The Craft Room

We spent a good amount of time in the craft room this year at Gull Lake Ministries.  The girls are older, and enjoy doing projects so much.

It is amazing to me that I can manage them by myself while they are working with their art supplies, but they are getting so independent.

Their projects turned out to be great keepsakes, and I am grateful for the memories we made arting together.

It seems like just yesterday, Emily and I were sitting next to each other doing our annual projects here so I know these days go so fast.

We are already counting down the days until we are here next year. 

Sleeping on Her Brother

This baby girl has been such a happy, JOYOUS little one this summer.  We have enjoyed her so very much, and she is eating up being a part of a family!

She doesn't have a clue that in about nine weeks her baby brother will be born, and this huge moving, soothing pillow that is now Mommy's belly will be gone.

She will definitely miss this huge belly at napt ime as she loves laying low on it.  She can probably hear her baby brother's heart beating in there, and she can certainly feel him kicking her off his real estate.  What a beautiful time to have my hands full of such a sweet angel while my womb is growing another treasure!  I certainly never dreamed, but am so very thankful for it!

Anna Mei’s Baptism

Waiting her turn with Daddy.

It was 5:00, and I stood on the shores of the beach at Gull Lake as I had done many, many summers before, but this time was different.  This time, I was standing anticipating the baptism of my incredible, Jesus loving seven year old daughter.  I don't have the words to adequately describe what is like to watch this once orphan, turned daughter, publicly testifying that she loves Jesus and longs to serve Him with her life.  I sat there watching, pondering all that has transpired in her seven short years of life that has led her to this moment.  I sifted through the ashes these years have left her, and the beauty that God has generated from them. Then, I thanked God for his sovereignty, His protection of her, and I praised Him even more abundantly that He has given me a chance to have a small part in her life.  What an overwhelming privilege to be her momma, and lead her to Jesus!  Her little heart loves the Lord, and, while she struggles with so many emotional demons, this little girl is going to do much for His Kingdom because she gets it in a way that I couldn't at her age because of all that God has allowed her to experience.  While it breaks my heart to think of all the ways that Satan has done his best to destroy her, watching her gain victory through Jesus is just so amazing, and He is so real to her. 

Her counselor, Miss Bridle, praying for her.

Anna Mei and Miss Bridle

Daddy, Momma, and Anna Mei after her baptism.

Though watching her commit to following Jesus brought me such JOY, I shed a tear for the millions of orphans this very minute who will never know the arms of a Godly father baptizing them.  Go get these babies!  Be Jesus' hand and feet to love the fatherless as He commands.  Don't let Satan claim this generation of children whose potential is unlimited, and who could do great things for Him!

22 Years of Marriage

"You're such a good team," said the woman I am just beginning to get to know this week when she was watching my husband and me taking care of and loving on our girls. We are at Gull Lake Ministries this week for a week of renewal, and each year we come, it is such a tremendous blessing to our family. Recently, this incredible man of mine and I celebrated 22 years of marriage, and this life is so much more full than we ever imagined or planned for. When we committed to each other all those years ago, surrendering our lives to the Lord this fully was not in our plans. We were fine with keeping God on the outskirts, attending church eventually, and living moral lives because that is what good people do, but what we didn't bank on was how radically life would change when we personally encountered Jesus, and gave our lives to Him. Every inch of my heart is changed. The way I love my man, serve my family, spend my money, devote my time....all so much different than what I dreamed when planning out this life. Though I am still a sinful and selfish woman, God draws me nearer everyday with His love, Grace, mercy, and forgiveness because that's what He does when you belong to Him. He has elevated my marriage, invited me to join Him serving the orphan through adoption, and blessed me beyond measure even as I face trials of every kind. Twenty two years ago, I would have never guessed I'd end up here...a pastor's wife, a mom to four Chinese daughters with special needs, a mom to a college age daughter attending bible college, expecting to deliver another biological baby..a son..ten weeks from now, and a lover of Jesus and His word. So after all these years, we have become a solidified team...put together to serve the Lord in this life, and, while trials are hard, life is so good...so much more than I hoped for. Today I give thanks for 22 years of marriage , but mostly that God knit our hearts together with His because having the Lord as the center of our lives , though we never planned it this way, makes every moment of life worth living. I can't wait to see what God puts before us in the next twenty-two years as I can't imagine loving my man more. Here is to twenty-two crazy, life changing years serving the Lord together. My hope is that we will have many, many more adventures for Him to come.

Watching This Girl Conquer the World

If I told you that seven years ago this girl was waiting to die, would you even be able to picture it?  She couldn't trust, couldn't leave the house, didn't feel safe, and couldn't handle any sensory input at all.  She literally spent her days alone in a corner banging her head waiting for her life to end.  It has been a hard fought road to recover this girl's heart, but watching her today..makes each of those moments all the more sweet! 

 We went to a family fest yesterday as a family.  The fact that this girl could even be here is a miracle, but she spotted this inflatable, and she insisted we play on it.  Then, she waited, mostly patiently, in line for nearly 30 minutes for her turn signing excited, excited, excited throughout our entire wait.

When it was turn, she hopped right up on the giant inflatable, strapped herself to the bungy cord and belt, and went to play.  Oh, she laughed!  She smiled, tugged, and pulled herself with all her might as the object of the game is to reach the balls in the middle.

She never gave up, and enjoyed so much playing this game!

Her entire adoring family cheered her on from the side including her sisters.

AND....she did it! 

She finally got one purple ball, and JOY erupted on her face!  These are the moments that I give absolute praise to God as I have seen a miracle happen in this girl's heart in the last seven years.  What an absolute privilege to be her family!

First Beach Day

We have had temperatures in the 100's already!

Perfect for our first beach day of the season!

Miss Molly is so much stronger than last year!

Last year, her life-jacket would carry her away, but this year she swam for a whole hour before getting tired!

Ellie loved being carried in the water, playing under her shade, and enjoying the textures of the sand.

This girl, this girl..how she LOVES the beach!

She was super thrilled to be here, and watching the JOY on her face was worth sitting in the heat all morning.

I can't wait to spend many, more days here this summer.

When They Are Really With You..Oh the Joy!

Sitting on the floor today in the small speech room that has become our home on Wednesdays for the thirty minutes we work at the clinic, I was overcome with emotion.  When you parent a babe with special needs from hard places with spectrum tendencies, you regularly face challenges, expect to have to work to connect to them, and fight for their heart.  You, as a parent, get it, and come to cherish the moments that you get when your babe is fully engaged and enjoying their time with you.  There are really no words to describe what it is like to have your daughter looking in your eyes and being present in the moment with you.   Today was one of those days, and our dear therapist said it.... "What a JOY to have you here with me today."  And...it got me thinking that most people live their entire lives and they don't get it. 

They don't get the JOY in the pursuit of these precious, special needs little ones.  They don't see the value, the wonder, or the purpose in the lives of these dear, atypical children. We have been so blessed to find so many like minded, wonderful professionals, who like us, get it.  They pursue our babes, enjoy being with them, cherish them, and love them every moment, but today was the moment you live for.  My dear girl played with her sweet therapist for thirty minutes today, and her therapist ate her up.  There are those who would say that we should genetically test all fetus, and end the lives of those whose genes are not perfect.  There are those who would shutter to think about being given a daughter with the challenges that most of mine have, but then there are those precious, amazing people who know just how fearfully and wonderfully made my babes are and who are willing to do anything to make them smile. 

Today, we saw the smiles, and, while tomorrow she may once again be more interested in her hands than the bubbles and play, we will cherish these things in our heart.  Today, we saw the haze lifted from her eyes, and we just loved it!

Gotcha Three Years Ago

Three years home!  WAHOO!!!

Our Amazing Molly wanted spaghetti for her special dinner as it is her favorite food right now.

Who can get over how cute it is when a little one sucks up spaghetti?

Happy Three Years Home Precious Girl! 

We LOVE you!

Nothing This Side of Heaven...

Nothing this side of heaven....
like holding a swaddled, sleeping baby.  My girl may be nearing four years old, but the only way she will nap is being swaddled while rocking with her Momma.  I am happy to oblige as she missed out on many afternoons rocking with me since I didn't welcome her home until she was 2 1/2.  Precious Girl..What a blessing to hold this dear one!

Three Years Home

It is hard to remember what it was like three years ago without this precious treasure sitting at our table.  What a tremendous blessing this girl has been.  She has her Gotcha Day the same month as her birthday which is hard for a girl who has been waiting her turn as her three sisters celebrated their days in April.  She was thrilled her day was here.  She carried the calendar icon of momma getting her around all month waiting until the 25th.  She requested ice cream instead of cake so we whipped up some homemade vanilla and put her favorite M and M's on top.  She was pleased!  We couldn't love this very special girl..our Amazing Molly...any more!  She is one incredible, fun loving daughter who has added so very much to our family in the last three years.  Just look at that face...She is always smiling..always quick to love..always silly...just a pure JOY to be around.  We love you Molly and are grateful to be your family!

This morning I walked past the bedroom of my daughters and peeked in at the bunk beds.  I watched my precious just turned five year old sleep for a minute and I let the reality wash over me that if I had followed my plans... I would be long done caring for babies by now.   I wouldn't know the tenderness of watching this little one sleep so peacefully.  I wouldn't have handmade cards waiting at the table with elementary sized print declaring their love for me..their mom.  I wouldn't hear their proud voices or silly giggles as they made breakfast for me all by themselves.  I wouldn't know the light in their eyes when they delivered said breakfast to the table complete with a fruit sculpture of my smiling face.  I wouldn't know the snuggles, the hugs, the stacks of muddy laundry, the sweet sound of praise songs being shouted at the top of their lungs, the whispered prayers complete with mispronunciations and such faith....I wouldn't know and man that I could have missed this rocks me to the core each and every time I consider it.  This life is hard, caring for all these babes with their medical and emotional needs is very much beyond my ability, but it is so very good.  So much better than anything I could have dreamed up to do with these years myself because God has made this amazing family for me to care for.  Out of brokenness and deep despair, He has brought these beautiful children to me to call my own, to teach about Him, and to simply enjoy.  I can't let myself imagine what it would be like if I had said no because frankly my heart hurts at that thought of not knowing and loving these incredible little people who are, by some miracle, mine to raise up in this season.  Just last night, my Molly was reading 1 John 4:19 on the wall in our living room as it sits among our family photos, and it is so true.  I love because He first loved me.  I know the depths of this love for my girls because I have been loved incredibly and unconditionally by a Savior who has blessed me with this life.  I will never deserve it.  I will never earn it, but in my sinfulness, He invited me to join Him in this anyway.  Such deep beauty.  Such overwhelming love.  It is my prayer that this Mother's Day you, too, know this love and that you enjoy being with the ones that God has allowed you to "mother".  Give thanks that He has equipped you to be exactly who they need you to be, and that you can live out life alongside them.  Happy Mother's Day.

Rainbows for a Five Year Old

My Molly’s Fifth Birthday called for a rainbow celebration as she is crazy for rainbows right now.  We were happy to gather our tribe of faithful friends to celebrate our girl together.

We played a rainbow race where we used straws to blow fruit loops in the rainbow color order on the floor.

We also played pin the cloud on the rainbow.

The grand finale was the cake o’ Artficial colors as I coined it because it was rainbow batter with rainbow candy decorations.  It made my little peanut quite happy!

What a true joy to join our friends to celebrate our amazing daughter.  Oh that five would last forever as that face is precious!  After this day, I am especially thankful for those we love who love our girl and gather with us to celebrate her!

Five Years Old

To My Dearest Baby Girl on Her Fifth Birthday,
Sweet, sweet Molly..there are really no words for the absolute JOY you bring into our lives everyday.  From the beginning, you have been so full of love for us, and we absolutely adore you!  You have grown up so much this year, but still spend lots of time asking if you are still my baby.  I assure you that you will always be my baby!  You continue to be a jokester whose silliness has us laughing all day long.  You love your sister, Anna Mei ,fiercely as she is your favorite playmate and best friend.  You never pass up a chance to snuggle with Emily, can't wait to have everyone at home together, greet your Daddy with the biggest love, and are so excited to be a big sister again!  You can read well, and love doing it.  You often spend a good deal of time every night reading to us from your sight word readers!  You are so proud to be able to do it.  You also love writing and spelling!  For ninety minutes, you used your talker the other day to find words to categorize by beginning sound in the new journal I bought you.  When you found octagon to record on the "o" page, you were ecstatic!  You Love all things learning for sure!  You can now pedal your bike all the way around the block faster than your sisters, and run the whole time you are out jogging with Daddy.  You are such an athlete!  Recently, you received your first love letter in the mail from a boy in your preschool class.  Daddy did not think this was near as cute as mommy did when I read it.  You seem to be keeping your options open though as you have new friends you love everyday that you come home.   Everyday you are full of life!   You never stop going, and require much less sleep than our other girls.
You have the latest bedtime as you just don't need to go to sleep as early as the other girls.  If we put you down at *:00, we often find you up playing in your kitchen in the dark bedroom hours later.  You enjoy being up later so much as each night at bedtime you ask..Molly stay up?...and we like the extra snuggles with you too.  You amaze us at all you can do, and you continue to surprise everyone around you!  I can't wait to homeschool you in Kindergarten next year, and watch how your mind grows!  I love, love, love you with all my heart!  You are just a GREAT JOY and wonderful kid!

Happy fifth birthday my big girl!
Momma

Her WeGO Talker

Our Molly really is amazing.  Though she is missing her radial bones, can't rotate her wrists, use most of her fingers, and has no thumbs, this girl can do anything using her hands that any other four year old can.  She has beautiful handwriting, can cut out any shape with regular scissors, can dress herself, eat, get her own water...and the list could go on and on.  Truly, she amazes those around her daily as she is one determined little peanut.

Despite being gifted with most all motor tasks and being cognitively on target for her age , she really struggles with articulation of her speech.  It is still very, very hard to understand her.  Officially, she has an apraxia diagnosis because her difficulty seems to be related to motor functioning in her mouth and not her hearing.  Recently, we were able to get her a talker like her sister Jillian, who is almost completely nonverbal, has, and boy has it been a game changer!  She is very, very bright our Molly, and using this thing to build sentences of all kind is a breeze.  Finally, she is understood, and it is huge for her!  She uses her talker all day long, and especially loves to chatter away at dinner.  We are absolutely grateful that she has access to this technology, and that she is making such huge strides with it!

What a precious gift this girl is to our family!

Seven Years

Seven years ago something in my life changed absolutely everything.  It is still so hard for me to put into words, and, to this day, I can't speak of it without bawling my eyes out.  Seven years ago yesterday, I met this amazing, incredible girl that I would have the privilege of raising as my daughter.  Before her, this idea of orphan care and adoption..babies without mommas and daddies was so abstract..so easy to ignore.  After seeing this precious girl for myself...15 pounds at just over two years old with horrific signs of abuse and neglect..I could no longer turn my head and look the other way because instantly I loved her with a momma love that made me physically hurt for those left behind.  After this day seven years ago, I would never, never be the same.  Before her, my heart could get through a day without the overflowing JOY that comes with watching healing redemption first hand because, honestly, I have never experienced God the way I have as I have raised up this baby girl.  I have needed Him, like never before, for survival many times in the last seven years.  I have had Him carry me through some deep, dark valleys, and I have seen Him turn ordinary moments into mountain top accomplishments again and again.  I have felt Him so close, and praised Him exuberantly for not giving up on inviting me to do this work for Him.  For years, I turned a blind eye to these least as I clung to my one child policy.  My plan was to have a controlled, safe Christian life, with one bio child, and it was working out quite nicely until..Jillian.  I often look at this girl of mine, and wonder if she will ever grasp the incredible impact God has allowed her to have on me, and, quite frankly, many others.  She is a miracle that some would look at, and think of as inferior or a burden to us as we care for her as she is nonverbal, has serious difficulty processing sensory input, and has autism but the truth is..this girl of ours has something so much more precious than anything this world can see.  Many times I watch her JOY in the mud or swinging, and I wish for just one moment I could have her unique perspective because she is the one who has given me so much as I walk alongside her.  So on this day, it with great JOY that we celebrate the moment she was placed in our arms seven ago. 

We eat her favorite dinner, hot dogs with macaroni and cheese, outside in our backyard which is her favorite place in the whole world.  We swing, play on the monkey bars, dig in the mud, build a fire, roast marshmallows, and enjoy just being with her because without her my heart would be much less full, and my JOY incomplete.  Today, I give great thanks that the God of the universe had this beautiful plan for my life, and that He saw fit to bless me with this amazing girl to call my daughter.  What an indescribable, enormous JOY she has brought us!  Happy seven years home my dear baby girl!  We love you more than words can say because it was Christ who first loved us!

Five Years Home

It was a pleasure to celebrate this girl last week!  Five years ago, my dear friends and I traveled to China to adopt her.  Five years!  Where have they gone?

This sweet treasure loves to be celebrated!

And..we are happy, happy to do it.

In five years, we have both grown together so very much, and I am so grateful that this spunky, full of life girl is my daughter.

Five years...Five year...Five years.  How I love you my big girl!  Looking forward to seeing you holding up more and more fingers in the years to come!