Her First Hunt

 Shriner's had a free Easter party for the hospital patients.  Attending these events is always fun for the girls as they have lots of kid activities, but it is also a chance to meet families in our area who have children with special needs.  One thing that continually burdens my heart is that many families walk this special needs road without a great deal of support.  I am so blessed that God has equipped me so well for this parenting journey as teaching special education for 13 years before being given our Jilly has helped me navigate the special needs world so much.  Therapies, hospitals, treatments, and the financial burden can be so overwhelming.  I love just getting a chance to connect with other families, and I have been praying so much about how God might use all my experiences to help others outside our family so we always go to fellowship when we get the chance.  Just spending a few hours a few times a month with these children, who are patients, and their families has been such a blessing.

 Molly was a rock star as always.  She loves everything.  Literally, she is the most secure, happiest little thing that ever walked the halls here at our house.  She is a huge blessing!

 This sweet miss is starting to thank her little sisters for their unique needs as we often get to enjoy things because of their groups.  She is along for the ride, and learning about the uniqueness of others along the way.  Many days I wish I could see into her future because I can't wait to see what God does with this passionate one of mine.

 Jilly was incredible.  It was another day that I sobbed the entire way home with the girls in the backseat because I never, never dreamed in that first year home that she would be able to sit in a strange room full of noise, activity, and chaos while coloring calmly.  She really enjoyed the party.

 They have lots of clowns who always make balloon creations at each event.  The girls enjoy that so much.

 By far, the candy was this little one's favorite.  Daddy was trying to limit their intake, but I just let them eat. :)  She enjoyed filling her basket with eggs.  She got right in there grabbing them from the left and right.  She had a good haul.

 Anna Mei loves stuff so she was good at grabbing too.

Though this girl still can't chew, she still grabbed up some eggs and put them in the basket.  This is the first year that she was actually excited to participate in the egg hunt.  I even sent some eggs to school for them to use because grabbing those eggs was so motivating.  It was a wonderful family day.  Spending time in our community with lots of different people is something that I think is so important.  It opens the door to talk to the girls about so many things that the world values, bring it back to God's word, and love on others who we would not normally meet.  I am so thankful for the resources available to us here, and give thanks for the many that we are able to meet because we have these special little ladies in our lives.  God is good!

Sensory Play..Egg Dye

So, it's no secret I am a huge fan of messy sensory play.  I think that it does wonders for stimulating all those places in the brain that sat so idle for my babes from hard places while they were institutionalized.  I love, love watching them exploring and seeing the light bulbs in their eyes shine bright.  I waited so long to see these little eyes come alive as I waited to bring them home that I often let go of all the reasons we shouldn't be making a big sensory mess and just try to capture their joy.  The weather has been so beautiful and dying eggs was so much fun.  It was the kind of fun that makes you wish these moments of being little could just last forever...

 Anna Mei is like a little professor when I set out the messy play table.  She has method to her messy madness and always comes away with profound observations.

 Molly never lacks enthusiasm.  Her spirit is just darling.  She is always, always happy.

Jillian is always thrilled to see messy sensory play when liquid is involved.  She loves, loves water play.  Adding the dye, adds to her joy!

How Do I Even Begin to Explain?

 The other night I got a delicious looking brownie recipe on an email feed.  I was anxious to try it. So like I have done a million times, I collected the ingredients, utensils, and the girls to get started.  This batch would be extra special because my miraculous seven year old treasure joined in.

 How do I even begin to explain how special these moments are for us?  How could I ever convey what it is like watching her participating in something so seemingly simply that, for her, is so extraordinary?  She stirred.  She mixed.

She even put her finger in the batter, and then licked it to taste it.  I wish I could come up with something to say that would help you feel what it was like to be gathered around the island in our small kitchen with the rest of us watching her.  I wish you could feel what her Daddy and I do as we see her licking her finger.  Licking a finger is such a simple, childhood act, but one that is so amazing when done by this special, special girl.  As I watched her participating with the support of her loving Daddy, I teared up, because having such a special treasure was never a part of my plan.  Yet, having the small part that I do in watching her take on the world is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

When she got out of the bath after they had baked and said she wanted to eat one, I was over the moon.  At seven years old, she ate her first brownie.  These moments are the ones that are etched on my heart.  These are the things I want to remember and treasure as I go about my life.  How I absolutely love and adore this very special little girl just eating her brownie while her mother sobs over her accomplishment.

Her Art Show...

 This week we attended another miraculous milestone in the life of this amazing little girl that we are so very blessed to call our daughter.  Our entire family packed into our van and headed to her elementary school where we were able to attend her first art show.  This is amazing and miraculous on so many levels.  When she first came to me, she wouldn't even hold a crayon or make a mark with it for well over a year.  The sensory of art was just way, way too much for her.  She hated it!  Even last year at school, she didn't attend art because getting her to participate was so challenging.  Now look at her holding her treasures and smiling.  

She gets lots of support from her one on one during her art time, and she is participating this year.  Many, many times, we even get notes that she enjoyed it.  Watching this babe take on life is one of the most rewarding things God has ever allowed me to experience.  We are so very proud of this girl of ours!  

ADORABLE

 After ten months in our family, this little girl is deeply rooted in our hearts.

Her personality, her giggle, her smile are all absolutely delightful!

 Many, many times throughout the day, Daddy and I just stop to say how adorable she is and how much we love her!

She is a very special little lady who fills our lives with such joy.  We can't wait to celebrate her third birthday in just a bit more than a month.  Time has flown since we brought her home, and we feel so blessed that she is our baby!

Painting Pottery

There was a great coupon online for a local pottery painting place.  It was a super fun spring break outing.

 This little girl actually LOVED painting.  Daddy is always more nervous than I am to give new things a try where this sweet thing is concerned.  He adores her and wants her to always feel as safe and secure as possible.  I tend to want to push her as far as I can, and this time I was glad I did because she painted for ninety minutes and asked for more paint multiple times.

Our big girl went along with her friend.  I always love having our big girl along.

We even had a few special friends meet us there.  The coupon was such a great deal that all six of the girls could paint for only a few dollars a piece.  It was a huge blessing!

Jilly enjoyed using black on her frog the most.  It was the strongest, darkest color she chose.  It was a lovely shade of gray when she was done with it, but it was all her work.

Anna's little dog turned out pink mostly.  It was fun to watch the girls so focused.

This little peanut painted a turtle.  It was mostly orange.

The sunlight shining through the studio windows was beautiful, and I love these angles of their faces.

My babes are growing up so fast.  I can't imagine being without them.

Return to Life AS Usual

 This last month has been crazy to say the least.  God has been so very good, and He has met our needs abundantly, but on Thursday afternoon in my kitchen when Daddy was making mac and cheese for lunch while the girls were busy with various projects around the table waiting..I looked around, sighed, and thanked God for this back to normal moment.
Molly sorted water beads in Easter eggs by color though I didn't prompted her at all about how to play with them that way.  This girls loves her some order.  She's got a killer pincer type grasp too even without a thumb.  She continues to blossom, and develop beyond our wildest dreams.

 Anna Mei was busy with a tape resist sidewalk chalk painting of a cross.  It was super easy and turned out great!  She even used the tape to make her A  on another project.

 Jilly was involved with flinging the water beads all over creation while laughing and smiling.

Then Molly, aka Cinderella in her dress up garb, moved on to painting too.  All the while through the noise and business, Emily refused to be photographed and Daddy accomplished making lunch.  Good.  So good.  So typical.  Happy, happy days are being had here as we give thanks to God for seeing us through this last month.  We continue to face challenges, but I am so thankful for these ordinary moments of good!  I love this little family God has allowed me to care for in this life.  What a tremendous blessing to be able to walk with them through this.

Jillian Is Seven

This week we celebrated our Jilly's seventh birthday.  I remember receiving the pictures of her celebrating her second birthday in China without us.  She was crying and crying.  Imagining her home celebrating these days with us kept me going through that wait.

She brings us such joy, and we were thrilled to be able to celebrate her miraculous life!

 I threw her a bug theme party.  This girl loves her some bugs, and dirt!

 Her cake was a dirt cake with bugs on top.

 She stuck her hands in which thrilled this momma!  I may never get her to actually eat her cake, but touching it is progress.

Aren't they just beautiful?

 She opened her gifts.  She is getting more and more tolerant of all these birthday expectations like opening gifts.  She really doesn't care for stuff at all.  This is such a beautiful part of her.  She does not value material things at all.

 I always create a sensory bin for her to match her party theme.  This is by far her favorite part of any party.  I mean favorite!  Look at that smile. It is as big as her entire face.

This year, I made a crushed oreo and green dyed coconut sensory bin.  It looked like dirt and grass.  Then, I put a few bugs in.  She spent about an hour inside this bin digging and flinging.  She kept clapping me over and signing "happy" as she is still mostly nonverbal.  It isn't at all clean when this baby girl gets a sensory bin, but I would do almost anything to make her happy.  That smile is absolutely worth the twenty minutes of clean up.  

How we love you our big girl!  You have absolutely brought more joy and happiness to our lives than we ever imagined possible.  I often say that you wrecked me, and I mean it in the most beautiful sense of the word because loving you baby girl has changed every inch of my heart!  I couldn't think of being without you!

My Man

My man is strong and courageous.  He is taking on life with his one good eye, and getting back to the business of serving the Lord as he is with his youth at a conference for the weekend this very minute.  He will not be thwarted, and it just makes me so proud to see him determined to conquer this trial.  The Lord is mighty is in his life!  I am so excited to see what God has in store for us in the coming months because of this blip in the road.  We are so much better for it already, but I know our good, miracle working God is up to something bigger than we could ever imagine.  Much of my life, and deepening walk with God, is based on trials that I have experienced.  I wish I didn't have to be in need to lean so much on the Lord, and to grow in my relationship with him, but it is definitely the way the Lord continues to use to show His love, mercy, and grace to me the most clearly. 

My Jilly just loves her Daddy.  Jilly is seven, but is really much younger because of her special needs.  His being out of it, not being able to carry her, feed her, and play with her has been hardest on her.  She is nonverbal, but she continues to process the events of the last month using sign, and her Nova chat to communicate what is on her heart.  She continues to ask if Daddy will have surgery..will Daddy take her to the park again..Daddy carry me.. At times, this has been heartbreaking for my man, who loves my very special Jilly more than most could ever imagine, as he has recovered.  He was back up and at it as soon as he could be for her, and, while he still can't lift her (she is 42 pounds at seven years old) because of his doctors limitations as he heals, she is so happy to have her Daddy back!  We all are..

I have set the Lord always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

The Blessing of the Body During This Trial

All who believed were together and had all things in common.  And they were selling their possessions and belongings, and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.  Acts 2:44-45

I've been spending a lot of time in the last two weeks in hospital waiting areas.  As I wait for my dear man to be cut on, repaired, or examined, I am watching, listening, and experiencing trauma right alongside pure strangers as they wait for loved ones to return from various procedures.  The one thing that has hit me like a ton of bricks is that most people wait alone without the hope of my Savior.  While I walk through this trial with an amazing army of believers by my side, who have been a picture of the new testament fellowship, most don't know this kind of support.

My church, my amazing church, has been such a picture of the new testament.  

Right now, we have need, and every one continues to be met through the body.  

We have need for encouragement..we get cards, texts, emails, and phone calls every single day sharing the truths of God's word and assuring us that we are prayed for and loved.  These things come at just the right time and say exactly what we need.  

We need nourishment.  Each night for the last two weeks (and continuing for the next two weeks), someone from our church takes the time to serve us by sharing a meal that they have prepared for us.  Single mommas, mommas with small children, those who are sick themselves, ones who work full time...take the time from their own lives to serve us during this blip in the road.  I can't tell you how it has ministered to my soul to go to the door each night, and be given a meal that I can sit around the table with my family and share.  Eating dinner together feels so normal, and it is so comforting to be able to continue to have this routine with my clan each night while everything else in life seems so out of control.  

We have need for fellowship.  I have never been alone.  This has probably been the one thing that I have noticed the most as I have waited in hospitals.  There are many who wait without the comfort of company.  Though we live in this state far away from most of our blood family, I never wait alone.  I always have people beside me to pray with us, talk with me, and just be.  The precious gift of time, even spending the entire night in the hospital waiting area with me, that so many have given me during this trial is priceless.   

We have physical needs too.  Dear friends from the body have bought groceries, picked up our children, run for prescriptions, offered their services for laundry, and shared their resources with us!  Two days into this, my dishwasher went out.  I will admit that with all I have to do caring for everyone my dishwasher going out was a huge blow.  Silly I know, but within two days I had a new dishwasher installed and running because a few in the body stepped in answering my need.  Yesterday, our ipad broke.  Again, it sent me into how can this be?  Our daughter with special needs can't be without this piece of technology!  I don't have time for this! We don't have the funds to replace it!  Then a card was delivered with a check that will just about cover the cost of a new one.  While this person couldn't have possibly known of our need before bringing the check, God knew.  God has been so faithful, and our dear church has been so willing to be used by Him to meet our every need during this time.  

If you are believer, and you don't have a consistent, deep connection with a body, you are missing out on one of the greatest blessings God has given us here on Earth.  The church is a place that we can care for others, and be cared for.  The Lord created it to be His hands and feet here.  This has been such an illustration of the importance of that to my oldest babe during this time as she is about to leave me for college.  I love, love that I have been able to say to her..this is the church.  Don't leave me and not get plugged in to a body where ever you are dear girl because we so need each other.

Praising God in my prayers for the blessing of the body of believer here on this Earth to be His hands and feet.  It is a privilege indeed to serve among such a special place as Cedar Valley Bible Church. 

Another Surgery..Update

Yesterday, we headed to the U to have another surgery to remove Sean's right eye.  It went as expected.  There was an implant put in so that the prosthetic, which is a bit like a huge contact lens, will have a round eye shape.  We came into contact with many whom we were able to share our faith. My prayer is that our story glorified God.   It was a hard day as Sean just doesn't come out of anesthesia well.  It is never easy to see someone you love so very much experience so much pain and fear, but throughout this I am reminded of the blessing of marriage and family.  God made me to be a helper for this amazing man whom I am put together with.  My purpose in this life is to care for him, love him the best I can, and through that bring glory to my creator.  It continues to blow me away to fathom that.  God made me for this very purpose, for these days of caring for Sean as they are no surprise to Him, and He continues to be all I need.  When your husband is so helpless, vulnerable, and begging you not to leave his side, it causes you to pause and just thank God for this relationship that He has given us.  It is such a tremendous and miraculous blessing that God would allow us to experience something as special as marriage on this earth.  Just like most everyone, I am sure that I tend to take this special gift of marriage for granted when things are going well, but through this I have been reminded again and again of just what a precious gift that it truly is to have a God loving man to lead my family.  As usual, the sunrise is bringing a new day filled with hope and sunshine.  Sean is resting more comfortably and the anesthesia is wearing off so he seems less anxious.  Praising God this morning for His care for us and that He is with us each and every step of the way.  Thank you for prayers for pain relief in the next few days as Sean is uncomfortable.  Pray as well for rest, peace, and healing.   

A Memorial Post

I desperately want to record the events of this last week and half well.  I love the book of Joshua and I am a huge believer in building a memorial for my children just as the Israelites did after crossing the Jordan.  This blog, and my prayer journals throughout the years, are my memorial for them.  It is a way for them to see all that the Lord has done, and, continues to do, in my life.  This week and half has had lots of time for reflection, and has brought so much beauty from the Lord.  I was thinking in the car that the one thing that I want my girls to not miss is the beauty of following Jesus in this life. Following the Lord is about so much more than just accepting Him.   I don't want them to waste even a second of their lives chasing after the things of this world, but want them to fully embrace the plans that God would have for them as this has been the greatest adventure! I could have never imagined a life so full of joy, peace, happiness, and love, even amidst such trial as this week and half has been, as I was a young person planning out what I wanted as I grew.  Yet, here I am living the greatest adventure with such blessings as I follow my Savior...

Wednesday evening my husband was involved in an accident at youth group.  They were playing a sports game which is common before they dig into God's word for the evening.  About 7:00, my teenager called with a very shaky voice to tell me there was an accident, Daddy was hurt, and they were calling an ambulance for him.  She couldn't give me any details about anything.  I am sure it was traumatic for her to see it happen.  I was home alone with the littles, but had spent the entire night memorizing scripture about fear (for my friend as mentioned in my last post) so instantly Joshua 1:9 kept playing again and again in my head.  I wasn't frantic.  I wasn't afraid.  I waited until someone arrived which seemed like a long time though it wasn't.  Then, I assured them I was able to drive myself to the ER to meet my husband as I really was feeling the Lord so close.  I recited audibly Joshua 1:9 the entire way to the hospital.  Again and again I said, Do not be terrified for the Lord your God goes with you where ever you go.  I felt Him with me.  It was a long night involving an second ambulance ride to a specialty hospital about 45 minutes away, a five hour emergency surgery in the middle of the night, and a good week of laying in bed to recover.  My dear man lost his right eye last week because of this accident, but what we have gained far outweighs this loss.  There has been so much good that has come from this already.  I am praying for some quiet to continue to process this week, and to add to my memorial for my girls because I want this to change to them.  I want them to grow even deeper in their walk with the Lord because of what we have seen and experienced through this blip in the road.

We have another surgery, and recovery, this coming week as we will remove his blind eye all together.  The globe was ruptured, and it just is too risky to keep it in there as the immune system tends to attack eye tissue that has been leaking which puts his good eye at risk.  Please pray for his recovery, and that I will carry this story well.  I don't ever want to waste the lessons the Lord is teaching me.  He is so good..so abundantly good to allow me the chance to stretch and grow through this.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

The Lord Goes Before Us

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous, Do not be terrified: do not be discouraged for the Lord you God goes with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I spent most of early Wednesday evening brushing up on verses about fear.  I have a friend who is battling fear as she begins another adoption.  I was planning on meeting with her on Thursday morning so I opened scripture to refresh my memory so that I could encourage her as we met.  This verse above was one I memorized when going to pick up my Anna Mei.  I read it again and again on Wednesday evening.  I even recorded it on a card..to give my friend.  I never imagined that I would be the one using these words to remind myself of this truth as I was gonna need a big dose of the Lord come about 7:00 PM.  I had no idea that this promise, made to Joshua by the Lord, would be so very important to me again so soon, but my Lord knew and was already preparing me to walk through what would be coming next.  Oh, how He love us.  

I Would Have Never Dreamed

Wednesday morning at 5:30 AM, I woke my six year old treasure from a very deep sleep so that she could have a minor surgery at the U.  Daddy had to tend to the needs of the other girls at home as getting them up and off to school, as well as caring for Molly Kate, is a task that is hard to pass off to anyone else.  As a result, I headed by myself with Jillian to the U for her procedure.  Never, never did I imagine almost five years ago now when we were first home that I could ever, ever do this alone with this girl.  When we were first home, my Jilly was so completely broken that she was unable to handle anything, anywhere outside of our home without an army of us to handle her.  Seriously, Sean would consult with doctors while I ran with a screaming baby to the car after an exam.  The screaming and out of control thrashing would last long after the exam ended because of our poor baby's fear and inability to trust anyone.  

Those months were so beyond hard because of our girls condition and how she was not cared for before coming home.  Still, we were so filled with joy as we cared for her and we didn't give up hope that she would be able to learn to feel safe and trust.  Today, was such an example of how very far we have come.  She walked calmly into the big hospital holding my hand, drank the happy juice from her special cup when it was given to her, and rocked this medical procedure.  They always let me stay with her in the OR until she is asleep.  This time, she didn't fight the doctors one bit.  She calmly breathed in the medication and drifted off to sleep without additional meds or any fighting.  This girl has a huge fight response and that is probably what kept her alive all those years when she was institutionalized, but her brain is overcoming the need to fight as she feels safer and safer with us.  When she woke in recovery, she was peaceful and trusting.  She laid in my arms safe and happy.  AMAZING!  God has certainly shown us His power to turn ashes into something beautiful because of this babe's life!  She is an incredible and miraculous little one who has all my heart!  I am so beyond blessed to call her my daughter.  I am grateful to God for the chance to walk beside her because I have seen the impossible done by the Lord in her life!  I just kept thinking on the way home that I could have given up the hope that she would be healed so fully in those long months when we were first home.  It was well over a year before she could function at church.  It was just over a year before she made her first sign to communicate that she wanted that water turned on.  It was well over a year before she let me comfort her at night, signed that she loved me, and took a drink from a cup.  While there were times that first year that felt so hopeless, I am grateful for the hope and peace that comes only from trusting my Savior as it kept us going and loving our girl on the hardest of those days.  Today, I couldn't imagine life without her and I truly marvel at the miracle that she is living with such joy!  How I love her so much more than I could ever type!

Snow Painting..

 The weather was beautiful on Saturday so we played outside all morning.  Don't you just love this smile?  That smile makes me want to run to China and claim more of these precious treasures as that joy is miraculous.

 We decided to take some watercolors outside and paint the snow.  I also added some kitchen tools to the snow table.

 The pastry brushes that I picked up for a dollar at the dollar store were a huge hit painting.  The salad tongs I got for a dollar scooped a perfect size snowball too.  It was great for scooping colored snow.

 This one was super busy all morning.  She took a great nap after playing in the fresh air.

 This one flung snow at me causing the blurry spot on my lens.  She is a flinger I tell ya.  She doesn't care what the substance is.. she needs to fling it!

 This girl painted and painted!  She is my creative spirit.

Isn't she just darling in her glasses?  I can't wait to shed the coats and get some sand and water back in this table, but today we are getting more snow.  Thankful for a day at home, but longing for a warm sunny day.