Deuteronomy 4:35

You have been shown these things that you might know the Lord is God besides him there is no other.

Friday, January 16, 2015

About Her Birth Momma on This Day

While my girl's birthdays are one of the happiest days of the year, I can't help, but also always feel such a tinge of sadness on this day as well.  As I held Anna Mei just now, I could not hold back my tears for the precious woman who likely tries to go on with life as usual on this day though a piece of her rests on my lap here in another part of the world.  I cradled Anna against my chest like a new born while she drank her hot milk from her sippy cup in my arms and I just wept for her birth mother.  I wept at how unjust is it that I am the one cradling this sweet, precious girl on her fourth birthday.  I wept because everyday I look deeply into the eyes of a child that matches another woman that I will likely never get to meet.  I cried because it is unfair that she was not able to keep this amazing little girl, that she will never hear her laugh, comfort her as she cries, or watch her as she dances.  While my girls are some of the greatest blessings of my life, it is impossible to escape the fact that they are mine because of the deep, deep loss of another.  How I would give anything just to get a glimpse of Anna's China momma.  My sweet girl, even at four years old, has so many questions about her.  This morning as she asked, "Why it my birthday?", I was happy to tell her that this is the day she was born from her China momma's belly.  Just like she does so often, she asked, "What is my China momma's name?".  With everything in me, I wish I could tell her that I knew.  I wish I could give her just a few pieces of the puzzle that is the first two years of her life.  I wish. I wish. I wish, but the reality is that we are living in a broken world.  A world were poverty, sadness, loss, illness, and pain exist and I just can't answer her questions because of it.  On this day, and on many other days, I think of my girl's birth mothers.  I have a deep, deep love for them.  I pray so often that they will somehow come to know the Lord and that one day in eternity we will all sit together worshiping the God who, by His great design, intertwined all our stories so intimately.

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