Her First Happy Meal

After seventeen months home...

She can finally eat a happy meal.

I chopped up that cheeseburger

and

she went to town!

We have come a long way baby.

(I had to laugh at the teenager who actually asked if I was going to get a picture of this.)

Dear Annamae,
I just want you to know today that I think about you each and every day.  I am feeling that soon, we will see a picture of your sweet face and then the dream of you will be a reality in my mind's eye.  I thought that being so busy with your sister Jillian would make the waiting easier, but it has not.  I miss you like crazy.  I long to hold you in my arms today.  I want to see you smile, to hear your laugh, and to see you sitting next to us at the dinner table.  Above all, I so want to know that you are loved and cared for as you wait for us.  Soon enough, I will hold you and you will know that I am your momma.  I will love you with a Godly love because Christ first loved me.  I will teach you to pray, to rely on God's Word, and I will sing to you in my off tone voice while you giggle.  I can't wait to have you home dear one.  I can't wait to tell you the story of how God led us to you and to watch you blossom as you learn to live in the love of a family.

With all my heart I love you,
Momma

Giddy

I just opened my email to find that our papers are finished at the consulate and they are on their way back to us.  Giddy with excitement!  The papers are done a whole three days earlier than expected.  This means that on Monday, we can overnight them to our agency and then they will begin to prepare them for Ch*na.  We are so. very. close to being DTC (dossier to China) and I feel like we will see her face very. very. soon!  We also had a deposit to our savings account today that came from my IRA which means that we have enough money to pay the next two payments.  God has been so faithful in providing for us to bring home our Annamae and we are nearly three quarters of the way there.  On the scary side, this IRA is the last bit of money that we have access to bring her home on our own and so fundraising has to begin for the last $15,000- $20,000, but God has been so faithful.  We are working on our end coming up with some great plans for a dinner, an in home shopping event, and we have booked two church bazaars to sell Heavenly Dip mixes at so I know God's got this.  We are also waiting on word from LifeSong for orphans about a matching grant.  Would you pray with us as we trust God over the next few months to provide all we need to get us to our Annamae?  I still can't believe we are getting so close to seeing her face.  SO SO GOOD!

See-Saw Fun

I was thrilled when I found this super cool see-saw at a garage sale yesterday!

It is the best $7 I have ever spent.

Our little treasure LOVES it.

It's a little bit hard on the momma though.

I was singing, taking the video, and pushing her up and down.

The giggles are worth the effort on my part.

PS Can't you just see two Ch*nese treasures playing on this in our backyard?

I simply can't wait!

The School Carnival

Did you read the title of this post?

The School Carnival also know as..

the overcrowded, very stimulating event

that takes place at FBCS to culminate Homecoming Week.

Yep, that's the one!

My Jillian was there.

She was there!

 She played in the threw the sand.

I stopped her, but not before some landed on the nice young man running this game.

 She picked up a duck splashed in the water while momma picked up a duck.

She even picked up that fishing pole, but didn't wait long enough to see what she caught.

Seriously, she was amazing.

I am so thrilled that we are able to be out and about a bit more.

She is so much more secure!

She is even able to enjoy herself a bit.

She saw the bouncy house and while she really

..REALLY wants to go inside...

she just can't let herself do it.

Soon, very soon, we will not be able to get her out of those things.

Until then, this is one blessed momma who enjoyed a normal, ordinary night with her little girl.

On His Way

My DH left the house before the sun was up to get our precious dossier documents to Springfield.  They will be certified there today by the Secretary of State.  We had to wait a few days so that our agency could take one more look through the papers to make sure they were just right.  While I hated waiting the two extra days, it was good to hear...they are perfect and you are done!  These words are music to an adoptive momma's ears.

After DH returns with them today, I will head to the USPS to get them to the courier service so that they can be taken to the consulate in Chicago.  I really wanted to do this step myself as the courier service adds a couple of days, but I just can't take a whole day away from the house this week.  It isn't best for anyone when momma is gone for a whole day and with all that Em has to do..it just couldn't work.  So we will send it to the courier and WAIT!  I am not good at waiting one bit!  But I understand full well that this adoption will be done in the Lord's time and while that may not match up with mine..it is for the best!  Holding on to some encouragement from the word today while I wait..

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14

It's Here!!!

IT'S HERE!

OUR I-800 IS HERE!

Here's what happens next...
1.We get it copied and notarized.
2. We head to Springfield to get all our dossier docs certified by the Secretary of State.
3.  We take those same docs to get authenticated by the Ch*nese Consulate in Chicago.
4. THEN..we will be DTC! (Dossier to China right after it makes a week stop at our agency for translation and binding.)

We should see her face soon!  Oh this momma can't wait for our referral.  I remember thinking last time when adopting Jillian that if I could just see her face, waiting would be so much easier.  I was wrong about that because after seeing our Jillian it made me miss her so much more, but it doesn't make me want to see Anna any less.  I have been dreaming of her, but I haven't had a clear picture of her face.  I am praying that it is soon!

Still Waiting

I wish I had something eloquent to say.  Something profound to share, but today..this week we are just waiting.  Sometimes it is in the mist of waiting that God teaches you the most.  He hasn't revealed it to me yet, but someday near the end of this journey to our Annamae I may get the knowledge of that and understand His timing.  I felt yesterday like when things begin to happen..they are going to happen fast.  I feel like we will see her face soon..like our referral is waiting and in the weeks to come she will be revealed to us.  I was like a ping pong ball yesterday-waiting with JOY at times, tears others, and worrying about all that is to come and the money that is due in the weeks ahead. 

Leaving the checking of the mailbox up to DH today, because I am off to work.  (I love my new teaching gig, but that is a post for another day.)  I know that the piece of paper we are waiting on was mailed on Monday because I called the black hole at USCIS yesterday.  Praying it comes!  We have had more than one piece of paper lost by the dear USPS along the way.  Maybe today is the day!

Waiting On Our Last Piece of Paper

Only one piece of paper is stopping our dossier from being sent to China. 
We are waiting on our I797 approval from the US government. 
It has been two weeks already since our fingerprint appointment with the Dept of Immigration. 
I am praying that this notice will arrive this week and our dossier will be on its way! 
I am definitly not better at waiting this time around. 
I WANT ANNA HOME!

Here's to hoping the mailman has it in his hot, little hands today!

Marigold Festival Day 2

Blessed by this baby!

Truly blessed beyond measure to call her mine!

 We enjoyed another great day at the park.

With all the toy options at the park, what could be making her smile so much?

 Why a ball of aluminum foil thrown into the air by her friend J of course.

 Look at it go!

That was a pretty funny trick watching it fly high into the air.

 Then we met up with another sweet friend at the community worship service.

My baby girl is engrossed in the music as usual.

She loves her some worship!

 It was a beautiful morning and we enjoyed worship so much!

We ended our day with lunch again.

I would type all that I ate today, but it is quite embarrassing!

It was another delicious day for the record books indeed.

Big sissy just came home from the festival saying we would have to wait a whole year to eat this food again!

Yes, sweet big sister we will and it is a good thing because momma would weigh a hundred pounds more than she does if Marigold happened more than that!

Hope you had a blessed weekend too.

What a Difference a Year Makes

I can't help but pause today and think back to a year ago.  This month last year was the HARDEST month I had with Jillian.  We had been home four months and been doing ok, but this month the floor fell out from under her and we did VERY HARD for weeks.  Just going back and rereading the entries I made take me back to that dark place.  I tried to take her to our town festival at the park last September and she melted down as soon as we got out of the car.  We didn't even make it to the park because she lost it in the parking lot as soon as I got her out of the car.  She continued to cry for five. hard. hours. after I got her home that day.  I remember vividly crying over her myself in those five hours and just saying I don't know what you need baby through ugly sobs.

It was a really, really hard place we walked a year ago, but I serve a God who is about restoration.  I serve a God who loves me and has given me all that I need to mother this treasure.  We have continued to travel on she and I.  Many have prayed, many more have been Jesus hands and feet to us and today....TODAY THIS MOMMA'S HEART IS FULL and the screen is blurry because I have been teary all morning.

BECAUSE..

This year, I enjoyed the Marigold Festival with my daughters!

 Jillian is happy, well adjusted, and a MIRACLE baby!

If you had told me it would be this good last September, I would have thought you were dreaming.

I never dreamed she would come this far in just a year.

 Jillian signed out and wanted her sister to hold her.

Emily is a wonderful, amazing helper for this momma.

Today, she got all our food and kept her sister while I shopped for hair bows.

I couldn't have gone without her.

I asked her if next year she could carry two Chinese babies.

She said NO!

I am sure they will be fighting over who gets their big sissy.

 Jillian enjoyed her swings as usual.

 Jillian even enjoyed this crown one of the vendors had for sale.

We always bought Emily one of these when she was little too.

They are only a $1.00 and Emily used to look to find just the right one.

 Momma's favorite part of the festival is the food.

Jillian LOVED eating her lunch..as usual.

We even saw some church friends which made her laugh when they sat down to share lunch with us.

 We even made our way to the outdoor stage and enjoyed a Julie K concert.

Jillian watched a bit anxious at first from the back, but then signed out and went up to the stage.

 Jillian spotted these hoola hoops at a vendor as we passed.

She signed out and wanted to walk over there to get a closer look.

We decided we needed to take one home.

As soon as we got home, she headed to her bean bin.

Beans are calming and organizing for her and I was thrilled that she recognized her need for them.

Today, I couldn't be happier.

(Unless our Annamae was here too.)

Her Little Red Dress

 I love to take pictures of this precious face.

She is beautiful and seeing her smile...

makes my heart swell with JOY.

Though our faces are as different as day and night..

she is mine and I am hers.

 Our hearts have been knit together by God's great plan.

And because of it, I get to buy really cute dresses!

Isn't she darling?

Daddy Is Under Her Control

Don't ever let our strong willed, in control daddy ever convince you that he is in charge where one three foot Chinese toddler is concerned. He is total smitten with her and she knows he will do whatever she wishes.

This is how she looks when she gets a glimpse of him coming in for lunch.

See that sparkle in her eye that says..Let my control of Daddy begin!

Really, how could he resist that smile?

Lately she has decided to..

 help herself to anything Daddy is eating even if she has already had her own,

 make daddy kneel next to her on the floor holding her hand while she is eating,

 and she even made Daddy take a bite of her vanilla yogurt.

This is daddy after said bite gagging and running to spit it out.

Never a dull moment around our table.

Longing for Her

A dear friend of mine is in China, right now, welcoming her newest treasure into her family. 

I want to be there.

I want Annamae home. 

My heart is full the last few days just thinking about it and longing for her.

At the same time, I am already really dreading leaving my Jillian behind for two weeks.

It will likely be ten more months before we travel and already I am worrying about her.

Not sure how in the world I will survive leaving her.

Praying and holding on to a favorite verse of mine.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts you.
Isaiah 26:3

Teach Me to Pray..

Training this babe in the ways of the Lord is a privilege.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you get rise.  Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Jillian's First Day of School

Everything about this adoption journey has been simply incredible and today was no different.  I never dreamed fifteen months ago, when I was handed a frail, fifteen pound 26 month old so locked into herself, that she would ever be at the place she is now.  I can't even begin to explain the miracle of the person that she is becoming in light of where she started just over a year ago.  MIRACLE!

Here she is ready for her first day of school.  At thirty-two pounds, she is filling out this little jean dress and looking a lot more like a three year old than the near twelve month old size she was just 15 months ago.  She had one bus aide say that she was just beautiful when she passed by her.  (I know that of course, but said thank you.)  She is so happy and so full of life!  She is so different from the child that was placed in my arms in that government office that I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it.

Look at this smile.  She let out a squeal when we pulled into the school parking lot.  We visited several times last year and I am sure that she knew where we were.  She walked right into Mrs. F's classroom just like last year when I visited with her and sat in the same chair that she did last year when I fed her breakfast there.   There were some signs that she was battling anxiety and fear, but she was able to survive quite nicely while I stayed with her.  During the speech lesson, I left her in the room-on the rug with the other six children-and waited in the parent's room.  I was told that she even interacted a bit when they sang The Wheels on the Bus during the lesson.  After about an hour away from me, Jillian walked into the room where I waited holding Mrs. F's hand.  She is such a big girl.  She is so brave and so strong in spirit!  I am so grateful to God for making her mine!

I' m Leaving You Today

Dear Jillian,
Your clothes are picked out, your little shoes are chosen, and your ready.  My heart has wrenched over this decision for the sixteen months since you have been mine and today will be the first day that I am leaving you at preschool for half an hour.  Keeping you home with me is such a joy and the memories that we are making are treasures in my heart, but today I will leave you for thirty minutes so that you can be part of a speech group lesson with your peers apart from your momma.  I am praying for you.  I am praying that you know that momma is here for you always in this life.  I am praying that you will feel peace and that you will enjoy being with the other children, enjoy sitting on the rug reading stories, and that your heart will sing with joy while you learn.  I am sure that keeping you home for school and therapy the rest of the week is the best thing to do, but I am excited that you will have this little piece added to your life too.  I love you with everything in me my darling girl.  Before having you home I couldn't have ever begun to understand how hard all of this would be, but I would do it again and again if it meant I could call you my daughter.  So, today I begin to release you slowly to the world.  I know that it has been a harsh place for you in the two short years before God brought us together, but I pray that you feel a bit safer now and with time you will be able to tackle all that is set before you.  I know God has big plans for your little life and I wait anticipating all that He will accomplish through you.
I love you!
Momma

Oh That This Summer Could Never End

This has been one of the sweetest summers.

Our little treasure has enjoyed life so very much.

Being her momma is so much fun!

We spent the morning after our therapy session today in the backyard. 

Oh my, she loves our backyard!

 She loves spraying me with the hose,

 swinging on her swing set,

 smooshing her little piggies in the muddy sand water,

 splashing momma with the muddy sand water,

 being buried in the muddy sand water,

 and taking it easy doing just as she pleases.

Remember that I couldn't even get her in the sand for weeks.

She wouldn't go near the stuff as it sent her sensory system into overload!

Now days, she just dives into the sand-water and all.

It's a big mess, but these days I don't mind a mess.

I just enjoy my moments with her-each and every messy one.

She Cried Today..

We Jillian had play therapy today. 

I LOVE play therapy. 

I LOVE our play therapist-Miss A.

And before Miss A left today, she cried a bit.

She has been seeing our treasure for about nine months now..

and well, Jillian's progress in those nine months is something that just has a way of taking your breathe away.
Here is a little girl who has had such a rough start and who today was signing for her daddy to sit in the hallway while she was on the swing during her therapy session.  (Her daddy did just that of course.  He sat next to his daughter on the floor, in the hallway to watch her swinging.) 

This may be the last time that we get to see our Miss A which caused a few tears.  We hope not!  We are praying that the new grant will come through for our program and next month we'll back on the schedule.  If it doesn't, this has absolutely been one of the BEST things for my treasure.  It has helped her so much and been so much fun.  I am grateful today for Miss A and all the people that God has put in our lives to help us-help our baby. It is amazing to watch God use this little girl to touch the lives of so many people.  She is a world changer my girl and I know that God has a HUGE plan for her life.  She just has such an effect on those who love her.

Thank you Miss A for loving my girl so well for the last nine months.
AND..
Here's to hoping that grant comes through so you can love her for twelve more.

Admitting Your Need For Help

This week we had our fingerprint appointment in Naperville for our I-800A approval to bring home our Annamae.  This is great news because it means that our adoption is moving along.  In fact, if all goes well with our fingerprints, our dossier will be off to Ch*na in about four weeks.  That is lighting fast!

With the fingerprint appointment came trouble though..Daddy and I had the same time and date to be fingerprinted.  We would have to both be gone at the same time.  What would we do with our little Jillian while we were in the Chicago area getting fingerprints?  I will admit one weakness of mine is that I do not do well leaving my babies.  Deep down inside of me, it is linked to the fact that I really hold myself responsible to be their everything at all times.  I know this is not good (sinful even) and admit that it is something that I struggle very much with. 

So as the fingerprint appointment approached, I began to feel sick about what to do.  Taking Jillian into an unknown, and not too friendly office environment, to wait at USCIS while we were fingerprinted was likely going to be a disaster for her.  I knew she would probably meltdown pretty quick upon entering the office and that her screaming would be loud and disruptive.  Still, those feelings of my needing to be her all and not leave her were strong.  I was battling in my heart big time trying to "solve" this and ultimately keep her with me for the day.  As the week wore on, my solution involved driving two cars to Naperville (meaning I would be driving three hours alone with her by myself), paying a lot of money for a hotel room, walking up several flights of stairs with her in my arms and luggage to avoid the elevator (a trigger for her), and the list could go on and on..  I was still clinging to my idea that I could not leave her for the five plus hours that it would take to drive to get our fingerprints and get home. 

Understand, I haven't ever done this in the months she has been home.  If I have had to be gone for any amount of time, Daddy was with her or on a rare occasion one of our amazing teens, but never for that long and never when we were both that far away.  As a result, I was determined that it would be impossible to leave her home.  We would just have to take her and get through the meltdowns that would likely occur with all the newness and abnormal schedule.

Granted the whole time I was struggling with these scenarios, Daddy was working his end coming up with solutions of his own.  Here is where I say that God has blessed us with many people in the Body of Christ who are so good to us.  They are like our family in so many ways and they would do anything to help us.  Watching our friends love our girl and us by supporting us this last year as we parent our Jillian has been a huge blessing.  They are willing to do hard for us, to share in our sacrifice, and do their part for the Lord by loving our orphan BIG.  So, Daddy found a college student and dear friend who would stay with our treasure for the morning while we drove to get our fingerprints.  They knew her as well as most others who are around us in ministry and were willing to be here at 5 AM to keep her so we could get there in plenty of time.

Despite this, I was hesitant!  I needed to be here when she woke up.  She hasn't ever woken up to have me not here...ect. ect. ect.  I still was fighting.  Then, I opened my devotional book last week after laying her down for her nap.  The title of the devotion was

Admitting Your Need for Help

(It was the Lord's turn to chime in!)

As I read the scripture for the day and the reading, I got it.  I finally got it and I knew that I needed to stop trying to solve this one on my own.  I needed help and those two in the Body were already willing to step up.  The Lord was reminding me that as He is allowing me to bring home more babies, I am going to need help.  I will not be able to do everything for all of my children-all the time-as our family grows.  He has given us so many to be His hands and feet for us.  For many in our lives, helping us with our Jillian is there way to live out James 1:27..by serving us.  We are grateful to be in a loving community of believers who are so willing to help us and we are even more grateful to the two who stepped up and kept our Jillian yesterday.

And wouldn't you know, Jillian was fine while we were gone.  She woke up fine, ate fine, played, and we were home to her by 10:45 AM.  Thanks be to God for showing me, once again, that He is there to help.  I only need to be willing to accept it.  I am working on that!  Thank you sweet Cassie and wonderful Tori for loving on our treasure so that we were able to move forward with bringing home one more.