Crafting

I love to craft and there is nothing more fun than doing it with my girls. 

Jillian is getting so much better at tolerating my little projects and sometimes she even enjoys them. 

Anna loves any and everything that I set up for her.

She especially loves painting!

She is learning to recognize her name so we label all her art with her name.  We have been displaying the girls art on the refrigerator, but it is so full of Jillian's school work that we have to move most of our home projects to the playroom wall.  I am so happy to have these sweet little faces to craft with and thankful that they are so willing to participate.

Jillian's Day on the Farm

If you are in the middle of doing hard on your adoption journey..if it seems as if you will never bond..if you feel like you can't handle all the special needs that surprisingly came with your newest treasure..if you are weary and wonder how in the world you will ever be able to handle anything more...if you are hopeless and feel as if your child is too broken or their special needs are too disabling.. DON'T LOOSE HOPE because today I spent the entire day with my amazing little treasure whose special needs are so much more than I was prepared for, whose brokeness at times was so overwhelming, and who, some days, I thought would never be able to experience life AND it was one of the happiest days of my life.  Watching this child overcome so much in the last two years is so incredible that I feel extremely blessed just being near her.  There were, and continue to be, times that are so hard, but this baby is a miracle and I praise God that He chose me to be her mother.
Today, we went on a field trip.  Her PK class headed to the local farm that Anna and I visited a few weeks ago.  It was just a field trip..an ordinary day experienced by thousands of school children today alone, but for me, a momma watching her special needs child, it was a miracle!  Her smiles melt my heart.  The fact that she can communicate with me and was signing up a storm is just more than my heart could even dream possible in the months after we brought her home.  Now two years later, she is no longer empty and weak.  She is full of life, has so much JOY, and I have seen the Lord work miracles in her life!  Today is a day that I will treasure in my heart for years to come.  I will hold on to these images as I face the impossible knowing for certain that nothing is impossible for Him!

 The jumping pillow was a highlight of her day!  She would run and fall laughing her head off the entire time.

 This is her smile on the hay rack ride.  She was so happy to see her friends.  She shrieked with delight the entire time!

 This is her first jump holding on to momma's hand!

 She LOVED the swings.

 Just as I thought, she spent an hour in the corn.  It was, by far, the highlight of her entire day!  It was a huge crib with corn at least three feet deep.  A sensory seeking, bean lovin' girl's dream come true!

 This farm is one of the richest, sensory filled places I have ever seen!  I heart this farm and it is only twenty minutes from us.  Now if they just had a frequent visitors club so we could get reduced admission, it would be perfect!  Today was truly priceless.  If only those officials from her country, who said she would never do anything, could see her now!  How I love her and am over the moon giddy about the beautiful day we spent together!  I never would have dreamed in the months after coming home that she would change so much! 

 

That Chair

That chair in the header of the blog isn't empty anymore!  Our darling Mei Mei is home!  And so we headed to a local park with that chair (and the other two) to shoot some fall pictures last Saturday!  I can't wait to get them back and redo the blog because we are waiting no more.  Our little treasure is HOME!  She is home and these days she is carrying that chair to declare it!  Empty no more!  Full of a precious, amazing little two year old who is sassy and bossy and fits just perfectly with us!  Praise be to God for this amazing gift!

That Stubby Round Toe

Many, many days, it is hard and complex to process all that my heart is feeling because I have my Ch*nese treasures in my life.  Truly, I experience, see, and witness miracles in the making every moment that I am with them.  Tonight, I sat rocking them both-Jillian on the right and Anna Mei on the left-in the little white rocking chair beside Jillian's bed in her room. A room with a sweet pink quilt on the white metal bed that is full of toys, clothes, and the beautiful hand painted tea party table that belonged to my oldest daughter. Jillian had bumped her head and was crying.  Anna Mei knew Jillian's need for momma time and sat quietly (this is a rarity) on my lap next to Jillian giving her the quiet to process and recover.  I sang, as Jillian requested, as I rocked them both.  It was then that I began to look at Anna Mei's bare toes.  I examined her littlest piggy toe.  I really looked for the first time at how stubby and round it is as it protrudes out from her foot a bit.  And then I wondered..did she have her birth momma's toe?  Somewhere in China was there a woman who gave birth to my baby with a little toe just like this one?  Does her heart break thinking about the absence of this child?  Then, I started to cry at the injustice in that thought.  Suddenly, as I rocked in this sorrow, Anna Mei looked into my eyes and said "I Low You Momma".  Oh my heart this baby girl is so a part of me, but at the same time, she is not at all a part of me.  It breaks me that there is a momma out there that has been denied the right to have this baby as hers.  Yet, it is a deep honor and privilege to be able to care for her as mine.  This adoption stuff is hard.  Heart breaking.  Beautiful.  And so much more than I could have ever imagined.  Yet truly each and every day the Lord has opened my eyes to so much more than I could have ever seen before because I have these babies.  "I Low You Momma" are words my daughter's birth mothers will probably never hear them say as the chances of us finding them are nearly impossible.  Still, I pray for them often.  I pray that God will give them peace and that He will reveal Himself to them so that they too may find  His love that is so available to all of us who believe.  I hold out hope that someday we might just get to worship Him together in glory and that we will finally be united together with our maker who intertwined our lives so intimately though we have never met. 

Fall Fun on the Farm

 We spent the day at a local pumpkin patch and farm with some new church friends.  I was really scoping it out as I am taking Jillian there with her PK class next week and I wanted to know what I was in for.  My was it a wonderfully fun place.  Anna thoroughly enjoyed every. single. moment.

 There was a huge jumping pillow.  Anna couldn't get enough of it.  We visited it several times during our visit.  It made her so happy.

 There was a HUGE crib of corn.  (Can I just say I can not wait for Jillian to see this!)  It was so much fun!

 Is there anything cuter than little bare toes? 

 Happy, happy day!  This little sweetie was all smiles today!

 She kept pointing and saying pumpkin again and again!  She had no idea what these huge orange things were before we saw one in the store last week.

 She loved the horsey swing, duck races, goats, hay rack ride, giant slide, hay maze, homemade fudge, jumping pillow, ride on tractors, sandboxes..I could go on and on!  We even had most of the place to ourselves which was fabulous!

We ended this amazing day in the giant rocker for a photo.  Today, I am feeling so lucky that I can call this little one mine!  I love her!  I love her!  I love her!  What a tremendous blessing to have the day with her playing and having so much fun! If you gave so that this little one could come home, I thought of you today and thanked God for your sharing what you had with us because just look at her..an orphan no more because of you!  THANK YOU dear, sweet friends!

My Baby Girl

Some of my favorite faces from this week..
Anna loves the headphones that came with Jillian's new therapy.  Jillian detests them and wishes to have nothing to do with them so Anna Mei is happy to have this new accessory!

 She was super quiet after returning from the library on Thursday.  I found her on the couch

 sprawled out reading the new books we just selected.  She is one happy girl!

 She was folding her baby's hands to pray before "feeding" her lunch this week.  How sweet is that?

She did in deed put poo in the potty people!  She is making great progress in the potty area and was thrilled to call Daddy with the good news!

Extraordinary

I wish that I could put into words how it feels to hold my sweet Jillian down for a medical procedure for the third time in three weeks.  I wish that I could express how I feel seeing her so afraid, how I feel watching her overcome, or what it means to me to have her strongly attached to me communicating to go home or signing bye-bye as we are in the office.  Extraordinary is this baby girl and it is a privilege to be her mother.  A privilege to live out the adoption of her as mine each day in my life.  She is one of the greatest blessings of my life and I love her fiercely.  I never want to get over the miracle that she is.  I never want to forget that though she was born a half a world away, God made her mine just like that because He wanted her to know the love of a momma.  And I hope I never get over the fact that He chose me to be that for her.  This wonderful amazing little girl is my daughter.  It is a true, true miracle that it is my arms holding her down while her teeth are cleaned.  It is truly a miracle that I am the one wrestling her when her ear wax is being dug out.  It is truly a miracle when she smiles at me and signs "momma i love you".  A miracle for so many reasons.  I thank God today and always that I didn't miss this.  I thank God that He has allowed me to experience so many miracles in the last two years as I have watched Jillian's life story unfold.  I only wish that I could communicate more clearly the impact that she has had on my life.  Oh that God has allowed this child to be mine is so much more than I ever imagined for myself.  I am deeply, deeply saddened by the thought that millions more children are living without a momma right now.  How is it that we can stand by and let that be?  We have more room in our vans, empty chairs at our dinner tables, and a God who is abundantly more than we could ever imagine!  He continues to fill my heart to overflowing as I love my treasures.  As I bawled my eyes out on all the way home because Jillian actually was able to go to the dentist, I praised Him and prayed that He might see fit to give me more to care for.

Uh OH! Oh NO!..Reading Together

I love reading.

I was am a teacher everyday as I read to my sweet treasures.

Our new library in CR is amazing!  The girls and I love to visit there.  All the books are new and it smells heavenly walking among so many new little board books.  Last week, we came across this great book and, while it may not be a literary classic, it cracks my little ladies up!  Anna is already "reading" books too.  She is retelling stories we have read over and over in her toddler language anyway and it is adorable.  Check her out..

Jillian thinks it is pretty hilarious too! 

There are few things that make me happier than reading with my girls.  Somehow, Emily wasn't near as interested in the plot of this story as my littles were.  She does love the library too though.  There is a coffee shop inside after all.

Beautiful Day

Five months ago, this little sweetie had no concept of Jesus.  She had no idea what worship was, no clue what it meant to have the love of an earthly father, or to be rocked in the arms of a momma.  Her eyes were empty and her heart was too.  Tonight she sat in our dining room, at our table, as our daughter, singing and dancing while giving all the praise she has to Jesus.  My God is so good to allow me just a small part of this plan that He has for her.

 She continues to just amaze me!  I know that God will use her in mighty, mighty ways.  I pray that He will continue to give us the wisdom (and mental strength) to shape her strong will for His purposes.

 She laughs and loves like nobody's business which is a miracle given her beginnings.  She and I made these yummy banana chocolate chip muffins while Jillian was in school.  This sweet girl was proud as peaches to show her daddy what she had done when he came home for lunch because this girl is over the moon, head over heels for her daddy.

 Tonight, I even took her to the Cat in the Hat production here in CR and the girl sat mesmerized for the entire play.  Magical.  It is magical to sit next to her watching her take in everything with such wonder.

I am crazy for her.  She was made by God to be mine as I can't imagine my life without her in it. (She is rocking this sweet hand-me-down dress from Abigail!  Thanks for sharing with us Abigail.  We miss you and your mommy too!)

I'm Listening to Her Laugh

I'm listening to Jillian laugh and it brings tears to my eyes and praise to my heart.  This little four year old of mine is so much more than just a child..she is God's heart, our love, a miracle, and watching her thrive in this place is just sometimes so emotional for me that it actually leaves me without words.  In the last five months, this amazing little girl, who was literally left for dead two years ago, has gained a new little sister, gone two solid weeks without her momma while I was in China, moved to a new state, started school, and she has come ahead through it all.  Truly, I am overcome with love for this little who continues to change me so much more than I could ever change her.  How I love her and am blessed that God chose me to be her mother.  I sat rocking her against my chest last night before bed and I just wished that I could hold on to her forever because this child does something to me.  This child shepherds me into the presence of the Lord unlike anything that I have ever experienced.  He is written all over her.  His goodness, His mercy, His compassion, His love, His plan, His design..is threaded throughout her very being and, while this is true of every human being, it is just so easy for me to see it in her because of how she has changed me.  Today, and everyday, I am grateful to God for choosing me to do this.  I am so blessed to be the momma of this clan and to watch God write my children's stories intertwining me in their lives as I walk out life next to them. 

School.. A Report

 It has been nearly a week since I first dropped this little treasure off at K Elementary.  Nearly a week since I began to entrust her to the three wonderful teachers and countless therapists there.  She is doing amazingly well!  She loves to ride in the wagon each morning to school, loves wearing her backpack, and is growing pretty comfortable in the classroom.  She has demonstrated understanding of the work and then break doing a preferred activity already.  She participates in circle time and does all the finger plays.  She especially liked the row, row your boat game.  She can touch and drag her picture on the smart-board and is proud as peaches about it as she was the only one who could.  She didn't really like shaving cream or finger painting, but did participate for a few minutes.  Her teacher recognized it stressed her out considerably and so she didn't push her too much.  Then Jillian signed to be rocked and her dear teacher dropped everything, took her to the chair, and rocked my baby.  God bless her!  I am thrilled that this little one is signing so much at school and that they understand her.  She is picking up so many new signs at home that it is hard for Daddy to keep up with the new ones I have taught her.  Each day I pick her up on the playground before lunch time and she is running like the wind playing care freely among the other PK classes!  This momma's heart is full.  I never dreamed that she would do so well as I thought she would be so unhappy and full of anxiety right away, but so far she has held it together so well.  I know that the hard days will come, as they always do with my angel, but for now I am proud of all that she is accomplishing.  I tell you parenting this baby is like walking on Holy Ground as there are so many miracles all around us where she is concerned.  I am blessed beyond measure that God has entrusted her to me.

As for this little sweetie, she LOVES having momma all to herself and the many adventures we go on, but she wants to go to school too.  Each morning she goes into Jillian's classroom and parks at the table expecting that she will be given work to do too.  Today, we enjoyed an indoor playground at the mall and then visited a popcorn shop with 200+ varieties.  They give free samples so we had our fill then purchased the cheddar bacon flavor.  YUMMY.  We are making precious memories and I am so thankful to have this time with her.


I was walking them to school the other morning and glanced back to see them.  Anna Mei was reading a book and Jillian was staring into her mirror.  I was overcome with God's goodness and thought about how at thirty-seven (did I just reveal my age?)  I never dreamed I would be walking a wagon to preschool with my littles inside, but here I am.  I am so thankful that God's plans are so much bigger than I ever let myself dream and that I get to enjoy the beauty of mothering these two littles.  Truly, I am grateful for my children and understand what a treasure each one is. 

Readoption Day

 Last week, we made the six hour round trip back to Pekin to complete Anna Mei's re-adoption so that our three girls' birth certificates would be in the same county.  Driving six hours in one day with our littlest beauties was no fun and I am beyond thankful to just hang around the house for the next rest of forever.  Seriously, it was rough being in the car, but worth it to have our sweet Anna Mei's name on an American birth certificate listing us as her parents.  Praise be to God for the gift of this sweet, sweet baby!  In court, the judge didn't know how to pronounce her name (she is going to hate me when she is a teenager) and Sean was shaky about when her birth date was, but they granted us the birth certificate.  I think they took pity on us as they could see we had been through the ringer during the trip there.  It is only a formality of course, because the adoption was finalized in China.  We just complete this step so she has a traditional birth certificate at the courthouse.  If we chose to not complete this step, we would have to rely on China for paperwork to prove our adoption if we ever needed it.  We enjoyed our time at our favorite park in our old home, visited with one of our teens that we dearly miss, and then headed  back here to our new home all in the same day.  Typing that brings back horrible memories of trying to keep a 2 and 4 year old happy in the car.  Glad it's over and that we have one more piece of paper proclaiming Anna Mei Elyse is our forever treasure!

Apple Picking Time

 We set out early this morning to pick some apples at the local orchard. 

 Jillian found some dead grass at the bottom of the bell "tower" and could have played in there for hours.  She was happy to find a giant sensory bin for her enjoyment.  She did not want to pick the apples or walk among them, but she did enjoy playing inside the "tower" and swinging on the porch swing.

Anna Mei was thrilled with the morning activity in every sense of the word!  She loved picking the apples and carried the heavy baskets as we filled them up though she would say "heavy, heavy" the entire time she was lugging it around.

 She has so much precious toddler left in her face, but I  know that all too soon that will be gone and she will be grown up like my Jillian.

 I just love how everything brings her great wonder.  She loved examining each apple and counting them as we put them in.

 After picking, we found Daddy and Jillian enjoying the swing.  Jill is signing momma here because she wanted me to sit down too.

Anna Mei couldn't wait to get home to enjoy her bounty.  She bit into one of the red frees we picked on the way home.  Yummy!

With Everything in Me

I decided to start my four year old treasure in a public school special education program.  I have never had a peace about having my sweet girl with autism away from me.  I have never visited a program, met with a team, and had the feeling I did last week when I met with this team of ladies.  Truly, this place has much, much to offer her.   Still, this morning when I drove by her new school during drop off to get a feel for the traffic pattern and what will work best to get my precious treasure in with as much ease as possible...I just wanted to keep driving as far away from there as I could.  With everything in me, I just want to keep this baby girl safe, protected, and with me at all times.  I cried big, ugly tears as I sped away from that place and I have no idea how in the world I will leave her there tomorrow without the supernatural strength of the Lord who gave me this baby and knows His plans for her.  I trust Him with her and I know that she belongs to Him, but with her history and everything she has been through I have an intense LOVE for her.  She is hard-very hard-to care for and requires so much patience and unconditional love that I have been hesitant to trust anyone else with her, but I am at a place that I really feel like it is time to give it a try. So, with much prayer and a big dose of HOPE I am sending her off in the morning.  YIKES!  Typing that makes me want to run away with her as fast as I can. :)

Her First Day of School

 Literally my heart could burst because today I walked this lady out the door and into her preschool classroom.  I left her there today.  We have visited together, met with the team, had the team over to our house, written social stories, taken pictures, made lists, filled out paperwork, and today was the day that she walked through the doors of a HUGE school as a PK kiddo.  I never dreamed I would have the peace that I do, but this program in our new city has much to offer our angel and so I am giving it a shot.   She is precious to me beyond words and I am blessed that God has intrusted this special beauty to me, but I am also thankful to now live in a community that has so much to offer her.  We are now living in a huge city and so there is so much more for her.  You can see God's hand in placing us here in every aspect of our lives.  I even told Sean that I am sad that we haven't had her here all along because there is so much here that we can access.  It may be too much for her to be in school, but I am trying it.  I will pick her up before lunch though she could stay all day.  ALL day is too long for this little treasure right now, but I am thankful that they are so willing to work with us to find the best balance for her.  Truly they are so willing to individualize just for her and I love that they are willing to do that.  Anna Mei just kept following Jillian around saying Anna Mei go school.  Truly this littlest beauty can't wait to be in school like her two big sisters.  As for momma, I am going to use the time to work on bonding with her and trying to enjoy all these little moments that are gone way to soon as my babies grow older.

This Girl

 This girl..
loves everything I give her to do especially if it involves her receiving my undivided attention.  She loves to color, draw, paint, take puzzles apart, craft, cook.. She loves it all.

 She is a ham.  Notice she is wearing Daddy's black socks, sunglasses, and pajamas.  With her strong will strongly intact, you never know what you might find her in or out of.  You have to pick your battles with this one.

She can be so loving.  Look at those little lips.  She sits outside the shower the whole time I am in there and opens the curtain frequently for a kiss all puckered up just like this.  Who can resist her?

Chocolate Goodness

This little lady is my shadow.  She does everything that I do.  Anytime that I am cooking, you can find her perched up on the counter right next to me.  She is so much like me.  She is crazy verbal, loves people, loves to be in the center of everything, loves to eat, and did I mention she is crazy verbal?!  Sometimes she seriously exhausts me and it makes me think that I must really tire my sweet hubby and darling daughters who are not at all as verbal as I am.  I love this lady to bits and couldn't resist getting these early morning pictures of her making some yummy chocolate cake with me.

 Happy, happy girl!

 She needed two spoons for this stuff!

 Yum! Yum!

Our Morning..

We made scrambled eggs together.  I even got Jillian to touch the shredded cheese and add it to the bowl.  I was chuckling because as I was taking the pictures I said without even thinking "say cheese".  I saw Jillian signing cheese and because I didn't think about what I said, I thought why is she signing cheese.  Then I remembered I had said "say cheese" as I was taking the picture.  You can see that Jillian is looking right at me and Anna is the one choosing to ignore the fact that I am trying to get a photo.  These two have to tag team I tell you!

We got some new water color paints and Anna enjoyed painting very. very. much!

 Look at this beautiful smile!

Her hair is growing and she even asked to wear a hairbow.  Isn't she just darling?  You got to love a beautiful baby whose eyes disappear when they smile.  She is a treasure this girl! 

Who Was With Her Then

My precious four year old had a major meltdown this morning.  It lasted nearly two and half hours and I had to call Daddy for reinforcement as my littlest was scared out of her wits watching her sis so sad.  I have to admit it was exhausting working through this one.  I often think about how in the world I will take care of this precious child as she ages and gets bigger.  I often contemplate just how inadequate I am for this job and just how crazy it is for me to think I can do more (though it doesn't discourage me from praying to do more).  This morning though I was just overcome with sadness as I was remembering the faces of those precious children from Annie's post yesterday.  Those faces in Annie's photos live in one of the very places that my daughters lived.  And so all I could think this morning was who was with my precious Jillian when I wasn't?  Who was it that held her flailing little body while the sensory craziness passed?  Who sang to her?  Who reassured her that she was safe and that she was loved?  The truth is there was probably no one to do those things while she waited for us and typing those words, with those fresh images of this morning still raw in my heart, brings tears to my eyes because God never intended for these babies to be alone.  Parenting my special treasure is the hardest thing I have ever been called to do and yet I would do it again and again if it meant I would receive the blessing of her.  She popped right up after the crazy passed and has gone about the day as if nothing happened.  For me, the thought..Who was with her then?..is seared in my heart after those two and half long hours this morning and leaves me praying that God would use me more because children are meant to have a family alongside them.

Bawling My Eyes Out

After a beautiful morning with my precious littles making scrambled eggs, experimenting with watercolor paints, and playing at yet another beautiful new park here in our new city, I was planning on sharing a post about our amazing and wonderful little life.  Then I opened my blogs and saw this .  (Just click over and look for yourself.)  These faces haunt me at night.  The faces of girls and boys as valuable to the Lord as my beautiful littles with no hope of ever having a morning with a momma cooking, painting, and playing.  How do I even begin to let go of the deep sorrow I have over the thought of just one child living this life of hopelessness?  I don't have all the answers.  In fact, I don't have many at all as I have been in the throws of doing hard with my newest little treasure as we continue to graft her in to our family, but I know that God has given me such a tremendous burden for these children.  I honestly feel shame that I sat for so long doing nothing about the orphan crisis.  I praise God today for breaking my heart for these children as I see Him in each of them.  I also praise God for His promises and rest in knowing that He has a plan for each and every valuable life He creates.  Trusting Him in that today!