Recently, I had the privilege of walking alongside a very good friend as she left this Earth and went to be with Jesus. It was extremely unexpected. I never dreamed that the turkey and mayonnaise sandwich that I brought her on that Monday afternoon would be the last meal we conversed over on this Earth. She was a friend of the best kind. She loved deeply, gave unselfishly, and was present whenever I needed her. When Sean had his accident last winter, she stayed at the hospital all night with me while he had his surgery. She loved my babies as she was an avid Steven Curtis Chapman fan, and a special education teacher. It was a match made by heaven our friendship. God brought her into my life when I so desperately needed her, and He took her home way too soon. She was 44 years old, and the first close friend I have ever stood beside as they left this world.
Death does something to your heart. It reminds you of how temporal all of this is that surrounds you everyday, and causes you to long to use these short breaths for eternity even more. I had the pleasure of speaking to a group of young moms last week about what God is doing in my heart over the last month because of my dear friends passing. While this last month has carried some hard, hard places, and deep aching at loosing such a dear one, it has been filled with many, many lessons that I can already see God is using for good.
After the funeral, I was battling some serious fear about bringing home another baby. I am 40 myself, and it is crazy to be saying yes to being a momma of a two year old. Let alone a two year old whose special needs are so incredibly great. My mind was spiraling. What if I died myself at 44 leaving this baby behind? The attack in my thoughts went on and on and on. Questions, doubt, and grief overcame my morning that day. Y'all none of this comes from the Lord. As I was folding laundry that morning, the Lord reminded my heart that He merely wants my yes for today. I might not make it to tomorrow, but I can trust that God knows each and every day that He has laid out for my life. He has a plan, which may or may not include my seeing this new babe grow up, and if He takes me home..He can handle her future. He has her days laid out too. He is calling us to this babe. He just wants our yes for today, and each day that He gives us on this Earth. We don't have to have everything figured out. He is already there.
I will not let fear of the future paralyze me. I will boldly follow the Lord into each new day trusting that He has a plan to use it!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Even in her death, my dear Janele has lovingly ministered to me.