My Favorite Memories

After this post, I am moving on.

I promise.

I love Gull Lake Ministries...

 and I just wish somehow that I could hold on to the memories just a bit longer. It is bittersweet to be home this year too as we are pretty certain that it will be impossible for us to attend next summer. It is a vacation and a vacation isn't in the budget (and hasn't been for the last two years) when you are a one income household. We have been blessed to have it provided for us the last two years and we have cherished those memories. So..I am holding on to the sweet memories and thanking God for my family this morning and the time that He has given us to be together!

Emily playing patriot games (a fav. game each year) on our last night.

That is a happy smile from my oldest treasure.

This momma loves to see it!

Jillian being loved on by her favorite, teenage friend.

This young lady so loves my sweet baby.

She knows my sweet girl forward and back.

You could hear this young woman loving my girl with her words and kisses all week.

She tells Jillian how smart she is, how special, and is always building her up.

Jillian is blessed to have this relationship in her life and this momma is grateful for it.

I love this shot. 

She is saying you are nuts for doing this bath thing on the front porch momma with her eyes. 

Don't you think?

 A formal pose for the mantle.

I can never get over how very much my oldest girl looks like her daddy.

She is turning 13 soon and it is so hard for this momma to grasp that.

The time has flown by.

 Daddy is pretty happy here too.

The water in the lake is usually a bit chilly, but with the extreme heat this year it was not cold at all.

Daddy shivered with Jillian in that lake last year so it's a nice change.

 Our family.

I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the beauty of us all.

I never thought adoption would be part of God's plan for me.

I only wanted one child.

God is so good to change my heart and allow me the blessings that He has.

Root beer floats with friends.

YUMMY!

Joy.

True Joy.

I wonder if she ever felt it before coming home..

I am so blessed to be her momma.

Hearing her laugh sends waves of happiness through my heart!

I simply never imagined this for my life, but it is so good!

Here's to hoping you get a little time with your family today.

Happy Monday!

Joy Remains

Balancing the checkbook.

Paying bills.

Doing at least one hundred loads of laundry until well after 10 PM.

Repacking DH and Em to send off on a mission trip.

Cooking.

Cleaning.

We are home from our vacation.

Sad.

But....

joy still remains.

The foot game she created in the lake last week hasn't lost it's appeal.

It has just been moved to the baby pool in the backyard.

Who can miss vacation when you live with that smile?

Our Last Day

Our Last Day?

Can you hear the sadness in my voice?

(Check out Gull Lake Ministries to find out more about the best family vacation ever!)

Devos this morning started off with a blindfold

 and ended with a prayer.

 It is an amazing way to start our day.

Emily received her character certificate from her counselor.

 Then, we headed to the beach.

 Oh the JOY!

She just loves it here.

 I am sad to be leaving here in the morning.

This is truly heaven on earth.

the most beautiful lake

+

your bestest friends in the world

+

being surrounded by God and His word

=

the best family vacation ever

(Thanks for providing it for us Grandma!)

Our Days Here..

Our days here always include..

eating a little choc. cookie dough ice cream,

 observing in the craft room,

 playing pickle ball,

 dressing up for fun theme nights with friends,

 acessorizing with appropriate themed hairbows,

 eating with our friends,

and riding the waves with a big smile.

What more could you want?

What Happens At the Lake..

stays at the lake.  Right?

Jillian is really afraid of the shower stall and because there is no bathtub...we are giving her a bath in this green tub on the front porch.  When she is a teenager, she is gonna be really mad at us for this one.  She loves playing in the "tub" though and with the soap it is just perfect for bath time. :)

She doesn't seem to mind when visitors stop by either.  She just keeps playing in the buff.

Exceedingly Joyful

Exceedingly Joyful. 

Compared to just two days ago, this girl is on cloud nine.

Our girl LOVES the lake.

We swam for 5 hours this morning.

Five. Solid. Hours.

She got out only to eat lunch.

 In the last fourteen months, I don't know that I have ever seen her so happy.

Full of JOY!  So connected.

I am truly praising God for this today!

 She is so very happy to be in that water.

She is so full of smiles as the other children splash, swim by her, and chat.

 She spent 45 minutes smiling and looking me right in the eye while playing this game she made up in the water.  My heart drank in the connection for a solid 45 minutes.  I soaked up her eye contact,  recorded her laughter in my heart, and fell even deeper in love with this little beauty that God has given me to be my daughter.  I looked her in the eye and said Jill is happy.  She seemed to say back Yes Momma.  Yes Momma.  I am very happy.  These are the moments I treasure in my heart.

Daddy joined us for a bit while there were no adult sessions this morning.  Daddy and Em have a full afternoon of fun including a pickle ball tournament game, banana boat ride, and we have a baseball theme dinner.  I sent the camera so I hope they record some pics for me to share with you.  

Have I told you lately how much I love Gull Lake Ministries?

I love it here.

Just Another Day in Paradise

Family Bible Study in our cottage this morning started our day off great!

Our theme verse this year at Gull lake Ministries is Psalm 121:1-3.

 Daddy leading devotions for our family.

Today we memorized Psalm 121:1

I lift my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from?

 Jillian and I spent a beautiful morning in the lake.

Daddy and Em attended great, bible centered programing.

 She would live in this water..I tell you.

We swam the entire morning taking a short break only to visit the playroom.

She loves water!

 She also decided that she loves the adirondack chairs. 

 Moving them in and out of the water and accrss the sand is a great heavy work activity.

She hasn't even had a meltdown when leaving the lake the last two times.

She is understanding that we are going back and enjoying this time we have!

All we are missing is our mei mei (little sister in Chinese).

We can't wait to have her home and here with us enjoying this beautiful place.

God is so good.  It is hard to believe that I 

She's Back and GLM FUN!

Sweet memories of our almost teenager who is busy this week having so much fun with her friends!

I am beyond grateful to have a chance to make these memories with her.

 More friend fun..

 My girl is growing up so fast and she loves it here.

 Our littlest seemed to have turned a corner too.

After a rough day adjusting, she is enjoying herself for the first time.

 We are blessed to be here with our dear friends.

We all walk life together on a regular basis and it is so wonderful to share this week together as a family.  My little loves having her entourage to follow her around too.  Everyone is at her beckon call.

 She enjoyed Texas horseshoes.

 She found the splash pad which is only running during her nap time.

She was happy with the remains of the water puddled and running out of the sprayer though.

 The girls enjoying the lake.

 Em dressed up for Mexican night.

 Jillian loving the water..

It's so good to be here.  It is even better that now my whole family is comfortable enough to have some great fun!  These are memories that I treasure as time flies so fast and my girls are growing away from me before  my eyes.  Just stopping to take some time to enjoy it all. 

Hard

We are here-Gull Lake Ministries.  Truly a slice of heaven right here on earth and the greatest family vacation in the world.  I can see the water from my front window as I type this post.  My baby is asleep upstairs and I am taking time to reflect.

Where to begin.  My baby girl is in a heavy state of despair.  I was hoping that she was secure enough to avoid feeling this way, but being away from home and the security of the world that she knows has rocked her little heart.  Really, this just reminds me how very fragile she is and to never take for granted how far God continues to bring her.  She is sobbing so easily.  She is unable to play at the park next to our house, eat in the dining hall, or enjoy much.  She is grieving.  Grieving the loss of life at home and confused about what all this "vacation" stuff means in the here and now.  It is so unpredictable, so new, and so terrifying to her. 

I cried as she did this morning because I hate to see her hurting so much and not be able to do anything about it.  I have showed her pictures of home, tried to preview the week before coming, brought all of her comforts with us for her to have here, and prayed for her.  It is hard to know how much she understands, but it seems it isn't helping her any.  Poor baby came down from her nap to find her toys in our cottage and laid in my arms and sobbed.  She saw me put her pjs in the drawer in our room upstairs and she sobbed.  She hugged me this morning-deep heavy hugs-with both of her arms wrapped around me and then sobbed.  She is hurting so much. 

It is so hard. 

So hard.

BUT Jesus knows and He is here walking right with this momma every step of the way.  He met me in worship this morning, as she lay in my lap, in a way I haven't ever experienced before.  My sweet girl went into worship, sat on my lap, then snuggled into me for nearly an hour.  In the fourteen months that I have been privileged enough to be her momma, she has never let me hold her like that...NEVER once.  She had her arms wrapped around me and wanted mine wrapped around her while she rested her head against my chest.  She was completely relaxed and melted into me.  I wept over her throughout most of worship and even a good portion of the message. 

She is a delightful, wonderful miracle.  A precious, treasure from the Lord and I know that He is all powerful and can restore all the parts of her that have been broken by the past.  I wait and pray as God continues to work in her and as I do He continues to refine me. I don't have the strength, the knowledge, the patience, the know how to be a momma to such a very special young one, but He is patient with me and makes himself available to me on the journey.  For this, I am eternally grateful.  I don't want to live an easy life..I want to live a life pleasing to Jesus.  As I continue to be refined and die to myself, I see again and again that laying my life down for this baby is all part of God's plan for me.  I will embrace His plan and keep loving this little treasure trusting that He will be all I need.

Fun on the Fourth

We had an incredible family day!

Our sweet treasure never grows tired of the splash park!

Having all of us there just added to the fun!

 She's actually laughing hysterically at being splashed in this picture.

 Running through the water with Daddy,

 screaming while watching other littles play in the water,

 hanging in the shadow of her big sis,

 climbing in her water bin.

It's all part of a day in her life.

Since it was the fourth, I thought it was a good excuse

to pose my girls in their red, white, and blue.

Em is never happy about this, but she did it for me.

 I wish I could stop time.

 She is as tall as I am.

 Together on the fourth is a great place to be..

Happy Fourth of July!

A God Moment Over Mail

I was packing up my little for a trip to the sprinkler park yesterday morning.  It is so hot here that we were suited up and headed out the door by 9:30 for a few hours before the heat was unbearable.  On the way to the car, we met the postman.  He is a wonderful, kind man who is very sweet to our baby girl.  He always asks about her and is so friendly.  He asked where we were headed  this morning and we exchanged a few pleasantries.  Then he ended our conversation by saying what a life our little girl has and how lucky she is to have such a special family...

As I put her in her car seat and took off down the road, I looked back in my mirror at her just sitting in her swimsuit and I was flooded with love for her.  For a moment, I agreed and was filled with praise that God has allowed this one precious baby girl to have just that..a family's love, but then I was filled with hopelessness.  There are 147 million others who wait.  That is such a HUGE number.  I was crying out to God as I drove.  I want all those children to feel this, to know this, to have a life with a family!  And while I would love to be the one to make a difference in each of their lives..I CAN'T.  There are too many..At times it just feels hopeless.  I was feeling that hopelessness as I drove.  Then as I looked back at her again, it was as if God whispered to my heart...you can make a difference for two.  Two children in the grand scheme of 147 million may not seem like much.  It may seem hopeless, but to the two that I have given you-IT MEANS EVERYTHING!

I don't have to be responsible for the 147 million..God can handle that.  He has a plan and I was reminded that I only have to obey that which God has laid before me.  My part in God's plan is to love these two (one of whom I don't yet know).

God has different plans for each us.  While the problems of the world seem so daunting, overwhelming, and hopeless..God's plan involves giving each of His children a part of the different puzzles that are broken (our own piece if you will) and while we can't be more than one piece for the puzzle He has us completing..we can do what He calls us to do and be our part of His plan to bring light to a broken world by adding another piece to the puzzle we are working on.  Just keep putting your pieces in as God lays them out for you and together with other believers God will use you to fix that which is broken to make a difference for others in His name.

I've Been Lurking

I've been lurking on every adoption blog for every family that is using our agency.  There are so many families with so many babies who are traveling each month.  It seems like there are at least five to eight families that travel in a group together each week.  That is a lot of lurking.  I learn more and more about Henan province each time and what the process might look like when we finally are walking those streets ourselves. 

I've been counting-the months, the days- and dreaming that this process would just be over and done with.  I want our daughter home this morning.  I want to see her face, know that she is safe, and have her laughing in the living room next door.  Alas, I have to wait...wait to see her face, hold her in my arms, and hear her laugh.  The waiting is so worth it and I hoped that this time it would be easier because I have two children to keep me busy now days.  It isn't easier. 

We've ticked another box though.  The home study portion is done and is on it's way to be reviewed by DCFS.  This step in the process has been going quickly.  (I pray that it is approved soon.)  From there we begin our first hurdle with the US side of things.  I know I said I wasn't going to put time lines of things, but I can't help myself.  Hoping to have our dossier to China in October or early November.  Hoping with all that's in me, but I know that God is in control and grudgingly accepting that my plans may not be His.

Meeting Molly..

What could cause a little to do this?

Why this, of course..

Jillian met Molly tonight-our friend's dog. We went to an ice cream party at the home of our friends to plan our vacation next week because we all go together.  Our very best friends were there.  Some dear people who mean the most to us in the world. These are people who prayed, contributed funds, and worked to get our sweet princess home to us.  Now here we were sitting together enjoying ice cream. 

AND..

tonight watching Jillian walk up to the front door with complete security though she had never been there before, smile (joyfully smile), work the room, sit on the laps of each and every person there, get into everything, snuggle with her Megan and let Megan give her a kiss..I had to collect myself because I almost teared up.  It is so hard to explain the change in this baby girl in the last year.  Though I considered myself ready to adopt, I never imagined some of the struggles my beautiful girl would face and have to overcome, but watching her do it..IS BEAUTIFUL!  It is soo beautiful and so because of God and His amazing power to redeem what is broken.

I will give you a new heart and a new spirit that I will put within you...Ezekiel 36:26