The Blessing of the Body During This Trial

All who believed were together and had all things in common.  And they were selling their possessions and belongings, and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.  Acts 2:44-45

I've been spending a lot of time in the last two weeks in hospital waiting areas.  As I wait for my dear man to be cut on, repaired, or examined, I am watching, listening, and experiencing trauma right alongside pure strangers as they wait for loved ones to return from various procedures.  The one thing that has hit me like a ton of bricks is that most people wait alone without the hope of my Savior.  While I walk through this trial with an amazing army of believers by my side, who have been a picture of the new testament fellowship, most don't know this kind of support.

My church, my amazing church, has been such a picture of the new testament.  

Right now, we have need, and every one continues to be met through the body.  

We have need for encouragement..we get cards, texts, emails, and phone calls every single day sharing the truths of God's word and assuring us that we are prayed for and loved.  These things come at just the right time and say exactly what we need.  

We need nourishment.  Each night for the last two weeks (and continuing for the next two weeks), someone from our church takes the time to serve us by sharing a meal that they have prepared for us.  Single mommas, mommas with small children, those who are sick themselves, ones who work full time...take the time from their own lives to serve us during this blip in the road.  I can't tell you how it has ministered to my soul to go to the door each night, and be given a meal that I can sit around the table with my family and share.  Eating dinner together feels so normal, and it is so comforting to be able to continue to have this routine with my clan each night while everything else in life seems so out of control.  

We have need for fellowship.  I have never been alone.  This has probably been the one thing that I have noticed the most as I have waited in hospitals.  There are many who wait without the comfort of company.  Though we live in this state far away from most of our blood family, I never wait alone.  I always have people beside me to pray with us, talk with me, and just be.  The precious gift of time, even spending the entire night in the hospital waiting area with me, that so many have given me during this trial is priceless.   

We have physical needs too.  Dear friends from the body have bought groceries, picked up our children, run for prescriptions, offered their services for laundry, and shared their resources with us!  Two days into this, my dishwasher went out.  I will admit that with all I have to do caring for everyone my dishwasher going out was a huge blow.  Silly I know, but within two days I had a new dishwasher installed and running because a few in the body stepped in answering my need.  Yesterday, our ipad broke.  Again, it sent me into how can this be?  Our daughter with special needs can't be without this piece of technology!  I don't have time for this! We don't have the funds to replace it!  Then a card was delivered with a check that will just about cover the cost of a new one.  While this person couldn't have possibly known of our need before bringing the check, God knew.  God has been so faithful, and our dear church has been so willing to be used by Him to meet our every need during this time.  

If you are believer, and you don't have a consistent, deep connection with a body, you are missing out on one of the greatest blessings God has given us here on Earth.  The church is a place that we can care for others, and be cared for.  The Lord created it to be His hands and feet here.  This has been such an illustration of the importance of that to my oldest babe during this time as she is about to leave me for college.  I love, love that I have been able to say to her..this is the church.  Don't leave me and not get plugged in to a body where ever you are dear girl because we so need each other.

Praising God in my prayers for the blessing of the body of believer here on this Earth to be His hands and feet.  It is a privilege indeed to serve among such a special place as Cedar Valley Bible Church. 

Another Surgery..Update

Yesterday, we headed to the U to have another surgery to remove Sean's right eye.  It went as expected.  There was an implant put in so that the prosthetic, which is a bit like a huge contact lens, will have a round eye shape.  We came into contact with many whom we were able to share our faith. My prayer is that our story glorified God.   It was a hard day as Sean just doesn't come out of anesthesia well.  It is never easy to see someone you love so very much experience so much pain and fear, but throughout this I am reminded of the blessing of marriage and family.  God made me to be a helper for this amazing man whom I am put together with.  My purpose in this life is to care for him, love him the best I can, and through that bring glory to my creator.  It continues to blow me away to fathom that.  God made me for this very purpose, for these days of caring for Sean as they are no surprise to Him, and He continues to be all I need.  When your husband is so helpless, vulnerable, and begging you not to leave his side, it causes you to pause and just thank God for this relationship that He has given us.  It is such a tremendous and miraculous blessing that God would allow us to experience something as special as marriage on this earth.  Just like most everyone, I am sure that I tend to take this special gift of marriage for granted when things are going well, but through this I have been reminded again and again of just what a precious gift that it truly is to have a God loving man to lead my family.  As usual, the sunrise is bringing a new day filled with hope and sunshine.  Sean is resting more comfortably and the anesthesia is wearing off so he seems less anxious.  Praising God this morning for His care for us and that He is with us each and every step of the way.  Thank you for prayers for pain relief in the next few days as Sean is uncomfortable.  Pray as well for rest, peace, and healing.   

A Memorial Post

I desperately want to record the events of this last week and half well.  I love the book of Joshua and I am a huge believer in building a memorial for my children just as the Israelites did after crossing the Jordan.  This blog, and my prayer journals throughout the years, are my memorial for them.  It is a way for them to see all that the Lord has done, and, continues to do, in my life.  This week and half has had lots of time for reflection, and has brought so much beauty from the Lord.  I was thinking in the car that the one thing that I want my girls to not miss is the beauty of following Jesus in this life. Following the Lord is about so much more than just accepting Him.   I don't want them to waste even a second of their lives chasing after the things of this world, but want them to fully embrace the plans that God would have for them as this has been the greatest adventure! I could have never imagined a life so full of joy, peace, happiness, and love, even amidst such trial as this week and half has been, as I was a young person planning out what I wanted as I grew.  Yet, here I am living the greatest adventure with such blessings as I follow my Savior...

Wednesday evening my husband was involved in an accident at youth group.  They were playing a sports game which is common before they dig into God's word for the evening.  About 7:00, my teenager called with a very shaky voice to tell me there was an accident, Daddy was hurt, and they were calling an ambulance for him.  She couldn't give me any details about anything.  I am sure it was traumatic for her to see it happen.  I was home alone with the littles, but had spent the entire night memorizing scripture about fear (for my friend as mentioned in my last post) so instantly Joshua 1:9 kept playing again and again in my head.  I wasn't frantic.  I wasn't afraid.  I waited until someone arrived which seemed like a long time though it wasn't.  Then, I assured them I was able to drive myself to the ER to meet my husband as I really was feeling the Lord so close.  I recited audibly Joshua 1:9 the entire way to the hospital.  Again and again I said, Do not be terrified for the Lord your God goes with you where ever you go.  I felt Him with me.  It was a long night involving an second ambulance ride to a specialty hospital about 45 minutes away, a five hour emergency surgery in the middle of the night, and a good week of laying in bed to recover.  My dear man lost his right eye last week because of this accident, but what we have gained far outweighs this loss.  There has been so much good that has come from this already.  I am praying for some quiet to continue to process this week, and to add to my memorial for my girls because I want this to change to them.  I want them to grow even deeper in their walk with the Lord because of what we have seen and experienced through this blip in the road.

We have another surgery, and recovery, this coming week as we will remove his blind eye all together.  The globe was ruptured, and it just is too risky to keep it in there as the immune system tends to attack eye tissue that has been leaking which puts his good eye at risk.  Please pray for his recovery, and that I will carry this story well.  I don't ever want to waste the lessons the Lord is teaching me.  He is so good..so abundantly good to allow me the chance to stretch and grow through this.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

The Lord Goes Before Us

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous, Do not be terrified: do not be discouraged for the Lord you God goes with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I spent most of early Wednesday evening brushing up on verses about fear.  I have a friend who is battling fear as she begins another adoption.  I was planning on meeting with her on Thursday morning so I opened scripture to refresh my memory so that I could encourage her as we met.  This verse above was one I memorized when going to pick up my Anna Mei.  I read it again and again on Wednesday evening.  I even recorded it on a card..to give my friend.  I never imagined that I would be the one using these words to remind myself of this truth as I was gonna need a big dose of the Lord come about 7:00 PM.  I had no idea that this promise, made to Joshua by the Lord, would be so very important to me again so soon, but my Lord knew and was already preparing me to walk through what would be coming next.  Oh, how He love us.  

I Would Have Never Dreamed

Wednesday morning at 5:30 AM, I woke my six year old treasure from a very deep sleep so that she could have a minor surgery at the U.  Daddy had to tend to the needs of the other girls at home as getting them up and off to school, as well as caring for Molly Kate, is a task that is hard to pass off to anyone else.  As a result, I headed by myself with Jillian to the U for her procedure.  Never, never did I imagine almost five years ago now when we were first home that I could ever, ever do this alone with this girl.  When we were first home, my Jilly was so completely broken that she was unable to handle anything, anywhere outside of our home without an army of us to handle her.  Seriously, Sean would consult with doctors while I ran with a screaming baby to the car after an exam.  The screaming and out of control thrashing would last long after the exam ended because of our poor baby's fear and inability to trust anyone.  

Those months were so beyond hard because of our girls condition and how she was not cared for before coming home.  Still, we were so filled with joy as we cared for her and we didn't give up hope that she would be able to learn to feel safe and trust.  Today, was such an example of how very far we have come.  She walked calmly into the big hospital holding my hand, drank the happy juice from her special cup when it was given to her, and rocked this medical procedure.  They always let me stay with her in the OR until she is asleep.  This time, she didn't fight the doctors one bit.  She calmly breathed in the medication and drifted off to sleep without additional meds or any fighting.  This girl has a huge fight response and that is probably what kept her alive all those years when she was institutionalized, but her brain is overcoming the need to fight as she feels safer and safer with us.  When she woke in recovery, she was peaceful and trusting.  She laid in my arms safe and happy.  AMAZING!  God has certainly shown us His power to turn ashes into something beautiful because of this babe's life!  She is an incredible and miraculous little one who has all my heart!  I am so beyond blessed to call her my daughter.  I am grateful to God for the chance to walk beside her because I have seen the impossible done by the Lord in her life!  I just kept thinking on the way home that I could have given up the hope that she would be healed so fully in those long months when we were first home.  It was well over a year before she could function at church.  It was just over a year before she made her first sign to communicate that she wanted that water turned on.  It was well over a year before she let me comfort her at night, signed that she loved me, and took a drink from a cup.  While there were times that first year that felt so hopeless, I am grateful for the hope and peace that comes only from trusting my Savior as it kept us going and loving our girl on the hardest of those days.  Today, I couldn't imagine life without her and I truly marvel at the miracle that she is living with such joy!  How I love her so much more than I could ever type!

Snow Painting..

 The weather was beautiful on Saturday so we played outside all morning.  Don't you just love this smile?  That smile makes me want to run to China and claim more of these precious treasures as that joy is miraculous.

 We decided to take some watercolors outside and paint the snow.  I also added some kitchen tools to the snow table.

 The pastry brushes that I picked up for a dollar at the dollar store were a huge hit painting.  The salad tongs I got for a dollar scooped a perfect size snowball too.  It was great for scooping colored snow.

 This one was super busy all morning.  She took a great nap after playing in the fresh air.

 This one flung snow at me causing the blurry spot on my lens.  She is a flinger I tell ya.  She doesn't care what the substance is.. she needs to fling it!

 This girl painted and painted!  She is my creative spirit.

Isn't she just darling in her glasses?  I can't wait to shed the coats and get some sand and water back in this table, but today we are getting more snow.  Thankful for a day at home, but longing for a warm sunny day.

Playing..Such a Precious Gift

Anna Mei had a five minute appointment to pick up her glasses at the U the other morning.  Because it is quite a drive, I decided to take advantage of the day by taking the girls to play at the local children's museum.  It did not disappoint.  Being with my girls playing and enjoying their company fills my heart so much.  I can't help but think that I really wasn't ever planning on being here in such a place during this phase of my life.  How I am so grateful that God didn't follow my plans because watching these babies is such a miraculous blessing to me!

 The grocery store play area is always a favorite with this one.

 The baby nursery was a favored stop too.

 These two were adorable making pizza side by side to serve up to me at my table.

 Anna Mei included mushrooms on hers...my favorite.

 The flight room was Anna Mei's all time favorite.  She loved the flight simulator.

 Molly was just tall enough on her tippy toes to get this ball high enough to float in the air coming out of the shoot.  She thought it was hilarious!

 Driving the various vehicles was a hit wtih  Molly all day too.  I made her an experience book about it as she loved driving everything.

Building vertically is such a great play scenario to build core strength muscles.  Molly loved it, and it left me wanting a vertical lego wall at home.

 She was darling building this car.

 It was the end of the day and she was getting tired.

It was a great way to spend our day.  We can't wait to have Jilly with us here as there are some exhibits she will enjoy.  They even have a free night once month for kiddos with special needs so I think this may be a place we go to play often as it was so much fun.

We Are Getting Some Language

Expressive Language that is soooo adorable..

and some receptive too..

I love watching this beautiful, valuable, adorable babe taking off!

The Desires of Her Heart

My Anna Mei's love language is gifts.  She will be the first to tell you that.  Recently, my littlest girls fell in love with the Toy Story movie as I picked up the dvd at a thrift store for a couple of bucks and they began to watch it.  It wasn't long before my little was wishing for a Jesse and Woody of her own.  Well, I googled to try to find one because her birthday was so close.  When I found them, I discovered they were out of our budget, and so I prayed because my God cares about the desires of my littlest girl's heart.  He also longs to provide for us in every sense of the word.  I knew that He would provide a way to get the dolls or He would move my little girl's heart on to something else that I could more easily access.  I check craigslist regularly because I buy lots of things (most everything) second hand.  Shortly after my littlest girl shared her heart's desire with me, these two dolls were listed on craigslist for $10.00.  Insert large, beaming smile from this momma here!  God is in the details of every single aspect of my life, and sometimes it is just so miraculous that you can't believe it.  Needless to say, I contacted the seller the moment I saw them and told her I would buy them.  Right before I was leaving to pick them up, my Anna said she really wished Jesse would have a stand that she could use.  In my foolishness, I told her not to get her hopes up that most dolls didn't come with stands, but maybe we could find one for her later.  Well as I picked up the dolls from their previous owner, she handed them to me while saying.. "This Jesse comes with a stand too.  Here it is."  God.  Only God.  He cares for even the most minute details in our lives, and He uses those to teach us about His provision because He longs to be all we need!

Glasses

Somebody is celebrating turning five with a new prescription for glasses!  She couldn't be more excited!  This is going to be a long week while we wait for them to arrive as she is asking a hundred times a day when they will be here.  She has a plan to store them safely, when to wear them, and how to keep her adoring little sister away from them.  She is most excited to have glasses just like Daddy, Emily, and Mommy as she loves being like her family.  This girl doesn't miss a beat, and she looks adorable in her new glasses!  

Five Years Old

 I can hardly fathom that this little one is five years old, but, despite my best efforts, she just keeps growing up.  Truthfully, the road to building our relationship has been rocky at times, and we are coming to a more stable, solid place on this journey which means I am just enjoying her so much these days.

 She wanted a lion guard party.  I was happy to plan a little gathering just to celebrate her complete with a kion cake, ono games, a fuli t-shirt, and lots of fun.

 She loves being the center of attention so she ate this day up.

 We had a couple of friends, and a few important teens here to help us celebrate.

It was a perfect day to celebrate our precious, amazing little girl.

Sensory Fun For Winter Days

Cold, winter days haven't stopped our fun.  Though we prefer to be outside, we have come up with some sensory play and a few art projects to keep us busy.  Anna is painting an egg carton that we turned into a shoe tying toy.  She is getting the hang of tying her shoes with it too.

Molly is painting herself and the table which is her usual routine when the paint comes out.  We turned her egg carton into a button practicing toy.  It actually got very little paint on it though. :)

I had a couple of boxes of jello, and I wasn't sure why.  I made them one day just play in as my kids don't eat it.

Anna loved the science behind this jiggly stuff.

She played in it for 90 minutes.

Eventually, I got out some droppers, and food color.  She loved mixing and creating new colors.

Molly saw that mixing blue with the yellow jello turned it green.

They were quite stained, but, after a good soak, they came clean again.

It was well worth the twenty minutes it took me to clean up.  Thank goodness we have wood floors everywhere though as it wipes up easily.

Jilly is really into (literally) cloud dough right now.  I often let her play with flour last winter, but it was so hard to pick up all that dusty flour.  Cloud dough cleans up like a breeze as it clumps so much easier.

This girl needs to scoop and fling.  In the backyard, she spends hours flinging dirt, gravel, wood chips, and anything else she can find in nature.  I am thankful to have this substitute for the winter months as she really does need it.  Though we are managing to hang in there while playing inside I can't wait for spring to be here so we can be back in the yard playing.  Counting the days!

Her Smile

She smiles.  

When you get the camera out, and ask her to smile..

she finally can!

After nearly five years home, this girl is finally finding her smile.

She is still nonverbal, but is beginning to sign how she is feeling.

There is nothing like having her look in your eyes, and sign "jillian, happy"because there were days as we were fighting for her heart and mind in the beginning that I couldn't imagine her so happy and so connected in our family!  This little babe has come so very far!

It is priceless and it melts my heart!

Hearing Aids..Two Weeks In

I am not sure I have the words to describe what it was like to see this little peanut hear my voice clearly for the first time.  There were so many emotions swirling in my head as I sat there and watched her fitted with her helper ears.  Honestly, this technology will give her so many opportunities, and to think that she would have likely never had the chance to access it if she wasn't home is so much for my heart to bear as I just keep thinking about the millions of other children waiting for a momma and daddy who will never know sound.  While I rejoice that she is hearing, my heart breaks for the others daily as I have watched her thrive with these new ears.  Yesterday, she heard the phone ring for the first time and she brought it to me.  She heard me come in the font door and up the steps for the first time too just a few days after having her aids placed.  She has loved having her new ears to help her and she doesn't ever fuss about having them on.  She wants them on as soon as she gets up and points to the other ear as soon as the first one is placed.  Time will tell if her language skills will catch up, but we are continuing to use both sign and speech with her.  She is bright and growing more and more each day!  While I am an so anxious for her ability to grow to communicate, it is bitter sweet to watch her becoming such a big girl as I missed so much of her babyhood.  I wish that I could make these days last forever somehow as I enjoy her so very much! Praying for wisdom as we navigate the road ahead, but resting in knowing that Jesus is already there and knows exactly what this baby girl's future will be.

Christmas Eve Worship...

I am so behind with posting, but I don't want to forget the smiles, the laughter, or the memories of our Christmas.  I am so grateful to God for the blessing of these babes.  They fill my days with more love and joy than I could have ever dreamed when I was "planning" my life.  God is good!

The School Christmas Program

 We had our annual Christmas concert at CVCS.  Em and Anna participated.  Anna is wearing this dress that Jillian wore a year earlier.  She is so much smaller than Jilly was at this age.

 Jillian and Molly Kate enjoyed watching.  They were adorable, but getting them to sit through the hour and thirty minute concert was an adventure.

 Anna loves to wear her pearls from China when she gets dressed up.  She is looking so grown up.

Only one more year of school concerts for Em.  Where has the time gone?

Here is Anna in the PK4 portion of the concert..

She has been singing the sheep song at the top of her lungs since the concert.

To Molly Kate

To My littlest babe,
For six months, I have held you in my arms.  These last six months have honestly held some of the most joyous moments of my life as you have added so very much to us.  As I held you this Christmas Eve, giving you a bottle and rocking you to sleep, I looked down to see you dimly lite by the glow of your night light all snug cradled in my arms with the widest smile while your little eyes were closed in sleep.  You are so very content in our family, and to say that you make my life so full is such a injustice because words are so limited.  You never leave the house without your baby doll hanging at your side.  You mimic everything I do with you as you play with it.  The other morning, we were looking and pointing at picture books as we talked about each word for the pictures.  After we finished, I tiptoed back to your bedroom where you were playing to find you with your little doll sitting up as you were holding that same book pointing to the very pictures I had with you the hour before.  You so easily receive love and you are so very willing to give yourself away.  I love how you insist on sitting on your Daddy's lap to eat your meals, and how you point both of your pinkies at him shouting yeah when he comes home.  You want everything that your sisters have and you want to do everything that they do all the time.  When they get a toy and you want a turn, you get the most darling crumpled face as you cry and cry until they surrender to you.  In this way, you hold the baby role very well in our family.  You are darling in every way and it is so hard for Daddy and I to discipline you because of it.  You are so bright.  Nothing in this life gets by you and you are quick to learn everything.  Though your hearing test results tell us that you can hear no speech sounds, you continue to mimic our language and pick up new words.  In this way, you are truly a miracle.  Your favorite things to say are..Jillian, Anna Mei (alot of Anna Mei), Emily, daddy, mama, here you go, want more, thank you, no, and stop.  You are picking up a lot of sign too.  In just a few days, we will watch you have your first set of hearing aids placed and your hearing life will begin.  I can't wait to walk alongside you as you grow.  In every way you are such a tremendous blessing and we love you so very much! Happy six months home baby girl!
Momma

Adoption of a Special Needs Child Will...

Adoption of a special needs child will lead you to stop everything you are doing just to watch your treasure play with a balloon in the foyer.  You will tear up for a good twenty minutes because your precious treasure used to shut down and melt down with intense fear anytime a balloon came near her, but today..TODAY SHE LAUGHED, SMILED, AND PLAYED WITH A PINK BALLOON.  

When you adopt a special needs child and this happens, you will feel as if you are the luckiest person in the entire world to be watching your most precious, amazing little treasure  just playing with a balloon because you never dreamed that she could overcome so much.  You never dreamed that she would be so full of life when she was first so void of it.  You could have never planned that watching her would make you so very happy or that she would be the one to teach you so much.

She Shared Jesus

Four and half years ago, I walked into a smoke filled government building in Xian, China and was handed a screaming fifteen pound twenty-six month old.  She was horribly neglected, probably abused, and an empty shell of a child nearly completely void of life.  The enemy of this world intended to destroy her.  Never did he dream that God would bring a family for her, and that our loving God would restore her heart in order to further His Kingdom.  Today, this, once discarded little one, who is my Jillian, shared Jesus with her first grade class.  The class had a project assigned to complete a poster about their family's special holiday traditions.  I designed her poster so that buttons on her Nova Chat could be created so that she would easily recognize them and that would allow her to follow along with the poster explaining each of our traditions.  We cut and glued pictures to create her poster and then we practiced hitting the buttons that represented each picture.  She talked about our family celebrating Jesus' birthday, investing in others, having a lazy day on Christmas in our pajamas, laughing a lot, including cookies, and taking part in our nativity play.  She rocked her presentation with the help of her special personal teacher.  Her first grade teacher sent the above picture of her sharing.  It brings me to tears to think of all that God has brought her through, but I also feel a great sense of triumph at all that I have seen her overcome because of Him.  Honestly being her mother is one of the greatest privileges of my life!  Millions more of these amazing treasures wait this Christmas for someone to come for them believing that God will restore their hearts and use their lives to further His kingdom.  This Christmas, PRAY that these children will not be forgotten by the church.  Pray that more will be welcomed home into a loving, Christian family, and that they might grow to know, love, and serve Jesus!

Visiting Santa

We don't celebrate with Santa at our house, but she got to meet a Santa at the Shriner's patient Christmas party.  She wasn't at all afraid to sit on his lap, but also didn't wait for her presents.  After all, she had no idea what presents were as this is her first Christmas home with us.

Molly stole the hearts of everyone.  She was darling in her red corduroy dress! Like I said, she didn't wait around for Mrs. Claus to pass off her gifts as she had no clue gifts were coming.

After receiving her gifts, we showed her how to tear them open.  When she discovered there were toys inside that were for her, she was all in.

There were three gifts for her to open so she became quite good at it by the end of the party.

She was so good at it at the party that she decided to begin tearing into a few gifts under the tree when we got home.  I heard Anna Mei shouting from downstairs..Momma!  Molly is opening the presents right now!

She was pretty happy with her gifts!

A wagon with blocks was a perfect choice for her at this stage!

Anna Mei accompanied us and she loved the party!  We had a cookie activity, craft, lunch, and juice boxes.  My littlest girls were thrilled with the fun clowns and balloon animals too!  We are grateful for the care we receive at the hospital and this party was so thoughtful too!