus and hair bows. So funny to see Em whispering advice to her baby sis. Jill really did love the photo shoot and the tutu. Joy to this momma's heart!! As I showed daddy the pics, I told him this is what it looks like to be adored. Disregarded to Adored in just seven short days. What a life change for our treasure.

So it's off to get her TB test checked today and then shopping at the Jade and Pearl Market for Em and I. Shopping. Lots of Shopping here. Enjoying my outings with Em so much. Jill's need to stay in is almost a blessing in disguise as it is helping us make sure we spend quality alone time with each of our girls.

Keep praying. I can't believe how much stronger Jill is already. Her belly isn't sunken in anymore and she is getting a bit of a round tummy. She is eating like crazy. She had 48 oz yesterday. She even seemed interested in my oatmeal, but wouldn't take any. She laughs and giggles, gives kisses, and plays. She is improving so much.

Four more days until we are back in the USA.

Making Gains

I really hoped that since she responded so well to exploring in the airport that we were turning a new leaf. I hoped that she would begin to feel braver and let go of the security of the bed in our hotel room. Well, she hasn't. She still will not leave the bed in our new room without getting really upset. The doctor yesterday was very unpleasant for her. She was crying uncontrollably the entire visit, but she let me hold her. SHE LET ME HOLD HER!! She wrapped her little, fragile arms around her momma and she let me hold her. I held her for almost two hours yesterday morning and while my heart was breaking that she was so upset- I LOVED FEELING HER IN MY ARMS!! She is rocking herself less and less and letting us soothe her more and more.

We did walk the island and explore. If Jill is outside, she is much better than if we go into a building. She is just so unsure of everything. So, we walked around taking it all in. This is one of the most beautiful places that I have ever been. It is lush and tropical. The surroundings are beautiful. In fact Em says the next time we adopt, we should say that we will only accept a referral from Guangzhou so we can spend the entire two weeks here. (Next time-love that girl's heart!!) I wish my baby girl was feeling well enough to get her picture taken in these beautiful surroundings. Poor Em is going to have to endure all of this momma's picture taking frenzy alone.

Jill is so much stronger medically already. Her bed sores on her head are healing and she is putting on weight in the middle. She is chugging down almost 32 oz a day in bottles now. :) She has several wet diapers a day too-many more than initially- and even has a dirty diaper regularly. Daddy had to change one alone yesterday as Em and I were out shopping. Funny sight to walk in on as he was a bit hysterical.

The joy this little girl has brought us already is beyond words. We love her so and can't wait to get her home for good.
Keep praying for Jill's little heart's healing.

Moment by Moment

One thing I am learning is this journey has to be lived in the moment because if you take it beyond that you are way to overwhelmed. In one moment you can be elated and overcome with joy and in the next you are driven to your knees in prayer.

We were taking off in the plane yesterday and Jill was recovering from a meltdown. My heart was hurting so because she was so upset. I say to DH PRAY!!!! Jill did amazingly well overall and only had a few meltdowns. I even got to hold my girl a lot because we were on the move and she tolerated it. The power of God was certainly present. She is walking me around everywhere holding on to my hand. She explored the airport like crazy and was very comfortable. She even showed a bit of determination in trying to get me to walk her in the opposite direction and laughed at me when I insisted we turn around. She is a true joy!!

The most precious part of the last day is watching Em fall in love with Jill. Jill walked with me holding one hand and big sis holding the other for hours in the airport. Em has started taking pictures of Jill doing everything and even put her socks on her without my asking for her to. She is going to be a wonderful big sis. I am praying that this journey is working in her heart and drawing her closer to the Lord as well.

We made it to Guangzhou and it is wonderful here. Soft beds, beautiful parks, English speaking hotel staff, other English families... Oh it is so good. Please pray we are headed to the doctor soon. She has to get a TB test-this will not be pleasant. Then we will spend a quiet afternoon here so we can all rest from our trip yesterday. Home with our baby girl in six days. :)

Fear

It happened the other night. It was a rough night. Jill had a couple of big meltdowns before bed and her sleep was restless at best. She was up most of the night in despair which means we were too and then it hit me. Fear. Do I really have what it takes to be the momma of such an extraordinary little life. I was thinking pediatric nutrionists, therapists... Can I really be the best for her? I began to sink into the pit of fear at the overwhelming thought of it all. Then God whispered his word to my heart.. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philipians 4:13). This job isn't about me and what I can do at all because I cannot do it. BUT Christ can do it through me and he promises that he will. Then Isaiah 26:3 came "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts you." Trust. Trust God who knows what he is doing. Who knows what is ahead on this road and who has equipted me to walk it from the beginning.

Beautiful Day with our girl on Thursday..

She played new games with momma and daddy. She let us hold her in a walking position and tickle her. She was giggling up a storm.

She let us rub her back to soothe her to sleep at nap and bedtime. She didn't have a meltdown before bedtime at all!

She found her belly button.

She recognized the equiptment momma uses to soothe her ear and laid down on her side when she saw me coming with it because she knew I was going to clean her ear.

She discovered Sis's DS and watched in awe.

She continues to captivate us with her little resilient spirit and those eyes.

Momma enjoyed a wonderful time with her big girl too. Darling kiddo and I went to the Terra Cotta Warriors Tomb and a market. We even attended a tea ceremony and bought tea to share with her class when we get home. Em is growing into a fine young woman and I am grateful to God for every minute I have to enjoy being with her.

Wonderful day. Blessed.

A Momma's Treasure

I have spent the last six hours in the hotel room on the bed interacting with my girl. She is so amazing and it occurred to me that she has never experienced being a momma's treasure before now. She has never meant the world to someone and she has never had someone to call momma. We sang, tickled, read books, watched veggie tales, and I so enjoyed every minute with her. She is still only comfortable on the bed in the hotel room, but she is showing us more and more of herself. She even let me rub her back while she snuggled next to me to fall asleep for her nap just now. Oh the joy is bursting in my heart. Waiting no more for my girl to be by my side is more than my heart can handle today. I love her so much!! God is so good to let me be her momma.

More firsts today..

poopy diaper. You should have seen the silliness this family had over that. Darling Kiddo was the first to discover it. We acted as if we didn't know what to do. We were all laughing so hard that Jill couldn't help but laugh right along with us.

watching tv. That silly wide eyed picture is her reaction to the computer screen.

reading a book with momma.

letting momma help her fall asleep.

eating sissy's foot and discovering how fun it is to pull that long hair.

staying in her pjs until noon.

What a glorious morning with my baby girl! What a beautiful family God has allowed us to have. We praise him for all that He continues to do in our lives and for his promise to set the lonely in families. While this precious treasure is lonely no more so many are. Praying that God continues to break my heart for the orphan.

Bouncing Back

She is still struggling so much in so many ways, but at the same time she is bouncing back more quickly and exploring more.

She played with some of her toys today. Thanks to Z from my class who purchased the ones she likes the best. That made this momma's heart leap for joy!!

She wore a hair bow!! :)

She is chugging down bottles left and right. Praise GOD!!

She is sitting up more.

She slept soundly during her nap.

Daddy and Darling Kiddo also enjoyed some cultural time here while Jill napped. They went to the Xi'an city wall. I am so beyond thrilled that Em was able to make this journey with us. It means so much more to have our entire family here and the individual time that we are spending with her is priceless.

Thanks for your prayers. Jill is still really struggling and she needs them. I read scripture over her during her nap today and prayed for healing and restoration in her life. Feeling God's love and hand on her today. We also need prayers for that infected ear. It is bloody and draining. She does let me clean it out and put a warm towel over it to help her. She has figured out that she can soothe it herself by licking her finger and then sticking it in there. Sad because that is probably the only means of soothing she had in the orphanage. Momma's here now and loving her like crazy.

Rough Morning

We finished up the paperwork at the Civil Affairs Office and paid the fees so officially the China side of things for Jill's adoption are finished. WOOOHOOO!! It was a difficult morning though as Jill only likes being in the room on the bed. Anytime we leave or we have to pick her up she is very uneasy and cries uncontrollably. In the room, she is doing well. Allowing us to cuddle her while she sleeps and rub her little body. She is quiet as mouse though and while I feel like she has the strength to walk, she hasn't shown us that yet. She is so over stimulated though outside of the room. Way too much for her to handle. We tried to eat breakfast this morning and Sean had to bring her back up to the room.

Speaking of breakfast, Jill finally took a bottle about lunch time. I didn't make her take it in my arms because I was so desperate for her to eat something. I sat beside her and held it for her while rubbing her legs. She ate almost the whole thing. She is so small and I don't think she has ever had solid food. She doesn't even know what to do with it in her mouth.

She has an infection in her left ear that is really unpleasant and bothering her a lot. I will be so glad to take her to the doctor in Guanghzou on Saturday. She is also covered with bruises. So much healing that needs to take place.

Love watching Daddy with her. Darling Kiddo even spent some time rubbing her back while she slept today. Jill is such a treasure and one of the hardest parts of the questioning this morning was hearing the official say that she is significantly delayed and do we still want to adopt her. Of course, we do. Brought this momma to tears. Regardless of her delays, God has given her to us to raise up in Him the best that we can. Loving this little girl like crazy tonight and rejoicing that God has brought us together and we don't have to miss her anymore.

New Life

I want so desperately to describe the moment we first saw her with adequate words-there simply are just none! We were in a small in descript government office with a hand full of Asian officials and she came in already crying her eyes out. In three sections or less, she was in my arms and I was her momma. She was filthy, smelly, distressed, and crying BUT it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. God placed this tiny little, hurting life in my care and instinctively she became mine. Daddy was soon by my side rubbing Jill's back and trying to soothe her, but she was really upset for a good hour or so. She was being ripped out of everything she has ever known and so I knew it would be hard on her. Darling Kiddo was great. She took pictures at the office and is settling in to the big sis role.

Here is what we know about our girl so far..

She sucks her thumb. I mean really sucks her thumb.

She loves to be tickled.

She snorts when she giggles.

She is tiny-barely filling out the 12 months cloths and growing into 18. She is swimming in most of the clothes I brought for her.

She is fascinated with lights-outside,inside and all around!

She hasn't eaten a thing since we got her last night. Please pray about this.

She is really quite mobile and moved from the sitting to standing position on her own. I bet she is walking, but she hasn't shown us yet.

She thinks her daddy is so funny. (Don't we all.) He was the first to really crack her up.

She hated her bath, but loved being massaged with lotion when she was done. She likes touch a lot and is responding well to it..

She has slept through the night so far although it is just now 2:30 AM.

She fits perfectly with us and was created to be ours by God from the beginning.

Please pray for her and us as we care for her. We love you and can't wait for you to meet her. What a blessed Easter indeed!

We Are On Our Way

taking off in less than an hour. plenty of waiting time to consider all that is in store for us in the next two days. so beyond thrilled to be able to be a momma again. pray for us as dear hubby is holding it together while waiting to board the dreaded plane. also pray for a smooth transition at shanghi as we will be navigating alone and cant speak mandarin. good times. quite an adventure.