14

14?

I don't know how it happened.

I am thankful for the young lady she is growing into.

And I am even more thankful for God's grace as I continue to figure out how best to raise her up as she refuses to stop getting older.

Blocks

 This sweet girl is a serious thinker.

 She also has a silly side.

 She is compassionate,

 a chatter box,

 a happy little one,

and very animated.

She makes building a tower out of blocks into a time of worship for this momma as I am grateful to God for the gift of her.  I can't believe how much she is growing and how different she is than just four short months ago!  Unbelievable.  Truly the difference a family can make in the life of a child is so evident in my baby girl and I am the luckiest momma in the world to have her as mine.

Just a Packing..and Packing..and Packing

 This moving thing is so much work.  Add in two babies, a hubby, and a teen to guide through the process as well and you might just have a nervous breakdown.  I am being a bit dramatic of course, but it is some serious work and a big mess.  We are trying to have some fun together along the way though and we are thrilled, excited, over joyed to get settled in our new life.

 This little lady of mine LOVES helping her momma.  It is usually a whole lot harder to let her help than to just do it myself, but she enjoys being in my shadow right next to me so I have tried to be very, very patient with her.  She loves moving boxes, sitting in boxes, stuffing newspaper in boxes, and playing with the peanuts.  Jillian usually carries the peanuts around dropping them everywhere so little Mei Mei can be found following her shouting "NO Jill!  Momma PEE (aka peanuts) Jill!"  Anna's language skills are exploding.  She is saying lots and lots of words and is definitely a chatter box.  She is constantly, constantly telling on her sister Jill. She regularly reports to momma all that Jillian is up to and where she is currently located.  I love that she is so interested in keeping an eye on her big sis. 

I have been telling the girls as we have been packing that we are getting a new house.  Well, until last Wednesday when we started loading up a truck I am not sure that Jillian had any understanding.  When she saw the boys all here and the fridge from the basement going up the stairs, she began to understand that something was up.  She quietly escaped down the other staircase and came up behind the boys watching their every move.  I am praying that God is preparing her heart for this move as she is the one who is going to be most out of sorts with all the change.  I know God's got complete control of this and I am resting in knowing He has everything planned.  Friday night is the biggest loading party with the 26 ft. truck coming then.  We need some serious help and lots of prayers as we are about to turn these babies' lives upside down.  They have experienced so much loss in their short little lives already and I pray they will transition smoothly.

Our Sheep

Our sheep, the youth that we have been blessed to minister to, are just about the most amazing kids I have ever known.  I love them deeply and they love me, and my sweet babies, so well.  They are a HUGE part of our lives.  In fact, there aren't many days that go by that at least a few of them aren't sitting in our living room or around our table.  Saying goodbye to them..This part of leaving this place in our lives is HARD.  We are excited to go into the future and know that we are in God's will, but OH we love these kids and the thought of not seeing them every week is enough to make me want to cry my eyes out.  They love my babies.  Oh they love my babies.

 They saw our Jillian at 15 pounds, neglected, broken, sick, and loved her anyway.  They have pursued her with a relentless passion doing all that they could to connect with her.  They have modeled Christ's love to her, learned her sign language, wrestled with her, and prayed for her healing.  She is a tough one to connect with, but my sheep they have, without counting the cost, given completely of themselves to love her.

 Many, many of these beautiful kids have given to our fundraising efforts and have actually been a part of bringing these treasures home to our fold.  They have volunteered for and ministered to our family again and again for the cause of the orphan.  These two treasures, our daughters, have been loved well by our sheep and this momma is touched again and again as I watch these kids interact with my girls.  I am grateful to them for all that they have done to help heal the hearts of my babies by loving them with a Christ like love that is just so beautiful and pure.

Honestly, I know that I am the one who was supposed to "give" something to these kids, but truly they have done so much more for me than I could ever do for them.  They have touched the deepest places of my heart.  They have shown me what it is to live out your faith and how to love others even when it is hard.  They each have changed a little piece of me for the better.  I now am leaving this place changed because of them and leaving them just makes me sad, but I know that God has great plans for where we are going.  I am doing my best to keep my watery eyes on the road ahead, but giving thanks for the many, many that God has given to love us as we have walked this road we are leaving behind.  I never dreamed I would experience the richness of love that God has allowed us to feel as we have ministered to these kids.  I am grateful to Him for it and I rest in knowing that He has the future in His hands.

Enjoying My Babies

I have had my babies all to myself this week as Daddy and Big Sis have been on a mission trip.  I was worried that it may be really hard having both of them by myself for a whole week, but it has been a joy.  There have been very few moments that I haven't been really thankful to have this time with them to myself.  Of course, I miss Daddy and Sis.  I am glad they will be pulling in soon, but with only the three of us we have been able to take things slow and enjoy ourselves.  There has been less mess to clean up, less laundry to do, and less food to make as only three of us just require less.  I also have been able to do whatever I want when I want because these two are too little to protest too awful much.  This morning we went to the riverfront area to visit (you guessed it-water) the splash fountain and hang at the park there.  It was a beautiful morning and I had plenty of time to give thanks for these two amazing girls as I watched them enjoying just being.  I know I say this far too often, but truly, truly I am grateful to God today for giving these treasures to me.  They have taught me so much about true joy and real happiness. 

 You can just see her genuine smile through the water.

Oh My heart I love this kid!

She would scream with the biggest delight each time the water would turn on.

 Anna was not feeling the love of the water right away.

Isn't she so cute?

 This one would splash for hours.

 Look at that it came on again!

 I'm sticking close to mom because it is safer here, but when she asks me to smile..I'm going to look away because that is so funny.

 She just sat over watching the water a bit.

How this momma wishes will all her heart that I could read her mind.

 Precious.

 By the end, Anna decided this was pretty fun too.

She was up and running as fast as she could away from the water when it turned on because she did not want to be caught in.

 A little playing at the park always makes her smile.

My babies I love you more each day!

What a beautiful week of memories we have had as we have done a whole lot of nothing.  It is so good to be with you and I cherish you both beyond words.

We LOVE the Pool

Have I ever mentioned we LOVE the pool?

I am pretty sure I have, but it can't really be said enough.

Water play is number one in our book.

My babies' tans can testify to the amount of time we spend outside.

I love watching them in the water.

They are so happy.

My Jillian seems to come alive in the water!

I just can't get enough of her!

  This little sweetie tries so hard to swim just like her big sis!

Her arms are so short that she can't quite crawl through the water though.

The smiles.

I never get tired of the big, genuine smiles that my girls display the whole time we are swimming.

Truly, it is worth the $3.50 because watching Jillian in the water is priceless.

 I bought this swimsuit for Anna long before I held her in my arms. 

I dreamed of her wearing it many months before she was home.

She is just as cute in it as I imagined she would be.

I could eat her up with those chubby little toddler legs.

This little one is growing up so fast and  she has no fear.

Her face goes in the water and she loves it!

What a different baby she is than the one that I was handed two years ago.

I praise God for her and truly love watching her enjoying herself so much!

Her First Time Out

This morning little miss decided to throw her raisins on the floor.  Momma promptly asked that she  pick up said raisins and not throw them on the floor again. Mei Mei was quick to say "No" and go about her business.  To which Momma replied, you are not obeying momma.  I asked you to pick up your raisins.  We do not throw raisins on the floor.  You can pick up your raisins or sit in time out.  (At this point, I totally expected her to pick up the raisins.  I never thought she would sit in time out.  She has never had a time out before as we are mostly just redirecting her and giving her time ins because of bonding.)  Well, little miss marched her self to the corner (where she has seen our sweet Jillian serve a few time outs) and sat right down with a smile on her face.  She even moved the little toy chair out of the corner that was taking up space there before sitting on the floor with a sheepish grin.  I had to look away because I was laughing so hard at her and that is not the best disciple mind set.  I let her serve her time out and then gathered my best stern face to discuss her trouble with her.

She then decided that she would obey momma and go pick up those pesky raisins, but she did it with a smile on her face.  She is full of ornery this one.  She has a strong will and a strong sense of wanting what she wants.  She obeys in her time under her terms so parenting her is quite an adventure, but I love every minute.  I think she will be no stranger to the corner.  I hope the new house has a good time-in spot.  I think we are going to be needing it.

Just a Packing..

 Our house is filling up with a lot of these..

and so the girls are doing a lot of this..

 and this..

 

 and since it has been so hot outside I am kinda thankful for this indoor, air conditioned entertainment.  We have so much stuff so I think this box climbing thing could keep them busy for hours on end.  We are excited  for this move and hoping to nail down a rental next week when we visit Cedar Rapids again.  Until then, we pack knowing that God has the perfect plan and home in mind for us. 

Oh My Sweet Anna Mei

My Jillian has very few things that provide her true joy.  Even if she has been to an environment and enjoyed being there one time, the next time we go she may see, smell, or hear something that brings her great anxiety and in turn causes her to not be able to engage in anything she has enjoyed there in the past.  This is one of the things about her that is so heartbreaking for this momma.  She battles intense fear and while she used to just shut down and scream I am thankful that she can now communicate and work through it, but she is almost never able to let that anxiety go and truly enjoy herself.  It breaks my heart and at the same time it makes the times that she is able to experience true joy all the more miraculous.  We definitely had one of those times this morning.  I took the girls to the baby pool play area in a nearby town.  It was the first time this season that we have visited and Oh My Word did Jillian LOVE being there.  We were there alone for the first twenty minutes which was perfect for her so that she could acclimate to her surroundings and get settled before the crowd came.  When other children came in to play, Jillian was well on her way to being fully connected even in this newer environment.  She watched all the other children around her and imitated (another miraculous feat for her) all their movements.  Soon, she was jumping off the side into my arms like the other children, floating on her back, and trying with all her might to figure out how those kids could swim underwater.  My heart was full to watch her.  She smiled. She signed. She imitated.  She dumped cups of water on the other children (her form of playing a game with them).  She even waved to me from across the pool when I was getting Anna Mei a drink from the water bottle.  She looked me right in the eye and waved at me as if to say look at me mom!

And then, we had to leave.  She puckered a bit and obediently put on her own shoes, walked out to the car holding my hand, and got into her car seat.  She didn't have a fit or a meltdown, but sweet thing was very, very sad.  (If we hadn't already been there for two hours, I would have never left, but it was closing soon and we had to eat lunch.)  She made it home though she looked just pitiful in the backseat.  Despite my assuring her that we would go back again (though there is never any guarantee that she won't be terrified of something when we head back), she was filled with some serious sadness.  When we got home and got her wet clothes off, she sobbed.  Truly sobbed.  It broke my heart.  She signed for me to rock her and so I sat on her bed with her naked little diapered self wrapped in her weighted blanket like a newborn and I rocked her against my chest.  It is during these times when she is able to let me intimately comfort her that I give abundant thanks to God for her healing because it took us so long to get here.  I rocked her and sang to her and counted 1..2..3 breaths while she sobbed heartbroken.  I told her I knew how sad she was feeling.  I wiped her nose and the tears away from her eyes.  I kissed her head and I just took time to love her.

I am flying solo today and so Anna Mei was on the bed with us the whole time.  She was so concerned for Jillian sitting next to me taking in this whole scene.  Then sweet, compassionate little baby girl, who has only known this momma and her dear sister-who at this moment was completely heartbroken-for less than three months, took a kleenex and began to wipe away Jillian's tears.  Then she kissed Jillian's sweet head just as she had seen momma do.  She patted her back and kept wiping and kissing.  And then, this momma sobbed herself because this beautiful, little child whom we have only had three months is just the most caring and compassionate little being.  I think all the time that God has given Anna Mei to us to care for Jillian when we physically can't any longer.  I literally marvel at His plan and how beautiful Anna's heart is.  She has every reason to be shut down, bitter, and heartless.  Yet, she has so much love and gives it so freely.  I am amazed at her and amazed at her capacity to love us.

I continually am reminding myself that I could have missed this.  I could have missed this beautiful moment (honestly one of the most beautiful I have ever experienced in my life) had I not said yes to God's plan and brought these babies home.  Today, I just want to bring home more and clearly God is saying wait.  With the move and our new job it seems that we may be in a season of waiting to see where and how God will bring us our next treasure.  Waiting is hard for this momma as I know there are so many children who need a family, but this is where God has us and I know His timing is perfect.  So, in the waiting I will praise Him for the two amazing treasures He has allowed us to add to our family and that I get to be the one to hold them in my arms, wipe away their tears, fold their hands in prayer, and teach them His ways.  Truly, many days I think this is just simply too good because y'all it is too good!  I am beyond blessed to be walking here and that God has filled me with such a purpose for Him. 

Dadeeeee

Just eleven weeks ago, this little treasure met her daddy for the first time.
She didn't know the meaning of the word before then.
She didn't understand the love behind it or all that having a Daddy means.

These days, just eleven short weeks later, she begs to talk to her daddy on the phone all day long.

She loves to hear his voice and report about her day.

She loves to call out Dadeeee in the loudest voice possible while running to him when he comes through the door at lunch time.  She watches him from the window while he mows the lawn blowing kisses and screaming Dadeeee the entire time he works.

It has been so natural for her to accept her Daddy's love because God created us to be in families.  God set our very hearts to respond to the love of a mother and father.  Particularly a father who mirrors a love like His own.  I hope I never get over the gut wrenching tears that I cried the first time I heard Anna Mei call for her Daddy.  I hope I never forget that while Anna is home with a Godly man to love her like Christ and call her daughter there are millions more least of these waiting..waiting for just one momma and one daddy to say yes to bringing them home.

Iowa Here We Come

Sorry for the impersonal blog post to share our family news with you, but as much as I wish I could tell each and everyone of you in person the next month will likely be crazy for us.  The Lord has called us on in ministry and today Sean accepted a new position with Cedar Valley Bible Church in Cedar Rapids, IA.  We have made several trips over the last few weeks and met with everyone.  It seems that this is a perfect fit for our family and we are so excited to face new challenges as God leads us on to the next phase of our lives.  At the same time, we are so sad to leave you all and thank you so much for your love, support, and prayers over the last six years (or even longer for some of you) here at Grace.  We love you, each and every one of you, and are grateful to God for the role that you have each played in our lives.  We have shared much with you over the years and we are so sad to think that we have to say goodbye though we are sure this is God's will for us.  We appreciate your prayers in the next month as we wrap up here and transition to a completely new home.  We are hoping to be around for another month at least and hope to see as many of you as possible to say a proper goodbye. 

So Much to Share..

I have so much to share, but nothing that I can say.  It has been over a week since I last posted and it may be a few more before I can really come up with the words for all that is happening in our lives.  It is a beautiful season for us and God is at work in mighty ways.  I woke this morning to read a beautiful post from Babe of my Heart.  In light of my silence, I will share this beautiful post with you hoping that it will touch your heart as much as it has touched mine.  I am grateful this morning for believers who share their journeys with me as they minister to me so much.  Blessings to you today!

Thinking of Them Today..Their Birthmothers

I held my girls just now.  There I sat with one on each side of me in the rocking chair.  I sang to them while Jillian squished up against me and Anna snuggled into my chest to fall asleep.  And I thought of them.  I thought of the two women who carried them for nine months, held them first, and surrendered so much by giving these babies up so that each of them might have a chance at a better life.  I thought of all that my girls' birth mothers have lost because these precious treasures are mine.  I shed a tear at just how unjust it is that they weren't able to keep these beautiful, amazing girls.  I thought of how there must be a huge gaping hole that they never can escape because of the absence of these little ones in their lives.  Then I thanked God that He invited me to join Him in caring for them.  I thanked Him for the blessing that each is to me and I prayed that these women who carried my babies and were their first mothers would somehow come to know Him and rest in His plan for these precious treasure's lives.  I was dreaming that one day in glory we would all be together worshiping and praising God for the way that He has knit all our lives together.  This adoption journey is full of brokenness and beauty intertwined in a gloriously heart breaking way.  I am forever grateful to have walked in it and so thankful to be able to experience the restoration that only the Lord can provide after such brokenness.

To My Oldest Baby

To My Emily,
I had the pleasure of spending time with you at your physical appointment yesterday.  It is hard for me to believe how grown up you are.  As I watched you calmly receiving three shots in your arm and listened to you read off and answer your own medical history, I couldn't help but remember the anxious little girl you once were anytime we went near the doctor.  I am watching you become a woman as God continues to mold and shape you for His purposes and it is such a beautiful thing.  You are funny, smart, caring, quiet, and analytical.  You don't like to talk feelings or dwell on things in the gray.  You just want to be told what to do and how to do it so that you can obey.  Your desire to obey will be such an asset to you as you follow God's leading in your life and sometimes I wish for just a moment that I could have just a small piece of that desire that God has placed in you.  I have such fun with you and I love that you still value my opinion so much.  I continue to challenge you to give yourself away and watching you do that with your baby sisters has been beautiful.  Yesterday alone I watched as you interacted with each of them lovingly countless times throughout the day.  I watched you run to Anna each time that she called Emily all afternoon.  I saw you lovingly sitting stroking Jill's hair and reading to her as Anna napped and I can't help but thank God for the gift that you are to me.  I love being able to raise you up and cherish all the memories that we have made together.  You were the first to make me a momma so you have been on the receiving end of many first time parenting mistakes, but you are better for it and so am I.  Today, I was reminded how little time I have left with you under my roof and I prayed for you earnestly with urgency during my usual prayer time because of it.  I can't wait to see where God leads you and count it pure joy that I get to be your mommma.  I love you with all of my heart.
Momma

Sending Off Our Teens

Anna holding Anna Mei's hand in China just after Gotcha Day.

 One of our dearest teens is headed off to work in the Chicago public schools for the next five weeks as part of a scholarship program that she is participating in .  This is her first time away from home for so long as she just graduated, but she will be headed off to Greenville College in the fall.  We are so excited to see how God will use this young lady because she has an amazing faith though we will miss her dearly.  She traveled to China with me to get my sweet Anna Mei so she is very special to my girls and to me.  She babysits Jillian on a regular basis, has fallen in love with adoption and caring for the orphan, led the Bible Study at the high school this year, was awarded an amazing teaching scholarship, is going to be a special ed teacher..I could go on and on about her.  She is even a big part of the reason that Daddy chose Anna Mei's name because her name is also Anna. We love her to bits...

So we wanted to send a piece of us with her as she goes out to change the world for Him!

This was Anna Mei's first time painting and she was happy to be doing it.

 Jillian went first as I knew it would stress her out greatly to participate because of her tactile sensitivities.  Anna watched while Jillian dutifully obeyed momma and uncomfortably left her two hand prints on our project.  Then it was her turn to leave her own and she did so many times.  She really enjoyed it.

 It turned out great and I hope Anna feels the prayers these little folded hands will be sending up for her over the next five weeks.  We will truly miss her so very much!

 While Jillian wasn't so happy about the painting part of this project, the clean up made her one happy girl.  She was thrilled that the water in her water table and the bubbles from the soap were tinted a deep red color because of the paint.  She was very excited to be splashing her sister and loved watching the colored water fall over her.

 We played in the colored water the rest of the morning together.  I even brought out some ice cubes which were fun to add to the red water.  She really enjoyed herself.

 Mei Mei was pretty happy too though the mess on her hands does bother her a bit after a while.  She is beginning to relax some where that is concerned, but will still often say "towel" many times during our play when she gets a bit wet or messy as she feels the need to wipe off.

I am thankful we were able to enjoy making this special project and that my newest little peanut likes painting.  We have many more teens leaving over the next few weeks.  Truthfully, this is the most difficult part of youth ministry..saying goodbye to teens you have grown to love so much, but we trust each is in God's will and He will challenge and protect them as they go out on their own.

Face to Face with the Least

We headed to the park yesterday morning to enjoy the splash pad.  We took off early so it would be less crowded and we could enjoy the water before it got too hot.  We rounded the corner at the bottom of the hill near the river trail and I noticed the spouts weren't shooting up.  Then I saw it.  There was a maintenance truck parked near the mechanics that made our treasured spouts spew and a man making repairs to them.  I was worried about how disappointed my girls would be so I tried to prepare Jillian as we approached the man to inquire about when the pump would be repaired so the water could be turned on.  A couple of hours.  A couple of hours..UGH!  We had walked the mile or so to the park so I didn't just want to return home.  I looked at my babies and signed "the water is broken" and "play at the park".   Jillian was sad, but signed play so we headed across the street to the playground.

Then it happened.  We came face to face with the least.  We live in a smallish community of 20,000 or so and I have never once seen this here so it affected me.  There was a man, who was clearly homeless, with his shoes and socks off lying in the grass asleep.  The people were passing by him and the park mower was coming pretty close to him too, but he didn't move.  He just rested there in the middle of the grass, out in the open of the park, asleep.  Seeing this is not an everyday occurrence for me.  My heart broke for a million reasons and I couldn't just walk by this man and do nothing for him.  I was thinking about what I could do to help him.  I desperately wanted to not just pass him by and look the other way ignoring that he likely had needs.  So, I pulled my girls over in the wagon and knelt down to them saying a prayer for this man.  My babies are very young and surely have no idea what homelessness is or how this man had needs..they simply were playing at the park.  I couldn't help though, but think about how this man's needs were much like the needs my babies had before coming home to our family...hunger, loneliness, helplessness. 

Still wanting to do something more, I called my husband.  I never have my phone at the park.  We usually head out the door so fast that I don't grab it, but today I had it.  I can't ignore that God had His hand in this.  I decided to call the city and tell them of this man's needs.  It was ten minutes and a man in uniform showed up. I watched from the swings as I pushed my treasures praying the whole time that I had done the right thing.  The uniformed man approached the homeless man with compassion and caring. I saw him wake him gently.  Give him a hand to help him up.  Talk with him.  Pat him on the back and lead him back to the squad car to give him a ride.  There was another man, who was dressed in civilian clothes, who met the man at the car.  I was wondering if this plain clothed civilian was a community representative or Chaplin that could help connect this man with the help he needed.  I pray that it was.

Then, I looked over toward the splash pad to see the spouts shooting high up in the air as they are designed to do (apparently the pump had been going bad for a while because WOW where they shooting with this new one installed) even though the maintenance man had been working only thirty minutes on it.  The girls and I  packed up in the wagon and headed that way ready to go about our day.  As we transitioned to the water, the homeless man, civilian helper, and uniformed officer were loading up into the car.  I don't know what happened next as the men drove off together in the squad car, but I know it affected me. 

That thirty minute encounter changed my day, rocked my world, and led me to prayer and the study of God's word because there is need everywhere.  Real need.  Real brokenness.  It hurts my heart to see it.  I want it to hurt my heart.  I want to respond in a way worthy of the one who gave His life for me.  I want to teach my babies to respond.  I want my babies heart to be filled with compassion and longing to be Jesus to the least of these.  I have to do that by living that out in my own life and while I fail epically many times..God is working in me and I pray that He continues to give me His heart so that I may pass it on to my children as I live out my walk beside them.

Super Cuteness

Just because I love the way she throws her hands out when I ask her a question as if to say I don't know..

 and because she is so stinking cute when she sits in the buff on her potty..

I had to share these pictures with you.

I could just eat her up.

Celebrating Our Daddy

I could never come up with any words to type that could really express how very grateful to God I am for giving me this Godly man to lead my family.  The fact that my girls get to call this man "Daddy" is more than I could have ever imagined to have prayed for.  We had a simple day, but enjoyed lots of time together.

 Daddy was busy with the girls today.  Anna wanted to be read books in the kitchen so Daddy obliged.  Then he spent some time shooting bball with Em at the local park.  Jillian just wanted Daddy to turn on the water hose and so they were in the backyard together a bit today.  He did get time for a nap too, but with three girls Daddy always stays busy and today was not different.  He loves spending time with each and every one of them and I love watching it.

 Anna helped me make pizza for Daddy.

 She executed every single step flawlessly.

 She loves cooking for anyone and spends most of her time in the kitchen while I prepare meals.

 I love having her help and it was special that she was able to help make Daddy's favorite, Calzones, for Father's Day!

Of Course, she needed a bit of a snack too.

She worked up an appetite making those pizzas.

Happy Father's Day to our Daddy.

Thank you for following hard after God and leading our family in the ways of Jesus!