With the fingerprint appointment came trouble though..Daddy and I had the same time and date to be fingerprinted. We would have to both be gone at the same time. What would we do with our little Jillian while we were in the Chicago area getting fingerprints? I will admit one weakness of mine is that I do not do well leaving my babies. Deep down inside of me, it is linked to the fact that I really hold myself responsible to be their everything at all times. I know this is not good (sinful even) and admit that it is something that I struggle very much with.
So as the fingerprint appointment approached, I began to feel sick about what to do. Taking Jillian into an unknown, and not too friendly office environment, to wait at USCIS while we were fingerprinted was likely going to be a disaster for her. I knew she would probably meltdown pretty quick upon entering the office and that her screaming would be loud and disruptive. Still, those feelings of my needing to be her all and not leave her were strong. I was battling in my heart big time trying to "solve" this and ultimately keep her with me for the day. As the week wore on, my solution involved driving two cars to Naperville (meaning I would be driving three hours alone with her by myself), paying a lot of money for a hotel room, walking up several flights of stairs with her in my arms and luggage to avoid the elevator (a trigger for her), and the list could go on and on.. I was still clinging to my idea that I could not leave her for the five plus hours that it would take to drive to get our fingerprints and get home.
Understand, I haven't ever done this in the months she has been home. If I have had to be gone for any amount of time, Daddy was with her or on a rare occasion one of our amazing teens, but never for that long and never when we were both that far away. As a result, I was determined that it would be impossible to leave her home. We would just have to take her and get through the meltdowns that would likely occur with all the newness and abnormal schedule.
Granted the whole time I was struggling with these scenarios, Daddy was working his end coming up with solutions of his own. Here is where I say that God has blessed us with many people in the Body of Christ who are so good to us. They are like our family in so many ways and they would do anything to help us. Watching our friends love our girl and us by supporting us this last year as we parent our Jillian has been a huge blessing. They are willing to do hard for us, to share in our sacrifice, and do their part for the Lord by loving our orphan BIG. So, Daddy found a college student and dear friend who would stay with our treasure for the morning while we drove to get our fingerprints. They knew her as well as most others who are around us in ministry and were willing to be here at 5 AM to keep her so we could get there in plenty of time.
Despite this, I was hesitant! I needed to be here when she woke up. She hasn't ever woken up to have me not here...ect. ect. ect. I still was fighting. Then, I opened my devotional book last week after laying her down for her nap. The title of the devotion was
Admitting Your Need for Help
(It was the Lord's turn to chime in!)
As I read the scripture for the day and the reading, I got it. I finally got it and I knew that I needed to stop trying to solve this one on my own. I needed help and those two in the Body were already willing to step up. The Lord was reminding me that as He is allowing me to bring home more babies, I am going to need help. I will not be able to do everything for all of my children-all the time-as our family grows. He has given us so many to be His hands and feet for us. For many in our lives, helping us with our Jillian is there way to live out James 1:27..by serving us. We are grateful to be in a loving community of believers who are so willing to help us and we are even more grateful to the two who stepped up and kept our Jillian yesterday.
And wouldn't you know, Jillian was fine while we were gone. She woke up fine, ate fine, played, and we were home to her by 10:45 AM. Thanks be to God for showing me, once again, that He is there to help. I only need to be willing to accept it. I am working on that! Thank you sweet Cassie and wonderful Tori for loving on our treasure so that we were able to move forward with bringing home one more.