We May Have Some Trouble

We were blessed to be able to spend our free afternoon (thank you President's Day) with two sweet sheep in our college flock. Love em.

Yummy noodles with Chopsticks!! Too fun!

More Chopstick Cheer!!

Don't leave us out! We're in on the chopstick thing!

We may have some trouble though because at lunch we ate at a noodle joint that offered us chopsticks (as you can see). So. Much. Fun. BUT Daddy refused to even give them a try! So.. I'm thinking he is gonna have some trouble eating in China. Jill may have to be feeding her daddy. LOL :)

I Pray That..

I am blessed with one sweet friend that has been praying faithfully for my baby girl and for this adoption. Today she wrote..

I have been praying that she will laugh today.

My response...

Beautiful.

Precious.

Ministering to this momma's heart oh so much.

Momma's praying that you laugh today too baby girl. Momma's praying that the empty, numb look that I see in your eyes will soon be replaced by pure joy because you are in our family. Love you oh so very much my baby. Praying that you laugh.

You Know It's Going to Be a Good Day When..

Blessed beyond words to have attended the Connecting Hearts to the Forgotten Conference held at East White Oak Bible Church. It was an amazing day focused on raising awareness about adoption and orphan ministry. People from churches everywhere gathered for the orphan's sake. OH. BE. STILL. MY. HEART.

You know it's going to be a good day when...

the first session opens with an introductory video containing priceless images of children and half the women watching are sobbing.

the prayer warriors for the conference are praying over the church and rejoicing that some children are being "born" in their adoptive parents' heart this very day.

you see 147 million gear for sale when you enter the ministry fair. (See it for yourself here.)

there are women in every nook and cranny speaking about bloggers as if they are personal friends.

there are more books about adoption on the display tables than you can even count.

all those sitting around you are signed with AGCI and adopting orphans just like you.

you see a grown man cry when he speaks of his adoption experience.

you are holding a Bible in your lap and the sweet referral picture of your daughter in your hands with tears of praise streaming down your face. Thank you sweet Jesus!!

What a blessed day. Still can hardly believe that I am really walking this road. Still pinching myself and asking God are you sure you have chosen to bless me with this? If you missed it, Kelly Putty from Ordinary Hero is coming to speak, in person, on April 9 at Cornerstone Baptist Church outside of Morton, IL. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Will you join me?

What About James?

My dear husband had the chance to share from the pulpit on Sunday. His sermon was titled..What About James? He gave us just a glimpse into Jesus earthly family and we dug into scripture to see what we could learn about James (Jesus earthly half brother). Check it out HERE.

So very lucky to have such a Godly man leading our family.

Got Junk?

Bringing our girl home costs money. While we have seen God move in miraculous ways, there is still a long way to go in order for us to say..We are fully funded. (Oh those would be precious words!) We still need about $13000 toward the orphanage donation and our travel expenses. SO...We are planning a huge indoor garage/bake sale. We would love your junk (aka treasures) and/or bake goods to sell in order to help us get our girl home. We are having the sale the first Saturday in April and would be happy to pick up any donations you have for the sale as soon as you have them ready. Just give us a call and we will be happy to accept anything you have laying around to donate for Jill's sake. Praying over all the details and so appreciate each and everyone of you who will be considering getting involved in some way.

No junk? We need volunteers to help us set up, man the stations, take cash, and tear down that day too. Keep watching the blog for more information and spread the word for us. Getting so close to actually having her here. Can you believe it?

Gotta Read His Story

Tears streaming down after I saw this handsome little man and read his mamma's post! (Hard to believe coming from me I know. :) Can you even imagine that sweet face starving in an orphanage with no mommy and daddy? Alone. Rejected. Orphaned. Rejoicing that he is home, but my heart is breaking for soooo many like him who are still there. WAITING. What was I waiting for all this time ignoring these children? God forgive me.

Go here to read his sweet mamma's post about an wonderful weekend he recently spent-orphaned no more.

Too Much Cuteness

Jill's closet went from this....

to this.....



And her dresser from this...


To this....

(All four drawers are full!!)
because of a gift from some super friends. Can you even believe how wonderful our friends have been? So very blessed to walk alongside so many people who care so much about our baby girl!! Let me just say there is way too much cuteness here!!!! How will I decide what to put on her? So sweet to purchase the baby laundry soap and wash these small, very pink clothes. I can't wait to try these dresses on her. I am dress kind of momma! She has quite the wardrobe and so now all we need at our house is her sweet face. Stay tuned..her room is almost done and it is sooooo cute!!

Miraculous Provision

He's done it again! God has provided in such a miraculous way that I am left standing in the middle of the room with my jaw dropping to the ground and tears streaming down my face. There are things, that as a family, we willingly laid at the foot of the cross-gave up for a time- so that financially this adoption would be possible. We were given an incredible gift this week, by some very precious people, that has given back to our family something we would have had to go without this summer. This thing that we were going without has been a huge part of our family's best memories over the last three years. It has been a huge part of the Lord challenging us and growing us in our faith together as a family, but it comes at a price. A price we weren't going to be able to pay because of the adoption. That now is paid in full because of this gift! The best part is..Jill will be with us when we are able to experience it. WE WILL BE TOGETHER AS A FAMILY IN THIS SPECIAL PLACE EXPERIENCING IT TOGETHER AS A FAMILY BECAUSE GOD CONTINUES TO MEET OUR NEEDS ABOVE AND BEYOND ALL THAT WE DREAM AS WE STRIVE TO SERVE HIM!!! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

Feeling a lot like David in 2 Samuel 7:18.. "O Sovereign Lord, Who Am I and what is my family that you have brought me this far?".. lately as He continues to blow my mind with his goodness.

Should Have Known Better

What an incredible day on Sunday we had spending some precious time with our ministry students. To say that I love, love, love them would be a gross understatement. They make me cry, laugh, inspire me, give the best hugs, and they are just so much fun. We had a super sub fundraiser at the church in the AM to help support our children's outreach ministry in the public housing this summer...... way to go..working oh so hard!

When we finished, we needed to get the extra supplies back to our house next door to our church. So..the high school boys (and one precious girl) volunteer to carry the stuff home for us. So sweet, so helpful, so like Jesus..Right? My husband gives them the go ahead and they head off to our house while we stay and continue cleaning up the kitchen in the church basement. What great kids.. So sacrificial to offer their weary muscles up to us...to serve us..

Then...we come home to find this...

soda cans hidden all around the house like Easter eggs. The soda cans were among the supplies they had so kindly carried over from the church. We have been in youth ministry for almost ten years now and my dh should have known better than to let the high school boys in the house alone. LOL.. Seriously though.. these kids are so much stinkin' fun. They leave me in stitches so much and so much creativity. They are truly the best kids in the world! So blessed to have them in my life. Especially thankful that the girl with them had enough sense to tell them not to put any in the stove. I probably would have preheated without looking inside and blown up a soda can..YUCK!

Praying that my house is always overflowing with teens. Thanks to Jesus for putting such great kids in my life!

Celebrating Chinese New Year

We were out of place indeed, darling kiddo and I, at Saturday's celebration observing Chinese New Year in our area without our Chinese daughter. Oh I wish she was here to experience it with us. Still, darling kiddo and I enjoyed ourselves making crafts, learning about cultural practices, and eating yummy (American) Chinese food. The Chinese daughters were oh so beautiful in their traditional dresses. I couldn't help but dream of our Jillian here wearing a little silk dress next year right alongside mommy, daddy, and sissy.

Waiting for you here my sweet one. Praying for the days to move quickly until you are in our arms. God has so much in store for your little life already and we are beyond blessed to be preparing to add you to our family. Love you, Love you, Love you little one.

5:30 AM..Really Lord?

God is laying something pretty exciting on my heart. He began to reveal it to me yesterday and it involves my teen girls which always excites me. It is going to take a lot of time though and despite my reasoning with God that I am adopting (remember LORD?), traveling in the next twelve weeks to China, still need to come up with $10,000, planning fundraisers, running my house, trying to stay sane..He is not giving up on me. This idea just won't leave my mind and so just as God does...this thing is coming together pretty fast. Please pray that I am obedient to God's leading despite the thousand excuses that I sometimes use to excuse my self from following his will. So excited to see what God does with this. Just wish he would not wake me at 5:30 on Saturday morning to "talk" about it...Praise Him for His involvement in my life and the life of my girls. Praise Him that He loves them so much..He demands my time and attention! What a thrilling adventure indeed to serve Him!

It's Arrived

That's right..twenty inches of snow across the entire middle section of the country can't stop the USPS from delivering my immigration papers to Texas. They arrived in two days (instead of one because of the snow) and are now in the hands of the US govt. Please, please pray that our Jill's visa paperwork is processed quickly. It is all up to the US now..as they are in charge of the rest of the process. It could take them three more months, but I am hoping they will pass us along sooner than that! As soon as they approve, WE ARE CHINA BOUND!!! I can hardly keep from crying at the thought. What will it be like to finally hold my daughter in my arms? PRAISE HIM THAT HE HAS ALLOWED THIS TREMENDOUS BLESSING!!!

My She's Grown

The team from Parental Care Ministries is back in the US safe and sound after taking a mission team to Uganda to serve in the schools they support there. They were able to deliver a small package to the nine year old girl we sponsor there. They just sent us this new picture of her..She looks so well and so much bigger than the last picture we received. She is wearing her school uniform and has on shoes. God is so good for providing for these orphaned children through this ministry. What a blessing to be a small part of what God is doing to meet the needs of these children who desperately need Him. What an amazing journey it was for the team from PCM last week. You can read about it on their blog. If your snowed in like I am, it will bless you!

Missing Something

Each time that I come to a new place with God, I feel like such an idiot that I could have been missing something so big all this time. I feel that way about the orphan. I feel like I have been walking with God for far too many years with my eyes closed to His purpose in my life regarding the fatherless. Then all of a sudden, I surrender to God's will for my heart and I can't escape this feeling of having missed so much by not getting this all along. My heart breaks watching videos of starving children, children without homes, children with an empty look in their eyes-all the while enjoying this nice, neat, warm family..Yet pitifully, I have spent so many of my believing years doing absolutely nothing to make a difference. In spite of this, God has blessed me so much on this journey and He continues to challenge me. Challenge me, in ways I never imagined, to surrender my life to His purposes. I don't really know what that looks like or how it will be accomplished yet. I know that at times, I will fail miserably and without a doubt there will be trials and I will fall short. The only thing that I know for sure is I want to stop wasting my breath being about me and this American dream. I want to be about doing God's will..when it hurts, when it's hard, when others call you crazy, when it doesn't make sense.. I just want live out this life like I am a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Oh that his splendor might be displayed all over my life and that I might desire above all else to look into the face of my Savior at the end of my life and hear well done my good and faithful servant!

Caring For Her

My heart is overjoyed to have received so much good news this week...the update and LOC. I am ecstatic and counting the weeks until Jill will be in my arms.

At the same time, I think about those sweet nannies in the photographs with her. The ones who are caring for her, and many others, day in and day out. I have been thinking about how hard there job must be-watching some go and seeing some stay forever without a family ever coming after them. I think that clothes and food must be in short supply. I think how frustrating it must be sometimes to be a mother to so many. I think about what special people each and every one of them must be to say yes to a job like this one. Praying for these nannies tonight. Praying that they know the Lord and that they find strength each day in his power. I will forever be indebted to them for the care they are giving my baby!

LOC!!!

We have LOC!!! In just seven and a half weeks, we have LOC!! God is moving mountains to speed things up so that this momma can get to her baby girl!!! Burning the midnight oil working on another round of paperwork! PRAISE HIM!!! PRAISE HIM!!!

Running to My Arms

It was Wednesday night and I was running late as usual. I knew I needed to get to my ministry post as my students would be arriving any minute.

Then it happened...the sweet, chubby face of that beautiful girl who is my friend's foster daughter appears at the other end of the hallway. She spots me and, running the length of the hallway, jumps into my arms. I say over her again and again...I love you..I love you..I love you. Oh those beautiful girls, at 5 and 8, have no idea the impact that they have had on my heart. They have no idea how God has used them in my life and how I can't help but simply see the face of Jesus in their eyes. Each and every time that I see them I am reminded of God's call to care for the least of these. I praise the LORD for these girls every time I encounter them. What a precious blessing they have been. I think how God has used the less than perfect beginning of their lives for good already because it brought them into my friend's home and that has allowed me to know them. It is just magical to me as I watch these girls become the daughters of my friends. Ten months ago they were complete strangers, but now they are their family. Oh how that overflows my heart with the love of the LORD.

As I stare into the eyes of my beautiful baby girl this week, who doesn't even yet know me, I am more thankful than ever that God brought these precious treasures in my life so that I too was prompted to open my heart to the orphan. :)

Word of Her At Last!!!

I have been waiting for this day for months. To say that I am overjoyed is a deep understatement!! I opened my inbox to find her there today..our Jill. She is so big, just like her sister was at that age...plump, robust, and tall! There are pictures of her nannies with her and I have a peace about the care they are giving her just from seeing their faces. Can't wait to grab those cheeks and kiss them! Don't you just love a chubby toddler? Look at those dimpled hands..

Please continue to pray. She is not walking yet and is almost two. That is not too uncommon for kiddos living in an institution. Also pray that we receive LOC before the offices close for Chinese New Year next Tuesday. If we don't receive it before then, it will slow us down considerably. (I know God is in control of timing, but I really want to get to her.) Thanks so much for all your prayers. You are precious to us and we can't wait for you to catch a glimpse of her in person!!

Oaks of Righteousness

I have been doing some studying in Isaiah this week.. Love, love, love, Isaiah 61:3 that ends with

They (that's the people of God) will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor!

Oh THAT all in Him could grasp this truth. God calls me an oak of righteousness planted by him to display his splendor! What a glorious privilege to belong to the King. Hope you grasp that today my sweet friends..You are planted by him to display his splendor if you know him as Savior. Show it!

Our Package for Peace

Long before God placed adoption on our heart, He called us to get involved with providing for the fatherless by sponsoring children each month through Compassion International. We have been sponsoring children in Guatemala now for a couple of years and I was even able to meet both of the kiddos we sponsor in that beautiful country when I was serving in missions there.

I have to say that meeting those sponsored children and their mothers changed me in big ways. Both of the children we have sponsored there lived in mother headed homes-no fathers. They were so poor that the $38.00 a month we had been sending was literally providing for the most basic necessities of their life! I remember very vividly my child's mother praying over me and thanking me again and again. I was humbled and really quite ashamed at the time because I kept thinking about how little I really had to sacrifice to provide financially for this girl. Yet to her, it was the reason she was able to survive..humbling. I left that meeting determined to sacrifice more for the cause of the fatherless. I remember praying for God to break my heart by showing me the faces of these children and allowing me to experience their need.

Through circumstances that only God can orchestrate, we were led to sponsor a child, Peace, through Parental Care Ministries in Uganda this last summer. (Read that post here.)Now, there is a team headed to our child, Peace. They are bringing her a sweet package and letter from us. I can't wait to see what God does through this trip and even more I can't wait to receive news of this precious girl, who-while an ocean away physically-is always in my heart. I want her know that I pray for her. I want her to know that I love her. I want her to know that I dream of meeting her face to face someday and that I know that God has big plans for her life.

For now, I send those things that I wish her to know on paper accross the ocean with a team of others, but who knows..Maybe..Some Day...I may deliver them in person!

Just Like God

Isn't it just like God?

I started a new Bible study on Tuesday nights. I have been studying alongside a faithful group of ladies in my church on Tues. nights for a while now and we recently took six weeks off. This is the longest break I have taken in the last three years of being a part of this group and because of it I was starving.. Starving to get into some in depth group studying under the direction of Beth Moore via DVD. Don't let me mislead you..it is possible for you to study and hear from God in any context at anytime via any connection, but for this girl-my Tues. night group just really ministers to me.

So after our first session...

I open my homework book on Wednesday morning only to find that the topic is exactly the one that has been burdening my heart for months. Breaking Free (our new Bible study) has us studying the life of Isaiah. We were looking at his calling from God and its timing..in the year of the death of King Uzziah. We were called to examine King Uzziah's life-full of greatness and shortcoming. We were challenged to consider how this was the only king that Isaiah had known and how he was certainly looked up to as a hero and great man by the kingdom (Isaiah included). The point was God didn't call Isaiah until this "hero" was removed from his life. Until the "hero" was removed Isaiah couldn't really focus on the only "hero" he needs-the Lord.

For seven months..I have been boohooing about how God has removed some of the personal "heroes of the faith" from my life because of a move He led us to make over three years ago now. These heroes were such an example to me as a baby christian. They challenged me, loved on, inspired me, taught me. They were so important for that season in my life. Now, I don't have them. I have been holding on to this for seven months. Using it as an excuse to be less than productive. Using it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself, to be wounded, to point my finger at God. The last seven months this boohooing has become pretty intense and I have to admit I have been playing wounded far too long. The example of Isaiah's calling hit me like a ton of bricks. The ultimate hero in my life needs to be my Lord. Removing the earthly heroes, while they were so important to me and were used by God over and over, is God's way of putting my focus back on Him. Causing me to rely on Him for all of my needs.

Does it ever still just completely blow you away that God can know your heart so personally, that he can speak to you so directly, that he can know just exactly what you need and deliver it through a bible study book that is over ten years old on just the day you need it? Man, it blows me away. I just love that about my God!! He so knows my every in and out..I love Him so and am so anxious to see what this study is going to teach me about Him!

If you live locally, I would love to call you my sister in person and study with you face to face. We meet on Tuesday nights and are studying Beth Moore's Breaking Free for the next ten weeks.

Here is the study promo video..



Wrote in the margin this morning of my study book.. Aching today God because of this wait for Jill, but I know that this wait is yours and I will wait in you and expect that you will renew my strength each day just as you promise.

David's Told He's Got a Family

Tears streaming down my face as I read this momma's post about this precious boy in Latvia that will be her son! (Check it out here.) His social worker told him that he has a family!!!

Look at the smile on his face!!

JOY!! What a precious sight!

I simply can't imagine what it must be like for this little man. Finally, a family-orphan no more!

Another Package On It's Way to Her

I was really hoping to receive an update from the sweet family traveling to their son in January, but that was not God's plan and the family was denied access to the orphanage and not permitted to see our Jill. So Plan B, I have sent a package and requested an update through a contact I met on the list serve. (Big sister was happy to see the princess blanket in the picture of stuff we sent because she really wanted to make Jill's room a princess theme.) It may be a long shot, but it is worth it if we can catch even a small glimpse of that face! There haven't been any updated reports on Jill since January of 2010. I so want to know something..her size, her favorite activities, what she eats..anything! Praying that this contact is able to get some information for us. If not, I have a few other leads I have found and will pursue them if necessary. Can't wait until I have good news to share.

Until then..Please pray. Pray for our girl's safety. Pray that she feels loved, that she is fed, and that we will be to her soon.

Living Beyond Yourself

Do you ever just come across people who live such big lives for the Lord that you are left saying..WOW!! Who does that? I want to do that..I was blessed this week to have a moment like that when I "met" this family on line.



Many of us saw pictures of this boy on line this week and read his story.. 16 years old in just two weeks, in Latvia, no family, no hope, no future, aging out of the orphanage in two weeks, to be turned loose into the streets, a family who has promised adoption backs out, left with no options-without hope.


THEN..this family hears of this boy, is adopting a son from Latvia already, was approved for two children in their home study (despite only planning for one), has the paperwork in place, is challenged by God, and by Faith living through the Spirit they answer God's call to reach the least of these by adopting this boy as their son! They had no extra money, no plan, no time to consider whether or not it would work for them. They just commit to do it! $10,000 dollars comes in from across the country in one day!! Her blog is a must read and follow as they journey to not only bring home one son from Latvia, but now two. She blogs here . You must check this out! I have been inspired by this family so much this week.

Obedient, Faithful, Living Beyond Themselves...This is what I desire in my life above all else. This is the life I want to live. I have such a long way to go.. Yet I know that by God's Spirit all that He calls us to do is possible. Praying for this special family as they travel this journey to their sons!

Ball Anyone?

We are so blessed to be able to parent darling kiddo..to watch her grow and mature..to see her develop her own identity and passions. She loves to play ball! She lives for it and to see her take charge, gain confidence, and experience success doing something that she loves is just pure joy for this momma.



Especially joyful because basketball is one of her daddy's passions too and it is so neat to see them side by side on the floor. He coaches her teams and she plays for him. Sharing the same passions with the ones you love is truly a double blessing.

We have found a way to use our passion for basketball to serve the Lord too. We are coaching and playing in the local Upwards basketball league in a nearby town. Upwards is a national ministry that uses sports to reach the lost with the gospel! (They have an awesome site here.) We get to play ball and spread the gospel side by side this season. God is so good to give us something in our lives that we enjoy so much while also giving us an opportunity to bring Him glory and serve Him while doing it! Hope Jill likes ball too. I think she may have many years on bleachers watching her big sis ahead of her. There are worst places to be.

Before Easter?

All along a sweet, praying friend said that she felt God reassuring her that we would have Jill home by Easter.. As much as I appreciate her support and love her prayers..I was not getting my hopes up.


BUT....

Another precious family on my list serve posted today that they received LOC in just 8 weeks. If it keeps up, we could be receiving LOC from the China side in just three more weeks. Then we would have another step from the US side taking 2-4 weeks. Then another step from the Chinese side taking 4-6 and we are united with our girl (before Easter)!!!!!!!

I really don't want to get my hopes up, but I am longing for my girl and would appreciate every prayer I could get for a speedy shuffling of paperwork so that she can join our family ASAP.

The Toy Box Saga

So, I have been saving and scrimping little by little to decorate Jill's room. I have gotten a beautiful antique bed for free (wasn't so beautiful before ten coats of paint), a free mattress, a free rocking chair..Slowly it is coming together and it is beautiful. Decorating is a pleasure for me and I want her room to be picture perfect.

I found a really great toy box at a local store about four months ago. It was the perfect style and color.. I began to "plan" my saving strategy and Christmas money from my folks came in quite handy to make my "plan" a reality. So last night I go online to order the toy box (free shipping offer) to be delivered right to my door only to find out of stock under the image of this perfect toy box..The toy box I had to have..The one I had envisioned in her room at the end of her little white bed. (I certainly realize that in the grand scheme of things, it's not the end of the world...But hey-I really wanted that toy box!) BUMMER!

I click on find it in the store and see that the local branch had one left on it's shelves. It was late, freezing cold, dark, I had company coming, and it was a school night, but don't you know that this CRAZY momma jumped in the car and drove the thirty minutes to the store to get the toy box-the last one! It is perfect at the end of her bed.

I find myself creeping in her room just to sit on her bed. I remember doing that when I was pregnant with darling kiddo too. Going in when the house was quiet and running my fingers across her little clothes..dreaming of the moment that I would finally see her face and she would be born. This paper pregnancy is no different. I have been sneaking in there all weekend..sneaking into what will be my Jill's room. Darling kiddo keeps asking me, "Whatcha doing?" To which I reply, "Dreaming of having her here!" Rooms almost done and waiting...So are we! Hope you like green Jill..Momma does.

Behind Us

While I love, love, love Christmas and everything about it...celebrating the Savior's birth, gift giving, singing, baking, decorating!! I am so very thankful that this year is behind us. Thankful because celebrating without Jill was heart wrenching. There were so many moments that I was too overcome with sadness because of her absence that I could not love anything. I miss her so..it hurts my heart deeper than anything I have ever felt. Adding Christmas 2010 to the scrapbooks just means that one more celebration on the timeline of celebrations has passed and that there is one less thing to get through until Jill is here with us!

Just think..Next year, she will be here with us! WITH US!! She will be an orphan no more! She will be home with her family. Oh to see her face in the glowing candlelight of the sanctuary as we sing silent night. To see her little chubby hands rolling cookie dough. To see her running down the stairs in her pjs on Christmas morning. Most of all, to hear her laugh at all her daddy and sissy's silly antics that seem to make an appearance at all our "traditional" family gatherings.

Despite not being here, she did receive gifts....

Her first stocking from Grandma and Grandpa.

Her cousin G and sissy enjoyed unwrapping her gifts at MeMe's house.

Counting down the days until we meet you and dreaming of seeing your face. Love you so much Mei, Mei. So very much!

Access Denied

Isaiah 26:3 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts you.

This was the verse that God reminded me of during my quiet time this morning. I memorized this scripture last March and keep it hanging in my kitchen. It popped in my head during prayer time this morning and I felt a peace and trust in the Lord that I have been lacking in the last few weeks. Isn't it just like God to wash over and strengthen me before a blow...

Instead of finding photos of Jill in my inbox as I had hoped I found..Access Denied.

The family who was supposed to be allowed to visit Jill was denied access to the orphanage. Apparently, no family that has adopted from Weinan has ever been allowed to see the orphanage. Each family is given the same reason-they are renovating. Apparently the director has given this reason for years as a family who traveled and adopted there in 2007 was given the same reason.

Devastated! Not as I had hoped. Not what I wanted. Hard. Stinks.

But..as God had planned. As God sees fit. I am trusting. I have His peace. To be honest, being a world away from my daughter-this is one of the hardest things that God has ever called me to do. At the same time-one of the most beautiful things He has called me to do. I love this girl, who I really don't even "know", so much that it is painful to be separated from her. How is that? How can you love someone so much that you've never even met? Oh God is so good to give me so much love for this one who isn't even of my flesh, but who God ordained as mine from the beginning. At times, I let myself imagine the day that I finally meet her. Oh the goodness of it. Oh to get to the moment that I don't have to spend so much time missing her and I can spend time getting to know her.

Praying that this time flies by. Praying for God's peace. Praying for trust in the Lord. Just plain praying at all times..

Obsessive About Checking My Inbox

To say that I have been obsessive about checking my inbox for word of Jill would be a gross understatement! The sweet family that is going to be making contact with her has made it to their boy and he was deposited safely to their arms Monday (yesterday for us). They already have pictures up on their website here !! Their little Joshua is so stinkin cute and the nannies came with him and look like they adore him. I have a good feeling about the care he has received. So hope the same is true for my Jill. I feel like this precious family may be with Jill even as I type this post. I am praying that the hours pass quickly while I wait to receive word about my baby girl! When I get my photos, they will up faster than you can say..momma. I know you aren't waiting as restlessly as I am, but I appreciate you working with me here. Afterall, every momma loves to show off her babies. :)

On Their Way to Her

Tomorrow the family, who were strangers to us only a short month ago, will be on their way to our daughter. They will be boarding a plane on a journey to their son in Weinan City, China. A journey that has crossed ours and led us to introduce ourselves to them begging them to try to get just a glimpse of our princess when they are there. Begging them because Jill and Joshua (their son's name) are in the same orphanage. (Begging wasn't really needed as this momma from Colorado is gracious and understands the heart of this adoptive momma (me) to "see" her daughter. She even sacrificed space in her suitcase for a package for my girl. What a huge blessing she has been.) They were told by their guide that he has arranged for them to meet Jill and they have permission to get pictures of her for us. I am praying that this sweet family has a safe trip and their son is in their arms safe soon! I am also praying that they get a glimpse of our Jill. Thinking that this momma is going to get to meet my girl is so overwhelming and yet I simply can't wait to be there myself. So blessed that God has brought these loving, believing strangers into our lives and that they are more than willing to bring our love to Jill. As soon as those pictures are in my inbox, they will be posted. Stay Tuned....

Oh That These Days Could Last Forever

Waking up to this...

Spending the day like this....

Ending with this...

Enjoying our holiday staying with my dh's parents on the coast. Oh my girl is growing up so that I hardly recognize her walking the beach next to her daddy. The only thing missing is Jill. Can't wait to have that precious baby here. Looking at this ocean and sunset..You are Marvelous God and I am in awe of all that you given me. Post more soon. Hope you are enjoying your holiday and family this week!

Dear Jill

Stillness lays on the house now like a comforting quilt. Still I am restless. Daddy and Sissy are in bed snug and resting. What a beautiful quiet Christmas it was here for us. We opened presents for you and I have to admit that mommy did shed some tears thinking of you so far away. (You will get to used to that when you join us. It happens often.) You are such a miracle sweet one. A precious miracle and we can't wait until you are home with us. In just a week, we hope you will be getting your gift from us. We are sending it with a family whose son lives in the orphanage. I wonder what you will think when you see our pictures? Will someone let you see us? Will anyone explain? Do you know in your little heart already that you are ours? Will you like your pink dog? Momma prayed over that little thing before sending it on its way to you. I am praying that God is readying your heart for us precious one. Praying that in God's perfect time, we will be together at last. I can't wait to hear you call your sister sissy and see a smile on your face. I can't wait to watch you sleep and have tea parties. I can't wait to see you run into your daddy's arms and kiss him. Mostly, I can't wait until the day that I don't have to miss you so much! I love you so my girl. Merry Christmas. This is the last Christmas you will spend alone.

All my Love,
Mommy

Blessed-A Choice to Make

Yesterday I was given the privilege of being a part of bringing the light of Jesus to a needy family that has come in contact with our congregation through our food pantry and free Saturday meal ministry. Through these ministries the faithful volunteers from our congregation welcome the poor in the name of Jesus to be fed and send them off with food for their families.

Last week at the meal, a dear friend of my mine was confronted with a very real need facing one of the families she serves through these ministries. This family needed beds for their little ones. Their five year old and 18 month old had been sleeping on a couch. They-had-no-beds. They had never had beds. No-beds. My friend's heart was troubled when she discovered this and she couldn't sit by and do nothing. She started by asking for prayer in our women's Sunday School Class. Soon because of her efforts, our entire congregation was rallied around this cause and more than enough money was brought in to provide beds for these little ones. We were also able to get gifts, blankets, and pillows.

I was lucky enough to deliver these things yesterday to this family's modest home... Blessed.
Blessed by the experience.
Blessed by the chance that Jesus gives me to help others though in a small way.
Blessed to see the five year old boy shouting with joy-NOW WE HAVE BEDS!
Blessed to have the opportunity to have beds for my family and one waiting for little Jill already.
Blessed!

Immediately after delivering to this precious family, I went to the grocery store to buy more supplies for another gathering I have to cook for this week. The store was packed. The line was down the aisle, but I couldn't forget-Blessed! I had a choice to make in that moment. We have a choice to make in every momment. Choose to remember that I am blessed. Choose to remember that I am blessed to be able to walk into the store anytime I want and buy whatever I need anytime that I need it or choose to dwell on the time spent waiting. Choose to use the time to take in the blessing or choose to waste the time counting all the minutes ticking away. Blessed. So many of us are blessed this holiday season.

Today I am choosing to bask in the blessings I have and not dwell in the world that is so full of negatives. Hope you are feeling the blessings of a life in Jesus Christ this Christmas Eve. No blessing compares to the blessing of knowing my Savior!

Impossible

Jesus looked at them and said, "With Man these things are impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
When we started this adoption, we literally had NO IDEA how God could really make this happen. It seemed beyond impossible.

We had NO IDEA how DH would be able to overcome his fear and fly.

We had NO IDEA how we could ever agree to surrender our easy lives and invite in the unknown.

We had NO IDEA how we would pay for this adoption.


We had NO IDEA, but God knew!!

God knew that He would give DH a love for this little girl that could overcome his fear of flying. God knew, the daddy in my DH would have to get to his little girl.

God knew that the fears of the unknown would be overcome by His promises to never leave us or forsake us. God knew that He would use this journey to draw us ever closer to Him!

God knew that He would provide financially every-step-of-the-way! Even when I didn't know- God knew. We have made it to $4,000 dollars in donations in just two months. Each and everyday we are given more and more by so many people who love the Lord and are supporting us by helping us bring our baby home! People who are making more than one donation. People who are giving in huge ways and sacrificing much so that our girl can come home to her family. $4,000 dollars just like that!! Who knew? God knew. Have you ever just taken such a leap of faith and had God show up in such a big way? He promises He will and I am in awe of the goodness of my God! I was just in the kitchen yesterday shouting and screaming with Praise to God for amazing friends who shared $1,000 dollars with us!! Praise be to Jesus!

This momma is forever grateful to the many friends who have so generously supported us and loved on us and our girl. I can't wait for you to meet her.. I can't wait to tell her about all that God has done through so many to bring her home to us. Missing her like crazy today and counting down the days until I can hold her in my arms!

Keep My Eyes Open

While I sit warm in my house, baking my 100th batch of cookies..Logging on to my email to find the sweet face in the video above. It is so easy to close my eyes to these images. They cause me to feel pain, but I can't keep them out. I can't close my eyes. May I keep my eyes open to the millions of children, widows, and poor who are struggling. Who are cold. Who are hurting. Who are in need. May my eyes continue to be open to the world around me..in my backyard and around the world. Jesus wants that. Jesus wants me to respond. Jesus wants me to feel the hurt of those in need and reach out. I have wasted so much of my life not doing what Jesus wants. This Christmas..I am trying so hard to keep my eyes open, to experience the need of others, and to respond. Thank you Jesus for the way that you don't give up on me and for the way that you challenge me each and every day to live out this life the way that you call us to. I am blessed to know you Lord! Praying that all who read this may know the blessing of knowing you this Christmas Season!

There She Is

There she is. Right where she belongs. That's the only picture we have of Jill from the orphanage and it is almost a year old now, but here it hangs on her grandma's wall with the other family pictures. So very blessed that my family is so willing and ready to accept our new princess from half a world away into our family. You are so very loved Jill by all of us. I am a picture taking momma. So don't worry precious girl, I will make up for all those months when there was no one to take your picture when I get to you. You're big sis rolls her eyes when the camera comes out now-a-days(though I am convinced she secretly adores my fondness of her). Simply can't wait to photograph you over and over again! Love you sooo very much!

To Jillian

There I was digging under the Christmas tree. Looking through the packages for the ones we needed to pack up for our first family Christmas function of the season. Suddenly, I came upon it. I put it there. It shouldn't have struck me so. It was the little gold package without a bow. The one whose tag read: to Jill from Mommy, Daddy, and Emily. Tears instantly welled up in my eyes and I began to wonder what my little girl was feeling this Christmas so far away from her mommy and daddy. Oh the waiting is so hard and at times I am filled with more sadness than I think I can bare. Still, the fact that I can miss someone so much that I don't even know is just so supernatural that I wouldn't miss this pain for the world. I know that when I finally hold her in my arms, I will have just a glimpse of what it must feel like when God welcomes one of His precious children home.

I was thinking after I saw the package what God must have felt like that first Christmas sending his son from the comforts of heaven to this Earth knowing what he would have to endure. I was thinking about the fact that God was separating from his son for a little more than thirty years-all the while knowing that in order to have him join him again, he would have to endure a horrific death on the cross...a death so painful, so brutal. A death so necessary so that many more of his children, us, would be able to join him one day too. I am so very thankful for God's sacrifice and that I can have the chance to be in relationship with Him who made me! Just I anticipate Jillian coming home, I look forward to the moment that God welcomes me home-to live beside him for eternity!

I am thankful too for this adoption journey-full of joy, trials, and tears- as it is allowing me to see my God all the more clearly. Pray for my little girl and the many who are spending this Christmas without a mommy and daddy. My little girl has somebody coming for her, but so many don't.

Submission Date

We have a submission date. A package arrived at our agency today with a letter from China that had our name on it and a submission date of Dec. 8. This is the date that our paperwork was officially submitted to the center in China. That means the official waiting begins as of Dec. 8. Here is what the next few months look like from here...

1. Waiting for Letter of Confirmation. This comes from China and could take 3-5 months but right now is running about two months. (You know this momma is praying like crazy that continues.)

2. Seeking the second half of our US immigration. This comes from the US government and takes 2-4 weeks.

3. Waiting for Travel Approval This is the golden ticket to China issued by their government. This takes 4-6 weeks.

4. Traveling to meet our baby girl!! This could be about three weeks after our golden ticket arrives.

If everything goes as planned, we should be traveling in May/June. I simply can't wait!! Oh to hold that baby! Thanks so much for your prayers. They are priceless to me!

Best Way to Spend the Day

It looked like this outside....




So after church we spent the rest of the afternoon doing this...



and this...


and this...



and this....



I love spending the whole day in the kitchen with my girl. Precious mother daughter time that I wouldn't trade for the world. So thankful to God for giving me this wonderful young woman to raise up in Him.

On It's Way to Her Soon!

Yesterday, we headed to the local toy franchise to pick out something to send half way across the world to our sweet, precious girl. I really wanted to get a blanket but Jie Jie (big sis) wanted to pick out a stuffed animal. We found a soft, pink doggie and a picture album. We are putting our pictures in the album and praying over that little dog. Just think in less than 4 weeks these very items that we have touched and prayed over will be half way across the world with our girl. Oh to be going myself. So extremely thankful for this wonderful family who is willing to send a bit of my love to our Jillian. God is so good to have lead us to them. Have a blessed Sunday! Stay safe and warm!

He Found One

My dh came across this blog last week. I love it because it means that he was thinking about Jill and was searching. Well my searches have turned up void, but his search was successful. I haven't found one family who is going to or who have adopted from Shanxi province. BUT...He found a family that will be traveling to our Jill's orphanage in a few weeks to get their son. They may get to see her. Can you believe it? I am truly jumping-no leaping-with joy!!! Despite having only one bag a piece, they offered to take something to her from us. I am going to run out and get something for her. What to get? I think I may send a blanket that we sleep with for a few days. Then, it will be like we are right there with her. Oh I am just so thrilled!! I may get pictures of her in just a few short weeks. Praying that this precious family has a safe trip and they get a chance to see our girl!! Oh, I can't believe it! Honestly, GOD is sooo good! So good! Keep praying my friends! You are so vital to me!

Praise the Lord!

This is one of the worst times of the year for most people financially. There is a lot demanding people's money during this season..gifts, special offerings, travel. There are a whole lot of ways to spend your money in December WHICH makes it even more miraculous that so many of our precious friends are investing in us and helping us to bring our precious gift home. WE HAVE RAISED $2,000 AS OF TODAY!! Thank you, thank you, thank you a thousand times over for investing in God's call on our lives and bringing this precious girl home to us.

I was so encouraged to receive this personal note from some wonderful,faithful believers who we are blessed to call friends.
It read..
We are so excited to share in your journey of adoption! God has many blessings in store for your precious family and your "new addition".(They are grandparents to two beautiful Chinese granddaughters adopted by their daughter.) Our son told us that our daughter's first adoption gave him a more vivid picture of Christ's salvation to us. Their little girl, due to her severe disabilities, was rescued from a most certain death had she not been adopted (by their daughter's family)..we too were sentenced to death had Christ not rescued us!

To which I spoke audibly after I read it alone in the kitchen..AMEN! Thank you sweet Jesus! Thank you for the opportunity you give us to know you and for the chance you are giving us to reach out across the world in order to show our newest daughter who you are. We love you Lord and are so blessed by the many you have put in our lives like these precious friends-who because we share you as personal Savior are like family to us. Praise you Jesus! Praise you Jesus!

Christmas Here

We have called this city home for 12 years now. While I never dreamed that this would be the place that I would stay, I call it home and I have lived here longer than any other town during my life. There are a few things about the Christmas traditions here that I have come to look forward to. One is the Winter Wonderland Parade.. Supposed to be a time to bring Santa Claus into our neighborhood. But as dear hubby and I see it, it is a chance to put Jesus back into the season by distributing Bibles and tracks to the hundreds who line the streets waiting to catch a glimpse at the jolly old man himself. Little do these unsuspecting observers know, they are about to encounter God himself in the faces of our precious teens smiling and passing out Bibles along the parade route.

Love me some teenagers who come out in the freezing cold to bring the good news to others. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being such an incredible example to all those around you. You are boldly living your life for Jesus and you inspire me each and every day to live more like Him. Love to see you living it for yourselves and so very thankful to be a part of your lives. Love ya like crazy!!!

Longing for Her

I haven't ever longed for anything in my life like I long to get my daughter home. Today was one of those days that the longing just overcame me. Watching my dear husband help a young girl zip her coat at church this morning. Tears fill my eyes and longing fills my heart. Oh to have Jill here to help her with her coat. Driving to Walmart this morning and longing to have her here to see the Christmas trees lighting up our park. Longing to hold her. Longing to love her in person. Longing to see her smile. Longing to hear her say momma. So longing to see her little hands folded for prayer. Longing to rock her. Momma is longing for you sweet girl. I love you so. Knowing that God is the only one who can satisfy my deepest longings and that I have to trust Him. Trust that you are cared for and that your little heart is being readied to love us as much as we already love you.

Our dossier is officially on it's way to you and I am begging God during my prayer time to make the wait fly by. Begging God to allow us to get to you as soon as possible. Calling on all my prayer warriors to petition the Lord for the same!

Could It Be You?

I never dreamed that when I asked God to break my heart for the orphan that I would literally cry buckets of tears for little ones across the world. I loose sleep at night thinking about these children without a home while my own darling kiddo lounges in the arms of her daddy on the couch in the livingroom. God how can this be? What can I do? I am linking to this post. An incredible little guy who needs a forever family. Could It Be You? Read it. Pray. Seek His Face!

T-Shirts Are In

The first order of t-shirts we put in are finished and I will ship them out this week! Thanks so much to all who have already ordered. :)

There is still time to order in the second round. I will put in another order next week and should have them in time to ship out for Christmas gifts. Just look on the side and order through paypal!

Happiness

Nothing makes me happier than this..


Because it means this...



So excited to begin our holiday weekend on Wednesday night with our youth ministry kids at the house. Nothing makes me happier than shovin' as many of 'em in my house as I can. We were sitting in every corner of every room. DH challenged us with a message about thankfulness from the Word and I fed 'em hundreds of pancakes. Love this life God has given me to live. Love havin' my house filled to the brim with our sheep! Oh that the Lord should bless me so abundantly. So very thankful to know Him as Savior and to be livin' this life in service to Him!!

Happy Birthday DH

That was then...

(Celebrating his 17th birthday together! We just started dating.)

This is now..

(Celebrating his 37th birthday together!)

Some things never change..Notice both cakes are chocolate. Still others do...Also notice one picture has my dear man smiling with a head of hair and one with a head of glare. :)

So very blessed to have spent more years of my life with this man than I have without him! What an incredible father and husband you are.. I am blessed beyond words to be able to call you mine! Happy Birthday-you are my best friend and one of the most selfless people I know! You are constantly sacrificing for us. I never have to carry in my own groceries, rarely have to get my own gas, don't touch the laundry, or ever have to take out the trash. You are always serving me! Love ya Baby!

Grandpa Said It

So while she is never-ever far from my mind..yesterday Grandpa said it. We were sitting around the table after gorging ourselves with food and he said..I wonder what our little girl is doing now. Wonder..The very activity that drives me to my knees in prayer for my Jillian. While I sit here warm, loved, and fully fed..Where is she? What is she doing? Has she been fed today? Does she know love? Does she feel joy today? It is so very painful waiting to bring her home most days. It is almost like a peice of my heart is missing..leaving an exposed place so raw that nothing seems to distract me from it. Nothing seems as it should be without her sitting around our table. How is it that this love for a little one I didn't even know or couldn't have even imagined has formed so deeply? God is the author of love and because I have chosen to give Him my heart and am Him following in His will on this road, He is allowing me to experience more love for this little one than I could have ever dreamed. Despite the pain and trials..Oh, I wouldn't have missed this journey for the world. So very blessed and thankful that God is allowing me to become a mother again and that I am being given the chance to bring this little one home. Can't wait to get to you my dear, beautiful girl. I love you so.

Choruses of Thanksgiving

Thanks to the Lord for the miraculous way that He is providing funds to bring our Jillian home through you. I got our first update today from Lifesong and it has had me weeping all day. I am so humbled by all of the beautiful people who are giving to our account, buying t-shirts, praying us on, and walking this life with us! I am blessed beyond measure by your love and friendship! We have sold 52 shirts and received $1,255.00 in donations. PRAISE BE TO GOD!! We are forever grateful for the sacrifices of many who are helping bring this precious girl home to us!

We love you so Jillian. I think of you everyday and I can't wait to share this story-the story of our journey to you-with you someday. I imagine praying with you before bed each night, hearing you giggle, and reading the Bible together. I am desperate to hold you baby girl. Your sister and I pray for you every night. Praying my sweet baby that God is opening your heart to receive our love. Oh how we love you, Jill! Oh How So Many Love You!

The Man At The Door

We are cleaning out the basement. Living in a parsonage, there are many treasures in the basement that have been deposited there over the years. Left by others who have stayed here for a time and then moved on. So it is with the old table we inherited in the laundry room. It has been chewed on by a dog who undoubtedly called this house home before we did. It has seen better days. It is wobbly, chewed, missing a handle-definitely trash. Until now, we have kept it in the laundry room as a reminder of the history of this place. A reminder of the many God has used for His name here before us.

Well, it was time to part with the old table. We set it out on the curb tonight knowing that someone would come along to claim it.

And claim it they did...

About 7:00 there was a man at the door. A man who obviously lives a life different from mine. His clothes were ragged. He was walking. He spoke with a slow drawl. He was inquiring about the table. "Did we want it?" he asked. "No, we no longer need it," we replied. He then shared how very much he needed it. I noticed he was walking and didn't have a car so I asked how he intended to get it home. He said he planned on carrying it home by himself and that it was just about five blocks. This table was work for dh and I to carry to the curb so I knew there was no way! I offered dh's truck and services to drive this man home with his treasure. He was reluctant to accept our help insisting he could get it on his own not wanting to bother us. After trying to lift it, he accepted help and dh drove this man and his new treasure to his home right here in our neighborhood.

This interaction reminds me that there are so many living right here under my nose, beside my house, across the streets who need. Their needs are physical, emotional, and spiritual. Needs that I ignore so many times. Needs that I see and do nothing about! Praying tonight that God continues to bring people to my door and that He continues to open my eyes to all the needs around me. AND that I will respond to those needs in a way worthy of one who claims to follow the Lord.

WE WON!!

It is that time of year again. Thanksgiving feast day at my darling kiddo's school complete with a very long musical program, delicious homemade meal,and chapel service.:) So thankful for this wonderful little place that is our school. A wonderful, God filled ministry so boldly representing the Lord in this culture that has tried to squeeze God out. Nothing like a kindergarten class of five year old smiling faces reciting the entire chapter of Psalm 100 from memory to bring this momma to tears. God is beginning to be written all over these precious children's heart because of the faithful, beautiful people who serve the Lord so sacrificially by teaching at this small school. So very blessed to be a part of it!

Especially when....

We win!! Each year there is a costume contest at the feast. All the classes dress up in Thanksgiving related garb and go up against each other for the Most Original or Most Life Like award! We love us some winnin' at our house, so we devise a plan each year. We usually try to go for the most original and this year WE WON!! We put a spin on the traditional pilgrim costume by adding a cardboard Mayflower around her middle for her to "arrive" in. See the first place ribbon?




Just for laughs Daddy's idea (which we did not pursue) was to tape a rock to her back side and say she is a pilgrim landing on Plymouth Rock. LOL!! Gotta love that man! He slept through most of our costume photo session in the livingroom. Darling kiddo loves to capture his naps on film so I just had to include one.



Hope your holidays are blessed!

Sobbing

I wish you could have been there. My words won't do it justice.

Tonight walking out of the youth room heading to serve dinner to my teens..there he is in the hallway. The quiet boy who is experiencing trials of his own so numerous now that my heart has broken for him and I have cried out in prayer on his behalf. The young man who has slowly shown me his heart and shared himself little by little. The young man I have come to love oh so much. There he is standing alone looking as if he is on a mission of some kind. It isn't too uncommon for him to be alone so as I do I smile my big smile and greet him by name. He slowly hands me a five dollar bill. I ask-What is this for? He says..It's for Jillian. I want you to have it. He wants me to have it. His five dollars to bring my baby home. Instantly tears well up in my eyes and I hug this boy who has touched my heart so deeply by this incredible, selfless act of kindness and generosity. He will probably never know what it means to this momma that he was willing to share his $5.00. Such a special boy and such a sweet memory that I will forever treasure. I truly experienced the touch of the Father tonight my friends through this young man who willingly gave of himself for someone he doesn't even know, an orphan half way across the world who because of his $5.00 will be able to join a family, my family.

Tonight I am treasuring this thing in my heart. God is so good to bring so many in my life who continue to bless me beyond measure!