Making Cookies (Picture Heavy)

 We have spent many, many hours in the kitchen baking this season as it is my very favorite place to be.

 My Anna Mei is very fond of it too.  It is a whole body experience for her..just look at that powdered sugar.

 How many cookies do you get to eat Anna?  Just one cookie is her answer every time, but she usually tries to negotiate more than that in the end.

 She takes decorating very seriously.

 Jillian spent a good while in the beans at first while we prepared dough..just goofing with daddy.

 Emily helped decorate and eat her fair share too.

 Jillian was excited when the sprinkles came out as it was a sensory bin for her.  One of her favorite visuals is the sprinkling of anything so these decorations were a hit.

 Anna was one happy little lady the entire time.  I can't help but think of her sad face and empty eyes less than a year ago while she laid waiting for us to come to her and just look at her now.

When I added icing to Jillian's tray, it really stressed her out.  She continued to play with it for a bit, but then had to go to the bath.  It was way too much for her.  It was  great fun decorating and eating this season away with my newest little to help.  We made many, many memories and had moments I will forever cherish.  I am so very thankful for this little family God has given me!

Their First Christmas Program

(We had a snow storm that dumped about seven inches on us on Saturday night and  into Sunday morning, but there were a few children who made it to church for the program..four to be exact.  I was sad that so many weren't plowed out in time to come as my little Sunday School class is so cute when they sing.  We were missing about ten children.)

Truly watching my first Chinese treasure on Sunday morning stand with the two and three year old class, smiling, performing motions, ringing her bell, and enjoying herself leads me to believe that even the impossible is possible when it is in God's will.  I was told by so many after first coming home from China that my sweet Jillian would never be able to do anything, would never be connected to us, would never learn much..and at times I admit I believed it myself.  This child is something indescribable and she just does something to me.  Watching her standing up there and remembering just how very far she has come in the last two years just makes me want more of these treasures in homes with forever families because she has accomplished so much!  And my sweet Anna Mei holding that baby doll and standing in front of everyone..precious!  Blessed.  I am down right blessed by the presence of these girls!

The Man at the Over Pass

It was nearly twenty below zero last Wednesday morning as I drove my treasure to therapy up the interstate past the exit I have come to hover around.  I hover because there is a man often standing there holding his sign asking for food and work.  I take this exit often, though it is out of the way, and always look for him because I deliver food every time he stands there, but it had been nearly a week since I last saw him yielding his cardboard sign and I had wondered about him each day that week.  On this morning, there he stood, out in the twenty below zero cold, holding his sign for food, and this time asking for blankets as well.  I drove through Culvers and got my usual for him-the number one with hot, black coffee.  As I pulled out, I peeked in my mirror and saw my beautiful Jillian sitting in her seat and  I prayed with her for this man.  I prayed that his needs would be met and I thanked God for meeting the needs of my sweet treasures when they lay on the side of the road in real need in China the day they were abandon.  Having these two girls has changed something so deep inside of me.  This man, whom stands beside the over pass, is like my own daughters.  What if no one had stopped for Anna Mei on January 16, 2011 as she lay on that road by the bank?  What if everyone was too busy or thought someone else would do it?  What if no one took the time to lift Jillian from her finding spot on March 16, 2009?  My heart aches at the thought of my babies alone with such a real need and so I meet this man's needs because someone met the needs of my babies when I couldn't.  Honestly, I have grown to love this little man even though I know nothing about him.  He wears a red sweatshirt, sincerely thanks me each time I bring him something, and says God bless you.  God bless me?  I wish I could just pull over and tell him about how God has blessed me again and again because I know His Son as Savior, but I turn my blinkers off and pull back in traffic and our interaction is quickly over because traffic is zooming by as each of us go about our day seemingly untouched by the hurt and need around us.  What if I just took a little more time to be Jesus to others?  What if we all did?  This man, and the need of my daughters, leaves me longing for Jesus return when there will be no more evil, no more need, and the lion will lay with the lamb.  Until then, I will keep bringing food to this man and doing my best to meet the needs I see in my corner of God's world because He has given me so very much.

Thank You Fed Ex Man

Thank you Fed Ex man for delivering our diapers in the ice storm.  We needed said diapers badly..

and are especially grateful for the huge box they came in.  It provided us hours of fun and we needed it because being cooped up inside is no fun!

Her Buddy

We recently received a Christmas card in the mail and a photograph of one of Anna's roommates from Xuchang.  She probably spent her entire life living with this little guy as they are close in age and are in the same room in many of the pictures we have from her orphanage.  When she first came home, we had a photo of him in the orphanage that his new family sent us when they received his referral. After returning home from China with Anna, I would get the photo out and pray for this little fella as he waited for his family.  When I would do this, the photos of him still the orphanage made my Anna so sad that she would shake her little head no and cry when I would show her his picture and so I had to stop praying with her for her little friend.  I continued my praying over his photo though by myself until the day his family reached him.  Well, now this little man is home and in the arms of a loving family.  He doesn't even look like the same little man I prayed over in the photo from the orphanage.  The sweetest part of receiving this card was Anna's reaction to seeing him.  She is now so happy to see his picture-so different than her reaction to seeing him still in the orphanage-and even more overjoyed to look at all his siblings with him.  She truly was really thrilled to see him when I opened the card and she smiled so big when I showed her his picture.  I know she is only two, but truly this baby girl's heart is much older than that and she completely understands that this little man is home with a family and orphaned no more.  Just look at her as she is calling out his Chinese name as she looks at his picture..

Merry Christmas B!  Thank you for sharing your family with us.

Her First Snowman

  It was just an ordinary moment.  A little girl playing joyfully in the snow happens everyday in these parts.  But for my baby girl, it was so much more.

 It is the promise of a new life, a forever family, a chance to experience everything that God has made her for.

 Just eight months ago this little lady was placed into my arms and since then she has stolen my heart.  She is full of wonder and, though her brokenness and heartache at times overtake her, God is turning the ashes of her life into something so very beautiful.  I am humbled by the fact that God made her mine.

 I rejoice that my morning was spent simply in the snow with this beautiful Chinese treasure beside me.  I marvel at how my heart overflows with a love so big for her.

And I was especially thrilled when she wanted to come inside to drink hot chocolate and paint pictures of snowmen because I am not made for the cold.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year..

to have a precious little one in the kitchen helping you.

 I am so very grateful for each and every moment.

 It is always a mess,

but oh what a tremendous blessing she is indeed!

Decorating our Tree

 It didn't take long for Anna Mei to get the hang of this tree decorating thing.  She was thrilled with the lights.

 She loved going over every detail of every decoration including her very own baby's first Christmas ornament with her picture.  It wasn't long before she was organizing and running the show.

 Jillian was a bit anxious with the process, but before long she was helping Daddy hang a few ornaments and signing light on.

She remembered this little music box that sits under our tree and loved being the big sister by showing Anna Mei how it worked.  It is exciting to be in a new home (though it is not a permanent one) celebrating our Savior's birth as a family of five. 

Worship

This morning I held this baby girl, whom I have only had the privilege of calling mine for seven months, in my arms during worship.  I heard her calling out the name of Jesus as she saw the slide of the manager scene.  I saw her clapping her hands, dancing, and smiling as we sang Here I am to Worship.  I held her and shed a tear praising God for this little life, for her heart, and for the chance I get to call her daughter.  What an incredible God it is that I serve.  What a miracle that this Christmas, this little treasure is home celebrating the birth of the very one who created her and loves her so much!  What a difference seven months has made in her life. I couldn't be more thankful for her.  I couldn't be more grateful that it is my arms holding her while I sing praises to the most high God thanking Him for leading me on this journey.  The blessings I have, because of it, are immeasurable in deed.

To My Oldest..

I never saw this coming.  I never dreamed that you would be sitting in front of a Christmas tree in 2013, in the state of IA, with a lap full of sweet Chinese toddlers.  At fourteen, you are such a treasure and the way that you are growing into such an incredible young woman takes my breath away.  For ten years, you were the only one.  You didn't have to share, think of others, and it was pretty quiet around here at all times.  It is so the opposite of that now.  Your sisters need so much and quiet is very, very hard to come by.  You willingly give of yourself again and again as we care for them.  You wipe bloody noses while I'm driving, serve noodles and cheese while I'm rocking another, and sit with these sweet treasures in your lap hundreds of times throughout the day.  Watching you with them and thinking about how far God has brought our family is something I absolutely treasure in my heart.  I am anxious to see how God uses all that has happened in the last three years in your life.  You have walked this road alongside us.  You have seen God provide in ways none of us imagined for the sake of these beauties.  You have sacrificed, adventured, and endured just as we have.  Some of the greatest and most beautiful moments of my life are when you are loving on your sisters.  I love you and am blessed to have you as my daughter.  I know that all too soon you will be farther away from us and I pray that you continue to be strong in your faith as you walk your own path in this life. 

Her First Hair Cut

This sweet girl has been growing out her lovely, dark locks for the last six months and it was time for a trim. So, we have been "playing" haircut all week.  We gathered spray bottles, brushes, a cape, and pretend scissors and "cut" our stuffed animals hair almost every day. (We have enjoyed playing this while inserting many lectures about not cutting her own hair of course.  I have an inkling that this is the one of my children who would actually do that.)

Because of our play, she knew exactly what to expect and she was so good.  She was as still as any two year old can be and she looks adorable though she is looking so much more grown up and that is making this momma sad.

We even had a visitor here that weekend and it was so special to have Anna present for Anna Mei's first cut.  Another milestone for our precious daughter has been reached.  I tell you time is flying by way too fast these days and I know in the blink of an eye she will be grown.

Thank You, Miss Julie!

My sweet friend sent a package to our family for Halloween and Miss Anna would just like to thank her for the yummy treats!

We miss you and your sweet family so!  Thank you for sending a little something from home just for us!

This girl is bouncing off the walls crazy already around here.  It may be a long winter.  I am thankful for this trapeze bar attachment for her indoor swing system because she LOVES it.  Still, the days are LONG when we are cooped up inside because of the cold and snow.  (Yes, it has snowed here already. UGH!!)  Summer can't come soon enough.

How far will God go to redeem "one"?

Go here.
Read. 
Cry. 
This post is a must and while you are there follow them so you can be with them as they travel to China to bring home their sweet Abigail.

Adoption Changed My Life

Without a doubt, adoption has changed my life and the lives of everyone in my entire family.  This video was written and produced by a teen about how adoption has changed her life.  It is beautifully written and her words are so articulated.  I pray that God continues to raise up this generation to live so boldly for him.

It Made Me Think of Him..

I passed by him just now.  There was a group of adults, who were probably residents of a group home, doing there shopping at a store this afternoon.  There he stood at the end of the aisle with a funny crumpled face, because the aisle was so crowded, just shaking his head at the squeeze he was about to experience.  I spoke to him and he smiled the broadest smile.  It was the kind of smile that just lights up my insides.  He showed me his hat.  I asked if he was buying pencils like his friends.  He said yes and then he said "see you later" as I carried on with my shopping and left the aisle.  Then, I started to tear up because that joyful, wonderful, amazing, friendly man made me think of this one..

This little man just passed away in an orphanage never knowing the love of a family.  He passed away at 7 months old never having the value, experiencing the community, or joy that this man in the grocery store, whom I just passed, got to experience.  These two individuals share similar genetic make-up and were both created by the same God in His own image and yet tragically this little man, at only 7 months old, left the earth all too soon.  He was never given the care or value that he deserved on this Earth.  I cried for him and the millions of other children around the world who wait.  As I cried, I thanked God for allowing me to see these children with His eyes and I prayed that He would allow me to be a part of doing something more. Could God be calling you to do something?  Listen.  We are His hands and feet to the least.  If we don't act, who will?


James 1:27  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

The Orchestra..Our Fridays at the Library

 Friday, there was a free orchestra concert at the library.  We spend every Friday morning at the library so this concert was a great start!  They played twinkle, twinkle little star while my sweet girl sang and did the motions.

 She loved the stringed instruments.  She was pretty happy to be experiencing it with all the other children!

 Then, we moved to the computer area.  This is a favorite of hers.  She LOVES to play the games.

 She can maneuver the touch screen and match all the baby animals to their mommas because she is a brilliant two year old.

 Then, we participate in a play group right there in the library community room.  It is an amazing group called Play and Learn.  They bring in toys and set up about six centers each week.

 I love exploring all the centers with her and doing the crafts in the craft area.  Our library is AMAZING!  All of this is free and Anna really, really enjoys it.

This is the large, open letter O that is among the giant letters on the wall going into the children's section of the library.  It is a tunnel and she loves crawling through it each week to get to the book section.  We are blessed to have such an incredible library program here!  We even attend a free music class at another branch of the CR library on Thursdays.  Anna loves it all!  I love it too because it is a perfect way to fill our mornings while Jillian is learning at school. 

Fall Fun

We must have played ring around the rosy in the leaves 100 times at the park yesterday!  It was so simple and so fun.  We enjoyed playing in those leaves so much that we are excited that the sky is sunny and the weather isn't too cold today so we can go back at it again this afternoon!  It was a wonderful day yesterday and I pray we are rounding another corner. 

Hard

This week with Miss Anna has been hard and I am reminded that attachment and bonding is a marathon not a sprint.  It isn't something magical that happens at one month home or even at six months home.  It is a long and painful process for all involved most of the time.  It is something that requires much work, more prayer, and a lot of patience, but the payoffs in the end are so worth every painstaking investment made in a healthy parent/child relationship.  This week our Anna has been so defiant and so demanding of my time.  Honestly, it was like it was our first week home again and so I had to get the ergo carrier back out.  She nestled right in it and sat in there for the last two hours.  I spoon fed her lunch and took her way back to where I had her those first few weeks in China, but our lunch was so much better than our day has been.  Where did this come from?  The only thing I can think is that Jillian had a meltdown on Sunday which required my solo attention be on her and Daddy wasn't home so Emily stepped in to help with Anna.  Needless to say, the jealousy and exclusive rights to momma have been brutal this week following Sunday night's episode with Mei, Mei even though she really doesn't want much to do with me when she can have my attention.  It only seems to be when her sister needs me that she is so upset and that isn't even mentioning the tantrums, fits, and shouting NO at nearly every request that is made of her this week.  Frustrating week is an understatement, but I got a kiss just now.  It is the first unsolicited kiss given this week by her and I am thankful to be making a step in the right direction after a few hard days.  This journey to attachment and unconditional love is not for the faint of heart.  I could never go it alone and am grateful for the ever present love and strength of my God who walked me down this road and who never, never leaves me.  Here is to the end of a hard week and hope for a better one about to begin!

She's Eating a Cracker

SHE'S EATING A CRACKER!!!

Little Miss Jillian still cannot chew.  She has no clue how to use her jaw to move those chompers up and down to chew anything.  She doesn't bite.  She doesn't chew on toys, or anything, because literally she has no idea how to chew.  She mashes food with her tongue in a sort of sucking motion and swallows most things whole.  She eats only soft foods like rice/pasta and cooked fruit because she couldn't even use her tongue to spit food out that was too big to swallow until recently.  She swallowed everything she put in even if it choked her.  She is a big applesauce and yogurt fan as they have a puree texture and are easiest for her to eat..no mashing required because mashing all your food with your tongue is a workout.  We have been in feeding therapy for almost two years now trying to figure out those teeth, introduce her to new food textures, and get her chewing.  We have tried many, many different things.  We have worked a long, long time and she has made great progress (thank you Easter Seals therapists), but she still won't put most foods in her mouth probably because she can't just swallow them and has no idea how in the world to chew.  So at snack each day at school, Jillian eats what I pack her.  I pack her comfort foods, her favorite spoons, and her therapy cup for her each day.  While she eats her special snack packed lovingly by momma, the other kiddos in her class munch on graham crackers all around her.  Well, she has been watching them and yesterday she took a small bit of cracker from Miss Nina and put it in her mouth.  She is even making a biting sort of motion when I give her a piece at home.  This is huge and exciting.  One of the main ways we were trying to bring awareness of her teeth to her was by placing these crunchy textures in small bits on her teeth, but she wouldn't even let us hand feed these to her.  I have been hand feeding her little bits too after her interaction with the cracker at school yesterday and she is letting me get them in!  She is still trying to "suck" bits in mostly and not opening up, but just taking them from me is a huge step in the right direction.  Miss Kelsey, our feeding therapist back home, would be so proud!  Funny I just said to Sean two days ago that she may never chew, but I am so thankful she can eat some foods and is gaining weight and healthy.  Then, we get this breakthrough!  WAAAHOOO!!!

God's Provision

Adoption costs a lot.  When you are fully funded (praise God) and have a new little one home, the costs do not stop.  In fact, when you adopt a child with special needs, there are often additional costs that come along with the treasure you have welcomed home.  The cost of therapy, transportation, and adaptive equipment add up quickly, but what I want to post today is that God provides..never has He left us.  God didn't just provide the $30,000 we needed to bring our girls home and leave us on our own.  He has continued to provide every step of the way.  In the last two years, as we have faced many hurdles in caring for Jillian, whose special needs are so much more than we planned for, God has continued to provide for us in all things.  It happened again in a big way recently.  About two months ago, a family who we now are blessed to know because God has moved us here, showed up at our door with an ipad for Jillian..a free gift for us.  Jillian is nonverbal, meaning she cannot speak words though she has a desire to communicate with us, and so we had been saving for an ipad for her for almost a year.  The ipad technology has augmentative communication software and sign language software that is invaluable for her as she tries to tell us what she wants and needs.  We had almost set aside enough after a year of saving to purchase one and mentioned to this family one day while having lunch with them that we would be in the market for one soon as the money was almost saved.  Then, later the next day, they showed up with a package wrapped for our special little miracle-her very own ipad!  AMAZING!  I continue to stand in awe of how supportive God's people are and how they allow themselves to be used to help us care for our little treasure.  She loves her ipad and I love our snuggle/work sessions when Anna Mei is napping.  She is making great strides here in our new home and I feel so completely blessed to watch her blossoming. 

Not only did this miraculous provision help us, it allowed us to use the money we had saved to help another family in need.  Because we didn't need the money for the ipad anymore, we were able to give it to a very special someone at just the time they needed it!  I love how God cares for us.  I love to watch Him work and am grateful beyond measure to be able to know Him as my Savior!

Six Glorious Months

Dearest Anna Mei,
Six months ago you woke up in a crib in an orphanage in China for the last time.  You rode in a van nearly an hour and were given to me.  You dear, sweet, baby, are an incredible gift from the Lord. You fill my days with joy and laughter.  You are smart, saucy, bossy, and compassionate.  Your smile lights up our home.  You love to be rocked and held.  You love to play pretend, carry your baby dolls, and cook with momma.  You can't get enough of Elmo and love your big sister Emily best.

 You still pick up your bowl and drink your oatmeal in the morning.  You love to eat everything, but pizza makes you pat your belly and say "YUM Good!".  You are a grazer and prefer to eat from your snack bowl all day long when momma lets you.  You also insist on having yogurt and applesauce on your plate, even though you don't like them, just because Jillian has them on her plate.  You want everything to be even and square.

When you smile, your eyes disappear.  You are all about hair bows these days, but don't like to leave them in long after they are placed for the day.  You love to sing, dance, and be the center of the attention in our family.  You are talking up a storm and are never, never quiet except when we are in big crowds.  You are most comfortable at home or in groups of people you know well.  I love you with everything I am and am grateful for every moment in the last six months as you continue to become mine.  You are a precious gift.  I know the Lord has big plans for your life sweet girl and I pray for your salvation daily.  I love that you already play your little instruments and have me sing our praise God in the morning song!  May all the days of your life be spent praising Him who brought you to us and loves you more than you could ever imagine.

Crafting

I love to craft and there is nothing more fun than doing it with my girls. 

Jillian is getting so much better at tolerating my little projects and sometimes she even enjoys them. 

Anna loves any and everything that I set up for her.

She especially loves painting!

She is learning to recognize her name so we label all her art with her name.  We have been displaying the girls art on the refrigerator, but it is so full of Jillian's school work that we have to move most of our home projects to the playroom wall.  I am so happy to have these sweet little faces to craft with and thankful that they are so willing to participate.

Jillian's Day on the Farm

If you are in the middle of doing hard on your adoption journey..if it seems as if you will never bond..if you feel like you can't handle all the special needs that surprisingly came with your newest treasure..if you are weary and wonder how in the world you will ever be able to handle anything more...if you are hopeless and feel as if your child is too broken or their special needs are too disabling.. DON'T LOOSE HOPE because today I spent the entire day with my amazing little treasure whose special needs are so much more than I was prepared for, whose brokeness at times was so overwhelming, and who, some days, I thought would never be able to experience life AND it was one of the happiest days of my life.  Watching this child overcome so much in the last two years is so incredible that I feel extremely blessed just being near her.  There were, and continue to be, times that are so hard, but this baby is a miracle and I praise God that He chose me to be her mother.
Today, we went on a field trip.  Her PK class headed to the local farm that Anna and I visited a few weeks ago.  It was just a field trip..an ordinary day experienced by thousands of school children today alone, but for me, a momma watching her special needs child, it was a miracle!  Her smiles melt my heart.  The fact that she can communicate with me and was signing up a storm is just more than my heart could even dream possible in the months after we brought her home.  Now two years later, she is no longer empty and weak.  She is full of life, has so much JOY, and I have seen the Lord work miracles in her life!  Today is a day that I will treasure in my heart for years to come.  I will hold on to these images as I face the impossible knowing for certain that nothing is impossible for Him!

 The jumping pillow was a highlight of her day!  She would run and fall laughing her head off the entire time.

 This is her smile on the hay rack ride.  She was so happy to see her friends.  She shrieked with delight the entire time!

 This is her first jump holding on to momma's hand!

 She LOVED the swings.

 Just as I thought, she spent an hour in the corn.  It was, by far, the highlight of her entire day!  It was a huge crib with corn at least three feet deep.  A sensory seeking, bean lovin' girl's dream come true!

 This farm is one of the richest, sensory filled places I have ever seen!  I heart this farm and it is only twenty minutes from us.  Now if they just had a frequent visitors club so we could get reduced admission, it would be perfect!  Today was truly priceless.  If only those officials from her country, who said she would never do anything, could see her now!  How I love her and am over the moon giddy about the beautiful day we spent together!  I never would have dreamed in the months after coming home that she would change so much! 

 

That Chair

That chair in the header of the blog isn't empty anymore!  Our darling Mei Mei is home!  And so we headed to a local park with that chair (and the other two) to shoot some fall pictures last Saturday!  I can't wait to get them back and redo the blog because we are waiting no more.  Our little treasure is HOME!  She is home and these days she is carrying that chair to declare it!  Empty no more!  Full of a precious, amazing little two year old who is sassy and bossy and fits just perfectly with us!  Praise be to God for this amazing gift!

That Stubby Round Toe

Many, many days, it is hard and complex to process all that my heart is feeling because I have my Ch*nese treasures in my life.  Truly, I experience, see, and witness miracles in the making every moment that I am with them.  Tonight, I sat rocking them both-Jillian on the right and Anna Mei on the left-in the little white rocking chair beside Jillian's bed in her room. A room with a sweet pink quilt on the white metal bed that is full of toys, clothes, and the beautiful hand painted tea party table that belonged to my oldest daughter. Jillian had bumped her head and was crying.  Anna Mei knew Jillian's need for momma time and sat quietly (this is a rarity) on my lap next to Jillian giving her the quiet to process and recover.  I sang, as Jillian requested, as I rocked them both.  It was then that I began to look at Anna Mei's bare toes.  I examined her littlest piggy toe.  I really looked for the first time at how stubby and round it is as it protrudes out from her foot a bit.  And then I wondered..did she have her birth momma's toe?  Somewhere in China was there a woman who gave birth to my baby with a little toe just like this one?  Does her heart break thinking about the absence of this child?  Then, I started to cry at the injustice in that thought.  Suddenly, as I rocked in this sorrow, Anna Mei looked into my eyes and said "I Low You Momma".  Oh my heart this baby girl is so a part of me, but at the same time, she is not at all a part of me.  It breaks me that there is a momma out there that has been denied the right to have this baby as hers.  Yet, it is a deep honor and privilege to be able to care for her as mine.  This adoption stuff is hard.  Heart breaking.  Beautiful.  And so much more than I could have ever imagined.  Yet truly each and every day the Lord has opened my eyes to so much more than I could have ever seen before because I have these babies.  "I Low You Momma" are words my daughter's birth mothers will probably never hear them say as the chances of us finding them are nearly impossible.  Still, I pray for them often.  I pray that God will give them peace and that He will reveal Himself to them so that they too may find  His love that is so available to all of us who believe.  I hold out hope that someday we might just get to worship Him together in glory and that we will finally be united together with our maker who intertwined our lives so intimately though we have never met.