Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Eleventh Birthday!! Here's to eleven wonderful years with the best and most darling kiddo in the world. Momma loves you so very much!! You have brought us so much joy and we are so blessed to call you daughter. I pray that God would use your life my sweet one radically and that His glory shines vibrantly through you each and every step of the way!! You are a true blessing!!

Letting Go

It is that time of year again..Darling Kiddos eleventh birthday is just around the corner. Every year we do many things to prepare for this special day. I make a card just for her with her favorite colors, cook her favorite meals, and throw a big party.

So my darling kiddos eleventh birthday is in three days and we don't have a party planned. Every year about six months before her big day, we would begin planning the party for the year. It has always been grand, huge, spectacular, and expensive. Presents piled all around her, cake, games-you name it we've had it. As God has begun to change my heart and lead me to reprioritize my life, it was clear that this huge extravaganza was unnecessary and had to go. Instead of a big party this year, we are celebrating with a few people who mean the most-no big production and nothing that has taken six months to prepare for.

Which leads me to this..Reprioritizing can be painful. It has not been a big deal for the darling kiddo, but for me-down right hard. Why does it matter so much? Why do I base whether or not I am mom of the year on how great her birthday party is? Why have I made it such a big deal? Why do I feel like I need to spend a minimum of $100 on a gift for her? (This year she asked for a movie. It took everything within me not say-you have to get more than that!!)

As Jesus continues to change who I am a little more each day, I am thankful that He hasn't given up on me, but at times, being obedient and letting go is painful. So worth it..but painful. Praying that God continues to change and mold me into who He desires me to be and that I will be obedient regardless of the cost.

Over Eggs

So for those of you who know my dh, you know he is terrified to fly. It is an irrational and unexplainable fear. He has never flown and does not even entertain the thought without breaking out in hives!! Until now, this refusal to fly has been an annoyance but it hasn't been something that has caused too much turmoil in our lives. Emily and I have flown and he stays home. I go on international mission trips and he stays home- NO BIG DEAL!

NO BIG DEAL until now. Bringing our girl home from China requires flight. Flight is a must. The one saving grace is that he doesn't have to go. Chinese adoption law does not require both parents to travel in order for the adoption to take place. (Some places do and honestly because of my husband's stance on flying-we didn't even consider those places.)

He doesn't have to go..but how could he miss it? How could he not be there when I lay eyes on our daughter for the first time? How could he not be there to hold her, feed her, and love her the first moments that we can? So..I have been sending up some big prayers that God would erase these irrational fears and he would be given an overwhelming desire to overcome this stronghold keeping him back from flying.

I've been praying...

And today over eggs, my dear man casually says... Do we have to change any of the paperwork if I am going to travel to China to get Jillian? Tearing up I reply..Are you going? He says..YES!!!

Wow! God is sooo amazing and I am so blessed to be a part of all that He is doing in our family. Hold on tight my beautiful girl..Mommy, Daddy, and Emily will be over as soon as we can to bring you into our family. We love you so much and can't wait to meet you.

The Best Day EVER!!

Today was the Best Day EVER because I spent the entire day with my darling kiddo doing something that we both love HIKING!! It is peaceful, serene, and free (can't get any better than that)! :)




She loved the waterfalls, rock formations, and beauty. She didn't love the mention of venomous snakes on the danger sign before entering the park, but she quickly got over those fears with a little encouragement. :)



How could a momma not love a day spent with her sweet girl-watching her skip rocks for thirty minutes, squishing her manicured (she's been with grandma) toes in the mud, and listening to her laugh. How I love this child.. What a huge blessing God has given me in her!!



We ended our perfect day the same way we end most perfect days-at the ice cream shop..non fat cookies and cream yogurt for me and chocolate marshmallow for her. This is our favorite ice cream shop in Utica. One we frequent after most hiking trips.



Sure seems like as she becomes a teenager..she is slipping away a little more each day..so these days are gold to a momma who can't believe her precious girl is turning eleven in a few days!! As close to perfect as it gets this side of eternity!

Some of the Best Faces..

Some of my favorite snip its of last week! Enjoy!

A Son..

So blessed by the last week in Swan Quarter, NC that I am still struggling to connect my experiences with words that adequately describe what I am feeling....

We spent the last week alongside our teens working with children, teens, elderly, and the developmentally disabled population in Swan Quarter-a very rural part of North Carolina. We worked mainly with the African American population there. Some of the most beautiful, loving, and open people I have ever met.

It's hard to explain, but since we have opened up our heart to adoption-God has given me a whole new level of love for all His children. I am not sure that I can even explain it..but I see a child and begin to think that could be my son.. I have such an overwhelming ache to expand our family!! I have so much love to share because my Savior loves me that I literally am moved to imagine each child as ours. Seeing my husband holding and loving on these children last week just moved me to tears. I can't wait to share our home with as many children as God would allow us to. My arms are aching to hold them and my heart is so wide open that I spend at least a little part of each day in tears because of the waiting. Praying that God would allow us to love many, many more and bring them into His family through ours..

Mommy, Daddy and Emily are waiting anxiously to hug you Jillian. Can't wait to have your sweet face here and to be holding you in our arms. Hope you won't mind a little brother or maybe two..

Amazed

I have been going on these youth mission trips for three years now.. I know what to expect..I know that these trips will effect me...I know that I will come home stretched, expanded, and stronger in my faith... I know it but it never ceases to amaze me when I experience it again!!

Each Thursday night of our mission week, we have a special service. We look at the scripture in John 13 where Jesus washes his disciples feet..Then, we wash the feet of our teens, wrap our arms around them, and pray specifically for God to continue to build up their faith and use them to further His kingdom. I've done it before.. I have held these teens in prayer all year. I know them-their struggles, victories, worries, concerns. I watch them all year as they question, study, and grow. I think I know how they will be as a result of this week-how they will respond and what their reaction will be..or so I think.

I went to wash the feet of one of my teen boys who was broken in tears before the Lord. He was crying so heavily that it was difficult for me to get through prayer for him. He was sobbing in my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around him and prayed for his faith to increase and for God to continue to use him. I finished washing his feet and returned to my place in the circle and entered into prayer myself. I continued to hear the young man cry-looking up from my prayer I saw another one of our boys embracing the first and praying intently for him. Soon after, all of our boys moved around this young man and initiated a group prayer session right there all on their own!! I was moved to uncontrollable tears myself!!

These teens get it.. They are living out lives of radical faith that put me to shame at times. So what where they praying for??...The boys were praying about starting a ministry in the high school to reach other young men who don't know Christ..They are so burdened for those in their high school who don't know our Savior. They were in tears before the Lord because there are so many who don't know Him!!

What a challenge for me! It leads me to ask myself...Am I so broken for the lost? Have I shed tears for those who don't know Him? What am I doing personally to reach those who haven't heard the gospel??

I am so thankful God has given me these teens for this season in my life. What an immeasurable blessing they are.. I am praying that God continues to allow me to be a part of these teens lives and that they continue to be an example and a challenge to me.

Catching Up on Blog World

After being disconnected for a week, the first thing I want to do when I return to the luxuries of home is catch up on my favorite adoption blogs. I have missed so much!! The Young family posted their homecoming video while I was gone.. Seriously I can't read one of her posts without bawling my eyes out. This is a must view.

Somehow being connected to these families and seeing them live their lives out for the Lord, encourages me and strengthens me to live out another day myself. Waiting for the Lord to reveal our daughter to us and bring her home can be so consuming some days, but God promises to renew my strength as I wait..... in need of some renewing today!

On the Road Again..Please Pray

Saturday at 6:15 AM, we pack 27 suitcases and 23 teenagers with 4 adults into two fifteen passenger vans to begin a nearly twenty hour journey to Swan Quarter, North Carolina. We will spend the week there loving on the less fortunate children and working on community buildings/projects or homes of the poor. This week is always an amazing time for our teens in our ministry and without a doubt it always seems to have a huge impact on me too.

I was looking back at my pictures,like the one above, from our first trip in 2008. We took nine kids that first summer we were serving here in ministry. Many of them had little experience with God, didn't know much of His Word, or really know a thing about my husband or myself. WOW, what a diffrence two years can make. Now some of those same nine kids who were so new to God's word in 2008 are living lives of radical faith for our Lord each and everyday. In the past two years, I have seen them do things like: lead the annual See You At The Pole Event for hundreds of students at our highschool, share during our church service what Jesus is doing in their lives, intentially build into other believers through leading small groups for students younger than they are, serve by working at Christian camps, and attend international mission trips to spread God's love and teach His word to unreached people groups!! God has allowed us to see so much fruit coming from the lives/faith of our youth. As I look at the picture, I just keep thinking..from these few I will build my church...

So this year we are are taking 27..three times what we had the first trip. On these few I will build my church-a hand full of dedicated teenagers..changed by the Word of God in their lives. I couldn't imagine that God would do what He has done! I praise Him for the way that He reaches out to us and uses us! I never get tired of seeing the power of God's Word working through lives of the teens that I am privileged to walk alongside daily in this life.

Pray for us as we embark on another week filled with service, learning, worship, sleep deprivation, bad food, and no cell phones. We are blessed to be a part of what God is doing in the lives of our teens and we pray that more are reached for Him this week. I am praying that like those first few who answered and continue to answer the call, some will begin to live lives of radical, obedient faith to Him!

Lucky Ones

We live in America..Land of Plenty. While I am so thankful for all that we have, after spending another week in Guatemala..it's got me wondering.

My experiences make me think that maybe the beautiful people in Patalup, Guatemala are the lucky ones. For the past two years, I have packed up craft foam, blingy stickers, gifts, and many necessesseties to take to them when I go. I shower them with stuff the whole time that I am there. Believe me, they are grateful. While it does meet some basic needs, maybe my attempt to bring them more stuff-to help them live more abundantly like me-is all wrong. Maybe what I really need to live the kind of radical faith Jesus calls me to is to be more like them-have less stuff! Maybe they are really the lucky ones because they aren't tempted to buy the next new tech fad or to purchase that designer pair of shoes. They certainly have less of the world to contend with then we do.. Maybe this is a blessing.

In my family right now we are really struggling with how to live in this world, but not be of this world. We desire to honor God with the way that we spend our time, money, and energy. How do you balance it all? There's a new iphone out right now and people all across America are waiting in line to get it and paying top dollar at that..while our churches are struggling financially to support ministries for the poor/unsaved/hurting in our community. How can we spend money on that when children are starving?? How can we justify having cable when there is so much more to be done? Why do we need twenty plus pairs of shoes in our closet, when most children don't even have one pair in Guatemala? As I ask myself these questions, I know the answer that Jesus wants me to give, but how do I get to the place where I give the same answers He would? I have to admit to you that I struggle at times with loving the world and all that it has to offer.

I am a work in progress for sure and my prayer continues to be that God would break my heart for what breaks His and that I would obeidently live out the kind of radical faith that being a sheep of the Most High demands..

Don't Wish It Away..

So, it's the fourth of July again! An annual event, no doubt, that always indicates to me the fleeting days of summer are coming to an end even though they have just begun.

This annual event at our house is similar each year. My darling kiddo insists that we attend the town fireworks despite the fact that she is terrified of loud noises and even more afraid of explosions in the sky. In addition to my kiddos irrational fear of fireworks, my dear husband hates them. He just doesn't enjoy being crowded together with the rowdy crowds watching lights go off in the sky. Don't get me wrong, he loves America and the Fourth. He is as patriotic as the next guy, but the local fireworks is not, I repeat not, his favorite place to hang. So each year, we pack up our chairs, blankets, bug spray, and the like-head down to the stadium-take our place across the street-and I watch the events unfold. As the fireworks begin, my dh becomes even more disgruntled because of the rowdiness around and my darling kiddo covers her ears with her hands and buries her face in her knees-holding on until the end. All the while, she claims that she is enjoying herself. It is almost comical that she insists on putting herself through this each year. About this time, my dh makes his annual announcement that next year, we are definitely not coming!! Soon enough we are all rolling in chuckles as we watch the absurdity of the three of us-dh annoyed, darling kiddo riddled with anxiety, and momma just giggling to herself.

It was during this comical, annual event when it hit me. Don't wish this time away! I have spent so much time the last few months wishing this wait away. I want Jillian here so badly that I just want this time to hurry up and be over!! Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.... If I am lucky, I only have seven more fourth of July events with my darling kiddo under my roof.. ONLY SEVEN!!! How did this happen? How did she grow up so stinkin fast? Being her momma is a privilege and I truly have loved every single moment. I just wish there was some way to stop her growing and get Jillian here at the same time!! Then again..Don't wish it away. Lord, help me to patiently cherish each moment that I have and not wish it away! I am truly blessed in the waiting.

Waiting...And Waiting Some More

Our silent, but thoughtful, future big sis!!

So we had our last visit with our social worker from Counseling and Family Services on Friday. She was supposed to interview our darling kiddo, but given that she is not a conversationalist and the attempt seemed futile-our social worker abandoned the idea very quickly..Don't know why that child is sooo shy-DID NOT COME FROM EITHER OF US!!! Our homestudy visits are done!!! YAHOOOOOO!! One step closer to getting our girl home and launching our beautiful, darling kiddo into big sisterhood.

The bad news :( is that we have to wait until the 29th of July to finish up our 10 in person training hours (in addition to the already 20 hours we completed for AGCI) required by the state and another 5-6 weeks for DCFS to approve our homestudy! This means realistically we won't be logged in to China Center for Adoption Affairs until around Christmas time. Well.. I am trusting that the Lord will use this waiting to prepare us because if I don't trust-I will surely go crazy!!!

If you get tired of reading about our waiting there is an amazing bunch of posts on the site http://www.babeofmyheart.comthat are worth reading. This really sweet momma just returned from Ethiopia with her new son, Issac. If you aren't a crier prepare to be changed. Seriously..worth the read!

Keep It Filled

Right now my house is a disaster! There is not one clean inch. Every inch is covered with mud, dirt, and grass! The reason is that I had about 40 teenagers in my yard tonight playing water games and having fun. These are the teens in our ministry. For that reason, I love to have a dirty house! I praise the Lord for the dirt, grass, and mud. Just a few minutes ago I was on my knees on the dirty, grassy bathroom floor-with tears streaming down my face-praying that my house would never be empty. Do it Lord..Keep it filled. Keep them coming that I might be able to overflow your love onto them.

Fill this house Lord with those children who need a family! Fill this house!! Do it quickly!! My teens painted Jillian's new room, the empty bedroom upstairs, while I was gone in Guatemala. Empty now but waiting to be filled with her sweet face when she enters our family! I can't wait to hold her. Sometimes the waiting is just too much to bare. I can't explain how you can love someone so much that you don't even know or who may not even be born yet. Until she comes, Keep it filled Lord with as many as you can! What a blessing it is to be fellowship with the ones who love the Lord!! Keep it filled Lord!! Company makes waiting more bare able!

The face of the fatherless

Looking directly into the face of the fatherless, the poor, how can it not just break your heart? I have spent this last week in Guatemala doing that nearly everyday. I have been broken beyond belief with the knowledge of God's love for these children. He has laid on my heart, as a believer, to be a part of caring for them-financially. One of the highlights of my trip was getting to meet this sweet boy who I sponsor through Compassion International Ministries. His mother is a widow and has five other boys to care for at home. She works hard each day doing laundry to try to provide for her family. This little man is five years old and is served through a compassion project in his neighborhood. I send him $38.00 a month and because of that he can attend school, receive nutritional meals, and is able to learn of the Savior's love for him. Again and again his mother thanked me for being her son's sponsor..for helping her to take care of her children as she is not able to do it on her own. I have to admit to you that $38.00 a month is not really a sacrifice for me and I almost feel guilty when I meet one of my sponsored kiddos and am received this way. For me (and for most of us), $38.00 a month is really no big deal. Giving up this money each month doesn't really keep us from getting or doing anything. To this little boy, my $38.00 a month means everything. It means he can eat, go to school, and learn of God's love for him. To him, my $38.00 a month is a BIG DEAL!!! Sometimes we feel like we can't do much for all the hurting and fatherless/poor in the world.. If each one of us just does what we can, together we can do much. Go to www.compassion.com to get information on sponsoring a child somewhere in the world who needs you. You can make a big difference for one child today!!!

Without Words

I can't believe that we have been in Patalup, Guatemala for an entire week already! I am without words, but be sure that God is working! We are experiencing Him all around us!! I will post more when we get back in the states. These people are truly amazing and have been a blessing to me much more than I have been to them! We are building houses, running ministries for teens, women, children, and distributing food and clothes. We are even running a medical clinic with the help of a national doctor. All ministries are overflowing with hundreds of people walking miles daily to be cared for physically and spiritually. God is good to allow me to be a part of the work here. Please continue to pray for us as we finish our work tomorrow and head back to the states this weekend. Thank you for your support. You are so much a part of all that God is doing here.

In Christ Jesus we are all sons of God through faith

Sean here- This is from Galatians 3:26, a powerful passage that teaches us we are adopted into the family of God when we believe in His Son. We become full heirs with all the rights and privileges that are afforded all His children. I had the opportunity to preach on this passage this weekend and it was a great experience. As I was studying verse 26, I read that the greek word used was the legal term used in adoption and legal inheritance papers. The adoption of our Jillian made me think about her gaining all the rights and privileges that are already afforded our daughter Emily. We will love and care for Jillian just like we do Emily. In the same way, God loves us and cares for us no matter where we have been or what we have done. Once we are adopted into His family we are His forever. Now that is something we can all get excited about!

A Different Sort of Journey

Tomorrow at 3:30 AM, I will embark on a journey that may seem to have nothing to do with adoption. I will board a plane and fly to Guatemala City, Guatemala. From there I will take a bus to a small village known as Patalup. Patalup is home to a small tribe of Mayan ancestral people who, by the grace of God and His love, I have the pleasure of serving and loving on in the week to come!

So, what does this have to do with adoption? Last year when I traveled to this village and as I viewed all the beauty that this country has to offer, my heart was broken for the poor and the fatherless who live there. This is where God wants us-serving the poor and the fatherless where ever it is we can find them-in Guatemala, at home, or close by.

God stirred my heart through last year's trip in a way that I had never experienced before! Children, hundreds in this small village alone, without enough food, in homes that we would consider shacks, begging for the chance to attend school because they did not have the money to go, and yet so joyful!! Without even the basic necessities of life yet so open to receiving Jesus's love!!

The one thing that they are lacking is someone to bring the news of Jesus's love to them! I am traveling with a team of 23 willing servants to this small village to tell them of God's salvation and the love that He has extended through Jesus Christ. Please pray for us as we leave tomorrow and arrive home on Sunday, June 27. Recently the village has been heavily affected by a tropical storm and severe mudslides. We are going to rebuild homes destroyed by the mudslides, run ministries designed for children, teens, women, men, and pastors, and bring food they desperately need because the mudslides have devastated many families' crops.

Guatemala's adoption program is rumored to be reopening soon! In the next week, I may be caring for a child that God has set apart to place in your family. Is God stirring your heart to care for these children and other children who are fatherless all around the world and in our backyard? If not you, pray for God to raise up His people to fulfill His mission!

James 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their affliction..

And She Shall Be Called...

I remember the week before we began our paperwork trail. We decided we were in this thing and, because I am one obssessed woman when God puts something on my heart, we talked about the adoption every single day-multiple times!! (Still DO!)

What a sweet Thursday night it was when my dh, my darling kiddo, and myself where all lounging in the master bedroom dreaming of our new little one. We honestly love spending time together this way. There's no tv, no activity, and no agenda. We were just spending some time being still together. We enjoy each other soo much and being able to bring another little one into our quiver is beyond words!!

I asked, "What will we name her?" It was so fun to laugh, giggle, and imagine God's plans for this little girl. We threw out all the names that came to our mind from ridiculous to serious. My dh and darling kiddo are serious goof balls so there were many ridiculous names thrown out.

And she shall be called....Jillian. More important than Jillian, she will be called daughter, sister, loved, adopted, accepted, and a host of other things. She will be given a new family, a chance to know Jesus love for her, and a new beginning. Only God knows the results of these new beginnings, but we pray that she will enter into a relationship with Jesus, devote her life to Him, and serve Him with all that He has given her.

He will do it!!

Adoption costs alot of money and while I was certain that God was calling us to do it after that Tuesday night Bible study, I had no idea how. We certainly don't have loads of cash reserve around. My husband is in full time ministry and I am a teacher. Regardless, I boldly stood before my Tuesday night sisters in study group and said God will provide all we need. (That didn't make it any less miraculous when He did though! :)

It was so early on in the process (one week in), we hadn't shared our decision to adopt with too many. Our families didn't even know or have any idea. We filled out the preapplication papers with our agency, All God's Children, on that Tuesday night the week before and now here I was the next Tuesday night before my sisters again ready to jump off the deep end into this whole new adventure-international adoption. I said God would provide it that night, but I am not sure I honestly believed He would do it so quickly or in such grand fashion!

Wednesday night of that week came and I joyfully went to our youth ministry meetings. My husband and I shared our update and excitement about this possibility with our students. We prayed and studied the goodness of God that night. We read Psalm 34:8 Taste and See that the Lord is good. It struck me that tasting requires action on our part. We have to physically put food in our mouth if we want to get a taste of it. It doesn't usually happen by mistake. I thought about the adoption situation. We had done our part by filling out the papers. We had taken action toward tasting the goodness of God. Now it was up to Him to provide.

Thursday, April 21 I was so frustrated. I felt like God was leading me in circles and I just didn't know where to go or how to get there. I got a call from a friend and she really encouraged me! I came home and received another call. This time from the agency we had preapplied to. Tiffany was calling to tell us that someone had anonimously given a $15,000 donation toward our adoption!!! I said God was going to do it! I thought He would, but never the less this is the most amazing and miraculous thing that I have ever experienced God do!!! $15,000 provided so quickly!!!! Can you imagine our parent's surprise when we called to tell them to expect a new granddaughter and someone gave us $15,000 toward the cost?

:) God is so incredibly good!! His will is so much stronger than our doubts and Oh how blessed I am to have Him as my Savior!! $15,000...Can you even imagine anything like that??? Praise God for the faithful believers, whoever they are, who were so lead to provide a father for the fatherless and share their abundance with us! To God be the glory!!

1 Thessalonians 5:24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

Leslie

Make Him Known!!

On April 13, 2010 our family stepped out in obedience to Him and started this journey to fulfill God's call on our lives to take care of orphans. I attended my Tuesday night Bible Study that night like every other Tuesday determined not to leave until every question in my heart was answered about the adoption process and where to go by a new friend that God had lead into my life through this Bible study. She is a faithful believer and wonderful new friend whose family had themselves adopted internationally. As I approached her, she teared up a bit and said that she had been speaking to her husband all week about the prompting that God was laying on her heart to ask me if I had ever considered adoption before. This was confirmation in my mind that God was up to something big. This blog is a way for me to make known the GIGANTIC things He has done on this journey already! It is my prayer that He is made known through this blog and that His story is written all over our lives. Want to hear some more of the miraculous works of God in our life? Stay Tuned-there is $15,000 to come!!!