I have to admit that my focus lately has been on Jill. I think about her all the time, miss her, read books to prepare to be her momma, watch every documentary I can get my hands, continue to set up her room, visit sites of other adoptive parents for advice, learn as much mandarin as I can.... You get the idea.
Sometimes I forget that my darling kiddo's life is about to be turned upside down. She is not an overly compassionate child by nature. She never played mommy and she does not enjoy hugs from many people other than me. She is almost as uncomfortable around babies as her daddy. Babies (classified by her as children under three) scare the living daylights out of her. They are unpredictable and she may loose herself to them as they have a way of capturing your heart. So because of this, she guards herself heavily around them. All of this said, bringing a new baby into our house where she has been the one and only is not going to be easy for her.
I have to admit..I worry. I worry that she will have difficulty finding her new place and embracing her new role once Jill gets here. Yesterday was a rough day for her as she had to sacrifice something that is really important to her because we will most likely be picking up her sister in China and miss out on the event. This was a realization for her that this is really happening and somethings in her life are never going to be the same. She was hurting and as she cried this momma just held her girl, who is almost bigger than I am by now, and prayed over her crying myself.
Why is it so painful to see your children hurt? I would give anything to take this pain from her..to make her experience of becoming a big sis-smooth, easy, pleasant, BUT it may not be. It may be hard, frustrating, and confusing. It may be that she will be hurt and have to readjust to a new kind of normal. I came across a verse in my Bible study this week that reminded me..though many things may not be easy-they will not harm you. This time in our lives is probably not going to be easy..BUT God promises to never leave us or forsake us AND that, my friends, is a promise that I am praying over my big girl as she walks this adventure alongside mommy and daddy into the unknown. Praying that my darling kiddo gets that today. Praying that she continues to learn to lean on Him through the hurting.
3 hours ago