Friday, September 27, 2013
I wish that I could put into words how it feels to hold my sweet Jillian down for a medical procedure for the third time in three weeks. I wish that I could express how I feel seeing her so afraid, how I feel watching her overcome, or what it means to me to have her strongly attached to me communicating to go home or signing bye-bye as we are in the office. Extraordinary is this baby girl and it is a privilege to be her mother. A privilege to live out the adoption of her as mine each day in my life. She is one of the greatest blessings of my life and I love her fiercely. I never want to get over the miracle that she is. I never want to forget that though she was born a half a world away, God made her mine just like that because He wanted her to know the love of a momma. And I hope I never get over the fact that He chose me to be that for her. This wonderful amazing little girl is my daughter. It is a true, true miracle that it is my arms holding her down while her teeth are cleaned. It is truly a miracle that I am the one wrestling her when her ear wax is being dug out. It is truly a miracle when she smiles at me and signs "momma i love you". A miracle for so many reasons. I thank God today and always that I didn't miss this. I thank God that He has allowed me to experience so many miracles in the last two years as I have watched Jillian's life story unfold. I only wish that I could communicate more clearly the impact that she has had on my life. Oh that God has allowed this child to be mine is so much more than I ever imagined for myself. I am deeply, deeply saddened by the thought that millions more children are living without a momma right now. How is it that we can stand by and let that be? We have more room in our vans, empty chairs at our dinner tables, and a God who is abundantly more than we could ever imagine! He continues to fill my heart to overflowing as I love my treasures. As I bawled my eyes out on all the way home because Jillian actually was able to go to the dentist, I praised Him and prayed that He might see fit to give me more to care for.