Deuteronomy 4:35

You have been shown these things that you might know the Lord is God besides him there is no other.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Level Ground Needed

My heart is hurting so this morning. Hurting because this little babe of my heart, that is finally home with me, continues to hurt so. I am desperate to soothe her and so desperatly long to be her momma. There are so many times-many more than three weeks ago-that she is letting me BUT there are so many other times that she just can't trust me enough yet. I can only imagine the deep and traumatic circumstances that she has experienced in these first 26 months of her life. I can only guess about what she has felt, how she has been treated, and the wounds that this has left on her little heart. One thing I can know for sure is that our God is in control of her little life and He has planned it all out since the beginning of time. He has also appointed me to be her momma-whether she knows it yet or not. I was on my knees this morning begging the Lord for this little one's healing and asking for encouragment in this day to be the momma she needs. Then there it was-His voice- hanging on an index card on my cabinet..

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good spirit lead me to level ground. Psalm 143:8-10

Some things about that verse just jumped out at me today. Trust. He will show me. He will teach me. He will give me all I need to be her momma. And little by little she will open up her heart to me. I am sure of that this morning as His mercies are new each day. Also finding joy in the journey as she sits in my lap on the floor and lets me hold her in front of the hall mirror. She let me hold her so long that my arms ached, but my heart was overflowing with joy.

Level Ground. When I wrote this in the wee hours of the morning this morning..I was begging for level ground. Well, my little sweet pea stayed awake late enough this morning to ride along when I took big sis to school. She sat in her car seat in the back making the strangest faces and I think she might have even enjoyed it. It felt so normal to have both of my girls in the car. Normal and Level. I even drove through Starbucks with her and got a hot tea. :) Praise God for answering my plea for a little level ground today. He is so good in the mist of our trials.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you & Jill! Glad to see she is doing so much better at being out and about!