I was explaining to the social worker at our last home study visit that prior to bringing Jillian home I had many preconceived notions about how it would be to have her here. I was 100% willing to enlarge my life and include her in it. In my mind, I would continue along on the path that I was going all the while adding a set of small footprints next to mine on that path. I was totally willing to do that. I was looking forward to it in fact.
Then, we had her here and I realized that God was not calling me to enlarge my life so that she could be included in it. He was actually calling me to lay my life down for hers. He has called me this year to give up just about everything that I thought was most important before bringing her home. He has called me to be 100% about Jillian most of the time. Some days have been hard. I miss teaching. I miss youth ministry. I miss the things of my former life that I once held dear. Many of those things brought me great joy and defined who I was, but laying them down..laying them all down..has been so worth it to be able to see every minute of this sweet treasure's redemption.
You see it isn't always easy to be in God's will. There were days that I mourned my old life as it faded. Days that I longed to just eat out with my family again or sit in on Bible study on Wednesday nights. And while I can't exactly explain the peace and joy that I had amidst the mourning, I can tell you that it is better to be in God's will then to be walking on your way.
There is nothing in this world that I would rather be doing than playing in the sandbox each morning, shuttling my little one to therapy, holding her when she is hurting, singing to her as she is swinging, feeding her as she is spitting out her peas..NOTHING. This is God's will for my life. This is why He made me. I have felt that again and again as I have mothered this hurting babe this year. For me, this year has been one of incredible and amazing growth. It has enlarged the heart of my entire family and altered the fiber of who we are. I am so very grateful to God for the new path He has set me on. So grateful to spend each day in the trenches of mothering my little. So overwhelmed by the part that He has given me to play in her life and overjoyed that I get to add one more.
Could it be that God has a new path for you? Does He want to take you somewhere that you have been reluctant to go? Though I would never have guessed this would be where He would call me to walk..it's beautiful and I'm so glad I didn't miss it. Don't let your reluctance rob you of your purpose. Listen and Obey.
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