Deuteronomy 4:35

You have been shown these things that you might know the Lord is God besides him there is no other.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

I Would Have Never Dreamed

Wednesday morning at 5:30 AM, I woke my six year old treasure from a very deep sleep so that she could have a minor surgery at the U.  Daddy had to tend to the needs of the other girls at home as getting them up and off to school, as well as caring for Molly Kate, is a task that is hard to pass off to anyone else.  As a result, I headed by myself with Jillian to the U for her procedure.  Never, never did I imagine almost five years ago now when we were first home that I could ever, ever do this alone with this girl.  When we were first home, my Jilly was so completely broken that she was unable to handle anything, anywhere outside of our home without an army of us to handle her.  Seriously, Sean would consult with doctors while I ran with a screaming baby to the car after an exam.  The screaming and out of control thrashing would last long after the exam ended because of our poor baby's fear and inability to trust anyone.  
Those months were so beyond hard because of our girls condition and how she was not cared for before coming home.  Still, we were so filled with joy as we cared for her and we didn't give up hope that she would be able to learn to feel safe and trust.  Today, was such an example of how very far we have come.  She walked calmly into the big hospital holding my hand, drank the happy juice from her special cup when it was given to her, and rocked this medical procedure.  They always let me stay with her in the OR until she is asleep.  This time, she didn't fight the doctors one bit.  She calmly breathed in the medication and drifted off to sleep without additional meds or any fighting.  This girl has a huge fight response and that is probably what kept her alive all those years when she was institutionalized, but her brain is overcoming the need to fight as she feels safer and safer with us.  When she woke in recovery, she was peaceful and trusting.  She laid in my arms safe and happy.  AMAZING!  God has certainly shown us His power to turn ashes into something beautiful because of this babe's life!  She is an incredible and miraculous little one who has all my heart!  I am so beyond blessed to call her my daughter.  I am grateful to God for the chance to walk beside her because I have seen the impossible done by the Lord in her life!  I just kept thinking on the way home that I could have given up the hope that she would be healed so fully in those long months when we were first home.  It was well over a year before she could function at church.  It was just over a year before she made her first sign to communicate that she wanted that water turned on.  It was well over a year before she let me comfort her at night, signed that she loved me, and took a drink from a cup.  While there were times that first year that felt so hopeless, I am grateful for the hope and peace that comes only from trusting my Savior as it kept us going and loving our girl on the hardest of those days.  Today, I couldn't imagine life without her and I truly marvel at the miracle that she is living with such joy!  How I love her so much more than I could ever type!

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