Fear

I almost let fear creep in just now.  I have been looking at the precious face of a special focus orphan on our agency's waiting child profiles for weeks now.  She's beautiful, and she could be our daughter, but she has a special focus designation which can translate into a pretty significant special need. (Jillian was a special focus kiddo.) Because of that, I have been fighting with myself everyday for the last weeks as I have stared into her little face.  I have been thinking there is no way that I could bring home another treasure whose special need is so involved.  I don't have the wisdom, the know how, or the strength to do it.  I am crazy to think that with all that Jillian needs I could ever mother another treasure whose needs seem so daunting.

And then...I tip toed up to my sleeping baby girl's bedside.  I gazed into her face, watched her suck her thumb, and my heart overflowed with love for her.  Yes, she may need my care for the rest of my life.  She may never be able to speak, may never read, may never live a "typical" life..but oh I see Jesus in her everyday!  She is made in His image and so valuable to Him.  

I shutter at the thought that fear could have scared me away from loving this girl. 

I cringe to think that I could have missed this. 

I shake my head at my ignorance and remember that God has not called me to do any of this on my own. 

I pray.  Asking God to guide my steps as we wait for Him to show us exactly who we will call daughter over the next months. 

I rest.  Knowing that He has it all planned and will equip me every step of the way.  

I long.  Long to do His will, to see His face, and to love Him more. 

He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.  1 Thessalonians 5:24 (in spite of me and my doubts)