Seven Years Ago..Grieving For Her

Tomorrow my dear girl turns seven, and without fail I am up when everyone else is asleep mourning for the mother she will never know.  My girl's birthdays always bring with them thoughts of their belly mommas.  Was she laboring this night seven years ago?  Did she first look into the eyes of my baby girl at this very hour or was it much later?  When was it that she knew in her heart that she would have to say goodbye?  Does she think about her everyday, but especially does her heart break on this day for the girl she will likely never know?  This girl who is the one of the most special gifts given to me by a God who ordained this story for her.  On this night, I wrestle through so much..so many questions unanswered that I will likely never get to ask.  Pieces of my dear daughter's story that will always be missing, and it grieves me.  I cry at the brokenness of it all, and cling to the promise that God uses all things for the good of those who love him.  My baby girl loves Him so, and for that I am grateful because I know that He will use her story..and those many parts of it that will never be revealed to us on this Earth..for His good somehow.  Grateful for the moments that I stand beside her treasuring each and every one in my heart, and so thankful for the woman who held her before I did.  The dear momma whose face likely matches that of my treasured daughter.  I pray that somehow she has God's peace on this night, and that, by some miracle, we will meet one day so that I can thank her for sharing her girl with me.

Thinking of Her Birth Mother

It's late.  I am just putting the finishing touches on a paint splatter t-shirt with a number six stuck on and an art palette cake because tomorrow is my almost six year old treasure's birthday.  Tonight in the quiet of my house while everyone sleeps, my heart is filled with thoughts of her.  The mother who knew and held my baby girl first is facing this day without her.  I simply can't imagine what it is like to live through this day..my darling Anna Mei's birthday..every year.  What must her thoughts be on this day?  Does her heart break longing to know the one she surrendered?  Does she know anything about what happened to her baby girl after she left that corner?  Can she even let herself imagine how blessed we are because of her sacrifice?  I can't pretend that I have any understanding of what transpires in her heart, but I love her.  I love her and am so connected to her.  I am grateful on this day for the immeasurable gift God planted in her womb.  Oh, how I would give anything for just a moment with her.  A moment to stand in the sacred space that is between us, and just be.  Two different mothers who share the same daughter.

Four

 Four is beautiful.   A bit less than two years ago, I took this girl into my arms for the first time.  Today, we have come so far together, grown so much, and this smile is here throughout our days..a true genuine smile. The smile I waited for, pursued, believed was in there flows so freely from her these days. 

 She loves her family.

 She loves being the center of attention!  She loves to play, giggle, and be silly.

 She is passionate, vibrant, and full of life.

 Words come so easily to her and she is never, never quiet.

 She is tiny little peanut for four.  She is not yet 3 feet tall and weighs only about 26 pounds, but she is mighty. 

Our lives are much, much richer because she is in them!  Today, I am grateful to God for this journey and for the many days ahead as I watch her grow into who God would have her become.  It is my prayer that she will accept Him as her savior and that her life will bring much, much glory to Him.

Miraculous..Our Dear Big Girl on Her Little Sister's Bday

Miraculous!  Jillian ate cake!  I have never been able to get her to eat cake.  NEVER!  I have never even gotten it close to her mouth.  I don't think she loved it because she didn't ask for more, but she ate it!  She ate it!  She even blew out candles and she sat at the table the entire time we celebrated  Anna Mei's birthday! Each time Daddy would light the candles on Anna's cake, Jillian would have them blown out laughing hysterically before Anna could even blink.  We finally all were laughing so hard that we couldn't even stop ourselves.  Now, I will be even more thrilled if, on March 9, she can participate in her birthday just as fully as she has Anna Mei's.  This kid is amazing!  She continues to defy all of us and we are stinking blessed that she is ours.

Her Birthday Dinner..and the Elmo Cake

We had to wait until Em got home from practice to have her "party".  It killed her.  The waiting was treacherous, but so well worth it to share it with big sis.  This sweet, sweet girl just loved every part of her day, every gift, every song, and every ounce of love she received.  I have to say that today was one of the happiest days of my momma life as I watched this wonderful little treasure understand and accept being cherished by her family.  BEAUTIFUL!

 She has been sitting next to this cake ALL. DAY. LONG.  Waiting until this evening was brutal.

 As we were eating our Chinese take out, she said thank you momma. Melt my heart baby girl!  Melt my heart!

 I am three years old..she says.  We have been practicing all day.

 Finally with about ten minutes left to wait, she started digging in with her fingers.  There were several chunks missing by the time Em and Daddy arrived home.

 The happy birthday girl being sung to by her adoring family.

 She didn't even wait for a slice to be cut.  She dug right in.

 Daddy joined in.

Her three small gifts made her so very happy.  She had one from each of her sisters and was so very excited to open them.  Happy Third Birthday Precious Anna Mei!  We love you!

Her First Birthday..

There are no words.  I am not often speechless, but this kid..OMW..this kid is thrilled to be having a birthday.  She is something so very, very special and her day so far has been absolutely delightful.  She is counting down the hours until Em is home from school so we can have her official party with the Elmo cake we made.  My heart is happy..overflowing in fact..to have this sweet, treasured daughter with us on her "first" birthday!  There is nothing like it!  There is not one picture from today that she isn't just positively glowing!!

 We were able to find her the most adorable little kitchen and laundry center.  Another family had outgrown it at just the perfect time for Anna who was thrilled to see it this morning.

 She immediately began to iron and do laundry just like momma does.

 She even loved waiting for her birthday breakfast!

 Look at her excitement as she sees the candles on the pancakes and hears us singing happy birthday!

 Smiles. Priceless. (Without many of you, this simply wouldn't be.  She wouldn't be here and for that I am forever grateful to you!  Thank you for giving so that she could be home.)

 Dear friends this is the face of a treasured and loved little one on her very first birthday! 

 Blowing out candles.

She was more than ready to enjoy her very first birthday in a family!  We love her immeasurably and are so very happy to have this day with her.