Friday, April 10, 2015
Night Time Reflections
Last night, my dear four year old was plagued with nightmares. It happens to her quite often even after being home two years. Generally, she is screaming in her sleep, sweating, and her heart is racing when I go in to calm her. Somewhere around a year and a half home, she let me comfort her during these times in the night. Last night, as she was sleeping in her fear, I swaddled her in her favorite blanket and took her to the rocking chair whispering over her..you are safe, momma is here, I will care for you, you can trust me..again and again. Her biggest sissy was still up and brought this momma her little sister's hot milk in her sippy cup. While I rocked my smallest babe in the darkness of our living room, I held her long after her dream had passed. I cuddled her rubbing the face of my precious daughter whom I have had the pleasure of mothering two years now. Then, I began to cry my eyes out because I thought of those two long years of her life that she lived without a momma to care for her. I let myself imagine what it must have been like to wake in the night so afraid and have no one to come for you. I let my heart hurt for that part of my daughter's life last night as I held her and I prayed that God wouldn't let me forget that while two of my babies are home, and one soon more soon will be, there are many others who wait. I prayed that He would help me stop thinking about myself and my own comfort and that He would demand that I give my life away for the least of these living all around me. I want to remember the privilege it is to care for these babes when I would rather be sleeping. Forgive me Lord for the many, many times I am too busy to be your hands and feet for others. Forgive me when I don't have the patience or kindness to truly stop being about myself and live for those who most need you. Thank you that you have given me the amazing opportunity to love one more orphan in your name. I am humbled and honored that you are about to bestow such a huge blessing on me again.