My Baby Girl

Some of my favorite faces from this week..
Anna loves the headphones that came with Jillian's new therapy.  Jillian detests them and wishes to have nothing to do with them so Anna Mei is happy to have this new accessory!

 She was super quiet after returning from the library on Thursday.  I found her on the couch

 sprawled out reading the new books we just selected.  She is one happy girl!

 She was folding her baby's hands to pray before "feeding" her lunch this week.  How sweet is that?

She did in deed put poo in the potty people!  She is making great progress in the potty area and was thrilled to call Daddy with the good news!

Extraordinary

I wish that I could put into words how it feels to hold my sweet Jillian down for a medical procedure for the third time in three weeks.  I wish that I could express how I feel seeing her so afraid, how I feel watching her overcome, or what it means to me to have her strongly attached to me communicating to go home or signing bye-bye as we are in the office.  Extraordinary is this baby girl and it is a privilege to be her mother.  A privilege to live out the adoption of her as mine each day in my life.  She is one of the greatest blessings of my life and I love her fiercely.  I never want to get over the miracle that she is.  I never want to forget that though she was born a half a world away, God made her mine just like that because He wanted her to know the love of a momma.  And I hope I never get over the fact that He chose me to be that for her.  This wonderful amazing little girl is my daughter.  It is a true, true miracle that it is my arms holding her down while her teeth are cleaned.  It is truly a miracle that I am the one wrestling her when her ear wax is being dug out.  It is truly a miracle when she smiles at me and signs "momma i love you".  A miracle for so many reasons.  I thank God today and always that I didn't miss this.  I thank God that He has allowed me to experience so many miracles in the last two years as I have watched Jillian's life story unfold.  I only wish that I could communicate more clearly the impact that she has had on my life.  Oh that God has allowed this child to be mine is so much more than I ever imagined for myself.  I am deeply, deeply saddened by the thought that millions more children are living without a momma right now.  How is it that we can stand by and let that be?  We have more room in our vans, empty chairs at our dinner tables, and a God who is abundantly more than we could ever imagine!  He continues to fill my heart to overflowing as I love my treasures.  As I bawled my eyes out on all the way home because Jillian actually was able to go to the dentist, I praised Him and prayed that He might see fit to give me more to care for.

Uh OH! Oh NO!..Reading Together

I love reading.

I was am a teacher everyday as I read to my sweet treasures.

Our new library in CR is amazing!  The girls and I love to visit there.  All the books are new and it smells heavenly walking among so many new little board books.  Last week, we came across this great book and, while it may not be a literary classic, it cracks my little ladies up!  Anna is already "reading" books too.  She is retelling stories we have read over and over in her toddler language anyway and it is adorable.  Check her out..

Jillian thinks it is pretty hilarious too! 

There are few things that make me happier than reading with my girls.  Somehow, Emily wasn't near as interested in the plot of this story as my littles were.  She does love the library too though.  There is a coffee shop inside after all.

Beautiful Day

Five months ago, this little sweetie had no concept of Jesus.  She had no idea what worship was, no clue what it meant to have the love of an earthly father, or to be rocked in the arms of a momma.  Her eyes were empty and her heart was too.  Tonight she sat in our dining room, at our table, as our daughter, singing and dancing while giving all the praise she has to Jesus.  My God is so good to allow me just a small part of this plan that He has for her.

 She continues to just amaze me!  I know that God will use her in mighty, mighty ways.  I pray that He will continue to give us the wisdom (and mental strength) to shape her strong will for His purposes.

 She laughs and loves like nobody's business which is a miracle given her beginnings.  She and I made these yummy banana chocolate chip muffins while Jillian was in school.  This sweet girl was proud as peaches to show her daddy what she had done when he came home for lunch because this girl is over the moon, head over heels for her daddy.

 Tonight, I even took her to the Cat in the Hat production here in CR and the girl sat mesmerized for the entire play.  Magical.  It is magical to sit next to her watching her take in everything with such wonder.

I am crazy for her.  She was made by God to be mine as I can't imagine my life without her in it. (She is rocking this sweet hand-me-down dress from Abigail!  Thanks for sharing with us Abigail.  We miss you and your mommy too!)

I'm Listening to Her Laugh

I'm listening to Jillian laugh and it brings tears to my eyes and praise to my heart.  This little four year old of mine is so much more than just a child..she is God's heart, our love, a miracle, and watching her thrive in this place is just sometimes so emotional for me that it actually leaves me without words.  In the last five months, this amazing little girl, who was literally left for dead two years ago, has gained a new little sister, gone two solid weeks without her momma while I was in China, moved to a new state, started school, and she has come ahead through it all.  Truly, I am overcome with love for this little who continues to change me so much more than I could ever change her.  How I love her and am blessed that God chose me to be her mother.  I sat rocking her against my chest last night before bed and I just wished that I could hold on to her forever because this child does something to me.  This child shepherds me into the presence of the Lord unlike anything that I have ever experienced.  He is written all over her.  His goodness, His mercy, His compassion, His love, His plan, His design..is threaded throughout her very being and, while this is true of every human being, it is just so easy for me to see it in her because of how she has changed me.  Today, and everyday, I am grateful to God for choosing me to do this.  I am so blessed to be the momma of this clan and to watch God write my children's stories intertwining me in their lives as I walk out life next to them. 

School.. A Report

 It has been nearly a week since I first dropped this little treasure off at K Elementary.  Nearly a week since I began to entrust her to the three wonderful teachers and countless therapists there.  She is doing amazingly well!  She loves to ride in the wagon each morning to school, loves wearing her backpack, and is growing pretty comfortable in the classroom.  She has demonstrated understanding of the work and then break doing a preferred activity already.  She participates in circle time and does all the finger plays.  She especially liked the row, row your boat game.  She can touch and drag her picture on the smart-board and is proud as peaches about it as she was the only one who could.  She didn't really like shaving cream or finger painting, but did participate for a few minutes.  Her teacher recognized it stressed her out considerably and so she didn't push her too much.  Then Jillian signed to be rocked and her dear teacher dropped everything, took her to the chair, and rocked my baby.  God bless her!  I am thrilled that this little one is signing so much at school and that they understand her.  She is picking up so many new signs at home that it is hard for Daddy to keep up with the new ones I have taught her.  Each day I pick her up on the playground before lunch time and she is running like the wind playing care freely among the other PK classes!  This momma's heart is full.  I never dreamed that she would do so well as I thought she would be so unhappy and full of anxiety right away, but so far she has held it together so well.  I know that the hard days will come, as they always do with my angel, but for now I am proud of all that she is accomplishing.  I tell you parenting this baby is like walking on Holy Ground as there are so many miracles all around us where she is concerned.  I am blessed beyond measure that God has entrusted her to me.

As for this little sweetie, she LOVES having momma all to herself and the many adventures we go on, but she wants to go to school too.  Each morning she goes into Jillian's classroom and parks at the table expecting that she will be given work to do too.  Today, we enjoyed an indoor playground at the mall and then visited a popcorn shop with 200+ varieties.  They give free samples so we had our fill then purchased the cheddar bacon flavor.  YUMMY.  We are making precious memories and I am so thankful to have this time with her.


I was walking them to school the other morning and glanced back to see them.  Anna Mei was reading a book and Jillian was staring into her mirror.  I was overcome with God's goodness and thought about how at thirty-seven (did I just reveal my age?)  I never dreamed I would be walking a wagon to preschool with my littles inside, but here I am.  I am so thankful that God's plans are so much bigger than I ever let myself dream and that I get to enjoy the beauty of mothering these two littles.  Truly, I am grateful for my children and understand what a treasure each one is. 

Readoption Day

 Last week, we made the six hour round trip back to Pekin to complete Anna Mei's re-adoption so that our three girls' birth certificates would be in the same county.  Driving six hours in one day with our littlest beauties was no fun and I am beyond thankful to just hang around the house for the next rest of forever.  Seriously, it was rough being in the car, but worth it to have our sweet Anna Mei's name on an American birth certificate listing us as her parents.  Praise be to God for the gift of this sweet, sweet baby!  In court, the judge didn't know how to pronounce her name (she is going to hate me when she is a teenager) and Sean was shaky about when her birth date was, but they granted us the birth certificate.  I think they took pity on us as they could see we had been through the ringer during the trip there.  It is only a formality of course, because the adoption was finalized in China.  We just complete this step so she has a traditional birth certificate at the courthouse.  If we chose to not complete this step, we would have to rely on China for paperwork to prove our adoption if we ever needed it.  We enjoyed our time at our favorite park in our old home, visited with one of our teens that we dearly miss, and then headed  back here to our new home all in the same day.  Typing that brings back horrible memories of trying to keep a 2 and 4 year old happy in the car.  Glad it's over and that we have one more piece of paper proclaiming Anna Mei Elyse is our forever treasure!

Apple Picking Time

 We set out early this morning to pick some apples at the local orchard. 

 Jillian found some dead grass at the bottom of the bell "tower" and could have played in there for hours.  She was happy to find a giant sensory bin for her enjoyment.  She did not want to pick the apples or walk among them, but she did enjoy playing inside the "tower" and swinging on the porch swing.

Anna Mei was thrilled with the morning activity in every sense of the word!  She loved picking the apples and carried the heavy baskets as we filled them up though she would say "heavy, heavy" the entire time she was lugging it around.

 She has so much precious toddler left in her face, but I  know that all too soon that will be gone and she will be grown up like my Jillian.

 I just love how everything brings her great wonder.  She loved examining each apple and counting them as we put them in.

 After picking, we found Daddy and Jillian enjoying the swing.  Jill is signing momma here because she wanted me to sit down too.

Anna Mei couldn't wait to get home to enjoy her bounty.  She bit into one of the red frees we picked on the way home.  Yummy!

With Everything in Me

I decided to start my four year old treasure in a public school special education program.  I have never had a peace about having my sweet girl with autism away from me.  I have never visited a program, met with a team, and had the feeling I did last week when I met with this team of ladies.  Truly, this place has much, much to offer her.   Still, this morning when I drove by her new school during drop off to get a feel for the traffic pattern and what will work best to get my precious treasure in with as much ease as possible...I just wanted to keep driving as far away from there as I could.  With everything in me, I just want to keep this baby girl safe, protected, and with me at all times.  I cried big, ugly tears as I sped away from that place and I have no idea how in the world I will leave her there tomorrow without the supernatural strength of the Lord who gave me this baby and knows His plans for her.  I trust Him with her and I know that she belongs to Him, but with her history and everything she has been through I have an intense LOVE for her.  She is hard-very hard-to care for and requires so much patience and unconditional love that I have been hesitant to trust anyone else with her, but I am at a place that I really feel like it is time to give it a try. So, with much prayer and a big dose of HOPE I am sending her off in the morning.  YIKES!  Typing that makes me want to run away with her as fast as I can. :)

Her First Day of School

 Literally my heart could burst because today I walked this lady out the door and into her preschool classroom.  I left her there today.  We have visited together, met with the team, had the team over to our house, written social stories, taken pictures, made lists, filled out paperwork, and today was the day that she walked through the doors of a HUGE school as a PK kiddo.  I never dreamed I would have the peace that I do, but this program in our new city has much to offer our angel and so I am giving it a shot.   She is precious to me beyond words and I am blessed that God has intrusted this special beauty to me, but I am also thankful to now live in a community that has so much to offer her.  We are now living in a huge city and so there is so much more for her.  You can see God's hand in placing us here in every aspect of our lives.  I even told Sean that I am sad that we haven't had her here all along because there is so much here that we can access.  It may be too much for her to be in school, but I am trying it.  I will pick her up before lunch though she could stay all day.  ALL day is too long for this little treasure right now, but I am thankful that they are so willing to work with us to find the best balance for her.  Truly they are so willing to individualize just for her and I love that they are willing to do that.  Anna Mei just kept following Jillian around saying Anna Mei go school.  Truly this littlest beauty can't wait to be in school like her two big sisters.  As for momma, I am going to use the time to work on bonding with her and trying to enjoy all these little moments that are gone way to soon as my babies grow older.

This Girl

 This girl..
loves everything I give her to do especially if it involves her receiving my undivided attention.  She loves to color, draw, paint, take puzzles apart, craft, cook.. She loves it all.

 She is a ham.  Notice she is wearing Daddy's black socks, sunglasses, and pajamas.  With her strong will strongly intact, you never know what you might find her in or out of.  You have to pick your battles with this one.

She can be so loving.  Look at those little lips.  She sits outside the shower the whole time I am in there and opens the curtain frequently for a kiss all puckered up just like this.  Who can resist her?

Chocolate Goodness

This little lady is my shadow.  She does everything that I do.  Anytime that I am cooking, you can find her perched up on the counter right next to me.  She is so much like me.  She is crazy verbal, loves people, loves to be in the center of everything, loves to eat, and did I mention she is crazy verbal?!  Sometimes she seriously exhausts me and it makes me think that I must really tire my sweet hubby and darling daughters who are not at all as verbal as I am.  I love this lady to bits and couldn't resist getting these early morning pictures of her making some yummy chocolate cake with me.

 Happy, happy girl!

 She needed two spoons for this stuff!

 Yum! Yum!

Our Morning..

We made scrambled eggs together.  I even got Jillian to touch the shredded cheese and add it to the bowl.  I was chuckling because as I was taking the pictures I said without even thinking "say cheese".  I saw Jillian signing cheese and because I didn't think about what I said, I thought why is she signing cheese.  Then I remembered I had said "say cheese" as I was taking the picture.  You can see that Jillian is looking right at me and Anna is the one choosing to ignore the fact that I am trying to get a photo.  These two have to tag team I tell you!

We got some new water color paints and Anna enjoyed painting very. very. much!

 Look at this beautiful smile!

Her hair is growing and she even asked to wear a hairbow.  Isn't she just darling?  You got to love a beautiful baby whose eyes disappear when they smile.  She is a treasure this girl! 

Who Was With Her Then

My precious four year old had a major meltdown this morning.  It lasted nearly two and half hours and I had to call Daddy for reinforcement as my littlest was scared out of her wits watching her sis so sad.  I have to admit it was exhausting working through this one.  I often think about how in the world I will take care of this precious child as she ages and gets bigger.  I often contemplate just how inadequate I am for this job and just how crazy it is for me to think I can do more (though it doesn't discourage me from praying to do more).  This morning though I was just overcome with sadness as I was remembering the faces of those precious children from Annie's post yesterday.  Those faces in Annie's photos live in one of the very places that my daughters lived.  And so all I could think this morning was who was with my precious Jillian when I wasn't?  Who was it that held her flailing little body while the sensory craziness passed?  Who sang to her?  Who reassured her that she was safe and that she was loved?  The truth is there was probably no one to do those things while she waited for us and typing those words, with those fresh images of this morning still raw in my heart, brings tears to my eyes because God never intended for these babies to be alone.  Parenting my special treasure is the hardest thing I have ever been called to do and yet I would do it again and again if it meant I would receive the blessing of her.  She popped right up after the crazy passed and has gone about the day as if nothing happened.  For me, the thought..Who was with her then?..is seared in my heart after those two and half long hours this morning and leaves me praying that God would use me more because children are meant to have a family alongside them.

Bawling My Eyes Out

After a beautiful morning with my precious littles making scrambled eggs, experimenting with watercolor paints, and playing at yet another beautiful new park here in our new city, I was planning on sharing a post about our amazing and wonderful little life.  Then I opened my blogs and saw this .  (Just click over and look for yourself.)  These faces haunt me at night.  The faces of girls and boys as valuable to the Lord as my beautiful littles with no hope of ever having a morning with a momma cooking, painting, and playing.  How do I even begin to let go of the deep sorrow I have over the thought of just one child living this life of hopelessness?  I don't have all the answers.  In fact, I don't have many at all as I have been in the throws of doing hard with my newest little treasure as we continue to graft her in to our family, but I know that God has given me such a tremendous burden for these children.  I honestly feel shame that I sat for so long doing nothing about the orphan crisis.  I praise God today for breaking my heart for these children as I see Him in each of them.  I also praise God for His promises and rest in knowing that He has a plan for each and every valuable life He creates.  Trusting Him in that today!

The First Weekend of Our New Life..

The first weekend of our new life..

was wonderful!  

I missed having daddy here the last week with us so we were all super happy to be together enjoying the last few lazy days of sunshiny summer.  The splash pad was calling our name by Saturday night as Em and I spent the entire day Saturday shopping at the mecca mall in IA city.  We needed some rest and relaxation after the marathon school shopping trip.

 The free splash pads all over the city are one of my favorite things about our new home.  Anna loves to point to the water and ask "where did it go?" when it turns off.

 Both of the girls run to the sensor to turn it on again when it turns off. 

 They race to see who can get there first.

 The playground is close to the water and the girls enjoy playing there too.

 It always brings big smiles.

 Emily LOVES the park too.

(OK so this may be an exaggeration, but she tolerates it well.)

Daddy ran the trails in the park while we played.  Then Sunday, we enjoyed our first worship at CVBC.  We have felt so loved and welcomed by this special group of people who we are lucky enough to begin serving alongside.  It has been a great week and we are so thrilled to be settled and get started.

A Trip to DQ

My girls are so happy here.  I was trying to be optimistic about this move in the days leading up to it.  I have done my best to prepare these ladies by talking about our new home and using pictures and praying..lots of praying, but I never dreamed Jillian would be so happy so fast.  My word she has grown so much in the last two years.  It is hard to believe, even though the images of her first fifteen months with us are deeply imbedded in my heart, that this is the same child who came home with us from China.  Would you just look at Jillian clapping and smiling?  We walked in the wagon to the neighborhood DQ.  Jill would NOT eat any ice cream, but enjoyed teasing me.  She would open her mouth just until a bite got close and then she would close it up.  Anna Mei on the other hand ate lots and lots of brownie delight.  She was delighted with our evening activities and the hot fudge.

 I made Em pose because now I have proof that she is indeed here with us too.  She didn't want to, but a mother's I say so is very powerful some days.  She got to play a little 3 on 3 with her daddy, some of her new bball teammates, and her coach informally today.  It was great for her, but left her pretty tired because after an hour of bball, she had two hours of volleyball to practice.  Good times!  She is so busy.  This high school schedule is very, very full.  I suppose we will adjust.

Here is a picture of my little sweetie sporting some Iowa goodness.  She is growing up so much!  Notice Jillian in the back of the cart.  She is indeed already even comfortable enough to be shopping here.  I never dreamed she would adjust so quickly.  I am visiting the school program at the end of next week for her.  I need wisdom..lots of wisdom.   This is one special treasure I have and I really need God's guidance in deciding what is best for her as far as schooling goes. Until then, I am enjoying my babies and settling into this new life with JOY! 

Time Out on 32nd Street

 We had out first time out here at 32nd street.

Our Jillian just loves to watch her beans from her bin drop on the hardwood.

It brings her great joy and causes momma much duress.

Of course, Anna had to get her two cents in and sounds just like momma scolding her big sis saying "No No Jill. Beans!".  Look at those little lips and her momma stance.  

Then, Anna Mei began to feel compassion and joined Jillian in the corner just for the heck of it.

Seriously, they are too too cute!

My girls are so happy here.

Jillian is roaming around and comfortable as can be here.  Truly, I never dreamed she would have such an easy time in a new place. Their adjustment has been a dream!

Anna Mei loves to cook with Momma in our new kitchen and is thrilled to help carry things to the table for dinner.  She is proud as a peacock and reports to daddy all that she has done when he gets home.

Em is doing great too, but is not interested in posing for any pictures.  The nerve of a teenager!  Really very thankful that God has gone before us here and for all that my girls are experiencing.

God's Miraculous Provision

I wish with all my heart that I could record every detail of the last week.  It has been so good in so many ways, but I know that I will never do it justice or remember all that has been on my heart.  We had an amazing crew of friends who came on Friday in Pekin to pack us up and send us off.  Many of them even gave up their Saturday to drive here and help us transport all of our stuff.  Thank you Eric, Rebecca, Chris, and Chris!  Sean's mom came up with us and helped us get settled in as well. We love you!

The girls did amazingly well and played in the water in the backyard all day here at the new house while we settled in.  We had lunch provided for us on Saturday by our new church family and many, many who stayed well into the afternoon setting up beds, unpacking, cleaning, and helping us get settled.  We felt loved and were overwhelmed by the way everyone served us.  Saturday night we had dinner delivered by another sweet church member who even went as far as finding out what my Jillian eats.  She brought Jill's yogurt and applesauce as well as yummy homemade pizza with delicious cake.  I cried sweet tears of joy because she thought of my baby girl's needs and met them without even knowing us.

The week has continued on much like this.  We have had visits by many with cookies, hugs, and welcomes.  We have attended a staff cookout where we spent time together with the school and church staff swimming, eating, and visiting.  This is an amazing place and while we are sad to leave the many that we love in Pekin, we are excited to get settled here and to start doing life with this incredible congregation.

Thursday we spent the day with some of the church families at a local beach.  You all know my Jillian LOVES water and sand! This beach is beautiful, free, and very close to our house.  Many may just see this as a lake, but as I looked across the crystal blue water I just thought of God's miraculous provision!  A crystal clear lake, much like the beautiful Gull Lake where we happily spend a week at family camp every summer, only twenty minutes from our new home.  This is a place that we will be spending many happy summer days with our new family of friends.  I heard one of the moms say that she likes to spend time together with other ladies of the church because she is never leaving Cedar Valley and so if we are going to raise up our kids together, we should know and love each other.  Music to this mommas heart!  Walking alongside these friends and doing life together is going to be a true pleasure.

My sweet babies have also found open arms already and this momma is thrilled.  Em seems to have found a wonderful young lady who is in her class and shares her name.  EF seems like a great girl and is delightful to talk to.  She is an answer to prayer indeed.  Anna Mei has already learned to say Abby and looks for her whenever we are with our group.  She likes to be held and Abby is amazing with her.  She has ministered to this momma so much with how very willing she is to help me take care of the girls while Sean is back wrapping things up in Pekin.  Abby walked carrying Anna Mei to the car from the beach yesterday which was a HUGE blessing and she was in the pool the entire time I was on Tuesday helping with the girls.  A little lady named Jesse has taken a liken to my Jillian too and watched me signing to her yesterday so she could pick some up.  Jesse is a tiny fourth grader, but still let Jillian climb all over her in the water.  Jillian kept signing sit and Jesse wasn't sure what it meant so she asked and then sat every time Jillian told her.  Both of these girls are from the same family and they have beautiful hearts.  I can't wait to get to know them more!

Truly, I can't believe how seamless this move has been.  My Jillian hasn't missed a beat.  She even seems more comfortable in this strange, new house than she did in our familiar one in Pekin.  I can't explain it.  I have no words, but what I do have is a God who holds us each in His hands.  How I love the Lord who has written this entire story for us and who knows every detail before it is revealed to us.  To God be much glory for the way that we have been loved by these beautiful people in the last week.  I hope that I have the opportunity to show God's love to them many times as we walk beside each other in the years to come.  Cedar Valley Bible Church seems so very special and I am grateful to be able to call it home!