Joy Joy Joy

I'll be the first to admit, there have been many, many circumstances that I have allowed to steal my joy in the last few weeks.  This season that we are in is the one of the most challenging I have ever had.  Being in this new place, with a new babe, renovating a house, being away from my friends..it's been getting to me too much.  So Thursday on the way to school as Anna Mei demanded we sing JOY JOY JOY IN HEART (her words exactly), I resigned to rise above.  I decided to spend far less time focusing on my surrounding circumstances (that really are very, very insignificant compared to what many people are facing) and focus on the hope that I have because of my relationship with Jesus.  As a result, I abandon my duties on Thursday morning and just enjoyed my Anna while Jillian was in school.  Then before picking Jilly up that morning, Anna and I packed the wagon in the van, lunches in our backpack, and prepared to spend a few hours together at our new neighborhood park.  I drove us to the new house, unpacked the wagon, loaded the girls in, and walked the route to our new park.  I was overcome with more JOY than I have seen in my heart in weeks as I imagined my family here in the months to come.  There are just enough swings, climbing equipment galore, a great ball court for Daddy and Em, and sidewalks all the way there.  God has been so very good and, while some circumstances may have seemed overwhelming in the last few weeks, He continues to meet our needs abundantly.  I am so blessed. 

 Anna Mei was so very pleased with all she could now do by herself.  She kept saying BIG girl now!

 This treasure's eyes are a window to her soul.  How I wish I could get into her heart for just a moment.

 She found watery puddles to splash in too.

 She smiled at the sandbox.  I have a feeling we will be spending lots of time here.

 This little peanut loved everything including eating her pretzels at the park on a picnic.

I can't wait until we are settled in our new home and we don't have to drive the wagon to the new house in order to walk to this little park.  I can just see my babes growing up here and I can't wait to see all that God has in store for us.

On Her Finding Day..

Today, I am overcome with emotion because today is Jillian's finding day. 
Dearest Jillian,
Five years ago today, just five days after your birth, you were found by a woman and taken to the orphanage.  Five years ago today, your birth mother likely saw and kissed you for the last time.  She had five days with you and I hope with all my heart that the memories of those days are ones she can hold onto and treasure.  I am grateful today for the protection that God provided you as you lay waiting for someone to find you.  I feel so unworthy to parent you as you are such a miraculous little being whom God clearly has a great plan for.  My precious girl I can't thank your birth mother enough for giving you life.  I can't imagine what she went through in deciding to leave you this day five years ago, but I am grateful to God for leading me to you and that I get the chance to know you as my daughter.  I love you with all my heart.  I have seen great miracles in the last three years as I walk beside you and my faith in God is so much bigger because of your part in my life.  If I could see your birth mother now, if I could only have a few minutes with her, I would assure her that you are loved and treasured.  I would tell her of the great God who protected you and brought you to me.  I would give the glory to Him for the works He continues to do in your life.  You my dear, dear sweet girl are so very loved by me, but even more loved by the one who made you and wrote each of these days in His book long before He gave you to me.  He alone is the one who planned for you to be found on this day five years ago.  He directed the steps of the person who found  you, made sure you were taken to that small, rural orphanage, and then brought to us nearly two years later.  You are one of the greatest blessings of my life and today I pause to remember your birth mother and give thanks for her.

Her Birthday

Sunday we celebrated her.  It had it's struggles as our newest treasure had a very difficult time allowing her sister to be in the spotlight, but we did our best to help Jilly be the star of the day while still making Anna feel treasured.  I can't believe that Jillian is five years old.  Truly these last three years seem like they have gone by so fast and I can't imagine my life without this sweet treasure in it.

 Clearly, she is wondering what this is all about.

 She liked her Mr. Potato Head cake.

 She tore into her presents without even waiting to be told.

 She was very careful to tear the paper just right.

 These were her favorite gift.  She uses them in OT and she is good at this game!  She was happy to see them.

 She was hiding her eyes while waiting for her cake to come out.

We are thrilled to have her here with us another year!  She is truly our miracle and we are grateful for the privilege of parenting her.  I remember the first year we celebrated her.  She has come so far.

For the Love of the K Cup

This is probably one of the roughest mornings I have had with my cherubs in a long while.  It was not only one of them..it was BOTH of them.  The littlest was fussy and irritated for a good hour which in turn irritated and set off an autstic offness for my oldest.  MAN it was ROUGH!  Daddy even had to stay home and cancel his lunch plans to help.  Throw in a house renovation, more snow, laundry, messes, and don't forget the cold and you might as well commit me.  I am doing my best to choose JOY today because I know that God has got this.  I know that God knows the details of the next minutes, hours, and months.  I know He won't leave me.  For that I am grateful.

And since looking over a little cuteness does improve my mood, I decided to edit and upload these shots of Anna overlooking her hot chocolate brewing.  The girl LOVES her some hot chocolate.  I hope they make you smile as much as they make me smile!

 We just unpacked the magic one cup machine.

 She is a fan.

 Daddy had to get some sweet chocolate kisses from her.

She says..I Love Hot Chocolate!

May I Never Get Over This..

I’m reposting this from Crazy Life of the Wilk’s Family.  Very sad reality for so many children.  Their reality.  Just because we don’t “see” the orphan most definitely does not mean that they are not suffering.
You have to choose to see…
“This is a hard post for me to write, but its a post that must be written.
Today an orphan died in China.

He was a beautiful, precious little boy who had his whole life ahead of him.  He was living with a foster family.  He was receiving monthly transfusions thanks to the amazing group of thal moms I call friends here in the states.  His paperwork was being prepared for adoption.  Unfortunately, any illness can have a significant effect on the severity of his thalassemia.  When an illness that caused diarrhea swept through the orphanage the last week, it was too much for his little body to handle. He passed from this life into the arms of Jesus.
My heart is heavy again today.  I will never be able to hear of an orphan dying without being overcome by sadness.  This isn’t the first thal child who has died…

This sweet girl mattered too.  She deserved a family.  She deserved to get the best doctors coming to her aid.  But she lost her fight and passed into the arms of Jesus too.
I’ve often been asked “Why not adopt from foster care?”  I’ve been told that there are so many kids here in the US and we should “take care of our own” before we help the world.  I’m not going to argue these questions or points at all.
I simply believe that children matter.  ALL children matter.  ALL children deserve to have the love of a family.  Someone to kiss their boo boos.  Someone to hug them and tell them they can do anything.  ALL children deserve to have food on the table.  ALL children should have the opportunity to get an education.  ALL children deserve to get the medical care they need to get better.
Today an orphan died in Yulin, Guangxi, China.
And so did others… In China.  In Russia.  In Ukraine.  In Ethiopia.  In India.  In Uganda.  In Honduras.  In so many orphanages around the world these precious children, who have already experienced unimaginable loss, continue the fight of their lives.
An estimated 143 million orphans can be found in countries worldwide.
I believe that all of us have a responsibility to these children.  God calls ALL of us to help. 
Pray for ONE.  If you need a picture, a story, and a name.  I know plenty of them.  Make one child your priority to pray for every day while they wait for a forever family to take over those prayers.
Sponsor ONE.  Amazing agencies are doing amazing work in countries worldwide.  They are making a difference everyday in the lives of children throughout the world.  I would be happy to point you in the direction of some that I know. (Project Hopeful, Morning Star, New Day Foster Home, Lifesong for Orphans, Child’s Hope Int’l, SOS Ministries, Reece’s Rainbow, Cambodia Baptist Orphanage)  (I, Beka, personally have supported or currently support these linked ministries, very trusted sources!  Instead of giving your donations to organizations here in America that have revenues in the billions, why not give to orphans in absolute desperate poverty?  Make your money count!  The rich don’t need your money, the poor does).
Foster ONE.  If you are one of those who has a heart for America’s children, I encourage you to reach out to your local social services and find out what it takes to become a foster parent.
Support ONE.  At this moment, I know of at least twenty families who felt God’s call to adopt a child, even though they didn’t have enough in their bank accounts to cover an adoption, and took that step out to help care for ONE.  I’d be happy to show you families that you could support.  (I really like to use Reece’s Rainbow for this).
Adopt ONE.  If you think you might be willing to bring a precious orphan into their forever, please email me. MEPSCOASTIE@YAHOO.COM.  I will be happy to lead you to the agency and program that’s right for you.
I pray that this message reaches you all.  I pray that a precious little boy’s death will be the catalyst for something good to happen.  Today an orphan died in China, but I pray with all my heart that others won’t have to.”
“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves”
“Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.” Prov 31: 9
“And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.”  Matt 18:5

A DIAPER BOX AND SOME DINOSAURS

 A diaper box and some dinosaurs

save the day!

We are tired of being cooped up inside so Saturday I dug out some plastic dinosaurs they don't ever remember playing with and added this huge diaper box to our living room landscape.  It produced some loud, giggling fun!  These moments are sweet and this season in our lives (though very literally the coldest we have experienced) is full of beautiful memories.  I love these beauties!

Yes She Did..

 Yes, she did indeed have the time of her life painting her orange bedroom in our new house.  Orange?  Yes, this little lady of mine loves orange and insisted on having an orange bedroom. I have no earthly idea why she has fallen in love with orange, but she reminds us daily that her new room is to be orange and now it is just that! 

I am adding in a new floral quilt, a re-purposed chandelier, my childhood canopy bed repainted, and a hot pink stripe to make it look like a precious little girl's room.  It is a room with a personality as big as our little one's for sure.  I can't wait until everything is done and we are settled in.  We are so excited to begin doing life there!  This little moment is the first of many happy memories within the walls of our little yellow home.  God has provided in BIG ways for us and we are grateful to all of those working alongside us.

Her Voice

Our new insurance benefits for Jillian approved the purchase of this voice (an electronic device) for her.  This momma has a hard time holding back the tears because my baby girl finally has a voice.  This new voice has the potential to unlock so much of her and I can hardly stand my excitement for her.  She has been in several situations in the last few weeks where her signs weren't understood and she was so frustrated.  This voice is her golden ticket to communicate with anyone around her and I am thrilled.  Nearly three years ago when we were given this treasure, I never dreamed the road would lead us here, but the journey (though at times heartbreaking) has been so very sweet and stretched
my faith so much!  God is good and now nearly three years later this little love of ours is doing so very well!  To Him be the glory for all He has done for her!

Giddy

We close on our new home in just two days.  It is much smaller and far less grand than the parsonage we have called home for the last six years prior to coming here, but it is ours and we are thrilled to have a home again!  Anyway, dear hubs did the final walk through this morning with a kind, kind man from our church who is volunteering to do all of the electrical work we need done prior to moving in.  This kind man is a grandpa type and he carefully inspected each room looking over the electric, but the thing that made me giddy and has kept me smiling all day is that he checked the bookcases and stair railing.  He checked their sturdiness, without any prompting from Sean, because he knows our Jillian.  He knows that she is a climber as he cared for her one day in our church nursery and even let her climb the cabinets up to the ceiling under his care.  It makes me smile so so much because I worried  about coming to serve a new body.  I worried because my sweet four year old is not easy.  She has many, many challenges and loving her can be hard.  She needs a lot of support and, as her mother, it is a privilege for us to care for her. Still, I worried about bringing her into a new church because I didn't know how she would be received by others and if she would have those here who love her as much as we do. Well, she does, in fact, have a village of those who love and care about her in our new body and it just makes me smile.  It makes me smile that this man thought of her safety in our new home.  God is faithful and He continues to provide the village that we need to support her.  We are truly blessed to be in this body and I should have never doubted.

Jesus Loves Me

I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13:6

Delivering Dinner

Our Anna Mei is my BIG helper.  Our dining room and kitchen in the rental are very closed off and that makes for lots of carrying to the dinner table.  Anna Mei is quick to help carry Jilly's (Anna's pet name for Jillian) tray to the table.  The other night she had been playing dress up.  Don't you always set the table in princess heels and butterfly wings?  Is she not adorable?  This life, with this sweet, spunky, sassy one is just too too good.  I love the way she runs to the living room each night screaming "JILLY TIME TO EAT"!  I had to try to capture it.  She is a hoot this one and a blessing-a tremendously fun blessing!

In Awe..(The Story of the Lava Tiles)

of just how moved people are when they hear my Jillian's story.  

 We LOVE the local library.  It is new and they have amazing, great programs there that are all free to those of us that live in this great community.  We visit there often and in the entrance of the children's department, there are "lava tiles" which my Jillian has always been drawn to.  In fact, they make her laugh and jump with glee.  She draws some attention when she interacts so joyously with these tiles at the library.  So on several occasions, I have had a conversation started up with me about my special girl by the friendly and wonderful library staff while Jill laughs and runs from tile to tile.  I asked just what these tiles were on one occasion thinking that Jillian would really enjoy having one at home if they weren't too expensive.  The staff put me in contact with the architect that designed the library, and put said tiles into place, so that I could get more information about these magnificent and visually stimulating carpet inserts.  Well, these tiles cost lots of money and so I just resigned to enjoy them at the library (which we do), but apparently the architect was so moved by my girl's story, as it was shared by the library staff, that she worked to get a tile donated for her.  Imagine my surprise when I found a message in my inbox saying they had one for our Jillian completely free of charge.  I picked it up while she was in school and placed it in the living room next to her sensory tent so she could see it when she got home.  Boy did she ever see it!  She didn't even take her coat off!  She started voicing and laughing as she jumped up and down on the beautiful red "lava" inside this tile.  She was one happy, happy girl!  There are not many things that make my baby girl so very genuinely  happy so I was pretty happy too.  Thank you so very much Mindy for working to get this for my girl! She sure loves it!

Miraculous..Our Dear Big Girl on Her Little Sister's Bday

Miraculous!  Jillian ate cake!  I have never been able to get her to eat cake.  NEVER!  I have never even gotten it close to her mouth.  I don't think she loved it because she didn't ask for more, but she ate it!  She ate it!  She even blew out candles and she sat at the table the entire time we celebrated  Anna Mei's birthday! Each time Daddy would light the candles on Anna's cake, Jillian would have them blown out laughing hysterically before Anna could even blink.  We finally all were laughing so hard that we couldn't even stop ourselves.  Now, I will be even more thrilled if, on March 9, she can participate in her birthday just as fully as she has Anna Mei's.  This kid is amazing!  She continues to defy all of us and we are stinking blessed that she is ours.

Her Birthday Dinner..and the Elmo Cake

We had to wait until Em got home from practice to have her "party".  It killed her.  The waiting was treacherous, but so well worth it to share it with big sis.  This sweet, sweet girl just loved every part of her day, every gift, every song, and every ounce of love she received.  I have to say that today was one of the happiest days of my momma life as I watched this wonderful little treasure understand and accept being cherished by her family.  BEAUTIFUL!

 She has been sitting next to this cake ALL. DAY. LONG.  Waiting until this evening was brutal.

 As we were eating our Chinese take out, she said thank you momma. Melt my heart baby girl!  Melt my heart!

 I am three years old..she says.  We have been practicing all day.

 Finally with about ten minutes left to wait, she started digging in with her fingers.  There were several chunks missing by the time Em and Daddy arrived home.

 The happy birthday girl being sung to by her adoring family.

 She didn't even wait for a slice to be cut.  She dug right in.

 Daddy joined in.

Her three small gifts made her so very happy.  She had one from each of her sisters and was so very excited to open them.  Happy Third Birthday Precious Anna Mei!  We love you!

Her First Birthday..

There are no words.  I am not often speechless, but this kid..OMW..this kid is thrilled to be having a birthday.  She is something so very, very special and her day so far has been absolutely delightful.  She is counting down the hours until Em is home from school so we can have her official party with the Elmo cake we made.  My heart is happy..overflowing in fact..to have this sweet, treasured daughter with us on her "first" birthday!  There is nothing like it!  There is not one picture from today that she isn't just positively glowing!!

 We were able to find her the most adorable little kitchen and laundry center.  Another family had outgrown it at just the perfect time for Anna who was thrilled to see it this morning.

 She immediately began to iron and do laundry just like momma does.

 She even loved waiting for her birthday breakfast!

 Look at her excitement as she sees the candles on the pancakes and hears us singing happy birthday!

 Smiles. Priceless. (Without many of you, this simply wouldn't be.  She wouldn't be here and for that I am forever grateful to you!  Thank you for giving so that she could be home.)

 Dear friends this is the face of a treasured and loved little one on her very first birthday! 

 Blowing out candles.

She was more than ready to enjoy her very first birthday in a family!  We love her immeasurably and are so very happy to have this day with her.

Playing Together

 It is difficult to engage Jillian and Anna Mei in play at the same time.  Engaging Jillian is hard work because of her autism and Anna Mei, at two,  just doesn't have the patience and understanding to hold out or wait long enough to make their play last any amount of time.  As a result, playing purposefully together for any amount of time is something that this momma treasures in her heart.  One morning last week, it happened.  Anna Mei and I were in the corner of the dining room, because that is were we happened to land, with the toys she had gotten out.  We began by setting up some bowling pins and crashing a ball into them.  This pulled our Jillian in so naturally.  Initially, Anna Mei screamed (she is two people) refusing to share momma or her toys with Jillian, but after some prompting she relented and Jillian was still interested in playing so we took turns setting up the pins and knocking them over.  It lasted for a good seven minutes.  Jillian and Anna Mei took turns, shared laughs, and enjoyed playing!  Then, after growing tired of bowling, Anna created a new game
using the animal puppets and blocks in the tubs near us.  (Y'all I will never take for granted how easily this playing thing and childhood in general come for most kiddos, like my Anna, again after watching my Jillian struggle through so much!) We still had Jillian hooked, and despite her anxiety over those pesky puppets, she participated fully in Anna's game for a good ten minutes.  Anna would wear the puppet and Jillian would "feed" it a block.  Jillian would wear the puppet (miraculous truly) and Anna would feed it a block.  Then it was momma's turn.  Jillian thought my silly animal voices were hilarious.  It was wonderful to sit in the corner and enjoy a good fifteen minutes playing with my girls.  There was no fighting (unheard of as Anna can a bit difficult when it comes to sharing) and we laughed so much!  I am grateful for every moment I have with these beauties, but this moment was wonderful!  Jillian continues to just amaze me.  I miss our organized play therapy so much, but am so lucky to have seen Miss Amy, our amazing play therapist, playing with my Jill for well over a year.  In that year, I got pretty good at playing myself and I really, really enjoy it!  It is my prayer that I remember just how important is to stop all my business and take time to just play with my treasures!  These moments are the stuff that life is made of.  I know these toys, that now take up about 90% of our home, will be gone all too soon.  Enjoy today!

Pray

Sweet baby girl still has some pretty intense rages.  Usually, she is most upset when she wakes from her nap.  These episodes can be pretty ugly and last a good long while.  In the last two weeks, we have had some beautiful positive changes with our treasure and we are so hopeful that we are gaining ground in her heart.  She is pushing me away less and letting me comfort her more even in the midst of her anger.  Today, she woke and I knew she would ultimately end up melting down.  She did, in fact, scream, kick, and flail for a good while, but as she was collecting herself she came to me for rocking.  Then she said PRAY.  I did not understand her at first as she was still sobbing heavily so she repeated PRAY.  You see, I pray for my sweet girl as I sit next to her working through her grief during these times.  I pray aloud so she knows exactly what I am saying as I converse with my God on her behalf.  I give thanks for her life (even though I am often frustrated and afraid as I watch her), pray peace over her, and most often spend lots of time praying for God's healing where her little heart is concerned.  Today, today was the first day that my baby girl asked me to pray for her.  She wanted me to talk with God on her behalf.  There are so many things that are down right hard about parenting my beautiful treasures from China, but at the same time there are moments like this..that bring you to your knees because my baby girl at two knows where this momma's coming from.  She knows that ultimate healing and peace can only come through a relationship with a living God.  It is my prayer that I model that for her and that ultimately she grows to love Him as much as I do.  I believe He has never left her and that He knows every step she has taken.  He understands the pain in her heart and He has placed her right here and chosen me to help her heal.  Though I am broken and weak myself, God continues to give me wisdom and strength as I parent these girls and I am forever grateful for the privilege.

Playing in the Snow

 Oh the JOY that comes from being able to spend a little time with my babies makes my heart so very full.  

 God is immeasurably good to have given us the gift of these beautiful girls.  (Is she not adorable in this huge, puffy suit?)

  Playing in the snow is just so much fun!  We needed some good fresh air and outdoor exercise.

The wonder of the white stuff is something that I hope they never loose.  I am thankful for the balmy mid thirties today so we could get out a bit.  We enjoyed our time so very much!